Naruto Primer: Lost Chapters
by Link and Luigi
Summary: More Chicken Soup for the Naruto Lover's Soul. But not really. Not a sequel, but a continuation. All of the chapters that weren't included in the original and MORE!
1. Teacher Evaluation

Naruto Primer: The Lost Chapters

Hi ya'll.  We have heard from NUMEROUS people asking and requesting and some actually DEMANDING that we write a sequel to The Naruto Primer.  However, we are not writing a sequel.  We are merely writing a continuation.

You see, when we first wrote the Naruto Primer, there were a lot of ideas that never made it that we briefly touched on in the last chapter of the original Naruto Primer.  We wrote a few chapters and just kind of tucked them away in a secret place.  Those are the lost chapters.  In addition to posting those, we also are writing some new chapters with the old ideas that never made it.  And we're also writing some new ones that should have been in the original Naruto Primer that weren't.

Confused?  Okay.  Don't think.  Just read.

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Teacher evaluation

We thought we had had enough time-period jumping around with the future chapters and the Lil chapters.  So we didn't think we needed to place another chapter in a strange time zone.  Also, the annoying lack of Neji, Lee and Tenten was…annoying.  Actually, Tenten not being there was quite nice but Neji and Lee were characters that we definitely missed.  But now you may enjoy it.

"All right, class!" said Iruka, standing in front of his wide-eyed and attentive students.  "We've had an exciting year, children.  But now, before we take the final test to decide whether or not you're graduating, you must fill out this teacher evaluation!"

The class gave a groan.

"I know it's a pain!" said Iruka.  "But I'm required to do this because I need to know what I have to improve about my teaching."

"Will this at all determine whether or not we graduate?" Kiba asked, raising his hand for no reason since he called out anyway.

"For some of you, it might." Iruka said as he started passing out the papers.  "This evaluation has nine questions.  Please answer them all truthfully and don't write your name on the paper."

The class started vigorously working on their teacher evaluations.

Sasuke looked at the first question that read, _"What did you enjoy the most about your years in the academy?"_

He picked up his pencil and stared at the paper.  He strained his brain to think of something he enjoyed about the academy years.  Of course, he did have some enjoyable moments but he FAR too angsty to admit that.  Besides, as far as he was concerned, the academy was just a useless time period in which he did not learn anything or have any fun at all.

_"I enjoyed—"_

He paused and picked the pencil up, tapping it on his desk.

Kiba was on the second question already.  _"What did you least enjoy about your years about the academy?"_

Kiba got a silly idea.  Actually, it was Akamaru's idea.  He whispered the idea to Kiba and Kiba just thought it was the most hilarious thing ever.  And as long as he didn't write his name on the paper, Iruka would NEVER know!

_"I least enjoyed YOU Iruka!  Your stench and your head and you're ugly and you have dumb hair."_

Kiba laughed to himself as he kept writing and Akamaru kept feeding into the already raging inferno.  Kiba was also most likely spouting out a, "YAHOO!" every once and a while as he wrote.

Chouji wasn't having nearly as much fun as Kiba.  He was on the third question that read, _"What should I do differently next year?"_

Chouji knew right away what he would write.  _"Longer lunch periods!" _he wrote, and even added the exclamation point.  _"And more choices in the cafeteria!"_

He was already on a role.  He'd be finished with this evaluation in no time.

_"Did you feel comfortable in the classroom setting?" _Hinata read.  We all know that Hinata is not really comfortable anywhere but after a quick look at Naruto who was writing on his evaluation, she found the strength to write as well.

_"I felt comfortable in the classroom setting."_

After writing that, she stopped and paused for a moment.

_"…Because…"_

She waited some more.  She didn't really know who or what she was waiting for.

_"The people were pleasant."_

More waiting.

_"…And…"_

Wait.

_"You were pleasant too."_

She blushed and was suddenly afraid that Iruka might think she was trying to come on to him or something.  So she quickly erased that part.  But then she thought that she HAD to say something about his teaching.

_"You were a pleasant teacher as well."_

That suited her.

Naruto, meanwhile, was having trouble with question five.  _"At any point, did you feel threatened in my classroom?"_

He didn't know what to say.  He knew that Iruka knew his handwriting so he couldn't come outright and say that everyone was mean to him for no reason.  He'd look like a pussy.  And what if Iruka read these out loud?!  Then everyone would think that Naruto was a pussy!!

_"No."_

Naruto nodded with satisfaction at a job well done.

Ino moved onto question six after successfully completing question five.  _"Did you enjoy the dynamics of the classroom?"_

Even though she wasn't exactly positive what the question was asking, she chose to answer it like she had answered all her OTHER questions.  _"Yes, and I enjoyed Sasuke's company." _She wrote.  _"I feel as though I am a better ninja with Sasuke in my classroom.  Perhaps you ought to team me up with him in the three man teams after we graduate."_

Then she drew a little heart at the end of the sentence.  It never even occurred to her that her name was not written on the paper so even if Iruka listened to her, he wouldn't have known who requested it.

Shikamaru's state was…sleeping.  Yeah, he never got to answering any of the questions, let alone question seven that stated, _"Were the lessons exciting enough for you?"_

I suppose the fact that Shikamaru constantly slept through the lessons was a heads up that they were far from exciting enough for his standards.

Sakura was speeding through her evaluation while also managing to write a paragraph for each answer, carefully stating her thesis and backing it up with evidence and supporting statements.

_"Do you feel you have improved as a ninja in your years at the academy?"_

_"I do feel as though I have improved as a ninja in my years at the academy.  I know this to be true because I can now throw a kunai, perform basic ninjutsu as well has much more taijutsu than I thought I could learn.  In addition to learning all these vital aspects of being a ninja, I have also learned a lot about flower arrangement and other talents that are essential for a female ninja.  When I first entered the academy, I could not perform any of these tasks but now I feel as though I am strong in most of them.  For example, the other day when I was arranging flowers for—"_

This continued.  On and on and on.  Might we add that she was writing incredibly fast and intensely?

Shino was on question nine.  _"Do you feel you have improved as a person in your years at the academy?"_

Shino thought long and hard on that one.

Finally, he picked up his pencil.  _"No."_ he wrote.  Just when he was about to put his pencil down for good, Iruka came by.

"You have to write more than one word answers!" he instructed, pointing to all the questions that were all answered with only a few words.  Shino stared at Iruka blankly.  So Iruka decided that he would just leave Shino alone and quickly run away to hide.

Sasuke was still on question one.  _"I enjoyed the—" _He had gotten one word further.  But now he was still stuck.  He had to say something so he could keep his cool.

Kiba went on to the next questions, continuing to insult Iruka in any way he possibly could.  Whether it be his arm or the crazy state of his forehead protector, he could not stop finding small things about Iruka that just tweaked him.  Or at least, tweaked Akamaru.

Chouji had put his pencil down a little while ago because he had suddenly gotten hungry and needed to fill his belly.

Hinata continued to answer truthfully and honestly… in the best way she could so she wouldn't hurt Iruka's feelings.  So some of them weren't answered quite as truthfully as the others but at least no one's feelings would be hurt!

Naruto was…er…trying to act all cool.

Shikamaru was still sleeping.  His paper was blank.  Iruka sighed and picked up Shikamaru's paper, not even bothering to push him.

Sakura put the last word down her paper and dotted a nice little period at the end.  The pencil was steaming and sharpened down the eraser and her hand hurt quite a bit.

Shino had finished a while ago so he was sitting idly by for Iruka to collect his paper.

"Thank you all for your wonderful feedback!" said Iruka as he collected the rest of the papers.  "Hopefully, I will be able to improve my teaching based on the answers I have received from all of you!"

He put the papers on his desk.

"All right." He said, getting serious.  "NOW it's time for the test."


	2. Itachi n Kisame: Trampoline

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Itachi/Kisame

Trampoline

This was originally at the beginning of the "You Offend Me" chapter of the original Naruto Primer.  But we decided that it was way far out there in left field so we gave the chapter a new beginning and got rid of the rest of this stuff.  We thought it was just way too far out there in Candy Land and, at that point, Kisame had not been introduced in the series so that added to the retardedness of it.****

Itachi and Kisame were both sitting in their secret underground lair.  Itachi was staring at the wall and Kisame was playing Solitaire.  Suddenly, Itachi let out a loud, long sigh.

"Is something the matter, Itachi?" Kisame asked, knowing Itachi had sighed like that only for attention.

"I am bored." Itachi answered.

"You're board?" Kisame asked.  "Do you want to play a two-player game?"

"No." Itachi asked.

"Do you want to beat me up?"

"No."

"How about inducing seventy-two hours of pain on me?"

"No…I don't feel like entertaining myself by watching other people suffer today.  I want to do something different."

"Like what?" Kisame asked, putting down his cards.  "There's nothing we really can do because you killed your clan and I also did some evil deed in my lifetime that I dare not even speak of."

"I know, I know." Itachi said.

Kisame looked down and thought hard for something fun Itachi could do.

"Did you ever get around to killing those two who spent all your money?" Kisame questioned.

"No…" said Itachi.  "Some other kid showed up and said that I should think up an alternate punishment."

"Alternate punishment?" Kisame said.

"Yeah." Said Itachi.  "Like mow my lawn or do my dry cleaning.  You know, slave work."

"Itachi…" said Kisame.  "You don't have a lawn.  I do your dry cleaning.  Why would you need a slave when you have me?"

"Yes…but it would be TWO slaves." Itachi pointed out.

"I'm better than any ol' TWO slaves." Kisame said.

"Kisame, please, I don't feel like discussing other people's suffering OR making other people suffer right now." Itachi sighed.

"But they spent ALL your money!" Kisame said.  "And you were saving up for that trampoline!"

"That's true…" Itachi said.  "That was rather devastating when I found that all the money was gone when I finally had enough.  You know, I was going to use that trampoline to celebrate my birthday."

"I know!" said Kisame.  "Those twelve-year-olds!  They're going around with their Kibbles and Bits!"  He picked up the receipt that just so happened to be right there on the table.  "Two hundred dollars worth of Kibbles and Bits.  Wow.  That's harsh.  That could have been your trampoline, Itachi."

Itachi was silent for a moment.  Then he shook his head.  "I could always think up an alternate punishment." He said.

"No way!" said Kisame.  "Who was this kid who said that to you?"

"Some white eyed kid." Itachi answered.  "Not as awesome as me."

"I think you should kill him for suggesting such a thing." Said Kisame.  "And also those other two kids for denying you of your trampoline."

"That WAS for my eighteenth birthday…" Itachi said.  "That is such a magical age.  Such a special age."

"They took that special and magical thing away from you." Kisame said.  "Doesn't that offend you?"

"It does…" Itachi admitted.

"I'm just sorry that I won't be there for your party…" Kisame said.

"There will be no party, Kisame." Itachi said, standing up and walking away wistfully.  "Not without a trampoline."

"Itachi…you know what you must do." Kisame said.

"I do." Said Itachi.  "I am off to do some evil bidding."

With that, Itachi donned his flowery cloak and went off to find the three he wanted to smite ever so pointlessly.


	3. The Men: A Manly Sleepover

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Men

Manly Sleepover

This is a new one. The girls got a "slumber party" so the boys needed one. A MANLY one.

Lee had had so much fun watching scary movies with everyone and had even MORE fun after Neji had stayed the night that he decided that he wanted EVERYONE to come over and enjoy themselves! Of course, he couldn't invite the girls because they were getting at that age where it's inappropriate to have a multi gender sleepover party. After all, Lee's thirteen now and he's a big boy.

He slaved over beautiful invitations and made a set time and date. He counted down the days until it finally presented itself and, luckily enough, everyone was able to come! YAY!

So he waited and waited and waited. His house was stocked with chips and dip and soda up the WAZOO! Yes, he was just throwing this party for no reason at all. It wasn't his birthday or a special occasion. Just a nice get together to remind everyone that they're friends. At least, that's the way Lee sees it.

The first person to arrive was Naruto!

"Happy birthday Lee!!" said Naruto as he handed Lee a present.

"It's not my birthday, Naruto." Said Lee, looking puzzled.

"…It's not?" Naruto said in a confused tone.

"No." Lee said.

"Wait…you DID send this invitation, didn't you?" Naruto said, pulling the invitation out of his pocket.

"Yeah!" said Lee. "I just wanted to have another little party."

"Oh." Said Naruto as he took the present back while eyeing Lee. "Then I'll be taking this back…"

Shikamaru and Shino showed up at roughly the same time. They didn't say anything particularly interesting upon arrival so everyone waited around for a little while longer until Chouji was suddenly at the door.

"Wow!" exclaimed Chouji. "Shikamaru! You're here before me!"

"Fancy that." Said Shikamaru.

"Hey, who else is invited to this party?" Naruto asked as Lee brought a bowl of chips into the room where they were hanging out. "Not Sasuke I hope!"

As Lee opened his mouth to answer, the doorbell rang again. So Lee opened the door and Sasuke was standing there.

"Why did you invite HIM?" said Naruto, glaring at Sasuke.

Sasuke only looked at Naruto with a face that definitely said, "I'm better than you."

"The only people left on my list are Neji and Kiba." Said Lee.

Then the doorbell rang again.

"I bet that's them!!" said Lee as he flung the door open only to see a random pizza delivery boy. "Oh. That wasn't done nearly as awesomely as Sasuke's entrance."

"Of course." Said Sasuke. He didn't hear the entire sentence or the context in which his name and the word 'awesome' was used to describe him or something he did, but he wasn't about to disagree with it.

Lee paid the pizza man and took the pizza into the kitchen.

"What kind of pizza did you get?" asked Chouji.

"Well…I didn't exactly know what kind of pizza everyone likes." Lee said. "I mean, I knew what _I _liked and I also just so happened to know what Neji likes."

Sasuke opened one of the boxes to see what LOOKED like a pizza, except it was lacking everything that would potentially make it a pizza. It was just a slab of cooked dough in the shape of a pizza. "What is with this bread?" he asked finally after being in a stupefied state for a moment or two.

"Oh, that's Neji's pizza." Lee replied.

"This is BREAD." Said Sasuke.

"I know." Said Lee. Then the doorbell rang and Lee ran over to open it. When he returned the kitchen, he was accompanied by Neji!

"This is pretty awesome pizza, Neji." Said Naruto sarcastically.

"And?" Neji said. "I don't like cheese or sauce or any of the toppings."

"That's obvious." Said Naruto. "You should have just brought yourself over a loaf of bread instead of making Lee pay for it!"

Neji only glared his evil glare just as the doorbell rang again and Lee was out of the room in a flash, returning a moment later with Kiba! "Sorry I'm late!" Kiba said loudly. "Akamaru couldn't find his sleeping bag and he refused to leave without it!"

Everyone stared at each other.

"Oh!" said Kiba. "Pizza!!"

Then they remembered the pizza! So everyone went for the pizza. No one went for Neji's lame-o pizza though. Only Neji did.

"Eat up, everyone!" said Lee. "I don't want to have any extra pizza hanging around the house for long periods of time!"

"I don't think you have to worry about the pizza being finished." Said Shikamaru, gesturing towards Chouji. Chouji cut out a slice of pizza and then picked the rest of the pizza up out of the box and put it on his plate, leaving the single slice behind.

"Hey, save some for us!" said Kiba who was genuinely offended.

"There's plenty!" said Chouji.

Everyone ate their pizza contently.

As Shino started on his second slice of pizza, he started to wonder what he was doing there. He tried to remember what possessed him to RSVP to Lee and tell him that he would be able to come instead of making up some sort of crazy excuse like…he had to clean stuff. But at least he got free pizza out of the deal. Otherwise he would have just been sitting at home all alone. And cleaning stuff.

"I thought _I _was boring." Said Shikamaru, looking at Neji who was now eating his bread with a fork and knife. "I at least eat my pizza with sauce and cheese on it."

"Is anyone else going to make fun of my pizza?" Neji said, dropping his fork and knife.

"Leave Neji and his pizza alone!" said Lee.

"That is NOT pizza." Said Kiba who was genuinely offended by this as well.

"HEY!" yelled Naruto suddenly, slamming the cover of the pizza box down on Sasuke's hand. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Getting another piece of pizza?" Sasuke said with a raised eyebrow.

"What makes you think you can have a THIRD piece while I'm still on my second piece?!" Naruto demand.

"I eat faster than you do?" Sasuke tried.

"Sasuke, we each only get TWO pieces of pizza until we know there's enough pizza for everyone!" Naruto decided.

"I think there's plenty." Said Lee.

"Besides, Chouji's already broken that rule." Said Sasuke. "I think he's had two pizzas already."

"So?" said Chouji.

"I think Akamaru is only going to have one piece." Kiba said. "I doubt he'll even finish this one." Akamaru barked at Kiba. "What are you talking about, Akamaru?! You NEVER finish your pizza! What makes this time so special?!"

"Fine…whatever." Said Sasuke, leaning back.

"You can have another piece." Said Lee. "I think everyone's had at least two pieces by now."

"I'm done." Said Shikamaru, putting his napkin on the table after finishing two slices.

"Oh Shikamaru!" said Chouji. "Don't you think you can eat just one more slice?"

"Not if Naruto is going to yell at me for it." said Shikamaru. "Besides, I'm full anyway. Two is enough for me."

"Hey Lee, is there anything to drink?" Kiba asked.

"Oh right!" said Lee, slapping his forehead so enthusiastically that it looked like he was right out of a silent film. "I forgot all about the drinks! I'll be right back!"

He got up from the table and went to get some soda. Then he brought it all to the table. After that, he went back to the refrigerator and pulled out bottled water and a juice box.

"Here's your water, Neji." Said Lee.

Shikamaru looked at Neji with a questioning expression as he unscrewed the cap and placed it next to his slice of bread. "What?" Neji said, taking note of the fact that Shikamaru was STARING at him.

"You eat bread and water for dinner?" Shikamaru said. "At a party?"

"Yes." Said Neji. "Why are my eating habits bothering you?"

Shikamaru shrugged. HE didn't even know why he was so bothered.

"Lee, do you have any more of those juice boxes?" Sasuke asked.

"Sure, why?" Lee asked.

"I don't like soda." Sasuke answered.

"Okay!" said Lee as he frolicked back to the fridge and pulled out another juice box.

"Wow!" said Kiba. "Soda! Right in front of me!"

He grabbed the biggest cup he could and filled it up to the very top. Akamaru barked at him.

"Shh..." said Kiba. "Be quiet, Akamaru! Don't TELL them! Here, I'll give YOU some too." He poured another glass for Akamaru. Akamaru looked, at first, conflicted, but then he drank it anyway.

"What's that all about?" Shino asked.

"I'm not supposed to have soda." Kiba whispered but everyone could hear him anyway.

"Neither am I!" said Lee. "It makes me hyper active and I can't get to sleep after I drink just a little bit!"

"That's the same reason _I _can't drink it!" said Kiba. "I swear I'm going to be up all night after I drink this cup and the many more after that I am ready to pour myself. Who's with me?!"

"Kiba, give that to me." Said Shino, leaning over to take the cup since he was sitting across from Kiba.

"Your mom, Shino." Said Kiba as he scooted back in his chair so he was out of Shino's reach.

"Is there any pizza left?" Chouji asked, licking his fingers.

"You ate it all?!" Lee exclaimed.

"No, he didn't eat Neji's dumb pizza!" said Naruto.

"Yeah…" said Neji, opening up the box only to find that it was empty. "Hey! He DID eat it. I didn't even get a second piece!"

"That's what you get for eating your pizza with a knife and fork." Said Shikamaru.

"I was HUNGRY!" said Chouji.

"Well…there's no more pizza…but there's plenty of chips!" said Lee. "Do you guys want to finish the Disembodied Head that Ate People as we eat the chips? You guys never saw the end of it!"

"Oh yeah!" said everyone.

"I don't want to watch it." said Naruto. "That movie was dumb."

"And there were too many continuity errors." Shikamaru added.

"If Shikamaru doesn't want to watch it, we shouldn't!" Chouji said. "He's a chuunin after all and he could kick our butts if he doesn't get his way!"

"The plot was boring." Said Sasuke but it was all a front! The mere thought of the movie was making him sweat.

"We saw the end already, Lee." Said Neji.

"Instead of chips, can we have popcorn?" Shino asked.

"Is that the movie with the head and the guy?" Kiba asked as he poured himself another cup of soda.

"I'll take that as a collective no!" said Lee. "So what should we do?"

"Well, since the girls always spy on ME when they have their sleepovers, we should spy on THEM!" said Naruto.

"They SO do not spy on you, Naruto." Said Sasuke.

"You don't KNOW that!!" yelled Naruto.

"Yes I do." Said Sasuke. "Because they are too busy spying on ME."

"You WISH, Sasuke!" said Naruto.

The night continued onward like that. They played a few rounds of 'Dare' and then went outside and sparred for a little while. After that, they played a few random relay races to try to figure out who was the best among them. Finally, it was about nine o'clock, some people's bedtime's.

Sasuke was wearing his Uchiha fan pajamas that matched his Uchiha fan sleeping bag. Shino's pajamas looked exactly like his clothes and for all everyone knew, he just went into the bathroom and walked back out without changing. Lee had on his green sleepers with the feet and the bunny tail and the hood that had bunny ears on them. Naruto had on his pajamas that you see him wearing in the show. Neji had on his pajamas that would fit no one else for they were measured out to be exactly his size and made by only the best Hyuuga tailors that were in the Branch House. Shikamaru was wearing his lumberjack pajamas. Chouji also had sleepers but they didn't have the feet or the bunny attributes or anything crazy like that. As for Kiba, he decided that since he was staying up all night, he didn't NEED to change into his pajamas!

Everyone dreamt very manly dreams. The next morning, they were awakened by the sound of pots and pans being banged around. Everyone crept upstairs ready to smite an intruder who may have been trying to molest them as they slept only to find Kiba there!

"I'm making everyone breakfast!" he announced. "You're all pussies and went to sleep at nine o'clock but me and Akamaru stayed up ALL NIGHT! Actually, Akamaru went to sleep at around two but I stayed up all night!"

He hardly finished that sentence when he suddenly let out a loud snore and sprawled out across the table, sleeping.

"Oh well!" said Lee. "Let's all get changed! Your parents will be here to pick you up soon!"

"OKAY!!" yelled everyone as they punched the air and the screen froze and they all turned into a drawing but their laughter continued into the beautiful morning.


	4. Teachers: First Dibs

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Teachers

First Dibs

This is a new idea that was sparked after writing "Teacher Evaluation".  We never really wrote it.  But now we have!  Yay!

"All right…" said Iruka as he looked at the names of the students in the class.  He had nine more students that he had to separate and three of his familiar friends to give them to.  Sitting alone in his empty classroom, he was absolutely stuck.

That's exactly when Asuma, Kurenai and Kakashi came in the door.

"Iruka!" said Asuma.  "How've you been?"

"Good." Said Iruka.  "I swear, the hardest part about being a teacher in the academy is having to separate the students into their three man teams.  I mean, this could entirely determine the rest of these student's lives as ninjas!  I don't want to mess it up…"

"We'll help you." Said Kakashi.  "Do you have any left?"

"Well…there's Uchiha Sasuke." Iruka said.  "Number One in the class.  Aburame Shino, Number Two in the class.  Inuzuka Kiba, partner fighting with his dog.  Akimichi Chouji, from the Akimichi clan.  Nara Shikamaru, second worst in the class.  Uzumaki Naruto… worst in the class."

The teachers waited.

"There are three remaining girls in the class as well." Iruka went on.  "Yamanaka Ino, the best female ninja in the class.  Haruno Sakura, the smartest in the class.  Hyuuga Hinata, heir to the Hyuuga Main House."

"Hm…puzzling indeed…" said Kurenai.

"How should I split them up?" Iruka wondered.

Kakashi cleared his throat.  "Dibs." He said.

"Dibs?" Iruka said curiously.

"Dibs on the Uchiha." He said.

"Hey!" said Asuma.  "That's not fair!"

"Dibs on the second best!" Kurenai said.

"You guys can't just call dibs!" said Iruka.  "These are the students we're talking about!  Though…this will make it easier to balance the team strength out…we COULD try it out…"

"Then I get the Uchiha?" Kakashi said.

"We could try…" said Iruka.  "But you know, if you have Sasuke who is the best in the class, you automatically get Naruto, the worst in the class."

"I know, I know." Said Kakashi.  "But If I get the worst in the class, I demand to have the best girl in the class."

"You can't have the best boy AND the best girl!" Asuma yelled, slamming his hand down on the table.

"You're just mad that I called them first." Kakashi said.

"Remember I already called dibs on the second best!" said Kurenai.

"I know." Said Iruka.  "So Kakashi's team will be Sasuke, Naruto and Ino.  Kurenai has Shino."

"If Kakashi's going to have the best girl ninja, I want the smart girl!" said Kurenai.

"Sakura?" said Iruka.  "I have to warn you, she can't really do much else."

"That's okay." Said Kurenai.  "We'll compensate."

"Guys…you're leaving me with the worst ones…" complained Asuma.

"You have to be quicker when you're calling people." Said Kakashi.  "Like me."

"Fine!" said Asuma.  "Iruka, out of Kiba, Chouji and Shikamaru, who's the best fighter?"

"Kiba." Iruka answered.

"Then I'll take him!" said Asuma.  "HA!"

"Okay…since Asuma is going to take Hinata because we need to have at least one girl on each team, only Chouji and Shikamaru are still up for grabs." Said Iruka as he wrote down all the names.

"I'll take Chouji." Said Asuma.  "I don't need a loser last place on my team."

"He's SECOND to last." Iruka corrected.

"Whatever." Said Asuma.

"Okay, so Kakashi has Ino, Sasuke and Naruto…" Iruka said.  "Kurenai has Shino, Sakura and Shikamaru…and Asuma has Chouji, Hinata and Kiba."  He paused and thought about this.  "The teams…aren't really that fair…"

"I call Sasuke!!" yelled Asuma.

"No, Sasuke's MINE." Said Kakashi.

"Kakashi, you have too much power on your team." Said Iruka.  "You have to give up either Sasuke or Ino."

"Ino." Said Kakashi.  "DUH."

"I should get the best girl in the class!" said Asuma.  "Because Kakashi has the best, Kurenai has the second best and I have NO ONE!"

"That sounds reasonable." Said Iruka with a shrug.  "Kakashi, you have Hinata now."

"I'm keeping my team the way it is." Said Kakashi.

"I'm still going to look at them…" said Iruka.  "Hm…Kurenai, you have absolutely no taijutsu on your team.  At all.  And Asuma, your team has no brains at all."

"I thought you said that Ino was the best girl in the class!" whined Asuma.

"But you have Kiba and Chouji to cancel her out." Said Iruka.  "So I'm going to switch Kiba with Sakura."

"Hey!" said Kurenai.  "I want the smart girl!  Now I have all guys on my team!"

"And I have two girls!" said Asuma.  "I don't want two girls!  That's lame!"

"You can have my girl, Kurenai." Said Kakashi.

"Okay!" said Kurenai.  "Um…which one is it?"

"The Hyuuga." Kakashi asked.

"Okay then." Said Kurenai.  "Do you want…Shikamaru or Kiba?  I'm keeping Shino so don't even try."

"Kiba I guess." Said Kakashi.  "I don't need the two worst in the class on my team even if I DO have the best."

"I don't know if you want to have Kiba and Naruto on the same team." Advised Iruka.  "Especially with Sasuke on that team too.  He'd probably kill them if you don't kill them first."

Kakashi sighed.  "Fine, I'll take Shikamaru." He said.  As long as he had Sasuke, he didn't really care.

"Wait, I still have two girls on my team!" complained Asuma.  "And my team is so unpowerful!"

"Then you can take Shikamaru or Naruto and I'll take Ino." Kakashi said.

"No, Ino's my keeper!" said Asuma.

"Besides, if you have Sasuke you HAVE to have Naruto." Said Iruka.  "We've already been through this."

"So I have to trade the smart girl…" said Asuma.  "But if I trade her for Shikamaru then I won't have any brains on my team anymore!"

"No, Ino's smart, remember?" said Iruka.  "Besides, Shikamaru and Chouji are friends so maybe it would be better if they were on the same team.  Actually, come to think of it, Shikamaru, Chouji and Ino's dads were on the same team back in the academy…"

"I don't care!" said Asuma.  "I don't want to have a pathetic team just because they're parents are on the same team!"

"Well now I HAVE to put them on the same team." Said Iruka, ignoring Asuma and writing down the NEW team names.

"I don't want Shikamaru!!" Asuma yelled, throwing a temper tantrum.

"So the teams stand as thus." Said Iruka.  "Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto on Kakashi's team.  Shino, Kiba and Hinata on Kurenai's team.  Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji on Asuma's team."

"It's not fair…" cried Asuma.

"I'm happy." Said Kakashi with a shrug.  As we said before, as long as he had Sasuke he would be happy.

"I'm indifferent as usual!" said Kurenai.

"And I'm finally rid of all of them." Said Iruka with a sigh of relief.


	5. Baseball

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Baseball

We wrote the picking teams part of these chapters but we never actually wrote the baseball chapter.  We figured a game of baseball would be boring.  But then we wrote a baseball chapter and found that it was NOT boring.  You can judge that for yourself when you read it.

Someone decided that it would be fun and challenging to play a rousing game of baseball.  Not many people agreed to it, but once the teachers caught wind of the idea, they officially turned it into a competition.  So the teachers shooed the students off home to get a good night's sleep, telling them only one thing; there would be captains tomorrow, Hinata and Chouji, who would be picking the teams.

"I hope you all got a good night sleep!" said Kurenai.

"How could I sleep?!" demanded Naruto.  "I was up all night trying to figure out who would be on what team!!"

"Unfortunately," Said Shikamaru.  "We don't know how well each person will perform in a game of baseball.  We're ninjas, not baseball players."

"You have to attribute special abilities to a game of baseball." Said Asuma.

"Aw man, this is a looking underneath the underneath thing isn't it?" whined Sakura.

"Yes." Said Kakashi.

"So, how about Chouji picks first?" said Asuma.

"No, ladies first!" said Kurenai.

"No, I said it first!" argued Asuma.

"Let's flip a coin!" suggested Gai as he pulled a quarter out of his pocket.  "Heads, Chouji picks first.  Tails, Hinata picks first!"  He flicked it up in the air and then it landed.  "HEADS!!" Gai announced, standing up straight.

"Right!" said Chouji as he looked at the group of people waiting to be picked.  He remembered what Shikamaru had insisted upon the night before.  Telling him to PICK SASUKE FIRST NO MATTER WHAT!!!  He had to do it.  He had to pick Sasuke first because Shikamaru had told him to.  "I pick Shikamaru!" he said finally.

"NO, Chouji." Said Shikamaru, slapping his forehead.

"Oh…I meant to say Shikamaru!  I mean…Sasuke!" said Chouji.

"Too late!!" said Kurenai.  "You already chose Shikamaru!  Now it's Hinata's turn to pick Sasuke!"

"Um…" said Hinata slowly.  She was really embarrassed, but after thinking very long and hard the night before, she knew who she was going to pick.  It wasn't Sasuke.  And by golly, it wasn't Neji either.  "Naruto."

Everyone's jaws dropped to the floor.

Sasuke was shocked.

Kiba was crying on the inside.  In fact, he came very close to crying on the OUTSIDE.  He had expected Hinata to pick HIM.  To be second to Naruto was devastating to him.

Naruto was…overjoyed.  "YAY!!" he cheered as he ran over to Hinata.  "This has NEVER happened to me before, you know.  Usually, I'm one of the last people picked just because I'm me!"

"Not this time!" said Hinata, at a loss of anything else to say.

The teachers got over their surprise.

"Okay, Chouji, you have another chance to pick Sasuke." Said Asuma.

"Chouji…pick Sasuke." Said Shikamaru.

"Oh fine!" said Chouji.  "Sasuke then!  See, Shikamaru?  Everything worked out in the end!  I could pick you first AND we got Sasuke on our team!"

Sasuke was currently feeling inferior after being picked THIRD.  Being picked second, he could understand…maybe.  But third?  Especially since the two people in front of him were… Shikamaru and Naruto.  And _Naruto_.  That _Naruto_.

"Kiba!" said Hinata, pointing at Kiba.

Kiba slowly walked over to Hinata.  He didn't know whether to be happy that Hinata had picked him or sad because she hadn't picked him first.

"I'm going to pick Shino next!" Hinata told Kiba and Naruto.  "Because we're all on the same team!"

Then Kiba decided on the emotion of sadness.  He was only chosen because Hinata wanted her whole team to be with her and Naruto.

"Who should I pick now, Shikamaru?" Chouji whispered to Shikamaru.

"Well…" Shikamaru started.  "There's no way Hinata will pick Neji so we'll save picking him for later.  I advise you to pick Lee."

"All right!" said Chouji.  "I pick Lee!"

"YES!!!" Lee yelled happily as he ran over to Chouji, Shikamaru and Sasuke and put his hands up for high fives.  He didn't really receive any, except for a half awkward one from Chouji.

"And I choose Shino!" Hinata said.

Shino silently walked over to Hinata.  Kiba shook his fist at Shino on the inside.

"Hey, Hinata chose all her team members!" Chouji observed.

"Next you should chose—" Shikamaru started.

"Ino!" said Chouji.  "Now our whole team is on this team!"

"No…" said Sasuke and Shikamaru at the same time.  Ino looked just as confused as she walked over to the Chouji team.

Neji was a little sad at this point.  You see, Sasuke had reason to be sad that Naruto and Shikamaru were chosen before him.  But Naruto, Shikamaru, Sasuke, Lee, Kiba, Shino AND Ino had all been chosen before Neji.  The only people that were left at that point were him, Sakura and Tenten.

"Um…Sakura?" said Hinata nervously, trying to avoid eye contact with Neji who was definitely about to go on the warpath.

"Chouji, you better pick Neji or so help me." Said Sasuke, raising a fist.

"It's in the team's best interest." Shikamaru added.

"Then I pick Neji!" said Chouji since he always wants to be a team player.

Neji crossed his arms and pretty much stomped over to his team while pouting.  He had never been picked that close to last at ANYTHING.  In fact, he was usually chosen first or second.

"So that means Tenten is with us!" said Hinata.  Tenten didn't really care that she was picked last.  She just figured that it was because no one knew her.  Clearly, she's in Denial City.

"So the teams are Chouji, Shikamaru, Sasuke, Lee, Ino and Neji versus Hinata, Naruto, Kiba, Shino, Sakura and Tenten." Asuma said as he scribed everything down on a piece of paper and put the pencil behind his ear when he was finished.

"Wow!!" said Naruto. "These are almost the EXACT teams that I predicted!"

No one said, "Shut up, Naruto," because they were all counting on someone else to say it.  But no one said it.  So Naruto remained UN-hushed.

"Your uniforms are all in these boxes." Said Kakashi as he dropped two cardboard boxes on the ground.  "You'll find gloves, hats and jerseys all in there."

"The Woodchucks?" said Naruto as he pulled a jersey out that had a big cutesy woodchuck on the front with the word, 'Woodchucks' scribed across the front.  The uniforms were blue.  The hat was decorated with the same woodchuck.

"Do we have to wear these?" asked Ino as she held up a jersey that had a caramel apple with arms, legs and a face.

"The Caramel Apples?" said Shikamaru, glaring at the teachers.

"They're the only ones we could find!" insisted Asuma.

"The Caramel Apples?" Shikamaru repeated, his tone elevating slightly.

"Yes…" said Asuma, hiding behind the other teachers.

"I LOVE caramel apples!" said Lee as he threw his jersey on right over his green body suit and put the hat on.  "How does it look?!"

"Um…you or the caramel apple?" Ino said.

Everyone changed into their new attire whether they were the Blue Woodchucks or the Red Caramel Apples.

"Since we have the stupidest team mascot, can we bat first?" asked Neji.

"No!" said Kurenai.  "You guys got first pick when you were choosing teams so the Woodchucks get to bat first!"

"I GET TO BAT FIRST!!!" Naruto yelled as he ran over and grabbed a bat.  He stood right at home plate so no one could possibly try and take his spot.

"Then I bat next!!" Kiba declared.  Hinata was after Kiba and then Shino, Sakura and finally, Tenten.

"I'll be the catcher." Said Shikamaru to his team as he grabbed a catcher's glove and stood behind home plate.  No one was about to argue with him.

"I'll play third base and short stop." Sasuke decided since he wanted to make sure he took care of all the most important spots.

"I WANNA PITCH!!!" screamed Lee.

"Fine, you pitch and Neji'll play first base." Sasuke said, figuring he'd take charge since no one else would.  "Chouji, you play center field.  Lee, you'll have to cover second base too.  Ino…well, depending on the batter's dominant hand, you're going to switch back and forth from left to right field."

"In fear of sounding like Shikamaru…that's really troublesome." Ino confessed.

Neji wasn't about to admit that he had never been to or seen a baseball game in his life!

"Let's get this game started!!" said Kakashi.  "But before we do, I couldn't help but notice that pretty much everyone is NOT wearing their lovely hats that we found for you."

"I don't want to be wearing this thing." Said Sakura.  "I don't like this woodchuck."

"Let's all wear ours backwards for team spirit!!" said Lee as he swung his hat around backwards.

"I think you should at least try to get them to put them on forwards first." Sasuke commented.  He was wearing his hat.  He liked caramel apples too.

"I'd have to take my hair down." Shikamaru sighed.  "Then I'd have to put it back up afterwards.  That is all just way too troublesome for me right now.  You can all just PRETEND as though I'm wearing it."

"I'm ready to pitch!!!" said Lee in a very pumped fashion as he stood there with the baseball on the pitcher's mound.

"PLAY BALL!!!" yelled Asuma since he was the self-proclaimed umpire.


	6. Play Ball!

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Play Ball

"Come on, Naruto!!" Sakura called from the bench.  "Don't screw it up on the first swing!!"

Lee did an extensive wind up and finally threw the ball in no special fashion whatsoever.  It's not like he had been training his entire life to throw a baseball, but he didn't have a girly throw or anything.

Naruto was able to hit the ball.  Like Lee, he had not been training in baseball for his entire life so he couldn't score an awesome homerun on the first try.  He sort of just hit it out to right field where Ino fumbled with it for a second or two before finally picking it up.  By the time she turned around to throw it to Neji at first base, however, Naruto had already reached the base.  So, instead, she just threw the ball back to Lee.

"I GOT ON BASE!!!" cheered Naruto as he started doing the Hustle.

"I'll get to SECOND base!!" Kiba declared as he picked up the bat and went to home plate.

Lee did his wind up again only it was LONGER so everyone yelled at him so he finally threw it!  Kiba gave a mighty swing and hit the ball high in the air right towards Sasuke.  Sasuke used to play catch all the time when he was little so he just opened his glove and easily caught the ball sailing right towards him.

Then he looked to see that Naruto was unaware of the tagging up rule so he casually strode over to where Naruto currently was celebrating over his recent achievements and then tapped him with the ball.

"I'm already on the base you moron." Said Naruto.

"TWO OUTS!!!" yelled Asuma, getting all into the hand motions.

"WHY?!" screamed Kiba and Naruto.  Gai pulled them aside to explain the rules of baseball to them and they both started crying as they went back to the bench and Hinata went up to the plate.

She wanted to impress Naruto by getting on base.  But she was a little worried that she wouldn't even be able to hit the ball.  As it turned out, three balls whizzed right by her and her inability to swing at the right time caused strike one, two AND three to occur in less than a minute.  She was really embarrassed as Kakashi instructed the field players to get on the bench and all the other people to get on the field.

"I am DEFINITLY batting first." Said Sasuke as he took the bat before anyone could argue.  It's not like anyone was GOING to argue though.

"I'll show that stupid Sasuke that I can play third base better than him!" said Naruto as he ran over to third base.

"I'll pitch." Said Tenten.  "I've got impeccable aim after all."

In the end, Shino took Ino's position of running back and forth in the outfield.  Kiba took first base, Hinata took center field and Sakura manned home plate as the catcher.

"SWING batter batter batter batter!" chanted Naruto.  "SWING!  SWING batter batter!  Sasuke's got nothing!  Sasuke's got nothing!!  Swing, swing!!"

Tenten pitched the ball and Sasuke swung.  There was a very clean smack of the baseball coming in contact with the bat and then the ball was shot off into orbit, probably never to return again.

"Home run!!" Kurenai yelled as Sasuke ran the bases.

"Stupid Sasuke!!!" Naruto said angrily as he shook his fist at Sasuke when he passed.

"That's one point for the Caramel Apples!" said Kakashi as he put up a little tally mark next to the picture of the Caramel Apple mascot.

Sasuke came over back to the bench.

"Nice job Sasuke!!" squealed Ino.  "Sit next to me!"

"I'LL GET A HOME RUN TOO!!!" yelled Lee as he sprang up and grabbed the bat, running up to home plate faster than you could say…er…something that you could potentially say really really fast.

"SWING BATTER BATTER!!!" Naruto continued.

"SWING SWING SA-_WING_!!" Kiba joined in.

"Geez you guys…" Tenten said, rolling her eyes.  As Naruto and Kiba continued to chant, (who put these two guys together?!) Tenten threw the ball to Lee.

Lee was all pumped with the battle aura around him and he was glowing all sorts of colors and, as the ball flew closer and closer, everyone in the outfield backed up more and more.  They knew he would hit it far.  They just wanted to be ready.

"YEAH!!!" screamed Lee as he swung the bat as hard as he could but then stopped it at the last second.

The ball rolled a few feet forward.

Lee immediately took off sprinting around the bases.  Sakura, the catcher, had just begun to uncover her eyes when he was skidding over home plate.

"GREAT JOB LEE!!!" yelled Gai, giving thumbs up.

"SAFE!!!" Asuma said.

"HOME RUN!!!" cheered Lee as he did the happiest victory dance ever.

"The score is now Caramel Apples: 2, Woodchucks: 0!" Kakashi said as he changed the one to a two next to the Caramel Apples.

"Come on, guys!" said Kiba.  "We have to pick it up!  Let's pick it up!"

"YEAH!!" agreed Naruto.  "Everyone has to pick up their game!"

On the bench, the Caramel Apples were trying to decide who would go next.  "I don't want to ruin our home run streak!" said Chouji.

Ino agreed.  "I agree!" she agreed.

"That means you're up, Neji." Said Shikamaru.

"Me?" said Neji.  He had hoped that maybe there would be three outs by the time it was his turn.  Now he was expected to go up and get a homerun just like Sasuke and Lee did.

He didn't need everyone to know that he was bad at ANOTHER thing.  People just assume that he was good at everything just because he had mad skills at fighting.  And, even though he kind of liked that, it was a little embarrassing when everyone came to realize that he couldn't do ANOTHER thing.  But he had been observing Lee, Sasuke, Naruto and Kiba.  He had seen how they bat and which way he was supposed to run.

So he took the bat silently and walked up to home plate.  He tried to ignore Kiba and Naruto's constant and senseless jeering and tried to concentrate only on the ball.

The first pitch came…and then went.  Neji didn't even swing.

"STEEEEE-RIKE ONE!!" Asuma yelled as Neji stepped backwards from the plate for a moment.  He wiped his face.  He hadn't even done anything yet and he was already sweating bullets.

"Come on Neji!!" cheered Gai.

Neji stepped back up to the plate.  He swore to himself that he would swing on this pitch.

Once again, the ball flew by and Neji was unable to react.  He was stressing himself out way too much.

"STEEEEE-RIKE TWO!!!" Asuma yelled again.

Likewise, Tenten was stressing out just as much.  She had no desire to pitch to Neji since she knew how awesome he was.  She figured that he was just waiting for the perfect pitch.

Neji took one last deep breath and stepped up to the plate.  He tried to psyche himself up by thinking about the Main House and his father and how he lost to Naruto in the tournament and various other things.  Clutching the bat tightly, he watched as Tenten wound up to throw again.

Everyone was watching and if he messed up, he'd lose his reputation… AGAIN.

She threw the ball and it whizzed right by.

"STEEEEEEEEE-RIKE THREE!!  YOU'RE OUT!!!" Asuma yelled WAY too enthusiastically.

Neji stood in his frozen state for a moment.  Tenten nearly dropped her glove in surprise.  In fact, EVERYONE nearly dropped their gloves in surprise.

Gai cleared his throat and approached Neji.  "You know, Neji…" he began as he led Neji off the field.  "The object of the game is to hit the ball."

"That was hard to watch…" commented Shikamaru.

"YOU go up there next, then!" said Lee since he ALWAYS sticks up for Neji.  Except when there's someone else he could potentially stick up for.

"No way, it's too troublesome." Shikamaru replied.

"PLEASE Shikamaru?" begged Chouji.  "I want you to be on base when I hit it so I might be able to get you home!"

"Fine…" said Shikamaru, standing up and grabbing the bat.  He walked up to home plate.

"Shikamaru's got nothing!!" yelled Naruto.  "SWING!!!"

Shikamaru just got the 'this is so troublesome…' face.

Tenten pitched and Shikamaru turned himself so that the ball hit him in the back.

"WALK!!" called Asuma.

"He stepped into that!" Sakura said, standing up.

"No he didn't." Asuma replied.

"Yes he did!" argued pretty much everyone on The Woodchucks.

"Fine, fine!" he said stubbornly.

So Tenten pitched again and Shikamaru just so happen to step into it once again.

"WALK!" Asuma yelled.

"No, he stepped into that one too!" Sakura said angrily.  Shikamaru only looked at Asuma with a very convincing expression.

"He did no such thing!" Asuma said.  "Play ball!"

Sakura groaned as Tenten pitched again.  A third time, it hit him.

"You can't say he didn't step into that one!" said Sakura.

Asuma was overtaken by the little chuunin vest folded on the bench.  "He didn't!  He gets to walk!" he said.

"Asuma…" said Kurenai.  "I've been letting it slide but Shikamaru has stepped in front of all three of those perfect pitches!"

"Hey, who's the umpire here?!" Asuma demanded.

"You're not going to be umpire for very much longer if you keep playing favorites like this!" said Gai.

"Fine…" said Asuma.  "Play ball!"

Tenten threw ANOTHER pitch and this time, it went perfectly clear over home plate but Shikamaru did not step in front of it.  In fact, he didn't swing at all.

"BALL FOUR!!!" Asuma yelled.  "HE GETS TO WALK!!!"

Shikamaru dropped his bat and started strolling to first base.

"WHAT?!" Gai HOLL-ered.  "THAT PITCH WAS PERFECT!!!  I WAS WAY OVER HERE AND I EVEN SAW THAT IT WAS PERFECT!!!  AND NOT ONLY THAT, IT WOULD BE BALL ONE!!!"

"ASUMA IS A BIASED UMPIRE!!!" yelled the other team.

"I AM NOT!!!" Asuma retorted.

The game continued for eight more innings.  Neji was finally learning how to swing the bat towards the end, but the game was over when he finally took a swing.  He missed it, of course, but that's beside the point!  Let's not make him feel worse about it than he already does.

"OH MY GOD!!!" gasped Gai.  "A TIE!!!"


	7. Tiebreaker

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Tiebreaker

Everyone looked over at the scoreboard to see that it was, in fact, nine against nine.

"This is entirely unexpected." Said Kakashi.

"All right, for the tiebreaker---" began Kurenai.

"We do an extra inning?" Kiba said.

"NO!" Kurenai replied angrily.  "This has got to be the most boring challenge we have ever thought up and there's no way we're going to do another inning!  Instead, we're going to conduct a mini-competition to decide which team wins."

"Each team has to pick one representative to perform the task." Asuma said.

"What's the task?" asked Shikamaru.  "It would be better if we could plan accordingly."

"Oh." Said Asuma.  "Well, it's whoever can hit the ball closest to a certain landmark."  He pointed at Gai who had just sprinted way far off into the outfield.  "Whoever can hit the ball closer to Gai wins it for their team!"

"And did we forget to mention?" said Kurenai with a slight laugh.  "You pick the representative for the OTHER team.  Meaning the Woodchucks choose a member from the Caramel Apples and the Caramel Apples choose a member from the Woodchucks!"

"GASP!!!" gasped everyone.  The two teams went into huddles.

"All right…" said Shikamaru to the rest of the Caramel Apples.  "I'm taking the amount of hits by each player into account and the person with the lowest batting average is Hinata."

"Well, then I guess there's not really much for us to discuss." Said Chouji.

The Woodchucks had a very similar conversation, except it was more dumbed down.

"Since Neji never even swung once, let's pick him." Said Kiba.

"Awwwwwwwwwllll RIGHT!!" cheered the Woodchucks as they jumped up into the air like a group of Power Rangers.

"What are the choices?" asked Kakashi.

"We pick Hinata!!" said Lee, dramatically pointing at Hinata who gasped.

"And WE pick Neji!!" Naruto responded, dramatically pointing at Neji who KNEW he was going to be picked.

"OH NO!!" Gai yelled.  "ONCE AGAIN, THE HYUUGAS, ONE FROM THE MAIN HOUSE AND ONE FROM THE BRANCH HOUSE, MUST FACE OFF AGAINST EACH OTHER!!  WHAT IS TO HAPPEN?!"

Everyone stared at him.

"You're supposed to be out there!!" Asuma yelled, pointing to where Gai SHOULD have been standing.

"SORRY!" said Gai as he ran back out to where he was supposed to stand.

"So, I'm going to throw the ball to Hinata first---" started Kakashi.

"Yeah, of course he'd throw it to Hinata first." Said Neji under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear.

"No, it's just because her name comes first in the alphabet." Said Kakashi.  "But anyway.  I'll throw it to Hinata first and she'll hit it.  Then I'll throw it to Neji and he'll hit it.  Of course, these hits are theoretical.  And whoever hits it closest to Gai wins!"

Kakashi then grabbed a baseball bat as Hinata held onto the bat as tightly as she could.  She had to hit it!  It was three more points she could win for Naruto!  She didn't want to let her team down!  Kakashi threw, Hinata swung…and there was contact!  Hinata hit it!

It kind of sailed off in an obscure direction but she hit it none the less!

"Aw man…" said Lee.  "I was hoping she wouldn't hit it!  Now we're DOOMED!"

"Neji, just go up there and do nothing like you usually do." Said Shikamaru.  "I'LL take care of everything."

Neji only glared at Shikamaru and then took the bat from Hinata who was celebrating with her team happily.  They all supported her because they all loved her.  Especially Kiba.

"REMEMBER TO SWING, NEJI!!" Gai bellowed from the outfield just as Kakashi pitched.

Neji could feel it.  He was going to swing this time.

But before he could swing…he swung!  The bat connected with the ball.  The ball sailed over the field and landed on the ground, coming to a stop right at Gai's feet.

Everyone was astounded, but Neji was the most astounded of all.  This was because, of course, he hadn't moved his body.  And now as he stood there in the follow through position, he still couldn't do so.  Then, all of a sudden, he could!  He turned around to his team to see Shikamaru's shadow retracting.

No one noticed this because they were all too busy being astounded.  Not even other members of the Caramel Apple team noticed!!

"If you could do that the whole time, why didn't you swing during the game?!" demanded Lee.  "Oh, I get it!  You knew it could come down to a tiebreaker so you pretended to be bad the whole game so that the other team would pick you to do this part!!  That real sly!  I envy you for being so sly!!"

"Before you all go home, we would like to request that both teams choose an MVP of the game!" said Asuma.  "And then we teachers are going to pick MVPs of each team!!"

"Asuma, I thought we said we weren't going to do that." Said Kurenai.

"But I want to!" whined Asuma.

"So you can all talk amongst yourselves." Said Kakashi.

"I think that Sasuke should be the MVP!" said Ino.

"What about Shikamaru?!" said Chouji.  "He did EVERYTHING!!"

"HE DID NOTHING!!" Ino yelled.

"I think we're ALL the MVP!" said Lee, getting fireball eyes.

"Lee, you're not helping." Said Ino.

"Let's do this the right way." Said Shikamaru.  "Let's just go around the group and ask who wants who to be MVP.  We KNOW that Ino wants Sasuke to be MVP and we know that Chouji wants me.  And we also know that Sasuke wants himself to be the winner of course."

"But—" Sasuke started but then he realized that it was true so he shrugged and nodded.

"Neji, who do you want to be MVP?" asked Shikamaru.

"Um…" Neji said slowly.  "I'd have to say you, Shikamaru.  You know why."

"Right." Said Shikamaru.  "That's two for me and two for Sasuke.  What about you, Lee?"

"I vote for Neji because he pulled for the team in the end!!" said Lee.

"No, it's between me or Sasuke." Shikamaru said.

"Oh!" said Lee.  He looked truly torn.  "You both played your hardest!  I choose… YOU BOTH!!!"

"All right…" said Shikamaru with a roll of his eyes.  "Since I'm the only one who hasn't voted then I'm the deciding vote."

"Damn." Sasuke thought.

"And I choose…Sasuke." Shikamaru said.

Everyone was surprised.

"Why?" asked Sasuke.

"Because being an MVP is troublesome." Shikamaru replied.

The Woodchucks were having their shares of problems…

"I vote for Hinata!" said Kiba.  "She was our captain, she played her hardest and, though she didn't win at the end, she still gave it her all!  That's why I choose her!  Great job, Hinata!"

"Thanks Kiba!" said Hinata.  "But I'm going to vote for Naruto because he never stopped trying and had a lot of team spirit!"

Kiba nearly deflated with unhappiness.

"I vote for me too!!" said Naruto.  "That's two votes for me!!"

"What about you, Shino?" asked Hinata pleasantly.

"I'm going with majority." Said Shino who literally hasn't said anything in the past few chapters.

"No way!" said Sakura.  "I REFUSE to vote for Naruto!  And, since the only way to beat him is to vote for Hinata because she already has a vote, I vote for Hinata!"

"Me too!" said Tenten.  "Just because I want a girl to win!!"

"And since Shino is going with majority, that means it's four votes for Hinata and two votes for Naruto!" said Kiba.  "Nice job Hinata!"

"Oh…I thought that Naruto deserved to win…" said Hinata.

"Nope, it was you!" said Kiba.

"But I only hit the ball a few times!" Hinata said.  "Naruto hit it every time!"

"NOPE, it was you!" Kiba repeated but in a more irritated voice.

"Well…all right then…" said Hinata, a little sad.

"Have you decided on your MVPs?!" asked Gai who had returned from the outfield.

"Ours is Sasuke!" said Ino.

"What a surprise!" groaned Naruto.

"And ours is Hinata!" Kiba finished.

"Excellent!" said Asuma.  "Congratulations!!"

"And now it comes down to the teacher's MVP decisions!" said Kakashi.  "We cannot choose the same MVP that the students picked.  We'll start with the Caramel Apples."

"And we pick Lee because his team spirit was just off the scale!" Kurenai announced.

"YAAAAAY!!" cheered Lee. 

"Guys, I thought we were going to pick Shikamaru!" said Asuma.

"We just said that to shut you up." Said Kakashi.

"But Shikamaru did EVERYTHING!" Asuma said.

"Shikamaru did NOTHING!!" yelled Kurenai.

Shikamaru would have got offended if it wasn't so troublesome.

"As for the Woodchucks!" said Gai, turning to the Woodchucks.

"It was a long, long process but we finally emerged with the perfect MVP!" said Kakashi.  "And that's TENTEN!"

"TENTEN?!" yelled Naruto.  "WHAT ABOUT ME?!  WHAT ABOUT MY TEAM SPIRIT AND MY HITTING THE BALL SKILLS?!"

"A team is nothing without its pitcher!" said Gai.  "And what a pitcher she is!"

"Yay!" cheered Tenten.

"Two members from my team received MVP awards!" said Gai happily.

"Asuma, I couldn't help but notice that your team was the only one that didn't receive any MVP awards." Said Kakashi.

"Yeah well…" Asuma said, pulling out the tally sheet.  "Shikamaru is a chuunin so I'm automatically cooler than all of you put together."


	8. Team Asuma: Finding Nemo

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Asuma

Finding Nemo

This was already written but we didn't submit it because we didn't have chapters for everyone else's teams at the time and we didn't feel like writing them.  Now we do so don't worry.

Shikamaru was sitting in his room being indifferent when his ninja senses started tingling.  He opened the door to his room to find both Chouji and Ino standing there.

"Shikamaru!" said Chouji.  "Ino has something to say!"

Chouji pushed Ino forward a little.  "Er…I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for putting make-up on you while you were sleeping." She said.  "It's just that… your hair is so long…you should get it cut…"

"It's okay." Said Shikamaru.

"Really?" Ino said happily.  "No hard feelings?"

"Hard feelings are troublesome." Shikamaru answered.

"Good!" said Chouji.  "Because I brought over a movie!"

"Let's watch it!" said Ino.

"Whatever." Said Shikamaru with a shrug as the three of them went into the living room area because that's where the television was.

"What movie is it?" Ino asked.

"Finding Nemo!" Chouji answered.  "I got it for Christmas but I haven't watched it yet.  Well, actually, I HAVE seen it in the theater…I think twice but I haven't watched it at home or seen all the special features!"

"Turn it on then!" said Ino.

The hour was approaching 8:30 as Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji were all still sitting around the television watching Finding Nemo.  Shikamaru looked like he could potentially fall asleep at any moment and Finding Nemo just wasn't invigorating enough for him.  Ino and Chouji, on the other hand, were attentive.

"Shikamaru, you're asleep!!" yelled Ino suddenly as she hit him with a pillow.

"No I'm not." Said Shikamaru, swatting the pillow away.

"Yes you are!" said Chouji.  "Your eyes were closed!"

"No they weren't." Shikamaru said even though he was lying.

"Stay awake!" commanded Ino.  "It's no fun if you miss the end of the movie and then have to ask us tomorrow what happened…hey!  Wake up!!"  She hit him with the pillow again.

"I AM awake." Shikamaru said.

"Can we rewind it?" asked Chouji.  "I missed a little bit while you were yelling at Shikamaru and I think it was important."

"Honestly, Shikamaru, I don't see how you can be so tired at only 8:30!" Ino said as she started looking around for the remote.  "Where's the remote?  I can't find it!"

"Just look harder." Said Shikamaru.

"You have to help me find it!" said Ino, standing up and pulling off the cushion on the couch and throwing it across the room.

"You're making a mess." Said Chouji but she pushed him off his cushion and pulled that one up too.  Unfortunately, there was no remote to be found.

"Shikamaru, you have to get up now!" said Ino.

"Just use the VCR." Said Shikamaru since he wasn't about to move.

"No!" said Ino.  "I would think that your family would have remotes all over the place.  I'm surprised you don't carry one around with you all the time!"

"Let's just watch the movie." Said Chouji because he didn't want to bother Shikamaru anymore.

"But now I've missed a lot of it!" said Ino as she groaned and just walked up to the VCR and MANUALLY pressed the button!  OH NO!

After it was sufficiently rewound, Ino went back to her seat to find that Shikamaru had his eyes closed AGAIN!!

"SHIKAMARU, wake up!!" yelled Ino as she continuously hit Shikamaru with a pillow.

"I AM awake." Shikamaru said.

"Come on, Shikamaru." Said Chouji.  "We're all watching this movie to make up for Ino making you pretty like a girl."

"What?" said Shikato as he walked in the room.

"Nothing!" said Shikamaru, Chouji and Ino all at the same time.

"Shikamaru, are your friends going to be sleeping over?" asked Shikato.  "Shouldn't you be getting in bed?"

"I don't think they're sleeping over." Shikamaru answered.  "But I'm going to bed soon."

"All right, but don't forget to lock all the doors and shut all the lights off because I'm going to bed now." Said Shikato as he yawned and then walked out of the room on his way upstairs.

"Shikamaru, your family is so lame!" said Ino.  "You all go to bed before 9:00."

"So?" said Shikamaru.  "What time is this movie going to be over at?"

"Probably 9:45." Said Chouji, looking at the clock.

Shikamaru groaned.  "I don't know about that." He said.  "It was bad enough that I had to wake up today with make-up on my face but now you're making me go to bed late."

"I said I was sorry!" said Ino.  "Didn't you say that you weren't going to have any hard feelings?!"

Shikamaru didn't really answer.  He looked like he was going to sleep.

"Shikamaru, if you don't stay up for the rest of the movie then I'm going to put more make-up on you." Ino threatened.

"I AM awake." Shikamaru said, glaring at Ino.

The movie continued.  Ino and Chouji shared tears, laughs and a few angry moments.  But Shikamaru wasn't there for all that.  He fell asleep.  Ino felt that it was useless to try to wake him up so she just ignored him and tried to watch the movie.

"That was a great movie!" said Ino, standing up and stretching after it was all over.  "It had such a happy ending!  I'm glad Nemo got home and his dad lightened up!"

"It was so happy!" said Chouji, dabbing his eyes with a tissue.  "Shikamaru will be sad that he missed it."

They looked over at Shikamaru who was lying down on the couch in such a fashion that you knew he was never going to wake up.  Ever.

"What, should we just leave or something?" asked Ino.

"Should we turn the lights off and lock the door?" Chouji said.

"No!" said Ino.  "Let's not just because Shikamaru didn't stay up to watch the movie with us!"

"Yeah but you did put make-up on him against his will." Chouji reminded her.

"All right, fine." Said Ino.  They went around the house and turned off all the lights.

"Should we just leave Shikamaru on the couch like that?" Chouji asked as the two of them started to leave.

"As opposed to…?" Ino led.  "Lovingly carrying him off to bed?  I think that might be going a little too far, Chouji."

"All right…" said Chouji as he shut the door behind him.


	9. Team Kakashi: Sorry

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Kakashi

Sorry

(Just in case you're curious, NO, the chapter in which Ino puts make-up on Shikamaru does not ACTUALLY exist.  As far as we know anyway.)

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were all sitting in Sasuke's living room playing a rousing game of…"Sorry".  You get me, I'll get you back.

"I'm blue!" Naruto announced.

"And I'll be yellow." Sasuke said.

"No, I want to be yellow!" Naruto said, just trying to be controversial.

"Too bad." Said Sasuke.  "I'M yellow.  You can be blue."

"And I'll be green!" said Sakura.

"But I want to be yellow!!" yelled Naruto.  He was at the point in which he had convinced himself that he actually DID want to be yellow and was not just trying to annoy people.

"Too late for you." Said Sasuke as he set up his four little yellow pieces on the board.

Naruto let out a loud groan of frustration and put his blue pieces on the board.

"Guys, how about you try to get along for just an hour so we can play a nice game?" Sakura asked as she set down her green pieces.  "Do you think you can do it?"

"Sasuke's the one who started it!" said Naruto.

"Started what?" Sasuke said with a raised eyebrow.  "If anyone started anything, it was you."

"See?!" Naruto said.  "There he goes again!"

"Okay…so youngest player goes first!" Sakura said, looking at the rules that were written on the inside of the box.

"YEAH!" said Naruto.  "Those dice are all mine!  I OWNED you Sasuke."

"Yeah, Naruto." Said Sasuke, rolling his eyes.  "You own me at being born AFTER me."

"WHAT?!" Naruto yelled.  He let it fester inside him for a moment.  "Well, at least I'm going FIRST!"

"Last is always best." Said Sasuke.  "That way, I get to see how everything plays out so I can make smarter and more strategic moves."

"There's no strategy in this game!!" Naruto said.  "It's all the luck of the dice!"

"Sure, Naruto." Said Sasuke.  "YOU may rely solely on the luck of the dice, but I use strategy.  This is why you'll always be dead last."

"I'll show you!!" said Naruto as he rolled the dice and got a nine.  "HA!  A NINE!  Watch this!"  Then he moved his piece nine pieces and dropped the dice in Sasuke's hand.  "Beat that!"

"Hey…it's my turn…" complained Sakura but Sasuke had already rolled the dice.

"Oh…" said Sasuke in a very mocking tone.  "Is that…a ten?"

"Nice job, Sasuke!" said Sakura.

"It's luck!" said Naruto.

"What did I say before?" Sasuke said.  "If you rely only on luck, you'll always be a step below me."

"Just take your turn." Said Sakura, getting a little annoyed.

Sasuke started moving his piece.

"Don't even THINK about bumping me!" said Naruto.

"Naruto…" said Sasuke.  "Not only am I on the complete opposite side of the board as you, but the object of the game is to bump the other people and snidely say, 'Sorry' and continue on your way as they're sent back to the beginning."

"Whoa Sasuke." Said Naruto.  "Nice run on sentence."

"NOW it's my turn!" said Sakura, clearing her throat as she picked up the dice and dropped them on the board.  "A two!  …Okay…" She moved the piece and counted the squares as she moved.  "One… two… I guess my turn's over."  She gave Naruto the dice.  "Here, it's your turn."

"Sasuke, I am only thirteen spaces away from you!" said Naruto.

"Good thing the dice goes up to twelve." Said Sasuke.

"I'll get you in the NEXT turn!" said Naruto as he dropped the dice and they came to a stop at a total of seven.  He angrily moved the piece only seven squares and Sasuke took the dice.

"I'll be out of your reach this whole game…" Sasuke said as he rolled the dice and got an eleven.  "…As always."

"I hate you Sasuke!!" yelled Naruto.

"Better watch out, Naruto." Said Sasuke as he placed his piece in its resting place.  "I'm only eight spaces away from bumping you."

"I'll bump you off first!!" threatened Naruto.

"I'd like to see you try." Said Sasuke.

"Guys, you're making this WAY to competitive." Sakura said as she picked up the dice and rolled them.  "All right!  A six…"

She moved her piece and counted as she did so.

"One…two…three…four…five…SIX!" said Sakura.  She was really just trying to prolong her turn so that the two males would be quiet for just a few minutes longer.

"My turn!" Naruto said as he swiped the dice up off the board and started shaking them vigorously.  "Come on twelve!  Let's go twelve!"  He threw the dice half way across the board and, when they rolled to a stop, he was devastated to find that they were only a one and a two.  "AH!"

"Nice twelve." Said Sasuke.

"Shut up!" said Naruto as he moved his piece three spaces and, when he THOUGHT Sasuke had looked away momentarily, he moved his piece an extra square.

"Since when are threes and fours interchangeable?" Sasuke asked.

"What are you talking about?!" demanded Naruto.  "Are you implying that I cheated?!"

"…Yes." Said Sasuke.

"I saw it too!" said Sakura.  "As much as it annoys me that this is going to inevitably start another battle, you should gracefully accept your low numbers!"

"Even though I didn't cheat, I know you guys will cry if I don't go back one square!" said Naruto.  "So I'll do it just because I'm reasonable!  Besides, Sasuke has to get either an eleven or a twelve in order to bump me and there is NO chance that that'll ever happen!"

"I don't play with CHANCE, Naruto." Said Sasuke.  "I play with skill."

He rolled the dice and they landed as…

TWELVE!

"NOOO!!" screamed Naruto as he slammed his hand down on the board and sent it hurling across the room, splattering against the wall and all the pieces clattered to the floor.  "You were cheating!!"

"You weren't?" Sasuke said sarcastically.

"So you admit it!" yelled Naruto.

"I didn't admit anything." Sasuke said.  "I hope you plan on picking up that game, though.  This isn't your house."

"I DON'T plan on picking it up!" said Naruto, crossing his arms.

"You don't expect ME to pick it up, do you?" Sasuke said, standing up.

"Actually, I DO." Said Naruto as he got all in Sasuke's face.

"Guys…please…" said Sakura.

"Stay out of this, Sakura!" said Naruto.  "This is a man to man battle!"

"Naruto, a man to man fight would imply that there are TWO men in the room." Said Sasuke.

"You're right!" said Naruto.  "I'm going to have to go and find myself a worthy opponent!"

"Well…" Sakura said.  "At least we each got a few turns this time around…"

Who knows?  Maybe next time they'll even get someone in the goal area without the board getting destroyed or a fight getting started.


	10. Team Kurenai: They're Only Twelve

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Kurenai

They're Only Twelve

You see, this was one of those chapters that made us think twice about submitting. It was written for the ORIGINAL Naruto Primer but upon completion, we read it through and thought, "No." and it becamse a lost chapter. We weren't even going to submit it to THIS one but we figured that chapters like this one are the whole reason we put this second one up. So, to avoid making it become a lost LOST chapter, we have submitted it. You are not allowed to hold this chapter against us. You have been warned.

Hinata turned to the last page of the third Harry Potter book. After she finished it up, she closed the cover and gave a heavy sigh. "No matter how many times I read it, it just gets better." She said. "I love Harry Potter!"

"I love Harry Potter too!!" said Kiba enthusiastically as he poked his head up behind Hinata's shoulder.

"Really?" said Hinata. "Have you read the books?"

"No, but I've seen the movie!" said Kiba.

"All of them?" Hinata asked.

"There's more than one?!" Kiba gasped.

"Yeah!" said Hinata.

The conversation sort of died at that point.

"I'm bored." Said Kiba. "Let's play a game."

"How about Harry Potter?" suggested Hinata excitedly.

"That's a great idea!" said Kiba. "I'll be Harry Potter! And Akamaru can be Harry Potter's owl!"

"And I'll be Hermione!" said Hinata.

"And Shino can be Ron!" Kiba finished as the two of them looked at Shino who WAS standing there contrary to popular belief.

"I'm not playing Harry Potter." Said Shino.

"Yes you are." Laughed Kiba as if Shino had told a joke.

"No I'm not." Said Shino.

Kiba stared at Shino long and hard and then looked back at Hinata. "So what should our mission be?" he asked.

"We have to get rid of Lord Voldamort!" said Hinata.

"I think we should cast a spell." Said Kiba.

"That too!" said Hinata.

"Abrakadabra!" said Kiba excitedly as he waved his finger around.

"I think it's important that we find Professor Dumbledore and ask him to teach us some REAL spells." Said Hinata.

"Okay!" said Kiba. "Come on, Ron! Let's go find Professor Dumbledore."

Kiba and Hinata then sprinted off to find Professor Dumbledore. Shino stood there for a minute and then followed after them. He wasn't going to play Harry Potter, but he figured he might as well just follow them so they wouldn't cry later.

"Where do you think Dumbledore is, Hermione?" Kiba asked.

"I don't know, Harry!" said Hinata. "Hey look! Isn't that Iruka?"

Kiba watched as Iruka strolled by.

"No!" said Kiba. "It's Professor Dumbledore!"

Hinata looked confused at first but then she figured it out. "Oh right!" she said happily. "Let's ask him to teach us some spells!"

They ran over to Iruka and stopped him in his tracks.

"Professor, please teach us some magic spells!" said Kiba.

"What?" said Iruka with a raised eyebrow.

"They're playing Harry Potter." Shino explained. "And you're Professor Dumbledore."

"Oh." Said Iruka, nodding. "Um…okay. Students of mine… you have to er… I can't teach you any spells unless you have wands."

"Oh right." Said Kiba. "Hinata, where can we get wands?"

"I'm Hermione!" said Hinata.

"That's what I meant!" said Kiba. "But where can we get wands?"

"At the Wand Shop of course!" Hinata laughed.

"Good idea!" said Kiba. "Let's go get some wands!"

The two of them left.

"Wait…you're playing Harry Potter?" Iruka said, pointing at Shino.

"I'M not." Said Shino.

"COME ON RON!!" yelled Kiba. "HURRY UP!!"

Shino didn't move. "I'm leaving." He said to Iruka and then he left, following after Kiba and Hinata. Iruka chuckled to himself and remembered the good times when he was a furling. But then he remembered that his times as a furling were NOT good and he never got an opportunity to play Harry Potter. So he got sad and stopped chuckling.

BUT ANYWAY! Kiba, Hinata and Shino were in search of a keen Wand Shop. Finally, they found one.

"We DEMAND wands!" said Kiba as he flung the door open.

"…Um…welcome?" Ino said as the three entered her flower shop.

"Ino, they're playing Harry Potter." Shino said.

"Really?" said Ino. "Can I be Hermione?"

"No, Hinata is Hermione." Said Kiba immediately. "We already have Harry, Ron AND Hermione."

"You can be Ron, I'm not playing." Said Shino.

"I'm not going to be RON." Said Ino.

"Besides, you have to sell us some wands!" said Kiba.

"I don't want to play if I have to be some stupid old guy in a wand shop." Said Ino, crossing her arms.

"Fine!" said Kiba. "Your wands are lame anyway."

Kiba led Hinata and Shino back outside. "Now where are we going to get wands, Harry?" Hinata asked.

"Hmmm…" said Kiba curiously. "How about…"

But he was interrupted because he gasped loudly.

"What is it?" Hinata asked, sounding concerned.

"It's Professor Snape!" Kiba yelled, pointing at Kurenai who was walking towards them. "Wait, no! Voldemort is attached to the back of Professor Snape's head!! We must defeat him!"

"But how?" Hinata asked. "We don't have our wands!"

"RON can save us!" said Kiba. "And only Ron."

"I'm not playing." Said Shino just as Kurenai reached them.

"What are you three up to?" she asked.

"Don't fall for it…it's a trick!" said Kiba as he jumped in front of Hinata and Shino to protect them.

"Kiba, I'm not playing." Said Shino, pushing Kiba away and demanding his personal space.

"The name's Harry." Said Kiba.

"Oh, are you three playing Harry Potter?" Kurenai asked in the "That's so cute!" tone.

"I'M not." Said Shino. "They are."

"It's okay for you to play Harry Potter, Shino." Said Kurenai. "You're only twelve, after all. It's perfectly normal."

"But I'm not playing." Shino insisted.

"Oh yes you are." Said Kurenai as she patted Shino on the head but regretted it a second later when she found bugs all over her hand.

"I don't even know what or who Harry Potter is." Shino said.

"You can still play it!" said Kurenai.

"But I'm not." Said Shino.

"Ron, why are you being so familiar with Lord Voldemort?" Kiba asked.

"I'M Lord Voldemort?" Kurenai said.

"No, you're Professor Snape who is possessed by Lord Voldemort." Hinata clarified.

"That's even worse!" said Kurenai. "Can't I be Hermione?"

"HINATA is Hermione!" said Kiba as if ten thousand people had asked to be Hermione that day. "I'M Harry and Shino is Ron."

"I'm not playing." Said Shino.

"You have to play." Said Kiba.

"I'm only playing if I get to be Hermione." Said Shino.

Kiba was utterly stupefied for a moment. "HINATA is Hermione!" he finally managed to spatter out. "Shino, if you're not Ron then you can't be anyone at all!"

"Fine." Said Shino as he turned around and walked off into the sunset. Even though there was no sunset because the sun had exploded. But not really. The sun was actually just somewhere in the sky instead of setting.


	11. Team Baki: Paddle Ball

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Baki

Paddle Ball

I bet it took you a little while to realize who Baki was.  Initially, I bet you were all like, "Team BAKI?!  What about Team GAI?!"  Well first you must read about Team BAKI, which is Kiba backwards.  We really didn't want to write this chapter but we felt as though we were obligated to do so because all of YOU wanted it.  You just needed your Team Baki, didn't you?

Temari was having a wonderful dream about fans and stuff she likes… such as… fans.  And make-up.

Anyway, she was suddenly awakened by the sound of a steady, "Pong-pong-pong-pong-pong…"

She was a little angry that something as strange and weird as that would wake her up in the middle of the night.  She had had a very, VERY long day and to have to listen to constantly ponging sounds was thoroughly obnoxious.  At first, she tried to ignore it and put her pillow on her head but the sound continued.

"Maybe it'll stop…" she whined to herself.

It did not stop.  It continued.  Finally, she threw the covers off herself and decided to investigate.

Following the sound, she eventually made her way to Gaara's room.  Slowly, she opened the door and saw the back of Gaara's head.  After standing there for a moment, the noise suddenly stopped.

She was GOING to say something to Gaara, but he suddenly turned around very slowly and creepily, revealing that he was holding a strange wooden paddle like object with a string attached to it.  At the end of the string, there was a little rubber ball.

"Are you playing paddle ball in the middle of the night?" she said finally.

The only response that she got was a horrible glare that implied that he was ready to kill.

"Okay…okay…" she said, trying to sound reasonable.  "I'll just… sleep on the couch…"

She closed the door quickly and took a deep breath as the sound of the pong noises started up again.  Letting out an exasperated sigh, she went down the stairs and around the corner to the other room that the couch was in.  Just when she was about to lie down and go to sleep, she came to find that her other brother, Kankuro, had already made himself comfortable.

"Kankuro!" she yelled.  "Wake up!"

"What?" Kankuro said, sitting up on the couch.

"I'M going to sleep on the couch." Temari said.

"Is Gaara's paddle ball keeping you awake too?" Kankuro asked.

"Yes." Said Temari.  "Where did he get that thing?"

"I don't know." Said Kankuro.  "But he'd better not make this a habit.  We'll never get any sleep around here!"

"Well, Kankuro, I'M sleeping on the couch because I'm older and I'm a lady." Said Temari as she kicked Kankuro off the couch so he landed on his arse.

"Where am I supposed to sleep?!" demanded Kankuro.

"I don't know." Said Temari.  "I don't care.  Take that up with Gaara."

"I WILL!" said Kankuro as Temari curled up on the couch.  Kankuro marched right up the stairs to Gaara's room and suddenly didn't feel so bold anymore.

Then, he swallowed hard and turned the doorknob.  The paddling noises stopped immediately and Gaara turned around again.

"Um…hi Gaara!" said Kankuro nervously.  "Hey, what do you say you finish up that activity in the morning?"

"What am I supposed to do until morning?" Gaara asked with a fierce look.

"Um…" Kankuro said even MORE nervously.  "You could…uh… play some Solitaire?"

"I don't want to." Said Gaara as he started paddling again.  "I hate Solitaire."

"I thought you liked it." Kankuro said.

"I used to." Said Gaara.  "But I'm sick of it now."

"When…do you think you'll get sick of paddle ball?"

"Never." Said Gaara.  "Now get out of my room."

Kankuro stood in the doorway as the ball continued to paddle.

"I SAID get out of my room." Gaara said, raising his voice slightly.

"How about I find you a new game to play?" Kankuro suggested.

"I don't want a game." Gaara said.  "Games are for children."

Kankuro, once again, stood and watched Gaara playing paddleball.

"Are you WAITING for something?!" Gaara demanded as he threw the paddle down on the ground and spun around angrily.

"No!" said Kankuro quickly as he shut the door.  After waiting for a minute or so, he suddenly heard the paddling noises start up again.  He gave an exasperated sigh and went back downstairs over to where Temari was all snuggled up on the couch.

"How'd it go?" she asked.

"How do you think?" Kankuro said.  "He says that he's going to play with it every night."

"I call the couch." Said Temari.

"You can't have the couch every night!" said Kankuro.

"Oh PLEASE, Kankuro!" said Temari, sounding annoyed.  "Like Gaara is going to be able to play paddleball for more than one night!  He'll probably be sick of it in an hour!"

"Yeah but until then I have to sleep on the floor!" complained Kankuro.

Upstairs, Gaara was paddling obsessively, staring at the ball.  "This record is mine." He said as he got a psychotic grin and his eyes widened.  You can probably assume that Gaara has attempted to break many world records in his copious spare time.

However, his family suffers.  TOO BAD FOR THEM!


	12. Team Gai: The Turkey Concluded

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Gai

The Turkey Concluded

This chapter was originally Tenten's chapter in the first Naruto Primer.  But we thought were playing a little too much on the Turkey idea and, besides, there was WAY too much Neji and Lee for it to be considered a merely "Tenten" chapter.  So we have decided to make it the "Team Gai" chapter.

Now, a lot happened since Tenten found the turkey in her beach bag.  After standing there in a confused state for a little while, she finally tried to ignore it and enjoy her time at the beach.  A bit of time passed but she couldn't help but continuously think about the fact that a turkey mysteriously found its way into her beach bag.

Lee had said a lot of suspicious things lately.  He seemed to mention turkeys a lot for some reason and then quickly throw his hands over his mouth.  Then he would receive a glare from Neji.

"Tenten, we're going to go and turkey a little." Said Lee.  "I MEAN!  We're going to go and train a little!"

"Lee…" said Neji, slapping his forehead.

"Is there something you two aren't telling me?" Tenten asked.

"What are you talking about, Tenten?!" gasped Lee.  "How could I have possibly put a turkey in your bag?!"

"I never said anything about—" Tenten started.

"I mean seriously!" said Lee.  "How could _I_, being who I am with the inability to use ninjutsu or genjutsu, be able to put a turkey in your bag?!"

"Thanks a lot Lee." Said Neji, rolling his eyes.

"And it wasn't Neji either!" said Lee.  "I mean… while he is fully capable… just look at him!  Come on!"

"Lee, slow down." Said Tenten.  "How did you know that I found a turkey in my beach bag?"

Lee paused as Neji shook his head.

"Um…!" Lee started.

"So you two DID put a turkey in my bag, didn't you?" Tenten said, putting her hands on her hips.

"It was all Neji's idea!!" Lee yelled, pointing directly at Neji.

"What?" said Neji.

"He did it!" said Lee.  "First, he used his Byakugan and then he stole the turkey from your house and then he put the turkey in your bag!!  If you're going to be mad, be mad at him!"

"Lee, seriously." Said Neji.

"Guys, I really don't care." Said Tenten.  "I'm just a little annoyed because it got my new beach bag all greasy.  Plus, you took the turkey from my house.  Turkeys aren't cheap, you know."

"We know." Neji and Lee said at the same time.

"So I think we have all learned a valuable lesson from this." Tenten said.

"Yes!" said Lee, pointing his finger up in the air.  "Pulling pranks on people who don't deserve it is cruel and unjust!"

"Listening to Lee is a mistake." Neji added.

"And I'll never tell you guys where I'm going on vacation again." Tenten finished up.

They all took a deep breath.

"Wow!" said Lee.  "It's good to have that off my chest."

"Lee, if you can't handle the pressure of pulling a prank on someone and then keeping it a secret, why do you bother?" Neji questioned.

"Because it's fun…" Lee said, sounding a little whiny.

"So Lee, never do it again and you won't have to feel bad." Said Tenten.

"I already told you, Neji did most of it." said Lee.

"Wait, you actually helped him?" Tenten said to Neji.

"He put me up to it." Neji said defensively.

"I would think you would have a little more sense than that." Said Tenten. "I expect something stupid like putting a turkey in someone's beach bag from Lee but I always thought…YOU…"

"It was Neji's idea too!" said Lee.  "HE thought of using a turkey!"

Tenten cleared her throat.  "Okay…" she said slowly.

Neji WOULD have denied it, but as usual, he forgot about lying.

"So what are we going to do now?" Lee asked.  "Should we train?"

"No, I'm going on another vacation since my last one was a little weird." Tenten answered.

"WHAT?!" Lee yelled.  "We ruined your vacation?!"

"No…" Tenten said.

"HOW COULD YOU LET A TURKEY RUIN YOUR VACATION?!" Lee screamed.

"Lee, calm down." Said Tenten, putting her hands on Lee's shoulders and calming him down.

"Sorry." Said Lee.  "I lost my cool for a minute there."

Both Neji and Tenten barely kept themselves from telling Lee that he never had any cool to lose in the first place.  But they restrained because that would just be downright mean.


	13. Shino n Kankuro: We're Both Genins

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Shino/Kankuro

We're Both Genins

This was originally a continuation of the chapter in which we explained Shino's horrible resentment towards Kankuro for dropping out of the tournament.  But we took it out because it was too long and didn't figure into the whole 100 chapter thing we had going on.  Plus, it got kind of Kankuro-y and was no longer JUST Shino.

Shino stood up on the largest hill in the Hidden Sand Village.  With his Kankuro voodoo doll clutched tightly in his hand and his backpack filled with rolls of toilet paper and spray paint in the other, he began his trek towards Kankuro's house as the entire village slept peacefully.

He tossed the doll to the ground and opened the bag up.  First, he began the spray painting.  All over the house and across the areas that had clearly been cleaned the day before.  Then, after he had made a sufficient amount of nasty remarks regarding Kankuro's recent atrocities, Kankuro's sexual preference, Kankuro's dreadful fate and Kankuro's mom, Shino went for the toilet paper.

When he had first come to Kankuro's house, Shino didn't really know how to go about throwing toilet paper in such an efficient way.  But after a few lessons from Naruto, Shino became a pro.  However, he must have been a little off today because he was driven by extreme rage.

He hit a window with the roll.

The window began to open.

Shino wasn't about to run away because he wasn't afraid.  He started to wonder why he hadn't thought of this sooner.

"HEY!" yelled Kankuro as he poked his head out the window.  "You!  I should I have known you were the one doing this!"

Shino didn't answer.  He just stood there looking cool.

"Okay, fine!" said Kankuro.  "I'm coming down there so you better run if you know what's good for you!"

He slammed the window shut as Shino waited patiently.  Finally, Kankuro was in the doorway with his puppet slung over his shoulder, dressed in his pajamas.

"Why don't you leave me alone?!" demanded Kankuro.  "You got your fight!  What more do you want?!"

"I want to be a chuunin." Shino said.

"_I _don't have any control over that!" yelled Kankuro.

"You DID." Shino reminded him.  "And, by forfeiting your match, you took complete control of my chances to become a chuunin.  Because of you, I am still a genin and Shikamaru is a chuunin.  And I'm still a genin."

"You already said that you were still a genin." Kankuro said.

"I know." Said Shino.  "I'm just making sure you thoroughly understand the consequences of your actions."

"Hey, I'M still a genin too you know!" said Kankuro.

Shino got the angriest look that he could potentially get.  But you couldn't see it since the nose and forehead don't typically express emotions very strongly.

"But YOU forfeited." Shino said, speaking in a tone that was not quite at the use of an exclamation point.

"So what do you want me to do about it now?" Kankuro asked.  "Just wait until the next exam."

"I suppose that's my only option concerning my chuunin title that is so rightfully mine." Shino said.  "But that doesn't take away from the fact that I am still quite unhappy with you."

"You wanna fight or something?" Kankuro said.

"Yes." Shino said.

"Fine, let's go then!" said Kankuro as he whipped out his puppet.

Shino got in his fighter's stance and his bugs started coming out of his jacket.  Just when they were about to go at it while yelling their battle cries, the door swung open behind Kankuro.

Kankuro stepped to the side to reveal Gaara.

"What are you doing?" Gaara said, sounding angry.

"Just having a little tussle, Gaara." Said Kankuro.

"It's annoying me." Gaara said, his eyes narrowing.

"We'll go someplace else then." Kankuro said in a very accommodating tone.

"No." said Gaara.  "It's annoying me."

"We'll have this fight some other time." Shino said.  He wasn't about to admit it, but he was also terrified of Gaara.  "Some time when you don't have your little brother to protect you."

"HEY!" said Kankuro.  "I can beat you on my own!"

"You're being VERY annoying." Gaara said.

"Sorry Gaara…" said Kankuro.

Shino picked up his bag and his voodoo doll.  Without another word, he began his journey back to Konoha Village.


	14. Gai: The Ridiculous Chicken

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Gai

The Ridiculous Chicken 

We FREQUENTLY got reviews that requested we do introduction chapters for the teachers… mostly for Kakashi. If we JUST did a chapter for Kakashi then that would be lame. So we're going to do ALL FOUR of the jounin teachers!! And we're NOT doing Kakashi first as you can so obviously see! HURRAY!!

Gai loves the _Ridiculous Chicken_.

Unfortunately, he only has a half an hour of goodness every Saturday at noon because that is the only time the _Ridiculous Chicken _is on the television.

FORTUNATELY, it is now noon on Saturday right now; his favorite time of the week! He sat with his popcorn on his La-Z-Boy chair and the remote control in his hand as his very favorite episode started.

He laughed out loud. "That ridiculous chicken is so ridiculous!" he exclaimed happily.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

Gai looked at the television and backed out of the room, not taking his eyes of the set. As soon as he was out of range of the television, he sprinted to the door and opened it as fast as he could to see Lee, Neji and Tenten all standing there.

"What are you three doing here?" he asked. "I told you never to bother me on Saturdays at noon!"

"We want to train!" said Lee. "Kakashi's team challenged us to a duel at one and we need to train! I'm going to fight Sasuke!"

"No, I'M going to fight Sasuke." Said Neji.

"YOU can have a rematch with Naruto." Said Lee.

"Not right now, kids." Said Gai. "I'll train you at 12:30. Come back in a half an hour."

With that, he slammed the door on their faces and ran back to the living room where he resumed watching _The Ridiculous Chicken_.

He barely had time to let out another hearty laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the chicken when the telephone rang. Reluctantly, he picked up the receiver. "Hello?" he said.

"Hi Gai." Came Kakashi's voice on the other end. "I heard your students challenged mine to a duel."

"Maybe." Said Gai since he was actually listening to the television.

"I just want to apologize ahead of time for the amount of time you won't have anything to do while your students are recovering in the hospital." Kakashi said.

"Uh huh." Said Gai, mesmerized by the _Ridiculous Chicken._

Kakashi was looking underneath the underneath. "And…I automatically get another win over you for no reason." He said. "So now we're tied."

"Right." Gai said.

"All right Gai, see you at one." Said Kakashi, hanging up the phone.

Gai slammed the phone down and shoved some popcorn in his mouth.

Just when he was starting to get into the show again, an evil jounin ninja crashed through each of the five windows in the living room.

"For the love of all preposterous poultry!" Gai said, sounding exasperated as he stood up to perform his duty. So, as he battled these nameless evil ninjas, he tried to catch as much as he could of _The Ridiculous Chicken_. And, once the ninjas were all steaming heaps on the ground, he was able to return to his television program.

He gave a heavy sigh and sat down. Almost as if it was triggered, the moment he sat his rump down on the chair, all the power in the entire house suddenly shut down.

"NO!" Gai yelled dramatically, running over to the screen and grabbed the set, shaking it a little. "Come back!!"

When the power did not come back on immediately, Gai lowered his head. He was speechless for a moment, watching the minutes tick by and then he stood up and straightened his vest.

"Oh well." He said. "I'll just have to watch it on tape."

With that, he whipped out one of his many volumes of the _Ridiculous Chicken _and eagerly waited for the power to come back on.


	15. Asuma: Nothing Can Be Done

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Asuma

Nothing Can Be Done

Because of a labeling error on our part, some people somehow ended up reading Kakashi's chapter. We're so embarrassed! Here's the REAL Asuma chapter...

Asuma is an easily excitable fellow. You all can only imagine what Asuma's reaction was to suddenly find out that Shikamaru was the only one in the entire exam to earn his chuunin vest. Now, since that reaction is not expressed or illustrated at any point in time, we can all just assume that Asuma ran around town kissing babies and dancing with random women he stumbled across in the street. Shikamaru was the underdog of the exam and, because the planets were aligned in a strange way that day, he was now the coolest guy in the world. No, not Shikamaru! I'm talking about Asuma!

Frequently, the other jounins used to ridicule Asuma for having a "lame" team that was lazy and couldn't fight for beans. But the whole time Asuma knew the truth; that Shikamaru was actually a super genius! Simply telling people didn't really give them the right idea… and showing them never seemed to work either!

Then he got his chuunin vest. Asuma could then walk proudly around the town, now believing that people owed him something.

"Asuma," said Kakashi as Asuma walked by.

"YES Kakashi?" Asuma said eagerly.

"I want to congratulate you." Kakashi said like a good sport. "I heard that Shikamaru became a chuunin."

Asuma nodded and then handed Kakashi a bottle of sunscreen.

"What's this for?" Kakashi asked.

"I wouldn't want you to get a sunburn while basking in my omnipotent glow." Asuma answered as he strutted arrogantly way.

At first, everyone let Asuma have a little fun. They all assumed that they would have been just like him if their students had become chuunins as well. But once a few weeks passed by and slowly turned into a two months and Asuma was STILL obsessively talking about Shikamaru being a chuunin, something had to be done about it or they all would surely go crazy.

They tried reasoning with him, but he would have none of it.

They tried beating him up, but his ego would not be bruised.

They tried insulting his mom, but he said this was about Shikamaru and not his mom.

They tried to remind Asuma that they were much cooler than he was, but he just told them that his student was cooler.

Apparently, Asuma was undiscourageable, a new adjective we made up just so we could describe Asuma perfectly. His tenacity (that's a real word) when it came to telling everyone for the ten thousandth time that Shikamaru was a chuunin seemed unbreakable.

Unshakeable.

Unchangeable.

And completely unbelievable.

The only thing the people of Konoha could do was learn to accept that this was now going to become apart of their lives. They tried not to let the constant reminders of Shikamaru's chuuninhood get them down. They also tried not to hold anything against Shikamaru since he himself also appeared to be getting a little tired of it.

Nothing could be done. And nothing can ever be done.


	16. Team Morale

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Team Morale

We explored the idea of having a "dance" chapter for quite some time. But the only problem was, if it were a dance then it would inevitably have to end up having numerous pairings, which is SO not our thing. It works for most people but not us. So, instead, we made this...which works for us.

"I know!" said Asuma, slamming his fist down on the table. "We could split them up into random groups and have them each build a boat! Then they could see who gets to a certain destination first!"

"Asuma…I don't see how that's going to boost team moral." Kakashi said.

"How about this?" Kurenai suggested as she put a flier down in the middle of the table.

"The Annual Konoha Teen Social?" Gai read, picking up the paper. "It's a good idea, but certain students would NEVER make an appearance at that sort of thing and therefore, we would not boost team moral." He tossed the paper behind him.

"What if we just—" started Asuma as he picked up the flier.

"You can't FORCE Neji to go to a dance." Gai interrupted.

"Same with Sasuke." Kakashi continued.

"Shino would NEVER go to a dance…even if you paid him…" Kurenai sighed.

"And I guess Shikamaru wouldn't either…" Asuma admitted. "Even though he IS a chuunin…"

"It's impossible to boost team moral for ANY of our teams if at least one student from each team doesn't go." Kakashi said.

"Unless…" Gai said, scratching his chin.

Later that night…

"I can't believe Kakashi scheduled training on the same night as the Annual Konoha Teen Social!" Sakura said in a very exasperated tone as she and Naruto made their way to where Kakashi had asked them to meet.

"And, to add to it all, he's making us train where we can SEE the dance and hear the music!" Naruto added, pointing to the academy that was bouncing around with music notes coming out of it.

"Technically, we're not even teens…" Sasuke pointed out.

"Ages eleven to nineteen!!" Sakura yelled, practically shoving the paper in Sasuke's face. "Oh…I was going to ask you to go with me, Sasuke…"

"I would have said no." Sasuke replied.

Before Sakura could erupt into waterfall tears, Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji came out of nowhere.

"What are you three doing here?" Ino asked.

"Kakashi's making us train!" cried Sakura.

"On the night of the dance?" Ino gasped. "So is Asuma!! And I was going to ask Sasuke to go with me!"

"I would have said no." Sasuke said.

"Dances are troublesome." Shikamaru said.

"Don't you think it's weird that of all the nights and times in the entire world, Asuma randomly chose right here and right now for us to train?" Chouji wondered out loud.

Before Shikamaru could answer and tell Chouji that he most DEFINITELY thought it was weird a long time ago, Kiba, Hinata and Shino were standing there!

"Hi everyone…" Hinata said nervously.

"Did your teachers as you to train here too?" Kiba asked.

"Yeah." Said Naruto. "I think JUST so we couldn't go to the dance!"

"Ha!" said Kiba. "Dances are for pussies anyway!"

"HEY!!" came the voice of Lee. Everyone turned around to see Lee, Neji and Tenten just arriving. "Dances are not for pussies!! If Gai hadn't announced that we had to train during the dance, I would have asked Sakura to come with me to the dance!"

"…I would have said no." said Sakura.

"NOOOO!!" Lee yelled dramatically as he collapsed to the ground in a heap.

"Where are our teachers anyway?" Neji asked. "Have they come by yet?"

"No." said Shikamaru.

"I say that if they don't come by in the next ten minutes then we should all go to the dance!" Ino announced.

"Kakashi would KILL us if we did that." Sasuke said. "Well… except me."

"Why, do you think you're special or something?!" demanded Naruto.

"No, I'd just be able to fend him off." Sasuke answered. "And I wouldn't have gone off to the dance anyway. And, yes, I AM special."

"SASUKE…!!" Naruto yelled, shaking his fist at Sasuke.

"I wish I could have gone to the dance…" Hinata said, looking at the lights that were peaking through the windows of the academy.

"Yeah, me too." Said Kiba.

"I thought you said dances were for pussies." Shino said.

"I was kidding." Kiba lied.

Just then, Gai, Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai appeared out of nowhere.

"Greetings, students!!" said Kurenai.

"Why did you ALL schedule training on the day of the dance?" Sakura asked immediately. "It's suspicious."

"That it is." Said Kakashi. "And we will now explain."

"Originally, we had thought it would be a good way to build team morale if we FORCED you all to go to the dance." Asuma started.

"But then we realized that morale would probably be low considering there was a hefty amount of people who probably didn't want to go." Gai said.

"So, instead, we're going to allow people who want to go…to go." Kurenai said.

"YAY!!" cheered everyone who wanted to go.

"ONLY IF…" Kakashi said, getting attention again.

"…What…?" said the sad people who now had a condition they to abide by.

"Only if you can convince all the people who don't want to go…to go." Asuma finished.

"You have to either incapacitate them to the point in which they have no choice on the matter or you can negotiate on friendly terms!" Gai said. "So this will not only be a training experience, but a team morale building experience!"

"How will it build team morale if you're putting us up against our own teammates?" questioned Kiba.

"No one can go to the dance unless all twelve of you are going." Kurenai said, ignoring Kiba's question.

"So everyone who doesn't want to go to the dance, please let yourselves be publicly known." Kakashi said.

Everyone who didn't want to go raised their hands. After the two groups were apparent, the eight people who WANTED to go got in one group to strategize while the other group of four strategized.

"Aw man…" said Naruto. "Sasuke, Neji, Shikamaru and Shino…"

"We can beat Shikamaru!" said Lee.

"Shikamaru is a chuunin!" Asuma said. "You of all people should know that!"

"Why me above all people?" Lee said, looking confused.

"And I can win Sasuke over with my sexiness!" Ino said.

"Man, we can't beat up Neji and he wouldn't be convinced to go even if we PAID him…" Tenten said.

"And…Shino…" Naruto said slowly.

"Guys, what are we worried about?!" said Kiba. "It's eight against four!! We'll be able to beat them no problem!"

"Kiba, in case you haven't noticed, we're up against Shino, Neji, Shikamaru and Sasuke." Hinata said.

"So?" Kiba said. "I was up against their moms last night!"

"You know, insulting their moms doesn't mean anything unless they're here to hear it." Tenten said.

"Sure it does!" laughed Kiba.

With the defiant group…

"All right, I have a strategy for us." Shikamaru said. "We just…DON'T agree to go to the dance."

"Why don't we just agree so they can all go to the dance and we can suck it up for a few hours?" Shino asked.

"Because that would be the nice unbastardly thing to do." Sasuke said.

"Oh." Shino said.

"Did the teachers say that we were allowed to fight back?" Neji wondered.

"Obviously." Said Shikamaru. "I think it would be unfair if we were just supposed to stand there and take their attacks."

"WAIT!" Naruto yelled suddenly. Everyone turned around and looked at him curiously. "Kakashi, is there any looking underneath the underneath involved in this thing you're asking us to do?"

Kakashi looked like he went into deep thought for a moment. He was about to answer, but then he had to think some more. "Actually…no…" he said.

"Oh good." Said Naruto with a sigh of relief.

"Wait…" Kakashi said. "Strike that. There IS looking underneath the underneath in this. But just a little bit."

"There's none." Gai whispered to Naruto.

"Yes there is." Said Kakashi since Gai wasn't exactly whispering very quietly.

"Hey guys, I have an idea!" Ino said as she whispered her great idea to her teammates.

"YEAH!!" cheered her team.

"When does this dance end?" Shikamaru asked the teachers.

"Eleven." They all answered as a unit.

"How troublesome…" Shikamaru said. "It's only about seven o'clock now. That's a long time to have to deal with psychotic people who are obsessed to going to a dance."

"I'm not obsessed!" Kiba said. "I just want to convince you guys to go because Hinata wants to go!"

"That's so nice of you, Kiba!" said Hinata.

"Can't you guys be a little compassionate for the people who want to go to the dance?" Naruto demanded.

"Can't YOU guys be a little compassionate for the people who DON'T want to go to the dance?" Sasuke retorted.

"That's all right, guys." Said Lee. "The reason why they don't want to go is probably because they don't even know how to dance!"

"Reverse psychology isn't going to work, Lee." Said Neji.

"I know." Said Lee. "We were only supposed to distract you guys."

As soon as Lee said that, the group of people who were defiant about going to the dance spun around to see Ino standing there.

"Shintenshin no Jutsu!" she yelled, performing her hand seal. None of them really had any time to react and since she was just aiming towards the group that they were standing in, it was pretty random who she finally ended up catching with her wrath.

"I have officially decided that I want to go to the dance!" Sasuke declared as he moved his hand around in a girlish fashion. "More so, I'm going to ask Ino if she wants to go with me!"

"Hm…" said Kakashi. "I don't know if we should allow that."

"Come on, she got him to say yes!" said Sakura. "Even though he's going to the dance with ME!"

"Asuma, really." Shikamaru said, knowing that he could convince Asuma to do ANYTHING as long as he was wearing his chuunin vest.

"Er…well…" Asuma started.

"It doesn't matter what Asuma says!" Gai declared. "Because we have all telepathically decided without Asuma that that is allowed! So now only these three are left to convince!"

"YAAAY!!" cheered Sasuke as he jumped around foolishly. Even though everyone knew that it was actually Ino inside Sasuke, it still looked REALLY REALLY weird. "One down, three to go!"

"We'll be at that dance in no time!" Tenten said happily.

"Well, we're just not going to let ourselves fall for that one again." Shikamaru said to Shino and Neji.

Ino returned to her own body and left Sasuke there to recover and try to figure out what had just happened. Then, once he realized it, he stood up and started right for where the group of people who wanted to go to the dance were standing then. Then he punched Naruto.

"HEY!" Naruto yelled. "What was that for?!"

"I couldn't very well punch INO could I?!" Sasuke said angrily.

"Really Sasuke?" Ino said. "You care about me?"

"No, you're just too weak and I don't pick on the weak…unless it's Naruto." Sasuke answered.

"The time is slowly ticking away…" Kurenai sighed. "I would think you'd all try to do this fast so you could have more time for the dance!"

"We all just have to focus our attack on one person at a time!" announced Naruto, pointing at Shino, Shikamaru and Neji. "Starting with Shikamaru!"

"Stop just screaming our plans!" Sakura yelled.

"It's a pretty lame plan." Shikamaru said, rolling his eyes. "Man, this is so troublesome…"

"So none of you are going to agree by nice, kind negotiations?" Hinata asked, wanting to try every possible route BEFORE beating anyone up. Or at least, watching other people beat up some more other people. I doubt she would or COULD potentially beat anyone up, especially Shikamaru the Chuunin, Shino with his bugs or Neji…WHOA.

Neji, Shikamaru and Shino shook their heads.

"CHARGE!!!" yelled Naruto.

Everybody charged at the smaller group with exception of Sasuke who only stood in the corner and pouted. This was an activity that he was looking forward to because he wanted to fight people and prove to everyone that he was better. Now, because of some cheap shot, he had to sit by and watch as everyone else got to fight and prove that they were better. Of course, none of them were better than HIM but they could have potentially been better than each other.

As previously decided, everyone was going towards Shikamaru. Shikamaru probably would have just announced that he actually DID want to go to the dance in fear of being harmed when Shino jumped in and all his bugs appeared.

"EWWW!!!" all the attackers yelled as they ran far away.

"HEY!" yelled Kiba once they were at a safe distance. "We were going after Shikamaru, not YOU!"

"YEAH!" agreed Naruto. "Wait your turn!"

"Uh…thanks Shino." Said Shikamaru.

"I don't feel like doing this anymore." Shino decided. "I'm just going to suck it up and I think you two should as well."

"It's easy for YOU to say that." Said Sasuke. "No one wants to obsessively dance with YOU."

"Whatever." Said Shino with a shrug.

"That's TWO!" Chouji said. "Oh Shikamaru, won't you agree? It'll be fun to go to the dance and hang out with the other teens in the village!"

"Do we have to stay at the dance the whole time?" Shikamaru asked the teachers.

"Yes." Kurenai answered.

"Sorry, Chouji." Said Shikamaru. "I don't think I can deal with that much annoying booming music. Plus, eleven o'clock is really late and I'll be asleep by then."

"But Shikamaru, we'll end up getting you by then and you'll have to go to the dance ANYWAY!" Ino said. "And it'll be less troublesome to just give in now because then you won't have to fight us AND go to the dance. You'll just have to go to the dance."

"A very moving argument…" Asuma said, rubbing his chin.

Shikamaru thought about that for a moment.

"Shikamaru, you're not serious, right?" Neji said before Shikamaru could REALLY answer. "What happened to our strategy where we don't give in no matter what?"

"But Ino's right." Shikamaru pointed out. "Besides, if I give in now then I won't have to do anything. They'll just be chasing you around trying to get you to go the dance so they can go to the dance while Sasuke, Shino and I just sit around and do nothing. So, as long as you don't agree, that's the most ideal situation for me."

"Right…you're saying that _I _distract them all night so YOU don't have to do anything?" Neji said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes." Shikamaru replied.

"Or you both could just suck it up for a few hours and go so it saves us ALL the trouble." said Lee.

"I refuse to go to that dance." Neji said. "EVER."

"Good luck." Said Shikamaru, sitting down.

"I would just like everyone to know that if not for Ino's trickery, I would ALSO be refusing to go to the dance!" Sasuke announced.

"But now you HAVE to go!" said Ino contently.

"I know." Said Sasuke, crossing his arms and frowning. "Unless…Neji succeeds in his mission to evade all of you all night."

"Am I sensing another potential loop hole here?" Shikamaru said.

"Sure, you ARE allowed to help the remaining person!" Gai said warmly.

"I am not going to that dance." Sasuke said as he stood up and grabbed Neji's arm. "So it looks like I'll have to protect you."

"I don't need your protection." Neji said, stepping away from Sasuke.

"Sure you do." Sasuke said.

"No I don't." Neji insisted. "So don't touch me."

"Then at least FOLLOW me." Sasuke said.

"Fine." Neji said, crossing his arms. With that, Sasuke ran off and Neji followed.

Everyone else stood there stupidly for a minute or so.

"Wait a second!" said Naruto. "They're getting away!"

"GET THEM!!" Sakura yelled.

The angry mob then chased after Neji and Sasuke as the teachers, Shino and Shikamaru all hung around and shrugged each other.

"Neji, what is the last place anyone will ever think of looking for you?" Sasuke asked.

"Uh…I don't know." Neji said. "I doubt most people would even know where the first place is they should start looking for me."

"Then I suppose we should find someplace secure instead." Sasuke said.

"I can defend myself, I don't need to HIDE all night." Neji said.

"I just don't believe that." Sasuke said frankly. Neji looked like he was about to start arguing but Sasuke put his hand up to stop him. "Neji, you lost to _Naruto_. You can't win against all of them."

"I'm never going to live that down." Neji said with a sigh.

"So you keep going and find someplace where no one will ever find you and hide out there until 11:01." Sasuke instructed. "I'll stay here and distract them."

"This goes against everything I stand for." Neji said but he left anyway because he didn't want to go to the dance either.

Then the mob reached Sasuke.

"Where'd Neji go?!" demanded Lee.

"I don't know." Sasuke said. And it wasn't a lie. "But if you want to go any further, you have to get by me first."

"Well I'M not fighting Sasuke." Said the girls with a collective groan.

"There's no way I'd be able to beat him…" Chouji and Kiba said almost at the exact same time.

"I'LL fight him!" Naruto announced.

"Don't bother, Naruto, leave it to me!" Lee said, moving Naruto aside. "I've already beaten Sasuke once and you haven't. I have a better chance of beating him."

"Hey, we can just double team him!" Naruto said.

"I think it would be best if only _I _did it!" Lee continued, making sure Sakura got a glimpse of his good side.

"No way, Lee!" said Naruto as he started pushing Lee a bit. "You have the best chance of finding Neji since you know him the best!"

"I think you'll do a FINE job finding him!" said Lee as he pushed Naruto back. Pretty soon, they were engaged in a slappy fight and were pulling each other's hair.

"Looks like my job is easier than I thought." Said Sasuke, rolling his eyes. But then he took that opportunity to count the amount of people. "Hey…isn't there supposed to be…eight of you?"

Everyone looked around to see that Kiba and Hinata weren't there.

Kiba and Hinata were being productive.

"Come on, Hinata!" said Kiba. "We have the best chance of finding someone! You can use your Byakugan and Akamaru and I will sniff around!"

"Do you think anyone will notice that we left?" Hinata asked.

"It doesn't matter!" laughed Kiba. "By the time they realize we're gone, we'll have already found Neji!"

"What happens once we find him?" Hinata questioned.

"Uh…" Kiba started, realizing that he hadn't considered that. "Well, we can observe him from a bush for a little while and then when he drops his guard… POW! And that's that."

"That's so nice, Kiba." Said Hinata even though she knew that plan would NEVER work, especially against Neji who not only cannot be secretly observed but would never drop his guard either. But she didn't want to burst his bubble since he was so determined to get her to that dance.

Neji could see and sense Kiba and Hinata coming a mile away. He wasn't too worried though because they were only Kiba and Hinata. So, instead of running away and finding a place to hide, he only continued on his merry way. This also clued him in that he would not be able to find a suitable hiding spot since Kiba could smell stuff unless he… you know… went in the water. But it's not like Neji will do THAT especially since it's only Kiba and Hinata.

So when Kiba and Hinata finally DID find Neji, they both hid in a bush. Hinata knew that Neji knew that they were there, but Kiba didn't know that Hinata knew that Neji knew… and Hinata knew she couldn't tell him that everyone knew except for him, even though he THOUGHT he knew what was going down. You knew that!

"I know," Hinata whispered. "How about we go back and tell everyone where he is instead of trying to do something on our own?"

"That's a good idea Hinata!" said Kiba loud enough for Neji to hear. But Neji wasn't concerned. He only ignored them.

Then Hinata and Kiba left to get everyone else.

Everyone else, meanwhile, was only waiting for Kiba and Hinata to get back since Ino had LONG since Shintenshin no Jutsu-ed Sasuke and then allowed them all to tie her to a tree while she was possessing Sasuke and then LEAVING! HAW HAW HAW!!

"Sasuke, you're so lame for falling for that twice." Said Naruto.

"Shut up, Naruto." Said Sasuke, scoffing.

Hinata and Kiba came back at that exact moment.

"Come on!" said Kiba. "We know where Neji is!"

"I'll stay behind and keep Sasuke company!" said Ino.

"No, that's MY job!" said Sakura.

"Ino, we might need you to use the Shintenshin no Jutsu again!" said Chouji.

"Aw man…" Ino said sadly as Sakura stuck her tongue out at her. So the crew minus Sakura and Sasuke went off to where they were being led by Kiba and Hinata.

Neji knew that there was now a massive group heading towards him so, instead of continuing to stand there like a fool, he finally intelligently left to hide. They remained hot on his trail for the majority of the night and then they finally thought up a brilliant strategy. Split up!

"All right, it's already 10:15 so we have to do this fast." Tenten said.

"It doesn't matter that he can see us if he can't do anything about it!" Lee announced. "So all we have to do is SWARM from all directions!"

"That sounds like probably the worst plan I have ever heard." Kiba said. "But I can't think of anything better so that's the plan!"

Neji had stopped to catch his breath. He was wondering why he was no longer being pursued by a group of angry people who were WAY too obsessed with going to a dance. Then he realized that they were all around him like… THINGS… that are… all around him…

"HA!" laughed Naruto, holding many ninja weapons. "Now you HAVE to come or else!"

"Only Sasuke is unstable enough to actually kill someone to get what he wants." Neji said. "Well…I guess I am too…but still, that means that you don't have anyone who would ACTUALLY attack me."

"Um…" said the group of seven.

Just then, the four teachers appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey, are you guys still chasing each other around?" Asuma laughed. The four of them threw their heads back and laughed.

"What's so funny?!" said Kiba.

"Well…it's 10:30 now and you guys actually think you could get two more people to go to the dance…" Kurenai said, looking at her watch.

"TWO?" said everyone.

"DUH." Said Gai. "You only got two people to agree. That means there are still two people from the original four."

"Because Shikamaru never ACTUALLY agreed." Kakashi clarified, realizing that the students were having a hard time looking underneath the underneath.

"Oh man…" said Ino. "I give up. I'm going home and going to bed."

"Yeah, me too." Kiba said.

"Is it really already 10:30?" Hinata said, looking nervous. "My dad will be angry that I stayed out past my curfew…"

"And Sakura and Sasuke have already gone home." Asuma said. "And so has Shikamaru."

"I don't even know why I was so passionately doing this in the first place." Chouji said with a shrug.

"If Sakura's not going then I have no reason to." Said Lee sadly.

"Hey!" yelled Naruto. "We still have time for the dance! It's only two people! We practically have Neji caught! Shikamaru's sleeping! It'll be easy!"

"Give it a rest, Naruto." Said Tenten.

So the seven went back to the houses.

"Shikamaru planned it all along, didn't he?" Neji asked the teachers. "Sent ME running around like a fool so he could go come?"

"Yes." Said Asuma. "Remember, that's why he's a chuunin and you're not."


	17. Tenten: Hover Disk

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Tenten

Hover Disk

Tenten didn't get a second chapter dedicated entirely to her in the first Naruto Primer… yes, we admit that fully.  She also didn't get a Lil Chapter along with Hinata, but we'll address that later.  It was hard enough to think up a chapter for Tenten the first time around considering she has about zero character development.  So finally, after toiling hours and hours away of thinking up and proper chapter for Tenten, this is the result.

"Oh wow!" Tenten exclaimed as she picked up the enormous package that was sitting on her front steps.  "Look at the size of this package!"

She turned it over to see that it was addressed to her!  She gasped.

"I know what this is!" she said, running into her house and using one of her handy ninja stars to cut the tap off.  She shifted excitedly through all the packing peanuts and finally pulled out a folded piece of something.  "My Hover Disk!!"

She unfolded it to see that it was a big round balloon like thing that looked like a UFO and was approximately three feet in diameter.  It was used to throw into the air and watch in incredible awe as small children chased after it.  This particular item simply MADE parties.

Tenten used her helium tank to blow up the Hover Disk.  After ten long weeks of waiting, she finally had her Hover Disk!  She had sent away for it by getting twenty-five proofs of purchase out of her ninja pebbles and now she could play with it.  She took it outside and hurled it up into the air.  Almost as if it was hypnotizing her, it spun around and around and floated to the ground a few feet in front of her.

The Hover Disk was decorated to make it look like a UFO, complete with an alien on the front.  Tenten was overrun with excitement that if she didn't go and use the ladies room then she surely would have soiled herself.  So she ran back inside to use the bathroom.

As soon as she shut the door, Neji and Lee came walking up.

"Where's Tenten?" Lee said.  "She said she'd be waiting outside so we could all go and train!"

"We certainly are walking around demanding people to train with us a lot." Neji observed.

"Hey, look!!" Lee yelled, running over to the alien Hover Disk.  "It's a Hover Disk!  I can't believe Tenten has one of these!"

"What is it?" Neji asked.

Lee looked at Neji as if he was stupid.  "A Hover Disk." He repeated.

"I heard that." Neji said with a glare.  "I meant what's it for?"

"For fun!" Lee answered.  "Watch, I'll show you!!  Go way over there and I'll throw it to you!"

"…Okay…" Neji said, backing up.

"Further!" Lee yelled.

Neji kept backing up as Lee continued to tell him to go further.  Finally, when he was back far enough, Lee pulled the Hover Disk back as far as he could and heaved it with all his might up into the air.  "HOVER DISK!!!"

Both he and Neji were mesmerized by its beauty.

Then it fluttered to the ground right on top of Tenten's rock wall.  It didn't exactly flutter after hitting the rock wall.  It smashed against the rocks and skidding across the driveway.

"Wow." Neji said, walking over to it and picking it up.  Almost as soon as he touched it, it all completely deflated and collapsed in his hands.

"YOU BROKE IT!!" Lee screamed, running over.

"No I didn't!" Neji said frantically as he turned the Hover Disk over to see a huge tear up the back.  "This tear was already here!  YOU broke it!"

"Shh!" Lee hissed.  "Let's just go now and not tell Tenten we were here!  She'll never know!"

"But—" Neji started but Lee grabbed Neji's arm and dashed off at speeds faster than Leeishly possible.

Tenten came out of her house feeling refreshed.  She looked around for her Hover Disk and finally spotted it in the driveway.  In a million years, she couldn't figure out what it was doing there but she went over to it anyway to find it dead.

"My Hover Disk!" she gasped.  "NOOOOOOOOO!!"

She dropped to her knees and the screen panned out so far until all we could see was the earth but Tenten's screams would be heard forever and ever and ever.


	18. Kakashi: Lost on the Road of Life

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Kakashi

Lost on the Road of Life

I believe we've tortured you long enough by not doing Kakashi's chapter. I'm quite sure that this may have been the most requested chapter back when we were posting the first 100 chapters of the Naruto Primer…actually, the first request was made all the way back in CHAPTER THREE!! Of the FIRST one too! So, approximately 115 chapters later, you are finally being appeased. (And, yes, that Hover Disk chapter you just read was a relatively true.)

One could say many a thing about Kakashi concerning his quirks. Such as the fact that he always wants people to look underneath the underneath, but that's not really as prominent as some people try to pretend it is.

I'm sure everyone wonders why Kakashi is always late everywhere he goes. He comes up with excuses like, "I got lost on the Road of Life." But we know he's just kidding. Then, we come to find out that it's because he's visiting his dead friend's grave.

Hold the phone…WHY does it take Kakashi so gosh darned long to visit a grave? Sure, sure, you can say it's because he loves his friend so much but seriously. Come on. He comes to things HOURS late. There's only so long you can spend mourning at a grave for a friend who's been dead for years. The first few times, yeah, I can understand that he took his time hanging out and paying his respects but there has to be another reason why he's always late. And we have discovered that reason.

He's just not getting enough sleep.

Ever notice that Kakashi always looks like he could just nod off and go to sleep at any moment? Well, Kakashi usually goes to bed in the wee hours of the morning so it's no wonder why he is always late getting up.

What makes Kakashi go to bed in the wee hours of the morning?

Come, Come Paradise.

Other things too, but mostly just Come, Come Paradise.

This, of course, comes as absolutely no surprise to die-hard Kakashi fans. As a matter of fact, it doesn't come as a surprise to people who don't like Kakashi, or even those folks who are indifferent about him…or the ones that KIND of like him… or the ones who hate him with a fiery passion that will send letters to the creator of "Naruto" to quickly kill Kakashi off…

BUT ANYWAY…

You COULD say that Kakashi has a problem with his porno book. I would have to whole-heartedly agree with you. You'd think that after reading it ten zillion times then it wouldn't be interesting again. But I guess they keep coming out with sequels or something. Whatever the case may be, Kakashi has got to get his mind out of the gutter and concentrated on making his students better ninjas!

You see, it never even occurred to Kakashi that, by finally taking students, he would have less time to read his book. He wasn't about to cut down on his reading time so, instead, he gets even less sleep.

I'm sure that if Kakashi just put down the book and helped his students, they would all eventually accomplish their goals. Naruto would become Hokage, Sasuke would kill Itachi and Sakura would…er… learn a jutsu or two.

Oh Kakashi, what are we going to do with you?


	19. Kurenai: Aunt Flo

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Kurenai

Aunt Flo

As of now, we have approximately 50-65 chapters for this lost chapter thing. We could potentially go to 100 again... man, that would be something. We don't have any plans to do so yet. So, if you would like to see something in this Lost Chapter section then you can mention it in case you were too shy to mention it in the original. If we like the idea and try it out, we might put it up if it turns out all right, giving credit of course. We aim to please, so if you want us to go up to 100 again then just say the word but if not, that's fine too.

Kurenai is in a bad mood.

Today, everyone is offending her. Especially the male population of the world who cannot possibly understand the pain she's experiencing physically and emotionally.

To help herself vent, Kurenai sometimes takes it out on her students. Sometimes, she tells them that it will be a conditioning training day. Other times, she doesn't bother hiding it and just forces them to run laps all day. Unfortunately for her venting technique, her team seems to LIKE conditioning… especially that Kiba…

But anyway, Kurenai must now figure out a way to make sure everyone is unhappy as she is.

"You all have to run laps until the sun goes down." Kurenai said to her students.

"YAHOO!" said Kiba. "That's our forte!"

"…" Shino said.

"…Okay…" Hinata said nervously.

Kurenai frowned at Kiba's response. "Kiba, you have to run backwards instead." She said finally.

"ALL RIGHT!" Kiba cheered. "Running backwards will be fun! Sometimes I run backwards and I bump into a lot of things even though Akamaru is supposed to be telling me which way to go!"

Kurenai was now getting very angry. How DARE Kiba be this happy at a time like this. He should KNOW that…well…YOU KNOW.

"WITHOUT Akamaru." Kurenai said, crossing her arms.

"What…?" Kiba said sadly as Akamaru jumped off his head. Akamaru was a smart dog who wasn't about to bother Kurenai this week.

"And Shino, you have to run on your hands!" Kurenai said.

"What did _I_ do?" Shino asked.

"What did ANY of us do?" Kiba said.

"Guys, we should just leave her alone for now." Hinata said quickly as Kurenai turned around and walked away while cackling slightly. Now that she had successfully made some people ALMOST as miserable as she was, she had to make sure that everyone was feeling the same way. So she wandered around to find some more men.

She stumbled across a small cook-out that was taking place behind the academy where Iruka, Asuma, Kakashi and Gai were all hanging out.

"How convenient." Kurenai said, rubbing her hands together diabolically as she stomped over. "What do you all think you're doing?!" she demanded.

"Cooking outdoors." Said Iruka who was flipping a burger.

"Spitting and belching." Asuma answered.

"Fixing things." Gai said as he picked up a screwdriver.

"Celebrating our manliness." Kakashi finished.

"How DARE you!!" said Kurenai. "Why didn't you invite me?!"

"You want to celebrate our manliness with us?" Asuma said with a raised eyebrow.

"No!" said Kurenai. "But I'm not about to let this party continue!"

"But we have one of these every month!" complained Gai as if Kurenai really had the authority to make them stop.

"I COMMAND you to end this party." Kurenai said, stomping her foot, scoffing and crossing her arms.

"Come on, guys." Said Kakashi. "We're done here."

"What?" said Iruka, looking shocked. "Why?! It's only Kurenai!"

Asuma put his arm around Iruka. "Iruka," he said. "Let me explain to you why we have these parties without Kurenai every month…"


	20. Football

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Football

Originally, we didn't really have an end to this chapter so it was discontinued.  We just didn't want to be the ones to decide who won the game.  Now, since we're doing lost chapters, we toiled endlessly to think up an ending for you.  And… it's… well, you be the judge.

"Okay, for today, the game is football." Said Kiba.  "We'll pick the teams and this time, I'M being captain.  Any questions?"

"Yeah, can we play TOUCH football?" Ino asked, raising her hand.

"Touch football?!" gaped all the men who were longing to be rough and tussle with each other to beat out a lot of aggressions.

"Um…it can be touch football with you girls, but we'll all play regular." Sasuke said finally, noticing that everyone else was too much in shock to reply to such an outlandish request.

"I have another question!" Naruto said.  "Why do YOU get to be captain?!"

"Well…because it was my idea to play." Kiba answered.

"Then I'm the other captain!" Naruto declared.

"Wait, are we picking teams again?" Tenten asked.

"Yes, of course we are!" Kiba said.

"Can we just count off or something?" Tenten said.

"No!!" yelled all the men who were already in a competition with each other to see who would be picked first.

"How about we go through all the guys first and THEN we'll pick the girls?" Kiba suggested.  "That way, both teams get two girls so it's fair." Naruto shrugged and said whatever.  "Okay…so I pick…Sasuke!"

Sasuke thought; "That's more like it."

"I wasn't going to pick Sasuke anyway so you just wasted your first pick." Naruto laughed.  "Lee!"

"All right!!" cheered Lee.

"Then Shino!" Kiba said.

Shino didn't do, say or think ANYTHING!  Is he going for another chapter in which he is there but entirely silent?  I think he is!

"Chouji." Naruto said, knowing that in a game of tackle football, Chouji was the guy to have on your team.

"YAY!" said Chouji.

Kiba was then left with choosing either Shikamaru or Neji.  Shikamaru would be good on the strategies, but those never really worked in a throw together game of football so he would be virtually useless.  As for Neji, he's completely useless all the time unless they were picking teams to fight each other.

"Shikamaru." Kiba decided finally.

Shikamaru shrugged and went over to Kiba.

Naruto groaned.  "Come on…" he said.  "Kiba, you can have Neji and I'll take three girls on my team!"

"No way." Said Kiba.

"FINE." Naruto said, sounding like nothing could make him unhappier.  "I pick Neji then."

Neji crossed his arms.  He didn't even know what kind of witty remark to make so he just cursed the Main House on the inside, knowing that somehow, in a strange twisted way, it was all THEIR fault that he was picked last for a stupid game of football.

"Now for the girls!" said Kiba.  "I pick Hinata!"

"Wow, our whole three-man team is on one team!" said Hinata happily.

"I did that on purpose!" Kiba lied.

"Sakura!" said Naruto.

"I knew it…" sighed Sakura.

"Hm…Ino?" Kiba tried.

"And I guess that leaves me with Tenten!" Naruto said.

"This is why I wanted to just count off the teams." Tenten said.

"All right, let's flip a coin to see who gets the ball first!" said Lee as he whipped out a coin from his pocket that he carried around all the time with him just in case such an occasion in which a coin would be needed should arise.

"Heads!" Naruto called it as it flipped.

"HEADS!" Lee exclaimed, bending down to look at it on the ground.

"YAY!!" cheered Naruto's team.

Kiba took the football and his team down to the other end of the field area that they had marked with shuriken sticking out of the ground.  "Who wants to punt the—" he began but Sasuke had already taken the ball from him.  "Okay, but next time it's someone else's turn!"

Sasuke decided that he didn't even need to answer and just punted the ball in the direction of the other team.

"I GOT IT!!!" Naruto yelled but before he could catch the ball, a green blur jumped out in front of him and collected it.  "HEY!!  LEE!!  THAT'S MINE!!"

But Lee was already sprinting towards the end zone.  He surely would have gone all the way if not for the fact that Kiba literally came out of nowhere and dove on top of him, grabbing his legs and dragging him to the ground.

"WHAT A TACKLE!!!" Kiba exclaimed as he got up and performed a victory dance.

"HA!" laughed Lee.  "Unfortunately for YOU I am merely steps away from reaching the end zone!"

"Well…WE'RE mere steps from reaching…YOU!" said Kiba.  Akamaru barked at Kiba.  "Shut up, Akamaru!  It's the best I could think of off the top of my head!"

The two teams went into separate huddles.

"Okay, so what's the team plan?" Chouji asked his team.

"Just hike it to me and I'll run it in for the touchdown!" Lee said.

"No way!" said Naruto.  "I'M team captain and I say we play it like a team!  So you all have to listen to me.  Lee, you hike it to ME and I'M going to run it in for the touchdown!  Chouji, you stay in front of me and barrel over anyone who tries to tackle me!  Sakura and Tenten, you two are both girls so all you have to do is stand around and watch.  Neji, you might as well not bother either."

"That sounds like a good plan!" said Lee enthusiastically.

"Okay." Said Chouji.

Tenten and Sakura shrugged.

Neji looked at Naruto with a very questioning glare.  Naruto tried not to pay attention as he went over the plan again.  It's not like he cared that he wasn't really involved in the plays, he just cared that he had about negative five respect points among his peers.

"BREAK!" said Naruto just as the other team broke out as well.

"Don't worry about it, Neji." Said Lee as he ran over to Neji as everyone set up for the play.  "It doesn't matter that the only things you can do are fighting, dancing and laser tag.  Those are the only important things in life, right?"

"Lee…" Neji said, barely restraining himself from Gentle Fisting Lee into next Tuesday.

"BLUE 42!!" Naruto yelled.  "BLUE 42!!  BLUE 42!!"

"What does that mean?" Ino whispered to Hinata.  Hinata shrugged.

"HUT HUT HUT HIKE!!" Naruto yelled finally as Lee tossed the ball to Naruto.  He barely had the opportunity to look up after receiving the ball before he was pounced on by Kiba and then wrestled to the ground.  The ball popped out of his hand and Sasuke was there to pick it up and run all the way to the opposite end zone and score a touchdown.

"Chouji!" said Naruto as he stood up again.  "Where were you?!"

"Over here?" Chouji suggested.

"Come on, girls, let's just go be cheerleaders!" said Sakura.

"Yeah!" cheered the other three girls as they went over to the sidelines and began cheering on their teams.

"This is so troublesome." Said Shikamaru who was still standing in the exact same place.

"Come on!!" Kiba called from the other side of the field where Sasuke was.  "We get to kick it again!!  Everyone on my team come down here!"

Shino and Shikamaru took their time getting to the other side.

"This time, when I say that I have it, don't jump in front of me to steal it!" said Naruto to Lee.

"I don't STEAL." Said Lee, putting a hand over his heart.

"Here it comes!" Chouji yelled, pointing up in the air.  It was coming right towards him but he only watched it plummet to the earth and fall to the ground, causing it to bounce in all sorts of crazy and unpredictable directions until it just so happen to land in Neji's hands.

The four of them stood there silently for a moment.

Then they looked at the appointed tackler; Kiba, as he just stood there and watched them.  Sasuke was way too cool for tackling and was currently pretending to be preoccupied with something interesting on his fingernails.  Shino and Shikamaru didn't look like they were very into the game in the first place so they weren't going to do anything.

"Um…" Neji started as Kiba flinched and stepped backwards.

"Do something!" yelled Tenten from the sidelines.

"Here." Neji said, turning to Naruto who was standing right there and tossing him the ball.  As soon as the ball left his hands, Kiba bounded off the ground and leapt onto Naruto, knocking him to the ground once again.

Then it was time for more huddles.

"Why did you freeze up like that?" Sasuke asked Kiba.

"I don't want to go near Neji, let alone tackle him." Kiba said.  "He's mean."  Akamaru started whining.

"Fine." Sasuke said, rolling his eyes.  "Let's just get the ball back, okay?"

"ALL RIGHT!" said Kiba as they all turned around to play.  And, since timing is always so perfect, the other team was finished as well.

"BLUE 42!!" yelled Lee.  "BLUE 42!!"

"Do either of you know what that means?" Ino asked Sakura and Tenten, but they both shrugged as well.

"HIKE!!" Lee said finally, as Naruto hiked the ball to him.  Lee immediately turned to Neji and threw him the ball.  Neji put his hands out to catch it but it appeared as though he tried to miss and the ball passed through his fumbling hands and konked him in the forehead.  Then the ball fell to the ground as Neji rubbed his head.  Lee and Kiba met eyes and then made a dive for the ball.  Luckily, Lee got to it first but it was considered to be a tackle.

BACK to the huddles.

"Neji, you have to CATCH the ball." Naruto said.

"I know." Neji said angrily, touching the spot on his head and then looking at his hand to make sure he wasn't bleeding.

"Next time, make sure you catch it." said Naruto.  "And then you have to remember to run down the field and score us a touchdown!"

"Don't you guys want to win on your own merits instead of me doing it because Kiba's afraid to tackle me?" Neji said.

"WE WANT TO BEAT SASUKE!!!" HOLL-ered Naruto and Lee.

"I want to beat Sasuke too but not in a game of football." Neji said.  "Football is meaningless in the grand scheme of things."

"But ANY victory over Sasuke is STILL a victory!" Naruto announced.

"Hey, where did Chouji go?" Lee said.

"He left a little while with Shikamaru to get something to eat." Naruto answered.

The other huddle was experiencing some difficulties as well.

"I don't feel like playing anymore." Said Shino.

"No Shino!" said Kiba as he got down on the ground and grabbed Shino's leg to keep him from leaving.  "Don't leave!!  We need you to help us win!!"

"Kiba, let go of my leg." Shino said.

"Not until you promise that you'll stay!!" Kiba threatened.

But then Kiba couldn't help but notice the little bugs that were falling out of Shino's jacket and onto the ground…and on HIM!  So Kiba promptly let go, stood up and brushed himself off as Shino started walking away.

"Good riddance!" Kiba said.  "But don't ever tell me that you NEVER forfeit anything!"

Shino stopped dead in his tracks.  "What did you say?" Shino said.

"You heard me!" Kiba said.  "By walking away now, you're forfeiting!!"

Shino turned around and walked right back towards Kiba.  "I don't forfeit." He said.  "So even if I have to continue to stand here and watch you two play football, I will prove my point."

"That's the spirit!" said Kiba.  (This is approximately the area that we stopped at.)

"Okay, let's continue this game!" Naruto yelled.  "It's our ball!  You guys know the play!"

"Yeah, we know the play!!" said Lee enthusiastically.

"BLUE 42!!!" yelled Naruto.  "BLUE 42!!!"

"You know, I don't think that means anything at all." Ino said to the other girls.

"They probably say it to sound macho." Sakura replied.

"HUT HUT HUT HIKE!!!" Naruto yelled, throwing the ball to Lee. 

Naruto ran as fast as he could down the field as Lee faked out Kiba, then faked out Sasuke.  Then Lee threw the ball as far as he could down to Naruto who was already in the end zone.  Naruto leapt up into the air and caught the ball.

"WE'VE WON!!!" yelled Lee, throwing his arms up into the air.  (Not literally, of course.  Just figuratively.)

"IN YOUR FACE, SASUKE!!!  YES!!!" cheered Naruto as he spiked the ball as hard as he could on the ground.  Then the ball bounced up and smacked him in the face.

Naruto sat up straight in bed.  He looked around and realized it was the middle of the night.  It had all been a dream.

"Aw man!" he said, punching his palm.  "I finally beat Sasuke too!!"

Unfortunately for Naruto, he can't even beat Sasuke in his DREAMS because little did he realize that the score was actually even when he woke up.  Oh well.  (When in doubt for an ending, you can always just make it a dream and it all works out in the end.)


	21. Teachers: New Addition

**WOW!! Guys, thanks so much for all your ideas! A lot of them made us go, "Hey...why didn't WE think of that?" Anyhoo, we're just going to finish submitting all of OUR chapters that WE wrote and then submit your suggestions... they should start showing up around chapter 65-70 or so. There were a lot of suggestions made that we already wrote, so if we don't give you credit for an idea that you had then that means we had already had it done. Like Lil Gai and Lil Kakashi... and Jiraiya, Tsunade and Orochimaru. Anyway, thanks again and enjoy!!**

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Teachers

The New Addition

This is one of those ideas that we explored many times and lots of reviewers spat this suggestion out. It SHOULD have been done in the original, like a lot of these chapters, but we never actually got around to it.

"Hey guys!" said Gai as he came in the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table that you can cook the food right then and there. Kakashi, Iruka and Kurenai were already sitting at the table and they both waved to Gai.

"Did Asuma call you too?" asked Kakashi.

"Yup!" Gai said, pulling a chair up for himself.

"He said that he had a special surprise for us." Said Iruka, sounding excited.

"I can only imagine!" Kurenai said. "What do you think it'll be?"

The four of them sighed and attempted to imagine the wonderful prize that Asuma would be arriving with any moment. Then the door to the restaurant opened and Asuma came loudly tromping over with an enormous dopey grin on his face that suggested he was bursting with happiness that his surprise was about to be revealed.

"Why, hello Asuma." Said Kakashi, not wanting to sound uncool by asking for the surprise. "How are you?"

"Good!" said Asuma. "You're probably all wondering why I've asked you here today."

"Well, we were going to have a Jounins and Teachers and Chuunins party ANYWAY." Kurenai pointed out.

"I'm so glad you said that because I brought someone else for our party!" Asuma said as he stepped aside to reveal Shikamaru standing there with the, "Wow, I don't believe anything could possibly be MORE troublesome than this." expression.

Kakashi, Kurenai, Iruka and Gai's faces fell.

"Well?" said Asuma, sitting down and pulling a chair over for Shikamaru. "What do you all think?"

"He's not a teacher." Gai said finally and the rest of them quickly agreed.

"Well, I know!" said Asuma. "But he IS a chuunin! And we never specified that the chuunins joining out party had to be teachers! It just so happened to Iruka was a teacher as well as a chuunin!"

The teachers stared at Shikamaru.

"What?" said Shikamaru. "It wasn't MY idea. Asuma made me come."

"I'm sure with Shikamaru around, we'll have LOADS of fun!" Asuma declared.

"What about the hazing?" Iruka asked.

"Hazing?" Asuma said obliviously.

"He's right." Said Kakashi. "We must haze Shikamaru!"

"We don't need to haze Shikamaru!" laughed Asuma. "We KNOW he's cool enough to play with us."

"Nope." Said Kurenai, crossing her arms. "We have to haze him first or else he can't hang out with us."

"Fine then!" said Asuma. "Give him any task! He'll complete it easily!"

"Asuma, this is troublesome." Said Shikamaru.

"Shh." Said Asuma.

"Okay, Kakashi, think of some way to haze Shikamaru." Gai said. "Just remember, if he completes the task then he can hang out with us but if he is unable to complete it then he's not allowed!"

"Oh right." Said Kakashi with a nod. "All right…a task…"

Shikamaru sighed and drummed his fingers on the table. He didn't want to be there as much as the other teachers didn't want him to be there.

"I've got it." said Kakashi. "You must…make Sakura love Naruto and make Naruto and Sasuke become best friends and have Sasuke love Sakura."

"Excellent!" said Kurenai. "I approve!"

"I do too!" Iruka agreed.

"I want to see this in action!" Gai said.

"Hey!" said Asuma. "Wait! I thought we already decided that that was an impossible task!"

"Not for Shikamaru." Said Kakashi. "The way you go on about him, I would think he'd be able to accomplish anything. Of course…him receiving that chuunin vest could have just been a fluke…"

"A FLUKE?!" Asuma yelled, standing up and slamming his hands down on the table. Shikamaru slapped his forehead. With his vast IQ, he knew exactly what was going down and was not in the least bit offended that the teachers were questioning his right to the chuunin vest. However, Asuma was offended enough for the both of them. "Shikamaru ACCEPTS your challenge! Just you wait and see! Come on, Shikamaru! You have to put these guys in their places!"

"I'll try." Said Shikamaru with a shrug even though he had no intentions to actually try. Even if he DID try, it's not like he would have succeeded anyway.

"I think my team is still on the bridge." Kakashi said. "I told them to meet me there last night."

"Why do you tell them that stuff if you never go?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi only looked at Iruka. "Let's go and see if Shikamaru can succeed." He said finally after enough time had passed to the point in which he assumed everyone had forgotten about the question.

The group of six went down to the bridge and while all the teachers hid in the trees, Shikamaru awkwardly approached them since they were still there.

"This is so annoying!!" Sakura yelled, pulling her own hair. "Why are we still here?!"

Then they noticed Shikamaru standing there foolishly.

"Hi." Said Shikamaru.

"Hi." Said Team Kakashi.

"Um…" Shikamaru said. "So…you guys have been here all night?"

"Yeah." Said Team Kakashi.

"Okay." Said Shikamaru.

They paused and were silent for a little while. "Sakura, will you love Naruto? Ever?" he asked finally.

"Eww!!" yelled Sakura. "Never ever!"

"Aw man!" said Naruto as if that was news to him.

"Naruto and Sasuke, will you two EVER become best friends?" Shikamaru asked.

"…No…" said Sasuke and Naruto at the same time, raising their eyebrows.

"And, finally, Sasuke, will you ever love Sakura?" Shikamaru finished.

"No." said Sasuke wistfully.

"Hey!" said Sakura.

"Thanks." Said Shikamaru, turning around and walking back towards the teachers. "That's all I wanted to know!"

He reached the teachers and they all jumped out of their trees.

"I tried, but it's impossible." Shikamaru said with a flamboyant shrug.

"It's all right, Shikamaru." Said Kakashi, putting Shikamaru on the shoulder. "But everyone has to pass the initiation or they are simply not allowed to hang around with us. Isn't that right Iruka?"

"Yeah, you should have seen the crazy things _I _had to do!" said Iruka but he wasn't about to go into it because he didn't feel like it.

"Shikamaru didn't want to hang out with you guys anyway!" said Asuma.

"It's true." Shikamaru agreed. "But not because I don't like you guys, but just because I'd rather be doing other stuff."

"It's all right, Shikamaru." Said Kurenai. "We didn't want to hang out with you either."

With that, Shikamaru sauntered off to his favorite thinking area/Kiba's favorite playing with Akamaru area.

Asuma sighed and lowered his head. "I thought Shikamaru was ready…" he said solemnly. When Shikamaru was out of earshot, the other teachers proceeded to give Asuma the beating of his life.


	22. Tsunade: Naruto's Mom

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Tsunade

Naruto's Mom

Tsunade didn't have a chapter in the original Naruto Primer because, simply, we skipped all those chapters in the manga that concerned Tsunade, Orochimaru and Jiraiya and their little adventures…so we didn't really know who she was or what she was all about.  Now that we have successfully skimmed those chapters and seen pictures of her hanging around, we can finally write a chapter about her.

Now, by the title of this chapter, you may have said, "WHAT?  Naruto's MOM?  Tsunade isn't Naruto's MOM!"

Well, you're wrong.  SHE IS!!

Just kidding.  She's not.  And we won't even try to convince you that she is.

In reality, her little brother is actually Naruto's Mom.

When we skimmed the chapters the first time around, looking for someone cool but only being disappointed to see Tsunade and all of her compadres.  We did happen to see this crazy grinning child that looked exactly like Naruto and was constantly haunting Tsunade's dreams.  At the time, we did not know that this child was Tsunade's brother.  So we assumed it was a flashback that Tsunade was having of her childhood when she knew Naruto's Mom.  We figured that she knew Naruto's Mom and every time she looked at Naruto, she would be reminded of his mom.

Yes, this was a pretty…well…pretty stupid conclusion.  But it made sense to us at the time.  Especially when we had the revelation that this Naruto's Mom character was really THE FOURTH HOKAGE!!!

Boy, did we feel smart when we figured that it was the Fourth Hokage and not Naruto's Mom and that Tsunade was having flashbacks of the Fourth Hokage when he was a child.  We were all that and a bag of chips for a period of about two weeks.

Then, one day, we read the skimmed the chapters a little more carefully.  How stupid did WE feel to find that the Fourth Hokage/ Naruto's Mom was actually Tsunade's little brother.

So, after sulking and not coming out of our rooms for a few days, we finally got over it.  Sure, we had been calling a little boy Naruto's Mom for a little while and then the Fourth Hokage, but who was going to know?

Well…everyone now I guess.

We know we haven't given you life lessons in a very long time… so we're going to give you one now; "Don't judge a book by its cover."  I know we've already given this lesson but whatever!  Just because someone LOOKS like Naruto's Mom, doesn't mean that he is so you can't go around assuming that this crazy person is Naruto's Mom.


	23. Jiraiya: Jumanji

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Jiraiya

Jumanji

"I'm really scared of the hamburgers." quoth Luigi

For some reason, we call Jiraiya "Jumanji". Want us to explain? We would want us to explain too. So we shall.

It all started on one bright and sunny morning when Jiraiya got out of bed and stretched high to the sky. "YAAAAAAAAWWNN!!" he bellowed. "Oh boy! What a beautiful day!"

Then Naruto ran in. "Good morning, teacher!" he exclaimed.

"Good morning, Naruto!" said Jiraiya. "My, you're looking SWELL today!" He threw off his blankets to reveal that he was ALREADY wearing his clothes. He got up and his bed magically makes itself in the background as he merrily strutted to the kitchen while humming contently.

Tsunade was sitting down at a table with a feast lied out. "Good morning Jiraiya!" she said happily. "My, it's a lovely day, isn't it?"

"Yes it is!" Jiraiya answered, sitting down and taking a big whiff of the food. "And this smells lovely as well! You didn't make ALL of it did you?!"

Tsunade blushed as she took of her oven mitts. "Oh you!" she said. "Yes, I made it all...and it's ALL for YOU!!"

"All for ME?!" said Jiraiya, pointing to himself.

"All for you!" Tsunade answered, smiling all-too-happily.

"Mustn't be late for work!" Jiraiya announced as he grabbed his already made lunch and dashed out the door to leave while Tsunade stood outside the doorway bidding him a farewell.

He skipped down the street while swinging his Speed Racer lunch box around. "La la la la la la la!" He suddenly crashed into someone.

"Oh dear!" came the voice of Orochimaru as he reached out his hand to help Jiraiya up. "Wait…is that you Jiraiya?! I haven't seen YOU for a long time!" Orochimaru helped Jiraiya to his feet and gave him a hearty hug.

"Orochimaru?" said Jiraiya. "WOW! How have you been? Just like old times!" The two of them did a secretive handshake that included many slaps and skips and hugs and twirls and when they were done, they laughed warmly and embraced.

"So where are you off to, dear friend?" Orochimaru asked.

"Why, I'm off to help my peers get an education!" Jiraiya answered as he looked at his watch. "And I wouldn't want to be late! I hate to leave, but I must!"

"No problem, friend, for I am going the same way!" Orochimaru said. "Shall we walk together?"

"Why, I would like that very much!" said Jiraiya as the two of them joined hands and skipped down the street. They reached the academy where Naruto was already waiting.

"I don't suppose you two can help me with my problem, do you?" said Naruto, putting his hands on his hips.

"If your problem involves needing a new education, then we're your men!" said Jiraiya.

"Oh golly!" said Naruto as they all linked arms and skipped into the academy where they were confronted by Sasuke.

"Good morning everyone!" said Sasuke. "Naruto, if you ever need someone to spar with, don't hesitate to ask because I would be happy to oblige!"

"Same to you, Sasuke you dog!" said Naruto. Then Sasuke joined the arms with Naruto and the group of four skipped into the classroom.

"Good morning class!" said Iruka.

"Good morning Iruka!" said everyone, even though Orochimaru and Jiraiya couldn't possibly fathom what they were doing in the class.

"The sun is shining, the birds are singing and it's simply a MARVELOUS day so I have decided to declare this day a holiday!" Iruka announced. "We will call it: MARVELOUS DAY!!" The whole class cheered and ran outside where they could frolic in the morning sun. Everyone in the academy decided to engage in an enthralling game of tag.

"Everyone join right in! Jiraiya's 'it'!" said Sakura.

"Oh you silly children!" said Jiraiya. Everyone chuckled warmly as a black circle engulfed them.

Um…what were we talking about at the beginning? Why we call Jiraiya Jumanji? I guess we got kind of sidetracked and distracted ourselves by accident. Well, here's the story: We couldn't remember Jiraiya's name so we just spouted out the first word that started with a J that popped into our minds. THE END!!


	24. Plate Elimination

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Plate Elimination

This chapter took place immediately after the Disembodied Head That Ate People chapter.  I don't remember why we eliminated it, but we definitely had a reason.

The night before had been a long one; watching an EXTREMELY scary movie called The Disembodied Head That Ate People.  The last thing our favorite genins and Shikamaru wanted to do was to be called for a surprise training session.

"It's pretty obvious that we're just going to have you all compete again to prove to each other that we have cooler students." said Kurenai flatly, figuring it was pointless to hide it anymore.

"This one will be more low key than the other ones." Said Asuma.  "And we'll be splitting you up into teams of three."

The teachers chose to ignore the fact that Sasuke was unconscious and was currently slung over Sakura and Ino's shoulders.  Apparently, he didn't recover from the scary movie yet.  They took the students around the corner to where there were a bunch of little plates hung on strings from the trees.  Thirty-six plates, to be exact!

"As you can see, these plates have your names on them." Said Kakashi as he wheeled in a cart with shuriken displayed all pretty-like.  "You each have three.  The object of this game is knock out other people's plates but not the plates of the members on your team.  When all three of your plates are broken then you're out and can't shoot anymore!  If all nine plates of your team are broken then your team is out!  Whichever team is left standing, WINS!"

"Why don't you tell them what those teams will be?" Kurenai said to Gai.

"I'd be glad to!" said Gai as he whipped a piece of paper out of his pocket and cleared his throat.  "I just so happen to have the list right here!  Team One will consist of Sakura, Shikamaru and Naruto.  Lee, Shino and Ino will be on Team Two.  On Team Three we have Chouji, Hinata and Neji.  Finally, by process of elimination, Sasuke, Kiba and Tenten are on Team Four."

"The teams are different?" said Kiba.  "Why?"

"Up first is Naruto." Said Kurenai, ignoring Kiba entirely.

"You better believe it!!" said Naruto.  "I'm going to hit all of Sasuke's plates first just because I HATE him!"

"You can't hit his plates!" said Sakura as she fanned Sasuke.  "He's unconscious!"

"So why can't I hit them then?" Naruto asked.

"Because then he won't be conscious to see you beat him." Said Tenten, trying to trick Naruto.

"Oh right…" said Naruto.  "I guess I'll wait on hitting Sasuke's plates.  Until he wakes up, I'll have to wait!"

"Just wait till your next turn!" said Kakashi, trying to hurry things along.

"Fine!" said Naruto.  He whipped the shuriken at an area that had a large concentration of plates.  He shattered one!

It was Shino's.

Shino looked at Naruto crossly.

"It's part of the challenge!" Naruto reminded him.

"Right." Said Shino.  He had evil eyes, but no one knew.

"Okay, next up is Ino!" said Asuma.

"Well…I don't really know who to go after…" said Ino as she picked up a shuriken and threw it at the same mass of plates that Naruto threw his at.  She shattered a plate but, to her dismay, it was one of her own.  "Oh no!" she gasped.  "That wasn't supposed to happen!"

"AW MAN!!" yelled Lee.  "Now our team only has seven plates and all the other teams have nine!!"

"Now it's Neji's turn." Said Kakashi.

Neji silently picked up a shuriken and threw it at a lone plate.  It slid right through the middle of it, breaking it into a trillion pieces.

"Neji…" said Gai.  "You're not supposed to hit the plates of people who are on your team."

Neji wasn't about to admit that he had hit Hinata's plate entirely on purpose.

"You must have just read the plate wrong…" Hinata said, mostly to herself.

"Now Tenten." Said Kurenai.

Tenten picked up her shuriken and tried to find the perfect place to throw it.  After a moment of calculation and contemplation, she hurled her shuriken at the plates.  Unfortunately, it passed right in the space in the middle of four plates.

"You missed?!" demanded Kiba.  "I thought you were supposed to have awesome aim!!"

There was a silent pause.

Then the sound of plates shattering.  Everyone looked up at the plates to see the remains of four plates falling to the ground in a heap.

"Wow!!" exclaimed Gai.  "Tenten managed to hit four plates at once!!  She eliminated a plate for Lee, Naruto, Shikamaru and Chouji!!"

"SHE CAN'T DO THAT!!" yelled Naruto.

"OBVIOUSLY she can." Said Gai.  "That's MY student!!"

"All right, we all have to go after Tenten's plates." Said Shikamaru.  "We have to make it so she doesn't do that again.  All we have to do is knock her three plates down before her next turn."

"Great idea, Shikamaru!" said Asuma.  "And it's YOUR turn too!"

"Well, it's nothing personal Tenten." Said Shikamaru.  "But you took out one of MY plates."

Shikamaru tossed the shuriken at one of Tenten's plates and shattered it.

"Don't worry about it!" said Tenten.

Next up was Shino.

"Shino, I know we're on different teams, but we have to work together so that doesn't happen again." Shikamaru said.  "Hit one of Tenten's plates."

Shino didn't answer.  He just threw his shuriken at one of Naruto's plates.

"Um…that was Naruto's plate." Said Shikamaru.

"He hit one of mine." Shino replied.  "An eye for an eye."

"Now I only have one plate left!!" wailed Naruto.

Then it was Hinata's turn!  Shikamaru repeated what he said to Shino to Hinata and she was willing to help.  She threw her shuriken but wouldn't you know it?  She missed them all entirely.

"Oops…" she said nervously as she looked apologetically at her team.

"Your turn, Kiba." Said Kurenai.

"No problem!" said Kiba.  "I'll hit someone who has three plates just to even it out!  Don't want to hit me or Sasuke…so it's either Neji or Sakura!"

Kiba looked at Neji and Sakura.  Neji and his GLARE, and Sakura and her… doing absolutely nothing.

"Sakura it is!" he said as he threw the shuriken at Sakura's plate.  So Sakura's plate count was down to two.

"I have to learn how to glare!" said Sakura.  But she didn't even have time to whine some more because she noticed that Sasuke was finally moving.  "Oh, you're awake Sasuke!"

"Wha…?" he said groggily.

"Sakura, it's your turn." Said Kakashi.

"Right!" said Sakura as she turned around.  Now was the time to impress Sasuke!  She decided to go after Kiba since he just hit her.  And she did.  And she hit him.  It was very sad for Kiba.  Poor Kiba.

"Where's the head?" said Sasuke, looking around vaguely.  "Is the guy okay?"

"Yes, Sasuke, the guy lived at the end." Said Ino even though she didn't know.

"Is it my turn now?" asked Lee.

"YES IT IS!" said Gai as his teeth went PING!

"All right!" said Lee.  "Now…Neji and Sasuke are the only ones with three plates left and I can go after EITHER of them!  But I won't go after you, Neji, because we're on the same team!  And, considering Sasuke's in first place, I'll go after him!"

"Thanks, Lee." Said Neji.

With that, Sasuke's first plate was destroyed.

"I don't particularly want to go after anyone…" said Chouji.  "But I know I DON'T want to go after Shikamaru!  So…I'll just randomly toss it."

Chouji was careful not to hit one of his OWN plates though and ended up obliterating one of Lee's.

"AW MAN!" said Lee.  "Only one left!!"

"Sasuke?" said Kakashi.

"What am I supposed to do?" Sasuke asked, blinking.  "Hit my plate?"

"No, definitely don't hit your plate." Said Kiba.  "And don't hit mine or Tenten's.  Hit anyone else's!"

"I would suggest either Naruto or Lee so that one of them will be eliminated." Tenten said.  "Or Neji because he's the only one with three plates."

"I'll hit Naruto's then." Said Sasuke as he picked up a shuriken and looked at the plates.  He didn't move for a moment and then squinted at the plates.  "Naruto has three plates too… so I'll hit that one!"

Sasuke threw the shuriken, missing all plates.  "What?!" he demanded, but then he put his hand on his head.  "I need to sit down…my head hurts…" He decided to take a seat.  And he did.

"All right, we're starting our cycle over again." Said Kurenai.  "Naruto, you're up."

"I STILL say we have to hit Tenten." Said Shikamaru.

"Oh right!" said Naruto.  "But I really want to hit Sasuke…"

"But he would have no idea that you hit him!" said Shikamaru, pointing at Sasuke who looked dazed.  "After all, did he seem to notice Lee hitting his plate?"

"You're right!" said Naruto.  "I'll hit one of Tenten's!"

He did just that.

"Oh no!" said Tenten.  "I'm not going to get another turn!"

"All right, Ino…" started Shikamaru.

But Ino had already thrown hers at a random plate.  She had hit Kiba's second one.

"Why did you do that?" Shikamaru asked, looking annoyed.

"I don't know!" Ino said with a shrug.

"MY PLATE!!" yelled Kiba.

Neji was next up.  He could hear Shikamaru telling him to get Tenten out for good, but he was already focused on hitting another plate.  It was a silly little plate that was hanging by itself.  It was going to be destroyed.

And it was.

"Neji, I don't know if it's the best strategy to keep hitting Hinata's plates." Said Chouji boldly.

Neji glared at Chouji who backed off.  Apparently he didn't know about the Main House and the Branch House and all the things that had—

"You should have gotten me out, Neji!" said Tenten as she threw her shuriken.  What was heard then was five consecutive smashes as Neji's first plate blew up, then Naruto's last one, then Lee's last one, then Neji's second one, then Hinata's last one and then the shuriken, which had been ricocheting off all the plates, chipped a little piece off Neji's last one.

"Ah…" said Neji, in shock.

"Oh, I meant to smash that last one." Said Tenten, looking disappointed.

"Tenten has single handedly eliminated three competitors by only throwing one shuriken!!" said Asuma like an announcer.  "That means that Naruto, Lee and Hinata will not be throwing anymore shuriken!  They must sit out for the rest of the competition!!"

"I ONLY GOT TO THROW ONCE!!!" cried Lee.  But the three of them had to sit down.

"Sorry Tenten, but I'm not about to have that happen again." Said Shikamaru as he threw the shuriken at Tenten's final plate, eliminating her from the competition as well.

"Come on, guys, I was going to get Neji out on my next turn." Said Tenten but she sat down anyway.

"There is one person eliminated from every team!!!" observed Gai.

Shino didn't currently have any beef with anyone, so he just decided to get rid of another thrower by finishing off Neji's last plate.

"And I was doing so well only two throws ago." Neji said, lowering his head.  He wasn't talking to Tenten anymore.  She tried to eliminate him from the game.  He didn't like her anymore.

"Um…I guess I'm next because Hinata's out?" Chouji said.

"No, your team just misses your turn because Hinata's not there to make her throw." Said Kakashi.

"Aw man!" said Chouji.

"It's all you, Kiba!" said Kurenai.

"Hm…should I work to get rid of that team that only has Chouji left or should I work to make the other teams smaller?" Kiba wondered.  "Oh well, I'll just hit Sakura again."

And he did so.

"Stop!" whined Sakura.  "You've hit both my plates!"

"And I'll hit the last one too!" said Kiba ambitiously.

Sakura noticed that it was her turn.  THEN she noticed that Kiba had only one plate left.  She wasn't about to let him get another turn.  So, without saying another word, she took out his last plate.

"HEY!!!" yelled Kiba as if he had reason to be angry.

"Kiba's OUT!" said Asuma.

"And we skip over this team because Lee's out!" said Gai. 

"And now it's Chouji's turn!" Kurenai finished.

"I guess I'll just finish the job with Sakura…" Chouji decided as he threw the shuriken at Sakura's plate and broke it.

"Oh poo!" said Sakura.

"And Sakura's out as well." Kakashi said.  "Now Sasuke, have you regained your composure?"

"My head still hurts…" Sasuke said as he stood up.  He looked around, squinting for a plate that he could hit.  All that was left was himself, Shikamaru, Ino, Shino and Chouji.  But…there were so many plates…they were all over the place.

Sasuke rubbed his eyes.  "I can't tell which plates are the real ones…" he said finally.

"Oh man!" said Kiba, throwing his hands up in the air.  "We're going to lose!"

"Well, that one looks the realest…" Sasuke decided uneasily as he threw the shuriken but it passed right through the plate.

"That wasn't even near ANY plates." snickered Naruto.

"Damn it!" Sasuke said, pounding the table in anger.

"Now we're back to this first team." Said Kakashi.  "But we skip Naruto and go right to Ino."

"Let's see…either Shikamaru, Chouji or Sasuke!" she said.  "Definitely not Sasuke.  Hm…well, sorry, Shikamaru!"

She threw the shuriken but it shattered one of Shino's plate.

She gasped.

"Oh man!" she said.  "I didn't mean to do that!  Not again!"

"Good job." Said Shino.

"So now we skip over Neji and Tenten and go straight to Shikamaru!" said Asuma, pointing at Shikamaru.

"Shino, I'm going after you for three logical reasons." Shikamaru said.  "First, your turn is next and I don't want you to hit me.  Second, you are the most competent thrower here besides myself.  Third, you only have one plate left and I'd like to eliminate you."

And he did just that.

Shino tried not to let it bother him too much, but he cursed Shikamaru and Ino on the inside.

"There's only one member left on each team!!" yelled Gai.  "And they all have two plates left!!  How riveting!!"

Asuma cleared his throat.  "My ENTIRE team is still in." he said.  "Can't say the same for any of you…"

Then the turns were skipped all the way until Chouji!  Chouji didn't want to hit Shikamaru, of course, so it came down between Ino and Sasuke.  He knew Ino a lot better so he hit one of Sasuke's plates instead.

"I'll get you back for that, Chouji." Said Sasuke.

"Me too!" said Ino.

"Don't worry about them, Chouji." Said Shikamaru.  "Neither of them will be able to hit you, I bet."

"But then YOU'LL have to get me out, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

"You're going to have to hit my plates too, Chouji." Shikamaru pointed out.

"You're right!" said Chouji.

And it was Sasuke's turn.  And he missed again.  The poor dear.

Only one skip occurred and then it was Ino's turn!  She threw the shuriken in attempt to hit Chouji but ended up smashing Shikamaru's plate.

"Hey." Said Shikamaru.

"Oops." Said Ino.  "Oh well!  I'll avenge you LATER, Sasuke!"

"No, I don't think so." Said Shikamaru.  "According to all the skips, it's my turn now and I'm hitting you."  And he did that.

"I've still got one more plate!" said Ino.  "And I go before you!"

"Chouji?" said Shikamaru.

"Right, Shikamaru!" said Chouji as he threw the shuriken and killed Ino's last plate.

"That's not fair!!" said Ino.

"Ino is out!" said Kakashi.  "So that means Team Two is out!"

"WE GAVE IT OUR ALL!!" yelled Lee.  "AND THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS!!"

"But we came in last." Said Shino.

"That's right…" said Lee.  "But Neji didn't!!"

"Lee, as thoughtful as you're being for whatever reason you have, it's getting really annoying." Neji admitted.

Sasuke was determined to eliminate Shikamaru since he only had one plate left.  He closed one eye and pointed the shuriken at one of the ten Shikamaru plates that he was seeing.

"I will have to go with my gut feeling…" he said, throwing the shuriken.  He heard a shatter and his heart leapt, only to later fall when he heard Asuma announce that he had hit one of Chouji's remaining two plates.  "Oh man… now they're both going to be going after me."

"Let me break this down." Said Shikamaru, turning to his team.  "If I hit Chouji's plate, then it would only be me and Sasuke.  Sasuke has a very small chance of hitting my plate so I would probably be able to hit his plate before he hit mine."

"So what are you waiting for?" asked Naruto.

"If I hit Sasuke's plate then Chouji would follow immediately after and only be able to hit mine, winning by default." Shikamaru continued.

"So…it's either win or lose, right?" said Sakura.

"What's the dilemma here?" said Naruto, looking confused.  "Obviously you have to hit Chouji's."

"Right." Said Shikamaru, turning back around.  He picked up the shuriken and threw it.  A plate shattered and someone was eliminated.

Chouji burst into tears.  "Oh Shikamaru!" he said.

The remains of Sasuke's plate fell to the ground.

"Sasuke, you're out." Said Kakashi.

Sasuke looked a bit out of it.  He wasn't even really there.

"Shikamaru, you're the best friend a guy could ever have!" said Chouji.

"SHIKAMARU!!!" yelled Naruto and Sakura angrily.  They needed any points they could get.

"I could never hit one of your plates, Shikamaru!" said Chouji as he picked up the shuriken.

"It's all right, Chouji, I know you have to." Said Shikamaru.

"Come on!" said Gai.  "Hurry up!"

Chouji looked at the shuriken in his hand, then at Shikamaru's plate hanging by the string.  Right next to it was Chouji's own plate.  Chouji took a deep breath and threw the shuriken, intentionally knocking down his own plate.

"Chouji?" said Shikamaru, his eyes widening.

"You're my best friend, Shikamaru!!" said Chouji.  "I told you I could never hit your plate!"

"Yeah but…" started Shikamaru, at a loss for words.

"You planned that all along, didn't you?" said Naruto.  "I knew it."

"No you didn't." said Sakura.

Neji slapped his forehead in disappointment.  He wanted to win.  Hinata didn't really care.  She loved friendship!

"Okay…so that means Naruto, Shikamaru and Sakura win!" said Kakashi.  "Chouji, Neji and Hinata came in second!  Kiba, Tenten and Sasuke came in third!  And Ino, Shino and Lee are the LOSERS!"

"How about we say 'non-winners'?" said Lee, doing quotey things.

"Whatever." Said Kakashi.  "You guys can be the non-winners."

"Good job everyone!" said Gai.  He ran up to each person and ruffled their hair individually.  "Congratulations!  You all tried your hardest!!"  Everyone looked at Gai strangely.  That was weird even for him.


	25. Haku and Zabuza: Happiness

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Zabuza/Haku

Happiness

Next to Kakashi, no other chapter got requested more besides a Zabuza and Haku story.  We never really liked Zabuza and Haku and still can't help but remind everyone that they've been dead for about seventy episodes and therefore should be forgotten.  But, this lost chapter section is for suggestions and chapters that never made it and Zabuza and Haku definitely fall into that category.

Today was a special day for Haku.  And why was this a special day for Haku?  Because it was Zabuza's birthday, that's why.  And Haku had to look his best for Zabuza so he could be happy on his birthday.

So Haku brushed his long, pretty hair and put on his nicest, girliest dress.  He also brushed his teeth an extra long time so that his smile would be extra bright since the key to a happy fatherly figure is a happy sonly figure.  Haku also took extra time wrapping the present for Zabuza in a pretty little box with gold wrapping paper.

Zabuza, on the other hand, had been a little busy killing people and wreaking havoc to even remember that it was his birthday.  It's not something a wanted fugitive usually concerns himself with.  He was looking forward to getting home and maybe going to bed early.

Unfortunately, when he opened the door, he was greeted by Haku who was ALL too happy to see him.  "Welcome home, Zabuza!" said Haku cheerfully as Zabuza came inside and looked around, noticing that the house was particularly clean and scrubbed carefully.  "Did you have a fruitful day decimating an innocent village?"

"Yes." Said Zabuza.

Haku was a little disappointed with the answer but he wasn't about to show it on Zabuza's special day.

"Okay!" said Haku.  "I ordered out at your favorite Chinese food restaurant and set the table."

"I'm not that hungry." Zabuza said.

"…Oh…" Haku said sadly.  "Well…at least let me go get your card!"

"My card?" Zabuza said with a raised eyebrow as Haku sprinted off to get the card he slaved over to please Zabuza.  He returned and handed the card to Zabuza who took it and looked over it curiously.  He read the inside over and then put it down.  He looked at Haku with a strange expression.

"Here, I got you this too!" said Haku, handing Zabuza the package in gold wrapping paper.

Zabuza sighed and took off the paper to find a whole new set of shuriken.

"I heard you saying that your shuriken were getting old." Haku said pleasantly.

"Uh huh." Said Zabuza, putting the package next to the card.

"And I also got you this toothbrush!" Haku said.  "It's been six months since your last one, after all!"

"Okay." Zabuza said.

Haku waited.  "Okay?" he said finally.  "Just 'okay'?"

"What am I supposed to say?" Zabuza asked.

"A little appreciation would be nice!" said Haku.  "I went through all this trouble to make your birthday special and you haven't even thanked me once!  Well FINE!"  Haku buried his face in his hands and ran away crying.  He flung the door to his room open, dove onto his bed with his head face first into the pillows and muffled his cries while soaking the pillow with tears.

Zabuza let out a loud groan and realized that Haku needed attention again.  He tromped into Haku's room and turned the lights on.

"Haku, stop crying." Zabuza said.

"No!" wailed Haku.  "I stay at home all day and try to give you the best birthday ever and you don't even bat an eye!"

"It's been a long day." Zabuza said.  "I just didn't feel like doing anything."

"It's all my fault for trying to make you happy!" cried Haku.

Zabuza clenched his teeth in frustration.  "Okay, fine." He said finally.  "Let's go and have the Chinese food and then I'll practice with the new shuriken you bought me and brush my teeth with the new toothbrush and then I'll…" Zabuza trailed off, trying to think of something else.  "I'll hang the card up on the wall…and…"

Haku looked up and rubbed his eyes.  "Really?" he asked.

"Yeah." Zabuza said.  "Happy now?"

"As long as YOU'RE happy!" said Haku as he jumped off his bed and ran back into the kitchen where he could welcome Zabuza in once again.  Zabuza rolled his eyes and joined Haku in the kitchen.  It was going to be a LONG night.


	26. Itachi: Palm Pilot

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Itachi

Palm Pilot

I suppose everyone was left up in the dark about Itachi and his needs to kill everyone, but especially Neji, Naruto and Kiba.  Itachi did mention something about coming back to kill them at some future date and we never actually touched on that.  You know why?  Because then they'd all be dead!  It was close to impossible to logically end that whole series of Itachi pursuing everyone's deaths.  But now, we believe we have found a way.

Itachi awoke from his slumber one bright Monday morn.  He yawned, stretched and cricked his back.  After scratching himself in a few inappropriate areas that are okay to scratch when one is alone, he reached for his palm pilot and looked up his schedule for the day.__

_9:00 AM- Go to the bank _

_11:00 AM- Spy on Sasuke_

_12:00- Meet Kisame for lunch_

_2:00 PM- Kill Sasuke's little friends_

_2:15 PM- Mow the lawn_

_3:00 PM- Pick up dry cleaning_

Itachi sighed slightly.  It was already eight thirty so he had to quickly get ready and get to the bank.  So, after getting dressed and donning his flowery cloak, Itachi was off to the bank.  He put in his ATM card and received the receipt that reminded him that he had absolutely no money in his account.

"Oh right…" Itachi said angrily.  "I remember now.  Sasuke's little friends used all my money!!"  He took out his palm pilot again and looked at the schedule to find that he wasn't supposed to kill Sasuke's little friends until 2:00 so he had five hours to let the anger inside of him fester so he could smite them more efficiently.

When eleven rolled around, it was time for Itachi to spy on Sasuke to make sure he wasn't getting TOO awesome at being a ninja.

"Wouldn't want Sasuke to get strong enough to kill me…" Itachi said to himself as he hid in a bush and watched Sasuke train.

"Wait…" Sasuke said.  "I think I'm having a revelation…"

"Uh oh." Said Itachi as he looked around for something he could use to distract Sasuke.  Finally, he spotted a giant boulder sitting off to the side.  He grabbed it and hurled it at Sasuke who had to dodge, collect himself and then figure out what could have possibly caused the boulder to just come out of nowhere like this.  "That outta put off his revelation for a little while." Itachi said as he quickly ran away as Sasuke came over to investigate.

As he ran, he looked at his watch to see that it was almost noon.  He was supposed to meet Kisame for lunch, but he didn't feel like it.  So, instead, he decided to go home and take a little nap.

He curled up on the couch and fell asleep.

A little while later, Kisame came in the door and shook Itachi awake.  "Itachi!" said Kisame.  "Itachi, wake up?"

Itachi slowly woke up.  "Oh." He said.  "Hello Kisame."

"Hi Itachi." said Kisame.  "I guess you fell asleep and accidentally slept through our luncheon again, right?"

"Um…yeah." Said Itachi as he picked up his palm pilot to see that it was already 2:10.  He slapped his forehead and stood up straight.  "When did it get to be…?!  I'm going to be late!  I have to go, Kisame.  Maybe we can do dinner or something."

"Sure!" said Kisame cheerfully.  Itachi ran out of the room so fast that it only took him approximately two minutes to reach Konoha Village.  He happened to stumble by Naruto and Kiba who were hanging out with each other since they had realized that they were a lot more similar than they had originally thought and should explore friendship.

"GASP!!!" they gasped since that seems to be their only reaction whenever Itachi shows up.

"Let's make this quick, I'm on a tight schedule." Itachi said, looking at his watch to see it tick up to 2:13.  "Where is everyone else I want to kill?"

"It'll take forever to round them back up again!" cried Naruto.

"Very well, at LEAST bring forth that white-eyed kid who suggested I try an alternative punishment!" Itachi said, tapping his foot.

"We wouldn't know where to find him." Said Kiba.

"You're lying!" said Itachi.

"No we're not!!" said Kiba and Naruto.  "HONEST!!"

"If you don't bring him here in the next MINUTE, literally, then I will destroy this entire village!" Itachi threatened.

Kiba and Naruto swallowed hard as Itachi's watch clicked up to 2:14.

"Hey…" said Kiba out of the corner of his mouth.  "It's me…Neji… I'm over here behind this tree…"

"Where?!" Itachi demanded, looking around.

"Behind this tree." Kiba repeated.

Itachi stomped over to a tree and looked behind it.  "You're not here!" he said.

"Not that tree." Kiba said.  "The other tree."

"I COMMAND you to show yourself!" Itachi said.  "If you don't then I shall kill these two here!!"

Itachi pointed at Kiba and Naruto who winced.  Itachi was just about to unleash his wrath when his palm pilot began to beep.  He moaned and pulled it out of his pocket.

"Hm…time to mow the lawn." Itachi said.  "We'll have to take a rain check on this killing thing."

He took the little pencil thing and tried to reschedule "Kill Sasuke's little friends" but got a little frustrated.  "I wish Kisame would just teach me how to use this stupid thing." He sighed.  "But if I don't reschedule it now then I'll forgot later.  Do either of you know how to do this?"

"I do." Said Kiba, holding out his hand.  Itachi handed the palm pilot to him and Kiba started tapping it in different places.  "When do you want to schedule it for?"

"Tomorrow, same time." Itachi replied.

"Okay." Said Kiba as he tinkered with the palm pilot for a minute and then handed it back to Itachi.

"So…tomorrow this should remind me to kill you tomorrow at 2:15?" Itachi asked as he put it back in his pocket.

"Oh yes." Said Kiba.  "No problem."

"Then I have to go." said Itachi.  "I'll see you both tomorrow, same time, same place."  With that, Itachi was gone.

"WHY did you do that?!" Naruto demanded, slapping Kiba upside the head.

"Hey, I didn't reschedule it!" said Kiba.  "I deleted it all together!  So now he has nothing to remind him of killing us!"

"Except his empty bank account!" Naruto pointed out.

"And whose fault is that?" Kiba said.

"Oh right!" laughed Naruto.  "It's ours!!"

"HAW HAW HAW!!" chuckled Kiba and Naruto as they both winked and gave a thumbs up to the readers and then the screen froze.


	27. Carnival: Team Gai

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Carnival

Team Gai

As we write this, it is fast approaching the 4th of Luglio, which means there's going to be parades and fireworks and CARNIVALS!! I think this calls for a chapter all about carnivals. And just so you know, the next four chapters are meant to occur simultaneously.

"I haven't been in a carnival since…forever!" said Lee to his teammates as they all paid to get into the carnival.

"I can't believe Gai's making us come to this carnival…" Neji said.

"What are you talking about?" Tenten asked. "Gai's not making us."

"Lee said that Gai said we HAD to come." Neji said. Then he stopped and turned to Lee. "Lee…you said that Gai said we HAD to come."

"I knew it would be the ONLY way to get YOU to come!" said Lee.

"Why would you want to go to a carnival with me?!" Neji demanded. "I'm leaving."

"You've already paid." Said Tenten. "You might as well stay."

"Come on, it'll be FUN!" said Lee happily. "First we can go on rides, then we can stuff our faces and then…" Lee's eyes lit up as he caught sight of the rows and rows of games to play. "Or we could start with the games…"

"Lee, you know those are all rigged so you'll spend money to keep playing." Tenten said.

"I still want to play!!" Lee said as he sprinted over to the first game he came across and laid his money out on the table.

"All you have to do is throw this baseball into one of those holes." Said the guy behind the counter as he took the money and handed Lee a baseball.

"Piece of cake!" Lee said as he wound up and threw the ball at the hole. But the ball bounced off and landed on the ground as Lee gaped in surprise, just as Neji and Tenten came over.

"See?" said Tenten. "These games are rigged."

"But…" Lee said, looking like he would burst into tears.

"Excuse me, young lady, but did you just say that my game is rigged?" said the carnival man.

"I did." Said Tenten. "It's obvious that you made the holes smaller than the baseball. At this angle and distance, it's impossible to tell, though."

"Uh…" said the carnival man as he handed Tenten a baseball. "Anyone can throw a ball into the hole as long as they have good aim! A child could do it, and I'm sure you can too!"

"It's rigged." Tenten said as she threw the baseball anyway. It passed cleanly through the hole and lights flashed and played happy music.

"We have a winner!!" said the guy into a microphone as everyone cheered.

"Oh…never mind then." Said Tenten with a shrug as she took a stuffed animal.

"That's just because Tenten has impeccable aim!" said Lee. "No NORMAL person would be able to get the baseball in there! Watch! Neji, YOU do it."

"I'm not spending my money on something stupid like…this." Said Neji.

"Here, I'LL pay for you." Said Lee as he put more money out. He mostly wanted to make sure he wasn't the only one in the entire world who couldn't get the baseball in the hole. Neji figured that as long as he didn't have to spend the money, he might as well. As soon as he threw the ball, though, he realized he was only going to end up further ruining his reputation, but to his amazement, the ball went through the hole.

"We have another winner!" said the man behind the counter. "Here you go, young man!"

He handed Neji a stuffed animal.

"Now I have a stupid stuffed animal." Said Neji as if it would kill him.

"All right, my turn again!!" Lee said, as he put down more money. He kept throwing the baseballs one after another but none of them went into the hole.

"Lee, you're wasting your money…" Tenten tried to reason with him but Lee started throwing a fit that gathered attention. The man tried to calm Lee down, but it wasn't going to work.

"I swear that those openings are smaller than these baseballs!" Lee yelled.

"Please, stop…" said the man behind the counter. "Here, I'll give you the prize if you just go away…"

"It's the PRINCIPLE of the thing!!" Lee yelled.

"Lee, just shut up." Said Neji, rolling his eyes.

"What's going on?" came a familiar voice behind him. Neji turned around to see Kiba standing there.

"Lee is outraged because he didn't win." he replied. He held up the stuffed animal that he had won a few minutes before. "And I did."

"And me." Said Tenten, holding up her stuffed animal as well.

"Oh." Said Kiba. "You just shouldn't play those games at all! Let's go guys!" He left with Shino and Hinata.

The man behind the counter was finally able to make Lee go away by giving him a prize and five dollars. "I'm so enraged!" said Lee. "I'm never playing another one of those carnival games again!"

Then Lee caught sight of "The Ship". You know, that ship that swings back and forth… I don't know if it has a formal name, but you get it if we just say, "The Ship", right?

"Guys, we have to ride the ship." Said Lee.

"I don't know…" said Tenten. "I've never really liked scary rides…"

"The ship isn't scary!!" said Lee. "There are plenty of rides that are a million trillion times scarier than this and I won't ask either of you to go on any of them as long as you come on the ship with me!" Lee got down on his knees and pleaded with Neji and Tenten.

"Lee, if you need to go on it so badly, just go on by yourself." Said Neji finally, getting annoyed that Lee was being SO annoying.

"Going on a ride alone isn't any fun at all!" said Lee.

"But there are other people on the ride." Tenten pointed out. "Why don't you go with THEM?"

"Because you guys are my best friends and I want to go with you two!!" Lee said. Then Lee was suddenly distracted because he caught sight of Sakura coming towards him. Sure, she wasn't coming directly towards him and obviously had no intention of stopping to talk to him so he would have to force himself on her as USUAL!

So he stood up and ran over to her without saying anything to Neji and Tenten.

"Sakura!!" Lee yelled, leaping in front of her, causing her to stop. "I had no idea you were at this carnival too!"

"I was actually just leaving." Sakura said, trying to step around Lee.

"Why?" Lee asked.

"Sasuke got freaked out from the House of Horrors." Naruto said, coming out of nowhere as he pointed at the Haunted House ride.

"Is it really that scary?" Lee said.

"We have to go." said Sakura as she quickly ran away.

"WAIT!!" Naruto yelled, chasing after Sakura.

"Hm…" Lee said, rubbing his chin as he returned to where Neji and Tenten were both standing singing the Yoshi song. "Guys, instead of going on the Ship, can we go in the House of Horrors?"

"Why?" said Neji. "I though you needed to go on the ship."

"I DID…" said Lee. "But, as you just saw, I happened to crash into Sakura and she mentioned that the Haunted House was VERY scary. In fact, Sasuke was so freaked out that he had to leave."

"Sasuke was?" Neji said, looking intrigued. "Perhaps I would like to take a look at that place…"

"Oh come on, the haunted house is lame every year." Said Tenten.

"Obviously it's NOT lame if Sasuke was afraid of it!" Lee said, pointing his finger up in the air.

"Okay…fine…" said Tenten with a sigh. The three of them went over to the House of Horrors and waited in the nonexistent line. They wedged into the same cart and started off into the mysterious beyond.

"I'm ALREADY scared!" said Lee before anything even happened.

Bells sounded and paintings lit up. Lee, Tenten and Neji all waited for something to freak them out.

"This is what they do." Lee said as if he knew. "They throw a bunch of un-scary things at you and just when you think that the place is dumb, a bunch of scary things come out so they're even SCARIER!"

"Really?" said Neji with a raised eyebrow. He wasn't convinced or impressed.

"I told you guys." Said Tenten as they rounded the corner and came out into the light again.

"That was disappointing." Said Lee as the ride came to a stop. They all got out of the cart.

"I can't believe Sasuke was afraid of THAT." Tenten said.

"Maybe we missed the scary part…?" Lee said.

"I am done with this place." Neji said.

"Wait, I still NEED to go on the ship!!" said Lee.

"No, we're not going on the ship." Neji said.

"Then we have to at least spend our money on overpriced food!!" Lee said. "Come on, how about some French fries?!" Lee pointed at the French fry hut that they were standing in front of.

"Can we leave after the French fries?" Neji said.

"Yes!" said Lee. "After the French fries, we can leave!"

"All right then." Neji said, getting in line.

"I still can't believe that that ride scared Sasuke." Said Tenten.

"Like I already said, we must have missed the scary part!" Lee said. "Maybe only a few carts get to see a super scary half of the ride! Like… um… every five carts that go in take a different turn and go to the SCARIEST things in the world! That way, no one would know just how scary the ride actually was!"

"Lee, why would they want four out of five people to think that the ride wasn't scary when they're calling it 'The House of Horrors'?" Neji said.

"I don't know!" said Lee. "Maybe to keep it EXCLUSIVE!"

"This is a carnival, Lee." Said Tenten. "They're not looking to make certain people happier than others."

"Hey, do you think we could get in line with you guys?" came a voice behind them. They turned around to see Ino, Chouji and Shikamaru standing there.

"Do we even know you?" said Neji.

"It's us!" said Chouji. "Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji!"

"Chouji, don't bother." Said Shikamaru. "Let's just go to the end of the line."

"Fine…" said Ino and Chouji sadly as the two of them followed Shikamaru to the end.

"What was that all about?" said Tenten.

"I know." Said Neji. "Them thinking they have the right to just walk up and ask something like that."

"I was talking about you not letting them get in line with us." Tenten said.

"Oh." Said Neji. "Well, I just don't think they should…never mind, we're next."

They got to the front and Lee ordered three tubs of French fries that were drenched in ketchup, salt and other nasty things that made all them stick together.

"I love carnival French fries." Said Lee as he happily ate some.

Neji eyed Lee and, when his back was turned, Neji quickly threw the French fries in the trash.

"Haha…mmm…" said Tenten, trying to make Lee happy by eating one.

"I'm going now." Said Neji finally.

"Oh but I don't WANT to!!" said Lee.

"Lee, you said that we could leave after you had your disgusting French fries." Neji reminded him.

"I was living in the now!" said Lee. "I just wanted French fries! I wanted them so badly that I would agree to anything! Even if you had told me I had to cut off both my arms, I likely would have agreed as long as I got French fries!"

"I don't know whether or not you're trying to help yourself or hurt yourself with that argument." Said Neji.

"Yeah, Lee, I think I want to leave too." Said Tenten. "This place is kind of…dumb. The food is bad and so are the rides."

"We only went on one ride!" said Lee. "And it was that stupid haunted house!"

"Lee, we got a nice variety." Tenten said. "One game, one ride, one bit of food…I think we can leave now."

"Only ONE of each?!" Lee said. "How about two of each!"

"Only if you cut off both your arms, Lee." Said Neji.

"I'm not THAT desperate." Laughed Lee.

"But you would have done it for French fries?" Neji said.

"I said I LIKELY would have done it." Lee said. "That doesn't necessarily mean that I WOULD have!"

Neji gave a heavy sigh. "Lee, I'm leaving now." Said Neji. "I don't care if you stay or not, but I know I'm leaving."

With that, Neji turned and walked away.

"Yeah…me too…" said Tenten as she walked away.

"FINE!" said Lee as he turned around and started crying into his hands that he didn't have any friends to be at the carnival with. Just then, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see… GAI!

"Come on, Lee!" said Gai as his teeth went PING!! "Let's have fun at the carnival all night!"

"YES GAI!" said Lee. The two of them ran off to have fun until the cows came home.


	28. Carnival: Team Kakashi

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Carnival

Team Kakashi

RRRGGG!!! We can hardly wait for you guys to see what we've done with your suggestions!! It's killing us!! Unfortunately, those chapters will not be submitted for a LONG LONG time...

"All right," said Kakashi to his students as he paid the correct amount of money to get them into the carnival. "This is supposed to be a fun break time experience but I don't want you three two wander from each other."

"How is this going to be FUN if I have to hang out with Sasuke?!" demanded Naruto, pointing at Sasuke.

"Nothing will be fun with an attitude like that." Kakashi said as they entered the park area.

"The carnival is just an excuse to squander money and eat junk!" Sakura said with a sigh.

"Let's play the games first." Said Sasuke.

"OKAY!" said Sakura happily.

"But games are lame!!" said Naruto. "I want to go on the Salt and Pepper Shakers!!"

"No way!" said Sakura. "I hate fast rides!"

"You'll all have to accommodate each other." Kakashi said.

"Hey, this is a teamwork building thing, right?" said Naruto.

"Yes." Said Kakashi. "Just be lucky I'm not making you engage in another competition with the other teams and I am, instead, being kind and generous and allowing you to go to a carnival."

So the first thing they did was go to the games.

"Step right up!" called the man behind the counter who was operating the game where you have the milk bottles and the baseball… and you have to throw the baseball at the milk bottles…but there's some kind of magnet or the bottom bottles are glued down or whatever…

"I can beat this one." Said Sasuke, handing the man some money.

"Wait, step aside!" said Naruto. "Me first, I'll show you how it's done!"

"Yeah right, Naruto." Said Sasuke, pushing him aside. "It's my money."

"Fine!" said Naruto, handing the man some money. "Just watch this!" The man handed Naruto a baseball. Naruto hurled it at the milk bottles but the milk bottles didn't budge. The baseball just bounced off and landed on the ground.

"Oh, too bad!" said the man. "You want to try again?"

"This thing is so rigged!" said Naruto. "I hit those right on!!"

"Watch THIS, Naruto." Said Sasuke.

"Go Sasuke!!" cheered Sakura. Sasuke wound up and threw the baseball at the bottles. The bottles didn't get knocked over…instead, they just shattered into a zillion pieces and littered the ground with glass.

"Oops." Said Sasuke.

"Great job, Sasuke!" said Sakura. "What prize are you going to pick?"

"He doesn't get a prize!" said the man behind the counter as he picked up his little sign that said the prices. "Look, it says you get a prize if you KNOCK OVER the bottles, not if you smash to them smithereens! Sorry, sonny, you don't win! Better luck next time."

"What?" said Sasuke. "Are you saying that that doesn't qualify as winning your game?"

"Nope." Said the man, putting down the sign. "So you don't get a prize!"

"Hey guys! What's going on over here?" said Kiba, walking over.

"This man here says that I don't get a prize because instead of knocking over his milk bottles, I shattered them!" Sasuke said, sounding more and more appalled by the minute.

"Well that's too bad." Said Kiba. "You should know that the games here are rigged. We bumped into Lee, Neji and Tenten having a really similar problem on our way to the Ferris Wheel! Isn't that crazy?"

So, without even waiting for a response, Kiba beckoned for Hinata and Shino to follow and they all frolicked off. Except for Shino who just thought he was all that and a bag of chips and was WAY too cool for frolicking even though he's only twelve.

"Geez, Sasuke, calm down!" said Naruto, noticing the Sasuke was getting WAY too angry.

"Yeah, let's just go on a ride." Said Kakashi.

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura paused.

"Wait, you're still here?" said Sakura, looking confused.

"Well fine." Said Kakashi as he walked off.

"Okay, so what ride should we go on?" Naruto asked. "Oh!! The Zipper!! Let's go on the Zipper!!"

"Look, Sasuke!" said Sakura excitedly. "The Tunnel of Love!"

"And?" Sasuke said with a raised eyebrow.

"Um…" Sakura said quickly. "How about we go over there and see if anyone we know is getting on the ride?"

"Yeah right, Sakura." Said Sasuke. "Don't insult my intelligence."

"Sorry!" said Sakura nervously.

"Sakura, I'LL go in the Tunnel of Love with you!" said Naruto.

"NO!" yelled Sakura.

"Fine!" said Naruto, crossing his arms. "Then let's go on the Zipper!!"

"I already told you, Naruto!" said Sakura. "I don't like fast and scary rides!"

"Then how about…" Naruto started, looking around for a ride that Sakura might like. Then he spotted the haunted house that they sat in a cart and rode around in at a very slow pace. That would be a very good ride because then, if Sakura got scared, she would jump on him and scream and he would protect her. "Let's go in the House of Horrors!"

"Naruto, you know that that place is the cheapest and most low budget ride in the entire park." Said Sasuke.

"Yeah but Sakura doesn't want to go on a fast ride!" said Naruto.

Sakura was having a similar thought process that Naruto was having except she decided that she would PRETEND to be scared and seek comfort in Sasuke.

"I want to go in the Haunted House!" said Sakura.

"Well I'm not going." Said Sasuke.

"We played that stupid game like you wanted to!" said Naruto. "So now you have to come in the House of Horrors…or are you scared?"

"I'm not scared." Said Sasuke, scoffing.

"You're sure acting like you are." Said Naruto.

"Fine, Naruto, I'll go only to prove to you that there's nothing scary in there at all." Sasuke said as the three of them got in line.

Then Naruto started to feel stupid. If he had just gone on the ride with Sakura then he would have been on the ride with Sakura. Without Sasuke. And it was a slow ride in the dark where girls would surely get scared. So he slapped his forehead.

They all wedged into one cart with Sakura in the middle and the ride started moving forward at an excruciatingly slow pace.

"This is so dumb." Said Sasuke, crossing his arms as they went by paintings and wax statues of 'scary' things that would light up after the cart passed a certain line.

Sakura and Naruto sighed since their plans weren't working. Naruto knew Sakura wasn't scared and Sakura didn't want to look like the stupidest person on earth by being afraid of the stuff in the haunted house so now they were being tortured.

The last thing to light up in the ride was a painting of a guy standing over a heap of dead bodies while holding a sword. It was on Sasuke's side and as he glared at it, he suddenly had many a horrible flashback.

He stuttered a little bit so Sakura and Naruto leaned over to see what was freaking him out so much. They looked at the crappily drawn painting just as the light dimmed out.

"Yes…this painting is very scary." Said Naruto sarcastically as the cart came out into the light again.

"Sasuke, it's all right!" said Sakura, noticing that Sasuke was shaking slightly. "It's just a ride! It's not REAL!"

"He's not actually scared, is he?" Naruto said, getting out. "That's so lame. Wow, I sure showed him!"

"I'm going home." Said Sasuke as he pushed past Sakura and Naruto and started making his way towards the exit. Naruto and Sakura chased after him while telling him to stop but he would have none of it.

"Sakura!!" came Lee's voice as he ran over to Sakura and stopped her. "I had no idea you were at this carnival too!"

"I was actually just leaving." Sakura said, trying to step around Lee.

"Why?" Lee asked.

"Sasuke got freaked out from the House of Horrors." Naruto said, pointing at the ride that was a little ways back.

"Is it really that scary?" Lee said.

"We have to go." said Sakura as she quickly chased after Sasuke.

"WAIT!!" Naruto yelled, chasing after Sakura.

Sasuke was on his way out of the park when he caught sight of a caramel apple stand. He looked behind him and figured he was far enough ahead of Sakura to get himself a caramel apple and be out of the place. So he quickly got in line, thinking only for that painting that loomed over him. It was Itachi.

"Hi Sasuke!" Sasuke turned around to see Ino standing there and just when he was going to scoff at her, Sakura came out of nowhere.

"Back off, Ino!" she said. "Sasuke isn't feeling well!"

"Well enough to get a caramel apple!" said Naruto.

"I want a caramel apple." Said Sasuke. "But then I'm leaving."

Sasuke got to the front of the line and paid for his caramel apple. Without uttering another word, he hurried off. Naruto and Sakura followed after him while Ino and Chouji argued about something petty…like caramel apples.

"Wait, Sasuke!" said Sakura as grabbed Sasuke's arm just as he got outside the gate of the carnival. "Is something wrong?"

"I just don't want to be here anymore." Sasuke said, taking a bite of his caramel apple and turning away from her.

"Well, now we can't get back in." said Naruto. "THANKS A LOT SASUKE!!" he called after Sasuke. But Sasuke wasn't listening. He was concentrated too much on his caramel apple and the scary dreams he was going to have that night of Itachi killing the clan.


	29. Carnival: Team Kurenai

**A lot of you folks who read the Naruto Primer every day probably noticed that there was no update yesterday. From now on, because of complications, we are no longer able to update on the weekends. But don't worry. We'll update Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, but just not on Saturady and Sunday. I hope that's all clear and sorry about that!! Enjoy!**

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Carnival

Team Kurenai

Gee whiz. Do you guys have any idea how close to submitting one million words we're are? UNBEARABLY close.

"YAHOO!!" cheered Kiba. "I'm so glad Kurenai gave us the day off so we could go to the carnival! I love carnivals! Do you guys love carnivals?" Akamaru barked to show he agreed.

"Yes!" said Hinata, nodding eagerly.

"No." said Shino.

"Well that's okay." Said Kiba. "You probably just never went on the right rides. But don't worry! We'll make sure you do the best and scariest rides!"

"It's not like I didn't like a previous experience I had with carnivals." Shino said. "I've just never been to a carnival before."

Kiba and Hinata gasped. "Never?" Hinata asked, sounding apologetic.

"Never." Shino answered.

"Have you ever had fried dough?" Hinata asked.

"As in bread deep fried in fat?" Shino said. Kiba nodded. "No."

"Well, I think we need to get Shino some fried dough." Kiba said to Hinata.

Hinata agreed immediately. "Where is the fried dough?" she asked.

"I guess the only way to find it is by looking!" Kiba said. "So let's start looking."

"Oh, and I also want to go to the Ferris Wheel!" said Hinata. "Maybe there will be some fried dough on the way to the Ferris Wheel!"

"Good idea, Hinata!" said Kiba. He stood up on his toes and shielded his eyes from the sun. "That's on the WAY other side of the park! We have to get past all the games…"

"What's wrong with that?" Hinata asked.

"Well you know those game guys at carnivals!" said Kiba. "They'll do ANYTHING to suck you in to play their rigged games! All we have to do is not make eye contact and keep walking!"

The three of them started walking through the crowds and past all the games until they heard some commotion. Even though their plan was just to run by as fast as they could, they couldn't help but be drawn to the large mass of people.

"I swear that those openings are smaller than these baseballs!" Lee yelled since he was at the center of it all.

"Please, stop…" said the man behind the counter. "Here, I'll give you the prize if you just go away…"

"It's the PRINCIPLE of the thing!!" Lee yelled.

"Lee, just shut up." Said Neji, rolling his eyes.

"What's going on?" Kiba asked Neji since he was closest.

"Lee is outraged because he didn't win." Neji replied. Then he held up a tiny stuffed animal. "And I did."

"And me." Said Tenten, holding up her stuffed animal as well.

"Oh." Said Kiba. "You just shouldn't play those games at all! Let's go guys!"

The three of them continued their journey to the Ferris Wheel. They hardly traveled at all before stumbling across more commotion, only this time it concerned Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura.

"Hey guys! What's going on over here?" said Kiba, walking over.

"This man here says that I don't get a prize because instead of knocking over his milk bottles, I shattered them!" Sasuke said, sounding more and more appalled by the minute.

"Well that's too bad." Said Kiba. "You should know that the games here are rigged. We bumped into Lee, Neji and Tenten having a really similar problem on our way to the Ferris Wheel! Isn't that crazy?"

Kiba didn't even bother waiting for a response because he felt that was enough, especially since he had just caught sight of a fried dough stand. "There!" he yelled, beckoning Shino and Hinata to follow. They all went over to the stand that was selling fried dough.

"Aren't you excited, Shino?" said Hinata.

"About what?" Shino asked.

"The fried dough!" Hinata answered as if Shino was silly for not being excited about standing in line and receiving friend dough in a matter of MINUTES!

"Um…I guess." Shino replied.

Just then, Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji came walking away from the front of the line looking disappointed.

"Guys, don't bother." Said Ino to Hinata, Kiba and Shino. "There's no more fried dough at this stand."

"What?!" demanded Kiba. "No fried dough?! We have to get Shino some fried dough!!"

"We're going to check other stands." Said Shikamaru.

"I'm SO hungry!" complained Chouji. The three of them left.

"Well now what?" Hinata asked Kiba.

"We'll have to do what they're doing and check other stands." Kiba replied. "But, since we're practically at the Ferris Wheel now, we should go on that. Then we'll find fried dough."

"Kiba, you're so nice!" said Hinata. "You're going on the Ferris Wheel for me and you're getting fried dough for Shino and you warned us about the games so we wouldn't waste our money!"

"I'm just doing what ANYONE would do…" said Kiba. Then he cleared his throat as Akamaru started barking something under his breath. "Shut-up, Akamaru. Come on guys, let's go get in line!"

They ran over to get in line for the Ferris Wheel.

"Do you guys ever hear the stories about the Ferris Wheel breaking down and getting all the people stuck?" Kiba asked as if he was about to tell a really scary ghost story.

Hinata and Shino shook their heads slowly, obviously not very interested.

Kiba could tell that they weren't very interested so he decided to MAKE them be interested. "And then all the people died?" he said.

"They died?" Hinata asked, looking concerned.

"Yes." Said Kiba. "Every single one of them."

"How?" asked Hinata.

"Starvation because they were stuck up there so long." Kiba answered.

"Even the people at the bottom who could easily jump off?" Shino said.

Kiba stuttered. "Uh…um…" he started. "Well, except for those people of course! I meant all the people who didn't get off for a whole week!"

"They died from starvation in a week?" Shino asked with a raised eyebrow.

"They were already starving in the first place!" Kiba said quickly.

"Then why were they wasting their money on a carnival instead of buying food for themselves?" Shino said.

"I don't know!" said Kiba finally. "I'm not THEM!!"

"I hope the Ferris Wheel doesn't get stuck while we're on it!" said Hinata.

"That only happens SOMETIMES, Hinata!" said Kiba. "It's nothing you should worry about!" Then he noticed that they were first in line. "Hey, it's our turn now!"

"Um…I don't think I want to…" Hinata said nervously but Kiba pulled her into the gondola and Shino got in too. She clutched onto the bar in the middle as they went higher and suddenly stopped at the top. "It's stuck!"

"No, they're just letting more people on." Said Shino, looking over the edge.

"Hinata, I just made up that story about the people dying!" said Kiba.

"That was obvious." Said Shino.

"Oh really?" said Hinata with a sigh of relief. "I was scared!"

"Yeah, they would get a ladder before they let people starve to death!" said Kiba. "So, what do you guys want to do after we get off the Ferris Wheel? Do you want to get something to eat?"

"Well, we have to get Shino some fried dough." Said Hinata.

"I meant AFTER that!" said Kiba.

"I don't NEED fried dough." Said Shino.

"Oh yes you do, Shino." Said Kiba. "You haven't truly lived until you've had some fried dough."

"We can see the entire park from up here!" said Hinata, her eyes widening.

"Look at that!" said Kiba, pointing at a fried dough stand that was off in the corner and under some shadows. "I bet there'll be some fried dough there because no one knows about it!"

"Good idea, Kiba!" said Hinata.

When the trio had finished their excursion on the Ferris Wheel that, thankfully, did not break down, they ran off to that fried dough stand that Kiba had seen earlier.

"No line at all!" said Kiba as they ran right up to the front. "Two please!"

"I want one too, Kiba." Said Hinata.

"Oh, these two are for you and Shino." Said Kiba. "I don't want one."

"Why?" said Shino.

"Fried dough is gross." Said Kiba. "Come on, _fried dough_? That just SOUNDS nasty. I'd never try something that was dough only fried."

Then the person in the stand handed Kiba a paper plate with fried dough on it. "Here you go, Shino!" said Kiba. "You should try putting sugar and cinnamon on it."

"You can eat it, Kiba." Said Shino, pushing it back towards Kiba.

"Eww, no way." Said Kiba, trying to give it to Shino as Hinata took her fried dough from the person and put some sugar on it.

"You can't expect me to eat it." said Shino.

"Why not?" said Kiba.

"If YOU won't even eat it then why should I?" Shino said.

"Because Hinata said you'd like it!" said Kiba. "And you have to eat fried dough when you come to a carnival!"

"YOU'RE not." Shino pointed out.

"Shino, I don't count because I'm normal." Kiba said. "You're not."

"That doesn't make any sense." Said Shino.

"It doesn't have to." Kiba said. "Now take the fried dough! It's hot and it's burning my hands and it smells nasty!"

"If you guys don't want it then you don't have to eat it." said Hinata.

"Shino wants it, Hinata, trust me." Said Kiba. "He just thinks he's cool by not eating it."

"Oh gross!" said Hinata suddenly. "An ant just came out of this sugar dispenser!"

"What?!" Kiba demanded, picking up Hinata's fried dough that had an ant crawling around on it. "That's DISGUSTING!!"

"Why?" said Shino.

"Because it IS, Shino." Said Kiba. "Bugs are disgusting. All bugs."

Shino raised an eyebrow.

"Shino, you put this bug in here, didn't you?" Kiba said. "Why would you do that? Thanks a lot for ruining Hinata's time. Now I can't even have fun here at all. I'm leaving."

"Oh good." Said Shino. "Now I don't have to stay."

"You're both leaving?" said Hinata. "Well…I'm not going to stay here by myself…"

With that, the three of them left. Together.


	30. Carnival: Team Asuma

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Carnival

Team Asuma

We don't have much to say about the story at this point. So we'll just tell you all that we LOVE you and appreciate your reviews and kind words EVER so much! Thank you thank you! **Oh and to Dark Nemisis; **You have our go ahead. We don't mind. (we don't know how else to contact you.) You're a good person.

"Do you think Asuma will be mad that we blew him off to go to the carnival?" Chouji asked as he, Shikamaru and Ino walked around in the carnival, searching for a fun activity.

"Well, he was being retarded by scheduling our training session at the best time to go to the carnival!" Ino said. "So I say we shouldn't let it bother us since we'll probably see him hanging around the carnival with the other teachers ANYWAY."

"If we were going to blow Asuma off, did we really have to come to a carnival?" sighed Shikamaru.

"Excuse us for not being as unbearably lazy as YOU are!" said Ino. "But we like to go out and have some fun once and a while!"

"Then why did you have to take me along?" Shikamaru asked.

"Because if just Chouji and I went then it would look like we're a couple which we're NOT!" said Ino. "But if you're here too, everyone will just assume that we're doing this as friends and team bonding!"

"Or they might think that you have TWO boyfriends." Shikamaru said.

Ino laughed. "Yeah right." She said. "Like I'd pick either of YOU two to by my boyfriends."

"I'D pick me to be my boyfriend." Said Chouji.

"Does it really matter what random people think?" Shikamaru asked. "I'm going to go home."

"No!" said Ino, grabbing Shikamaru's arm before he could leave. "If you leave now then I'm going to…um…"

"Come on, Shikamaru, it'll be fun." Said Chouji.

Shikamaru sighed. "I don't want to have to go on any rides though." He warned.

"Not even any slow rides?" Chouji asked.

"No." Shikamaru said. "Because if I want to go on a ride then I have to wait in line and then I have to actually RIDE the ride and that is just WAY too troublesome."

"Shikamaru, you are quite possibly the biggest party pooper I have ever met and ever WILL meet in my entire life." Said Ino.

"Okay." Said Shikamaru, not knowing what else to say to that.

Then Chouji's stomach rumbled. "Aw man…" he said. "Guys, can we get some fried dough?"

"I love fried dough!" said Ino. "Come on, let's get in line somewhere…"

The three journeyed long and hard until they finally stumbled across a nice fried dough stand that was near the Ferris Wheel. They waited in line for quite a long time and couldn't help but observe that people were walking away from the front empty handed.

Finally, they were in front. "Shikamaru, did you say you wanted some?" Ino asked Shikamaru.

"Fine." Said Shikamaru with a shrug.

"Three please." Ino said to the woman behind the counter.

"What about you guys?" said Chouji.

Ino gave Chouji a look and then turned back to the woman.

"We don't have any fried dough." Said the woman. "We ran out a little while ago."

"What?" said Ino. "Don't you think you could make an announcement? We've been waiting in line for a half an hour!"

"A slight exaggeration, but we have been waiting for a while." Shikamaru intervened.

"Sorry, but we don't have anymore." Said the woman with a shrug. "You can check other stands."

"You'd think that the people coming away from the front could tell the other people in line that there's no more fried dough!" Ino said, sounding angry as they walked away. She had hardly finished saying that when she saw Shino, Kiba and Hinata towards the back of the line. "Guys, don't bother." Ino told them. "There's no more fried dough at this stand."

"What?!" demanded Kiba. "No fried dough?! We have to get Shino some fried dough!!"

"We're going to check other stands." Said Shikamaru.

"I'm SO hungry!" complained Chouji. They knew that when Chouji got hungry, they had to get him some food. So, without saying another word to the team they had just met up with, they quickly hurried off to find another stand.

Instead of journeying long and hard, this time their journey took them far and wide to the nearest fried dough stand.

"Here we go!" said Ino as she quickly got in line before some other people could take her spot.

"After fried dough, what are we going to do?" Chouji asked.

"Let's go on a fun ride…" Ino said, looking around at all the awesome rides that all the other girls were most likely too afraid to go on.

"You two shouldn't go on a ride right after you eat." Said Shikamaru. "We could have a disaster on our hands."

"Come on, Shikamaru, no one ACTUALLY ever barfs on rides!" said Ino.

"You can believe that all you want, Ino." Said Shikamaru. "But you'll see just how wrong you are."

"Are you threatening me?" said Ino.

"No." said Shikamaru.

"Um…fried dough!" said Chouji. "YAY!!"

"Nice job, Chouji." Said Shikamaru.

"Chouji, why do you always do that?" Ino asked. "Whenever Shikamaru and I are trying to have a conversation, you always interrupt with something pointless!"

"I would NEVER interrupt a conversation to say something pointless!" said Chouji. "I use my pointless comments for whenever you and Shikamaru are arguing because I HATE argumentation!"

"And I knew that." Said Shikamaru. "It was obvious."

"Shut up, Shikamaru!" said Ino. "You think you're so smart just because you're a chuunin only because you're smart!"

"Ino, you're not allowed to talk anymore." Said Shikamaru.

"YAY!" cheered Chouji. "It's our turn!!"

"We'd like three fried doughs." Said Ino.

"Sorry, we just sold our last one." Said the woman.

"What?" said Chouji.

"We don't have anymore." Said the woman.

"Where can we get some fried dough around here?" Ino said, sounding annoyed.

"Some other cart?" said the woman unhelpfully with a shrug.

The three of them left the stand with their heads low. Ino's Sasuke senses started tingling so she raised her head to see Sasuke getting in line for something else that was far, far away.

"I think I'm in the mood for a caramel apple…" said Ino.

"Caramel apple?" said Chouji. "Where?"

"Let's go get some caramel apples!" said Ino as she grabbed Chouji and Shikamaru and dragged them towards the line that Sasuke was in. "Hi Sasuke!"

"Back off, Ino!" said Sakura, coming out of nowhere. "Sasuke isn't feeling well!"

"Well enough to get a caramel apple!" said Naruto.

"I want a caramel apple." Said Sasuke. "But then I'm leaving."

Then he got to the front and picked up a caramel apple and paid. "That was the LAST caramel apple!" said the man behind the counter as he slammed the window shut so no one else could come.

"Aw man!!" said Chouji. "I'm SO hungry!!"

"Chouji, can't you survive for ten minutes without eating?" said Ino.

"No!" said Chouji.

Ino looked around to see that Sasuke was gone! "Great!" she said. "Now Sasuke's gone! Thanks a lot Shikamaru!"

"Me?" said Shikamaru. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, but I can't yell at CHOUJI!" said Ino.

"Yes you can." Said Shikamaru. "He's right there."

"Oh Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

The three of them stared at each other for a moment.

"I'm still hungry." Said Chouji.

"Let's try one more place." Said Ino. They went off to find another place to get some food and found a French fry stand. But the line was EVER so long. But look! Neji, Lee and Tenten were up towards the front!

"Let's ask them if we can cut." Said Chouji.

"Yeah right." Said Ino. "They'll probably kill us. Or Neji will anyway."

"Just ask." Said Shikamaru. "But you shouldn't say 'cut'. You should say 'get in line with' because then it doesn't sound like we're cutting them even though we are."

"Okay fine." Said Ino. "But you both owe me!"

"Why do _I _owe you?" said Shikamaru but he was ignored as Ino went up to the three TEENAGERS.

"Hey, do you think we could get in line with you guys?" Ino asked, using Shikamaru's advice. Neji, Tenten and Lee turned around and looked at them curiously.

"Do we even know you?" said Neji.

"It's us!" said Chouji. "Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji!"

"Chouji, don't bother." Said Shikamaru. "Let's just go to the end of the line."

"Fine…" said Ino and Chouji sadly as the two of them followed Shikamaru to the end.

"Shikamaru, if you knew they would NEVER let us in line with them, why did you bother making me ask them?" said Ino.

"I didn't." Shikamaru said, looking annoyed.

When they finally got to the front of the line, they found to their dismay, the French fries had recently been…SOLD OUT!! NOOOOO!!

"I can't believe this!" said Chouji. "I'm STARVING!"

"Yeah and I just saw Neji throw his French fries away…" Ino said, leaning over a trashcan.

"Really?" said Chouji. "Are they still okay?"

"Ew, Chouji, don't pick French fries out of the trash!" said Ino.

"This is the worst carnival I have ever been to." Said Shikamaru. "No doubt all these rides aren't safe either. Besides, those French fries looked nasty anyway."

"So what do we do now, Shikamaru?" asked Chouji.

"I'm all for just LEAVING." Said Shikamaru.

"We haven't even done anything yet, though!" said Ino. "All we've done is go around looking for things to eat only to be disappointed!"

"Then I guess, technically, we HAVE done things." Shikamaru said. "We've looked for things to eat and then we've been disappointed."

"Oh Shikamaru, it's impossible to argue with that logic." Said Chouji.

"I can't hang out at a carnival with ONE guy, and I most certainly can't hang out at a carnival ALONE!" sighed Ino. "Fine…"

And with that, the three of them took off into the night.


	31. Puppies

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Puppies

Kiba, Hinata and Shino were hanging out. They actually wanted to train but Akamaru was missing. "He didn't even tell me where he'd be!" Kiba said. "He's actually been dodging me for a little while! I wonder what's up with him!"

"I'm sure he'll turn up." Hinata assured him.

Just then, Akamaru came stampeding up to Kiba.

"THERE you are, Akamaru!" said Kiba but Akamaru was already barking. "What?" Kiba said, looking dumbfounded. "What?"

Akamaru only continued to bark.

"Akamaru, you're only THREE!" said Kiba.

More barking.

"Yes, I know that in dog years you're twenty-one but that's still too young for you to have CHILDREN!" Kiba said.

"What?" said Hinata and Shino.

"Do you even LOVE this girl?!" Kiba demanded. "Fine, fine. How many?"

Akamaru barked. Then Kiba fainted.

Later, everyone was gathered around in the same area near Kiba who had a cardboard box filled with eleven frolicking puppies that were just a month or so old.

"I don't know what to do with them all!" Kiba said to everyone. "So I want everyone to take a puppy!"

"What?" said everyone.

"Come on!" pleaded Kiba. "It's all Akamaru's fault and I can't take care of them all! I'm sure if you hang out with them for just a little while, you'll see that they're really nice!"

Everyone backed away from Kiba who started sulking.

"I'll try it." said Sasuke suddenly.

"Really?!" said Kiba happily. "That's so nice!"

The group was a little surprised as Sasuke approached the box and looked inside. Sasuke looked at all the puppies carefully and then pointed. "That one." He said.

"No, not that one." Said Kiba. "It has a dirty mouth."

"Oh." Said Sasuke. "Then this one…"

"No, go for a guy puppy. You'll want a guy puppy."

"This one then." Said Sasuke, picking up a black puppy.

"That's a good choice!" said Kiba. "But he needs a name."

"Uh…well…I'll just call him…um…Sasuke." Said Sasuke.

"Oh!" said Kiba. "Sasukemaru."

Sasuke looked a little confused at first, then like he was going to argue, but then he figured it was pointless. "Fine, whatever." He said.

"I'll take a puppy, Kiba!" said Hinata finally.

"You will Hinata?" said Kiba. "I can always count on you!"

"I want one too!" said Sakura. "Come on, Hinata! Let's pick out our puppies together!"

Sakura and Hinata ran up to the puppies and tried to find the two most adorable and precious puppies in the lot, while also trying to get female ones. Finally they chose Cuddles and Precious.

Chouji walked up to the box without saying anything. "Hey Shikamaru!" he said. "This puppy is sleeping. You should take this puppy."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "No, that's all right." He said.

"Let's all get puppies!" said Ino, referring to herself and her team.

"That'll be fun!" said Chouji as he scooped up the sleeping puppy and two other frolicking puppies. "This one will be Shikamaru's. I'll have this one and Ino, you can have this one!"

"No, I'm allergic." Ino said.

"What?" said Shikamaru as Chouji dumped the sleeping puppy in his hands. "Whatever happened to 'let's all get one'?"

Ino shrugged.

"We can just put him back." Said Chouji.

"No you can't!!" said Kiba, jumping in front of the box. "You already picked him up so he's your responsibility!"

"We can both take care of him, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

"This is so troublesome…" Shikamaru said with a sigh.

"Well, if I'm forced to take one of these puppies, I'm going to hurry and take one of the ones that Kiba said didn't have a dirty mouth!" Naruto said.

"That's a good idea!!" said Lee. Lee ran up to the cage and pulled out the happiest puppy of them all. "I'M NAMING HIM GAI!!" he announced.

"Then I'm going to name mine…uh…" said Naruto as he picked up a random puppy that wasn't the so-called evil one. "How about… Naruto! Yeah! I think this puppy would make a good Naruto Jr.!"

"All right!!" cheered Lee. "Let's all play with our puppies!!"

The only ones that remained were Tenten, Neji and Shino. Tenten shrugged and picked up a puppy from the box. "Neji, take a puppy." Said Tenten.

"No." said Neji.

"Come on!" said Tenten.

"Well fine." Said Neji as he bent down and took the one that didn't have the dirty mouth.

Tenten looked surprised but she wasn't about to say anything. "What are you going to name yours?" Tenten asked Neji. "I'm naming mine Ninenine!"

"Ninenine?" said Neji, raising his eyebrow. "Don't you think that's a little weird?"

"Then what are you naming YOURS?" Tenten asked.

"Biscuit." Neji answered.

"I was expecting something like…" Tenten started. "Well…actually, I just wasn't really expecting Biscuit."

"I used to have a dog named Biscuit." Neji said. "But the Main House killed him."

Tenten looked shocked. "Really?" she said.

"Well, not purposely." Said Neji. "Well…I actually don't even know if it was someone in the Main House but I was taking Biscuit for a walk NEAR the Main House and he got hit by a car so I can only assume that they had something to do with it as some evil plot…well, I don't even think that the person in the car was part of the Hyuuga clan now that I think about it…"

Neji felt like it was his duty to shoot Hinata a dirty look. Hinata quickly looked away and pretended to be interested in Precious.

"Shino, you're the only one left!" said Kiba, grabbing the last puppy and imposing it on Shino.

Shino paused and looked at his puppy. "I have a girl puppy." He concluded. "I'll name her Ladybug."

"See?" said Kiba. "I told you all that you'd want puppies!"

Akamaru started whining a little bit.

"Oh stop whining, Akamaru!" said Kiba. "You know you're too young to have children. It's better this way. They'll get better homes!"

"Now what?" said Chouji as one of the puppies he was holding started to bark a little bit.

Shino looked at Chouji's puppy. "I think your puppy is looking at Ladybug weird." He said. "She doesn't like it. We have to split them up."

"How could you know something like that?" said Chouji.

"You have a mean puppy with a dirty mouth." Shino replied. "I bet he's saying all sorts of nasty things to poor Ladybug."

"You don't KNOW that!" said Chouji defensively.

"Chouji…I hang around with Kiba all day." Said Shino. "I know when a dog is looking at something else weird." Chouji frowned at Shino and put his two puppies on the ground where they could frolic with each other.

"I can already feel my allergies acting up!" Ino said, pulling a tissue out of her pocket. One of Chouji's puppies started running around her legs, wanting a playmate and it's a well known fact that puppies and other small animals are always attracted to the ones that either hate animals or are allergic. "Do you think you could all play with the puppies someplace else?"

"We don't know what to do with the puppies." Said Naruto.

"Shikamaru! Entertain this puppy so he'll leave me alone!"

"Fine…" said Shikamaru as he started snapping his fingers. "Come here, Puppy #2. Come here." Eventually, the puppy came over and Shikamaru starting petting him. "If you give him a calm atmosphere, he'll fall asleep easily."

"But what if he doesn't?" asked Tenten.

"Then it's a mutant puppy." Shikamaru replied.

"I know!" said Lee. "Let's play fetch with the puppies!!"

"I think they're a little young to play fetch." Said Kiba.

"Nonsense!" said Lee as he picked up a stick and hurled it as far as he could. "GET THE STICK, GAI!! GET IT!!"

"Gai doesn't look like he want to play fetch." Said Naruto since Gai was just staring at Lee with his mouth open and his tail wagging.

"Gai is a girl, I hope you know." Said Kiba.

"WHAT?!" yelled Lee. "It doesn't make sense for a girl puppy to be named Gai!" He moped for a bit and then thought up a solution. "Then I shall name her Gaiette!"

Chouji's puppy that wasn't being taken care of by Shikamaru had made its way over to Shino and Ladybug. Shino was tying a bow around Ladybug's ear and brushing her coat lovingly.

"Ladybug doesn't like that puppy." Shino said. "He makes her unhappy."

"You don't even know that for sure." Said Chouji.

"Oh I know it." said Shino.

"No you don't!" said Chouji.

"No, Ladybug genuinely does not like that puppy." Kiba said.

"What?!" said Chouji. "WHY?!"

Kiba shrugged.

"Geez…!" said Tenten as she almost dropped Ninenine. "This dog is evil! He's bitten me three times already!"

"Maybe he just doesn't want to be held." Said Neji.

"I don't want to hold him anyway!" said Tenten as she put Ninenine on the ground. "How's your puppy doing?"

"Um…he's…sitting here." Said Neji.

Tenten looked over at Ninenine who had started growling at the other puppy. "NO, Ninenine! Leave Biscuit alone!!"

"You'd never know that these puppies were all related!" laughed Kiba. Then Akamaru started whining again. "Be quiet Akamaru! You're not old enough to take care of eleven puppies! We've already been through this!"

Sasuke, meanwhile, had run off with his puppy. He was going to teach him tricks and show everyone that he had the best puppy of them all. "Sit!" Sasuke commanded Sasukemaru. "Sit!" Sasukemaru, strangely enough, sat down. "Good dog. Okay…now shake. Shake!" He put his hand out for Sasukemaru to shake. After a moment of waiting, Sasuke picked up the dog's hand and put it in his own. "That's shaking. Remember that."

The other group continued to play with their puppies. "Cuddles is so adorable…" swooned Sakura.

Chouji's puppy ran over to Chouji and wanted to picked up. "My puppy misses Ladybug!" Chouji called, holding his sad puppy.

"Ladybug doesn't care." Shino said, petting his.

"Why don't you let my puppy play with Ladybug?" said Chouji, walking over to Shino.

"I'm bonding with Ladybug." Shino replied.

"Don't be so mean, Shino!" said Chouji. "Ladybug doesn't REALLY hate my puppy! You're just using that as an excuse because you're anti-social and actually don't want to hang out with me!"

"You can say whatever you want, but it still won't change Ladybug's feelings about your puppy." Shino said as-a-matter-of-factly. "Really, Chouji, I have nothing against you or your puppy. I'm sure he's a lovely puppy."

"Tell Ladybug to give my puppy another chance!" pleaded Chouji.

"Ladybug wants nothing more to do with your puppy." Said Shino.

Chouji turned around and started crying on Shikamaru's shoulder. Shikamaru was holding two sleeping puppies and now Chouji was crying on his shoulder.

"Chouji, why are you crying?" Shikamaru asked.

"Because Shino is being mean!!" Chouji cried.

"You shouldn't care." Said Shikamaru. "It's just a puppy. It's not like you're looking to pursue Shino as a friend."

"You're right, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

Tenten let out a loud groan. "My puppy keeps jumping up!" she complained. "Neji, how did you train your other puppy before he died?"

"It was the Main House's fault." Neji said immediately.

"I thought we already established that it WASN'T the Main House that killed your dog." Lee reminded him.

"Oh right." Said Neji. "Well…it might as well have been."

"You can't just blame the Main House for EVERYTHING!" said Tenten, finally at the end of her rope. Especially since Hinata was standing right there.

"And why not?" Neji asked.

"Because!" Tenten said. "It's just…well, when you really think about it, they're not actually responsible for…er…most of the unhappiness that you've sort of created all by yourself!"

Neji stared at Tenten with this betrayed look on his face. Then he backed away from her.

"Hey, where did Sasuke go?" Ino asked, trying to change the subject.

It was then that Sasuke returned looking smug.

"What are you all smug about?!" demanded Naruto.

"Sasukemaru is a very smart puppy." Sasuke replied. "Watch this. Sasukemaru… who is the best ninja out of everyone?"

Sasukemaru barked in response.

Sasuke looked at Kiba who sighed. "He said Sasuke is." He said.

"Talk about a smart puppy." Said Sakura.

"That puppy is WRONG!" said Naruto.

"Hey, what time is it?" Lee asked suddenly.

"Almost six." Said Sasuke, looking at his awesome ninja watch.

"WOW!!" exclaimed everyone. "NEAT-O WATCH!!"

"Wait, did you say almost six?!" Lee said, getting over his awe. "I was supposed to be home a half an hour ago!" Then he dropped Gaiette with Kiba. "Thanks for letting me play with the puppy! See you later!" Then Lee ran off faster than the speed of light.

"Hey!" said Kiba. "You're supposed to KEEP the puppy!"

"Yeah, I told my mom I'd be home in a minute." Sakura said, putting Cuddles in the cardboard box and leaving. "Bye!"

"You guys are keeping these puppies!" Kiba said.

"I'm not allowed to have pets." Said Chouji.

"Yeah, pets are troublesome." Shikamaru agreed as he put the two sleeping puppies in the cardboard box. Chouji picked up his sad puppy and put him in the box as well. Their entire team left together since they're best friends.

"Why'd you guys lead me into believing that you'd keep the puppies?" cried Kiba.

"I'm not NEARLY responsible enough to actually keep a puppy!" said Naruto dropping Naruto Jr. in the box.

"I'm more of a bug type of guy." Shino confessed. "But I enjoyed Ladybug's company."

"Sorry, Kiba!" said Hinata. "But my dad doesn't like animals."

"And I don't need to give the Main House another opportunity to ruin my life some more." Neji agreed.

Tenten frowned at Neji. "I wouldn't be able to take care of Ninenine."

Pretty soon, only Kiba and Sasuke remained.

Kiba let out a heavy sigh and looked at Sasuke. "I suppose you're going to give Sasukemaru back too!" he said.

"Yeah." Said Sasuke. "I don't have the resources to take care of a puppy."

"I see how it is." Said Kiba sadly as he dropped Sasukemaru back in the box.

"So…what will happen to all these puppies?" Sasuke asked.

Kiba lowered his voice. "Probably to the pound." He replied.

Akamaru barked.

"Akamaru, I can't take care of all these puppies and neither can you!" Kiba said. "It's our only option!" He looked back at Sasuke. "I was planning on putting them back in the same place that I got Akamaru! That way, they'll be bought for sure!"

With that, Sasuke turned around and went back home. Kiba picked up the cardboard box. He and the very sad Akamaru made their way to the nearest pound.


	32. Naruto Primer Omake

Omake

We wrote this a while ago WAY before the Naruto Primer. It was just a short, stupid little thing that we wrote because we always thought that Chouji was really obsessed with Shikamaru and we wrote him kind of out of character. It doesn't even count as a chapter but we felt as though it would be fun to submit it anyway. So it will be referred to as the Naruto Primer OMAKE!! HURRAY!! (Oh and one more thing before we start. The puppies are fine in the pound. They were all bought within a half an hour. Sorry to concern you all.)

One day, Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji were all in the Lazy River at the local water park.

"Oh Shikamaru!" laughed Chouji suddenly. "The Lazy River seems SO much lazier with you in it!"

"Um…okay Chouji." Said Shikamaru, not really knowing how to respond to that burst of randomness.

"I'm so happy they let me ride on this double tube by myself!" said Chouji as he adjusted himself on the tube.

"Chouji, the point of the Lazy River is to relax, think and maybe even sleep." Said Shikamaru. "I can't very well reflect if you keep talking."

"I'm trying to spark a conversation, Shikamaru."

"I know that, Chouji." Said Shikamaru. "And I respect that. But you could just… I don't know… stop?"

"Sure thing Shikamaru!" said Chouji. Then he turned to Ino. "So Ino, isn't Shikamaru lazy?"

"Um…" said Ino. "Sure, Chouji."

"Oh, I see." asked Chouji with a sigh as he turned back to Shikamaru. "Are you sure you don't want to just talk the afternoon away?"

"I'm positive." Said Shikamaru.

There was a pause.

"So it's quite the lovely day today." Started Chouji. "And the Lazy River is SO lazy! I bet that's why they call it the Lazy River! Because all you do is sit in it and be lazy! Isn't that right, Shikamaru?"

"You're doing it again, Chouji." Said Shikamaru.

"Sorry Shikamaru." Said Chouji, truly apologetic. "But you have to admit that this river is just the laziest thing in the world! Well…besides maybe YOU Shikamaru!"

Then he chuckled at his own funny.

"You're right Chouji." Said Shikamaru with another sigh. "It's just so crazy."

"HAW HAW HAW!!" laughed Chouji because he just couldn't hold it in any longer. He was just feeling so incredibly jolly.

(And that's the end.)


	33. Birthday Spars

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Birthday Spars

When unmei0wa0fushigi requested this chapter, it was getting close to Sasuke's birthday. So he/she asked for a Sasuke's birthday chapter. This was kind of hard because we can't picture Sasuke inviting anyone to his birthday and therefore had to make it a SURPRISE. But then it was too much like IRUKA'S!! AHHH!! So we tried to make it different! OH WE TRIED!!

Sasuke awoke one July morning. He looked at the calendar to see that it was July 23rd. "Wow, it is officially my birthday." Said Sasuke. He stood there for a second and figured that now would be a good time for training.

So he put on his training clothes and went off to find his favorite training area. Neji's not the ONLY one with one of those things, you know!

Sasuke approached his favorite training area and looked around to see streamers, balloons, tables, food, a piñata and all sorts of other things there. All he could do at that point was stand and look confused until suddenly, all of his ninja friends leapt out from behind the trees and screamed, "SURPRISE!!!"

"What?" said Sasuke as Sakura ran up and put a party hat on his head.

"We figured you'd gone long enough without your birthday being celebrated!" said Sakura.

"So Sakura and I settled our differences, got together and threw you this huge party!" said Ino.

"Happy birthday, Sasuke!" said Kiba. "You know, my birthday was just a few weeks ago and I don't think ANYONE remembered!"

Akamaru barked at him.

"Well, I meant besides you." Said Kiba. "But you only remembered because it was your birthday too."

"And Neji's birthday was just before yours!" said Lee. "And I went over to Neji's house to wish him a happy birthday but I got turned away because apparently he was diagnosed with an extremely contagious and temporary terminal illness so I wasn't even allowed to go on the Hyuuga grounds!"

"You couldn't think of anything less extreme?" Tenten said to Neji but he only ignored her.

"Shikamaru's birthday is in less than two months, isn't that right Shikamaru?" said Chouji.

"I think we should stop talking about other people's birthday on Sasuke's birthday." Said Shikamaru.

"GOOD IDEA!" chimed everyone else.

"Our first activity is to break the piñata!" said Lee, pulling a baseball bat out from behind his back. "And I get to go first since I'm the oldest!"

"You're not the oldest, Lee." Said Neji.

"Besides, I think Sasuke should get to go first since it's his birthday!" said Ino, swiping the bat from Lee and handing it to Sasuke.

"…What?" said Sasuke who was still confused.

"We're celebrating your birthday!!" said Sakura.

"Why?" said Sasuke.

"I swear we went through this already." Said Shino.

"How about we open some presents so it can feel more like his birthday?" Hinata suggested.

"Great idea, Hinata!" said Kiba. "Guys, let's listen to Hinata!"

"Okay, Sasuke, open the present from ME first!" said Naruto handing Sasuke a poorly wrapped package.

Sasuke was still feeling a little weirded out that everyone was there in the first place so that's probably why he took the package from Naruto and opened it up only to find it completely empty!

"Okay…thanks for the…box…" Sasuke said finally.

"No, I'll tell you what your present is!" said Naruto. "It's a spar… with me!"

"Naruto, that is so lame!" said Sakura.

"You can't even leave Sasuke alone on his birthday!" said Ino.

"It's a birthday spar!" Naruto said defensively.

"The last thing Sasuke wants to do is fight you on his birthday." Ino said as if she was the official Sasuke spokesman.

"Sorry, Sasuke." Said Lee, bowing his head in shame. "I got you a spar with me for your birthday too."

"Um…so did I." Neji admitted.

"I did too." Said Shino.

"Did everyone get me a birthday spar?" Sasuke said, looking a little peeved.

"I got you a water gun!" said Kiba, ripping the wrapping off his present. Then he looked the unwrapped gift in marvel and suddenly remembered that Sasuke was the one who was supposed to unwrap it. "Oops. Sorry."

"Let's do something else!" Tenten suggested.

"How about the cake?" said Hinata.

"Yeah, good idea!" said Sakura as she gestured for everyone to run over to the table. As Ino lit the candles, Sakura handed out birthday hats. Eventually, everyone ended up wearing one. Kiba put one on Shino and Shino didn't care enough to take it off. The same thing went for Chouji to Shikamaru. As for Neji… well, I guess he didn't wear one.

What ensued was a very intense rendition of 'Happy Birthday' all for Sasuke as Ino slid the cake over in front of Sasuke. Sasuke made the same wish he always makes, to become strong enough to kill Itachi and avenge his clan, and then blew out the candles. Everyone cheered for him.

"Here, Sasuke, cut the cake!" said Sakura.

Sasuke cut the cake so there was still plenty leftover for him to bring home.

"Can I have seconds?" asked Chouji. "And thirds? And fourths?"

"I want to take this home for later." Said Sasuke, but it was okay for him to be selfish because it was his birthday.

"But I'm still hungry!" whined Chouji.

"Here, Chouji, have my piece." Said Shikamaru, handing Chouji his half eaten piece. Chouji inhaled it in about a second and also took all the girls' pieces since they were watching their figures.

After everyone finished their cake, they all sat around the table in silence.

"Now what?" asked Lee.

"Hey Sasuke, I think you should use my birthday present." Said Naruto.

"No, Naruto, I'm not going to spar with you." Said Sasuke. "Or anyone else, for that matter."

"What, are you afraid?!" said Naruto.

"No, I just don't feel like it on my birthday." Sasuke said.

"Yeah, so leave him alone!!" said Sakura.

"Guys, let's hit the piñata now!!" said Lee eagerly since he was the one who wanted to hit the piñata in the first place.

"Well… all right…" said everyone more or less.

"Sasuke goes first!" said Sakura.

Ino and Sakura led Sasuke over to where the piñata was hanging from a tree. Ino moved Sasuke's forehead protector down in front of his eyes so he couldn't see. Of course, Sasuke wasn't about to admit it but he had always wanted to hit a piñata and was just waiting for someone else to ask to hit it. Then Sakura spun Sasuke around in many many circles and finally let him go. Everyone enjoyed a good chuckle as Sasuke stumbled around foolishly and swung the stick around wildly.

"Hey Sasuke, the piñata is over there!" laughed Naruto when Sasuke had started coming towards him. Sasuke raised the stick and hit Naruto on the head. "Hey!! You hit me!!"

"I know." Said Sasuke.

"Over here!!" Sakura said, spinning Sasuke in the direction of the piñata. He walked forward and took a big swing. The piñata made sort of a hollow sound upon being hit and then, suddenly, its mouth opened and purple gas started shooting out of it.

"What…?" said everyone blankly as the purple smoke engulfed them. It didn't take them long to realize that it wasn't a good idea to let the purple smoke attack them like that so the girls grabbed Sasuke and they all quickly ran away and jumped into a tree where the smoke couldn't get them.

"Where did you get that piñata?!" Ino demanded of Sakura.

"Getting the piñata was Tenten's job!" said Sakura.

"I didn't know where to find a piñata so I asked Lee to do it!" said Tenten.

"How was I supposed to know where to find a piñata?" said Lee. "I asked Neji if he knew!"

"I knew there was a piñata at the academy." Neji said.

"Wait… you got the training piñata?" said Shikamaru.

"What's going on?" Sasuke said as he lifted his forehead protector off his eyes and back on his forehead.

"Neji got the piñata at the academy." Said Tenten.

"No I didn't." said Neji. "Lee asked me if I knew where to find a piñata. I didn't so I asked Hinata and she said there was one at the academy so I told Lee that there was one there."

"So LEE got the training piñata?!" demanded some enraged person.

"No!" said Lee. "That would be stealing! I asked Gai if it would be all right if we used the piñata at the academy for Sasuke's birthday!"

"So it was Gai?" said Shikamaru.

"No." said Lee. "I lost track of it after that."

"Well, all I know is that I brought it here because I got it from Naruto." Said Chouji.

"Kiba gave it to me!" said Naruto, pointing at Kiba.

"Only because Shino gave it to me!" Kiba said defensively.

"Gai gave the piñata to Kurenai who gave it to me." Shino answered. "I tried to give it to Shikamaru but he refused to take it. Kiba just so happened to be walking by so I gave it to him."

"Wait…so I've completely last track of whose fault it is." Said Ino looking confused.

"Wow, we certainly went through a lot of trouble to get a piñata." Observed Shikamaru. "I hope you appreciate it, Sasuke."

"It's hard to appreciate it when the piñata tried to kill me." Sasuke said, looking annoyed.

"I think the only way to solve this problem is a nice, friendly birthday spar to the DEATH!" said Naruto, pointing his finger up in the air.

"Say, what are all of you doing up in the tree like that?" came a voice from down below. Everyone was SO surprised that they fell out of the tree and landed on their bums. They looked up to see Iruka standing there. He looked at them questioningly, and then noticed the training piñata. "THERE it is! How did you get a hold of this and what happened?"

"Tenten asked Lee where to find a piñata, who asked Neji who asked Hinata who told Neji who told Lee that there was a piñata at the academy." Shikamaru began. "Lee asked Gai if it would be all right to use the piñata. Gai got the piñata and gave it to Kurenai who gave it to Shino who tried to give it to me but ended up giving it to Kiba who then gave it to Naruto who then gave it to Chouji who brought it here. None of us really knew that this was the training piñata so Sasuke hit it with a stick and then purple smoke came out."

Iruka only gaped.

"It was an accident." Shikamaru translated.

"Oh." Said Iruka cheerfully. "Well, I have to take it back now."

He took the piñata off the tree and carried it off contently.

"Well…" started Naruto.

"No, I will not spar with you." Said Sasuke.

"PLEASE?!" begged Naruto.

"NO." said Sasuke in that FINAL tone.

"How about me?" said Lee. "Will you spar with me?"

"No, I'm not going to spar with ANYONE on my birthday." Said Sasuke.

"Then I demand a spar with you first thing tomorrow morning!" said Lee.

"No." said Sasuke.

"WHY?!" cried Lee dramatically as he turned around to the closest person to him and buried his face in that person's shirt and cried. Then, after a moment of crying, he scrunched up some of the shirt and blew his nose loudly and unrealistically. When he was finally finished, he looked up to see that he had just violated Neji so. So Neji smacked Lee away and then gave him the Gentle Fist of his life that must have sent him half way across the world.

"I cannot even begin to speculate why he would do something like that." Said Neji, looking completely traumatized.

"Okay…" said Sakura slowly. "Now what?"

"Sorry, Sakura." Said Sasuke. "Your efforts were nice but I think this party is over."

"It wasn't ALL Sakura!!" said Ino angrily.

"The only reason I came was to get a birthday spar." Said Shino.

"Anyway, I always believed that birthdays are best spent with family." Sasuke said as he left. Then he came back, grabbed his new water gun, and THEN left.

"Yeah, he's right." Said Sakura with a sigh.

Everyone stood around.

"Hey…wait a second…"


	34. Lil Hinata: Rapist Ninjas

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Lil Hinata

Rapist Ninjas

This chapter was, honestly, never written. We went through so many different ideas and brainstormed forever but there were way too many curves to Hinata's childhood that made it difficult to think of a _humorous _way to depict it. But that was then. This is now.

Hinata is very dependent on people. This all roots back to her academy days when she always had her father to protect her. However, she is also very timid because when it was time for her to leave the nest, she wasn't ready. We'll show you what we mean with the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past.

It was the start of a brand new school year in the ninja academy. Hinata was nine years old and ready to go, having made all her pledges to become a fantastic ninja this year. She already had her backpack on as she ate her morning bowl of Hyuuga Flakes and waited for her father to come downstairs and tell her that they only had five more minutes.

She finished eating and waited by the door. When her father did not come down the stairs, she finally decided to go and investigate.

"Dad, if we don't leave now then I'm going to be late." Hinata said, poking her head in the room she knew her father AKA Neji's evil uncle was in reading the newspaper.

"Hinata, I believe you're old enough to walk yourself to school now." Hiashi replied.

"What?" said Hinata, sounding and looking ever so shocked.

"You better hurry along." Hiashi said.

"But…" Hinata wanted to argue but she couldn't defy her father. All she could think about was the evil jounin rapist ninjas that every small child concocts in their brains.

Hiashi could see that Hinata was distressed. So he sighed and looked at his watch. "Your cousin Neji should be walking to school now." He said. "Why don't you ask you walk with him?"

Hinata was more afraid of Neji than of evil jounin rapist ninjas. "I guess I'll just walk alone…" she said finally.

She went down the stairs and opened the door. She went outside and started walking, trying to think of something else to keep her mind busy so she wouldn't be afraid. Of course, she did feel rather silly that she was nine years old yet still needed to be walked to school by her father because she was afraid of people who would… well, I guess she was just afraid of people altogether.

As she exited the Hyuuga villa area, she automatically became more horrified. Not only were there opportunities for people to hide in bushes, but way up ahead she could see Neji walking by himself. What if he turned around at any moment and just took all of his rage and anger out on her just as people jumped out of the bush and attacked her?

Hinata shook her head and tried not to think of those things. She wanted to walk more quickly so she'd get to the academy faster, but she didn't want to walk more quickly because then she'd end up having to get closer to Neji and eventually pass him. She didn't want to pass him because it was always so unpredictable what would offend him on which days. So she just kept going at her constant pace while trying to keep her breathing steady.

She was more relieved than humanly possible when she saw the academy up ahead of her in the distance. She felt the urge to run towards it so she'd be safe, but she'd never be safe with Neji obstructing her path.

The walk was slow but she finally made it in one piece. Neji went to his classroom, not even acknowledging her but she knew he knew she was there, and Hinata went to her class where all of her classmates were already hanging around, waiting for Iruka to start the class.


	35. Lil Tenten: First Place

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Lil Tenten

First Place

We've touched on this a million times, but you all know that Tenten has absolutely no character development so that is the reason why she didn't get a Lil chapter the first time around.  We TRIED to write one for her and for a little while she was going to be going out for Halloween but we decided that would be a better one for Itachi in the first Naruto Primer.  But like we said before with Lil Hinata, this is exactly where Tenten's Lil chapter belongs.  In the LOST chapters!  Unfortunately, this will probably be another one of those chapters that is more than half dedicated to Neji and Lee and only LABELED as a Tenten chapter but that's what happens!

Tenten wasn't ALWAYS in the shadows of her teammates!  Mostly because they weren't always her teammates!  But that's beside the point!  Let's show you with Tenten's version of the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past!!

It was the last day of school and Tenten was ten years old.  Iruka was standing in front of the class with the list of students, preparing to ramble off the ranks in the class so each person would know what they had to work on for the next school year.

"Once again, the student that took first place for five years running is Hyuuga Neji!" Iruka announced.

Tenten leaned over and looked down the line to see Neji sitting in his seat looking as though he couldn't care less what rank he had.  Of course, Tenten knew he WOULD care if he was in one of the last places but she decided to pay attention since Iruka was about to announced the best female ninja in the class for the year.  The other boys in the class groaned.

The year before, Tenten had been the second best female ninja.  The year before that, she had been the third best.  And yes, the year before that she had been the fourth best.  She was pretty confident with the fact that she was slowly moving up in rank and only hoped that she could win first place.

Unfortunately, the girl who had been in first place had been in first place for the past five years, just like Neji.  Still, Tenten had been working harder than she had ever worked over the entire year and was hoping that her hard work would pay off.

"The first place female ninja in the class is Tenten!" Iruka said.

Tenten threw her hands over her mouth to keep herself from gasping too loudly.  The other girls in the class gave sighs of sadness, but especially the girl who was in first place for the past five years and now had to settle for second.

But Tenten didn't care.  Now she was the best female ninja in the class.  She'd be the one called up to do examples and demonstrations with Neji.  Somehow she would have to hold on to that title.  The only thing she could think of was different ways she could train herself for next year as Iruka continued to go down the list and announce everyone else's ranks.

"And…er…again…" Iruka said as he reached the end of the list.  There was a moan and then the sound of someone's head slamming down on the table.

Tenten shook her head at that Rock Lee.  He would never amount to anything.

Now that school was over, Tenten could do all sorts of things!  She figured she'd go out to ice cream with her friends to celebrate the end of the year and, secretly for herself, her new rank in the class.

All the other grades were running around and being happy that they were free outside the academy.  Tenten tried to find her friends, but it was close to impossible in the mob.

"Great job, Tenten!" came a voice behind her.  She turned around and expected to see one of her friends but was only faced with Lee.

"Oh…hi Lee." She said.

"Bye!" said Lee as he quickly ran off to go and train, and probably congratulate other people too.

Tenten watched him go and then realized that if she wanted to stay the best female ninja in the class then she would have to work at it too.  She couldn't just go out to ice cream whenever she felt like and most certainly could not take a break at any point.  And as she looked around, she could tell which kids had ranked first in the class and which had ranked last because those were the ones hurrying off into the forest to find a place to train as opposed to hurrying off to celebrate.

There, on the steps of the academy, Tenten made a vow.

"I vow to become a great female ninja, just like Tsunade!" she said, putting her hand over her heart.

With that, Tenten ran off to find a clear spot in the forest to train.


	36. Iruka: Day Spa

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Iruka

Day Spa

"I had this a dream a few nights back where Neji was saving a pack of dolphins from certain doom. Then he was eaten by a shark. I think my dream is trying to tell me that there's a secret vicious love triangle between Iruka, Neji and Kisame. But what do I know?" quoth Link

Iruka is random.

He kind of fizzled out after the first two or three episodes, popping up every once and a while to do some foolish only to disappear a moment later. While he's an amusing character to have fun with and force to frolic and play the Eskimo way, I think he should be able to enjoy his retirement in a more relaxed fashion. So we're sending him to a day spa.

"A day spa?" said Iruka. "Golly gee! No one's ever done something so nice for me before!"

With that, Iruka was sent off to the day spa. Beautiful women whisked him away to be massaged and help him with his relaxation. Iruka could literally ask for no more.

Now, while we COULD go into detail about how relaxing Iruka's day spa adventure was, we will, instead, interrupt his day spa adventure.

Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai and Gai all crashed through the window while Iruka was right in the middle of getting his facial with the cucumbers on his eyes and everything! The women screamed in terror and ran away as fast as they could like roaches under the light.

"Iruka, watch out!" said Asuma. "This day spa is a secret base for all sorts of evil ninjas just WAITING to catch you off guard!"

"What are you talking about?!" demanded Iruka, taking the cucumbers off his eyes so he could see the perpetrators. "I'm trying to relax! Can't you leave me alone?"

"Iruka, he's right." Kakashi said.

"Why do you think all those women ran away like that?" Kurenai said.

"Because you four just crashed through the window and there are shards of glass everywhere?" Iruka suggested.

"That can't possibly be the reason." Gai said ignorantly.

"All right, that's enough of this." Said Iruka, trying to shoo the four of them back through the window. "Why don't you all head home? If there's any evil ninjas around, I'll make sure to call you."

"But Iruka, you're only a chuunin and couldn't possibly take care of yourself!" said Asuma.

Iruka was about to go crazy with rage when, suddenly, a bunch of evil ninjas dropped from the ceiling.

"HA!" laughed Gai. "How about them apples, Iruka?!"

"Okay, fine!" said Iruka as he jumped behind his four jounin friends. When it came to training piñatas, it offended him to be rescued but when it came to a gang of evil ninjas, he didn't mind having a few protectors.

"Don't worry, Iruka, we're here to protect you." Said Kurenai as she spread her arms out in front of Iruka.

The jounin teachers then engaged themselves in the fight of the century as Iruka only sat by and watched. He started to wonder why someone would send him to a day spa that was run by evil ninjas.

"I thought you guys were just being nice!" whined Iruka. "But you were aiming only to humiliate me!"

Be silent Iruka!


	37. The Girls: Feminine Magazine Adventure

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Girls

Feminine Magazine Adventure

A few people mentioned that they wanted Sexy Ninjas Unlimited to come back somehow and have everyone's reactions to finding themselves or their teammates in the magazines.  Now, since the men had their Manly Sleepover, we decided to give the girls their… Feminine Magazine Adventure.

Tenten is our avid magazine reader.  She orders Sexy Ninjas unlimited and gets it in the mail monthly.  It had been nearly three weeks since the incident in which four of the boys had been whisked away to pose for the magazine so it had escaped EVERYONE'S minds by that time.  But now, as she pulled the magazine out of her mailbox, she remembered.

And, since all the girls were over her house ANYWAY, she sprinted back inside to show them.  Unnecessary screeching ensued as everyone proceeded to push each other to get the best spot over Tenten's shoulder to look at the magazine.

"Look at all the pictures of Sasuke!" shrieked Sakura and Ino.

"Which ones were in the magazine again?" Hinata asked.

"Well, let's see." Said Tenten.  "Kiba, Shikamaru, Sasuke and Neji.  All the sexy ones!"

"Oh." Hinata said, nodding.

"I'll never forgive them for walking out and not giving us the opportunity to be in the magazine." Sakura sighed.  "And I was paired up with Sasuke!  I don't believe it!"

"Believe it, Sakura." Said Tenten, at a loss of anything else to say.

"All right, I want this picture!" Ino said, pointing to a picture of Sasuke just standing there like a knave.  "Rip it out, Tenten."

"No way!" said Tenten.  "This is MY magazine!  I'm not just going to rip out a page!"

"But you're not nearly as obsessed with Sasuke as I am!" Ino whined.

"No, no, no!" said Sakura.  "We should do it like this; I get all the pictures of Sasuke, Ino gets all the pictures of Shikamaru, Hinata gets all the pictures of Kiba and you can get all the pictures of Neji!"

"Why would I want all the pictures of Shikamaru?" said Ino.

"Because you're on the same team as him and you're OBVIOUSLY flirting with him ALL THE TIME." Said Sakura as if she knew.

"No I'm not!" said Ino angrily.  "I hate it when people say we are!  My dad always gives me a hard time too!  We're just friends, that's all!"

"Sure, sure." Said Sakura.

"Yeah and who says I want to take pictures of Neji?" said Tenten.

"You said yourself that you would choose Neji." Sakura reminded her.

"Yeah." Said Tenten.  "BEFORE LEE.  I'm not feeling any attraction towards Neji at all."

"You don't have to feel attraction for someone to think they're sexy!" said Sakura.  "I don't like Neji, Shikamaru or Kiba but I have to admit they look sexy in this magazine!"

"Well, the magazine IS called Sexy Ninjas Unlimited…" Hinata said.

"Hinata, I notice you didn't object when Sakura said you can keep all of Kiba's pictures." Ino said.

"Even though we're not ripping the pictures out ANYWAY." Tenten added.

"Well…it's just that…" Hinata said nervously.  "We're friends and I didn't want to put him down."

"He's not even HERE!" Sakura pointed out.

"Besides, you can't tell me that you don't notice Kiba is practically obsessed with you." Tenten said.

"What?" Hinata said obliviously.

"Oh my god, look at this picture!" Ino squealed, pointing to another picture of Sasuke.  The girls swooned over Sasuke's being for a little while, turned the page and then swooned over his begin some more.

"There seems to be more pictures of Sasuke in here than everyone else." Sakura observed.  "There's practically none of Neji at all."

"I'm not surprised." Tenten said.  "It kind of surprised me that Neji even went along with her.  I guess that means secretly deep down inside, Neji actually wants to be a model."

Hinata coughed a bit.  "I don't know about that." She said.

"I wish I had a copy of this magazine!" said Ino.  "Tenten, where did you subscribe?"

"I don't remember." Tenten answered.  "It was a while ago.  I get these little subscription renewals in the magazine now."

"Can I have one?" Ino pleaded.

"Sure, I guess." Tenten said, ripping out the subscription renewal and giving it to Ino.

"I want one too!" said Sakura.

Tenten went under her bed and pulled out another Sexy Ninjas Unlimited magazine and took THAT subscription renewal out.

"You want one too, Hinata?" Tenten said, waving another one in front of Hinata.

"Um…no, that's okay." Said Hinata.  Whether she actually meant it or not is still a mystery to even me!

"She wants one!" said Ino.  "She just doesn't want to say it!"

"It's all right." Hinata insisted.

"Just give it to her." Sakura said.

"All right, Hinata, but just in case you ever want something to read." Tenten said, putting the card in Hinata's hand.

"Um…" Hinata started, turning bright red.

"See?" said Ino.  "See how she's not dropping it or putting it down?"

"It's all right, Hinata!" said Sakura.  "WE all like Sexy Ninjas Unlimited!"

"We all like sexy ninjas!" Tenten corrected.  All the girls giggled at the lamest joke ever except for Hinata who was still trying to recollect herself.  They had a little party where they all renewed subscriptions or subscribed for the first time.

"I'll have to start getting the mail at the beginning of each month." Ino said.  "I don't know what my dad would do if he found out that I subscribed to a magazine without his permission… especially THIS one!"

"Oh!" said Tenten.  "I just remembered!  A while ago, I caught Naruto with a bunch of pictures that he took of these four to get back at them for getting in the magazine when he didn't.  Let me find them…"

Tenten looked around on her shelf for a moment before she pulled out a small envelope filled with pictures.

"What are you guys doing in a hole?" Sakura asked, picking up the picture that was at the top of the stack.

"I thought I took that one out!" Tenten said, snatching it away.  "Naruto mainly took it because Iruka had just pushed Neji in the hole."

"Yeah but…why were you and Lee already in it?" Ino asked.

"It was training!" Tenten said.

Everyone nodded and pretended as though they believed her even though they DIDN'T.  So they chuckled warmly at the pictures for a little while before finally reaching the end of the pile.

"He explained to me why each picture was stupid!" Tenten laughed.

"That Naruto!" said Sakura.  "He should just take a picture of HIMSELF and put it in his magazine of stupid ninjas!"

"Uh…" Hinata started but no one heard her.  She was ABOUT to stick up for Naruto but then she got to shy.  Instead, she only sat there quietly.

"Okay…so now what should we do?" asked Ino.

It was silent.

"How about we spy on Sasuke?" suggested Sakura.

"OKAY!!" cheered everyone as they jumped up and were out of the door faster than you can say… Sexy Ninjas Unlimited!


	38. Genma n Hayate: Some Sugar for Genma

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Genma/Hayate

Some Sugar for Genma

I can't even begin to fathom why but Genma and Hayate are frequently paired up as lovers, as well as Iruka and Kakashi. Now, since we are morally opposed to Iruka and Kakashi lovin', we decided to lean towards Genma and Hayate lovin' even though Hayate's dead. OH WELL!! And, yes, this chapter is Yaoi filled but not really…but if that sort of stuff gives you the willies just thinking about it, then feel free to skip this chapter.

One day, Genma and Hayate were on their morning stroll, skipping through the park and whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears. Only recently had they decided to make their love official.

They decided to sit down at a park bench and talk a bit.

"So…we've been together for almost two weeks now…" said Genma.

"Yes." Said Hayate, coughing a bit.

"So…when do you think we'll…" Genma started but then he looked away and pretended to be interested in the birdies.

"How about now?" Hayate said.

The two of them closed in to exchange the most precious thing two lovers can share. But Genma's toothpick poked Hayate in the chin, and Hayate exploded into a mad coughing fit. This, of course, caused both contenders to back away from each other before their original purpose could be fulfilled.

"That was unsuccessful." Genma said finally.

"Yes." Said Hayate as he regained control of his coughing.

"Now what?" asked Genma awkwardly.

"Um…how about we continue our walk?" Hayate suggested.

The moment was ruined. There was no way they could have tried again at that point so they mutually decided to go on another frolic.

This time, they found themselves in a field of flowers and dandelions that were not yellow yet. The dandelions were still in their white form when you could pick them up and make a wish with them.

The two of them grabbed each other's hands and swung around in circles while a famous love song played in the background. Finally, they collapsed from exhaustion and lied down in the tall grass while looking up at the sky, watching the clouds change form.

Genma picked up one of the dandelions.

"Are you making a wish?" Hayate asked.

"Yes." Genma answered. "But I can't tell you what it is."

He blew on the dandelion and the white seeds floated up in the air and were taken away with the wind.

"Do you think my wish will come true?" Genma asked.

"I hope so." Said Hayate as he leaned over to put some sugar on Genma's lips but suddenly started coughing, which caused Genma to quickly push him away. "Sorry…allergies…"

Awkward silence followed.

"Okay…let's go somewhere else." Genma said. He stood up and he and Hayate raced to the bicycle they had brought. Hayate got on the seat and Genma sat on the handlebars and they started peddling off.

"It's so nice out today." Said Hayate.

"I wish forever could be like this." Sighed Genma.

He was just about to lean back and snuggle Hayate a bit but Hayate suddenly started coughing, which caused him to lose control of steering, which caused them to careen out of control and tumble over a gorge.

Hours later, the two of them emerged from the gorge and, other than being a little beat up, both were all right.

"Maybe we should just head home." Hayate said.

"Good idea." Genma said.

First they went to Genma's house.

"Well…see you tomorrow." Hayate said as he turned to leave.

Genma stopped him by grabbing his arm. "Don't you think that you could…?" he asked, taking the toothpick out of his mouth.

Hayate nodded and the two of them, once again, closed in.

And the two of them were, once again, forced to tear away by Hayate's coughing.

"Look, I can't deal with this." Genma said finally.

"Sorry, I'm not feeling well." Hayate said.

"Hayate, you KNOW I love you but if this is going to continue like this… I don't know what I'll do." Genma said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a cough drop. Then he stuck the cough drop in one of Hayate's pockets. "Try to do something about your cold and then call me."

Then Genma opened the door and shut it behind him without saying anything else.

Hayate slowly walked away from the house. "Damn." He said as he popped the cough drop in his mouth.


	39. Teams

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Teams

The reason why this chapter is rather long is because it was originally going to be an independent submission. But then we decided that it would make more sense to just throw it in along with the Naruto Primer Lost Chapters even though it wasn't really a lost chapter. But then the chapter was too long so that's why we split it up.

"We've decided that you guys don't have enough fun as ninjas so we figured what could possibly be more fun than a rousing game of capture the flag?" Kakashi announced.

"Capture the flag?" said everyone, looking annoyed.

"We tried to make the teams as fair as possible." Said Gai, whipping out a piece of paper.

"So that means that Sasuke, Shikamaru, Lee, Sakura, Tenten and Hinata are one team while Kiba, Shino, Ino, Naruto, Neji and Chouji are on another!" said Kurenai.

"How are these teams as fair as possible?" said Neji.

"We're not at liberty to tell." Said Asuma

"What about me?" asked Ino. "I'm the only girl on my team!"

"Just deal with it." Said Kakashi.

"So we found these shirts you could wear so you'd know who's on which team!" said Gai. Everyone groaned as Gai pulled a mound of shirts out of a box. There were two colors; pink and blue.

"Now, since this team has most of the girls on it, we're going give the pink shirts to this team." Said Kurenai as she took the pink shirts from Gai and tossing them to…the team that had only ONE girl on it!

"That doesn't make any sense!!" whined Kiba.

"Asuma refused to put Shikamaru in pink." Said Kakashi. "The rest of us didn't care."

The males glared at their teachers who didn't care.

"SO ANYWAY!!" said Gai as he gave the remaining blue shirts to the other team that had Shikamaru on it. Both teams (most of them rather reluctantly) pulled the shirts over their heads.

"Let's get this game started!" said Asuma.

"You have to pick a team leader." Said Kakashi.

At the sound of that, the teams immediately turned to one another to discuss things.

"I think Sasuke should be leader!" said Sakura.

"I agree." Said Tenten.

"But Shikamaru is a chuunin!!" said Lee.

"Well…he IS." Said Hinata.

"So it's down to our votes." Said Shikamaru, turning to Sasuke.

Sasuke glared at Shikamaru. "You take it." he said.

Shikamaru looked surprised. "Really?" he said.

"Yeah." Said Sasuke. "You gave me the MVP point in the baseball game when it came down between the two of us last time."

"Well, all right." Said Shikamaru. "It's troublesome, but whatever."

The other team was having a rather tough time deciding with both Kiba and Naruto who were obsessed with being a leader. So, while Kiba and Naruto fought in the background over who got to be leader, Shino, Ino, Neji and Chouji decided to be productive.

"I don't want to be leader." Said Chouji.

"Neither do I." Ino said.

Shino looked at the other three and then took a step back, clearly expressing that he did not want to be leader either.

Neji wasn't about to argue about his leadership role so they called Naruto and Kiba back over to have a vote.

"I vote for ME!" said Kiba, looking angrily at Naruto.

"And I vote for me!" Naruto said back.

"And the three of us vote for Neji." Said Ino, pointing to herself, Chouji and Ino.

"I vote for me too." Neji said.

"WHAT?!" yelled Kiba and Naruto.

"Here are the flags." Said Kurenai out of nowhere as she handed the pink flag to Neji and the blue flag to Shikamaru. "You can hide them anywhere you want but they have to be visible, meaning you can't bury them or hide them under something. And you can't carry your own flag at any point!! If someone has your flag then you have to fight them and win in order to get it back."

"Since we're ninjas and all…" Kakashi added. "You are also allowed to attack members of the other team for no reason. If you knock out or incapacitate everyone who is not on the same team as you then your team automatically wins. Or, you could do it the friendly way and just steal the other flag and bring it back to us."

"There will be MVP awards given out in this competition too, so do your best to contribute to your team!" said Gai. "It will only be teacher awarded MVP points though and it will only be given to one person on each team!"

"No using the Byakugan to find the flags." Said Kurenai especially to Neji and Hinata. "If you two use the Byakugan other than to fight then you will be immediately disqualified."

"And—" began Kakashi.

"Enough with the rules!" said Naruto. "Can we just start?!"

"Well then." Said Kakashi, looking slightly offended.

"He has a point, though." Said Asuma. "Let's get them started already."

"You have ten minutes to hide your flag!" said Gai, putting his arm up. "GO!!"

The two teams darted off in separate directions.

"All right, where should we hide our flag?" said Tenten to the Blue Team.

"Before that, we should decide on a strategy." Said Shikamaru. "As the Team Leader, I'm suggesting that we use the buddy system just in case a member on the other team decides to engage in a fight with one of us."

"That's a good idea!" said Lee.

"Sasuke, you go with Hinata." Said Shikamaru. "Lee, you go with Tenten. I'll go with Sakura."

"But I wanted to go with Sasuke!" whined Sakura.

"And I wanted to go with Sakura!" Lee joined in.

"That's why I put myself with Sakura and put Sasuke with Hinata." Shikamaru said smartly.

"What about the flag?" said Sasuke. "Where are we going to put that?"

"I'm working on that." Said Shikamaru.

Meanwhile, the Pink Team wasn't being NEARLY as strategic. It's kind of hard to match up with the Blue Team strategy-wise considering they have Shikamaru on their team.

"Let's all run around together as a big mob and ambush everyone one by one and take them all out!" said Naruto. "And we'll start with Sasuke!!"

"That is the worst idea I have ever heard." Said Ino.

"We should start with hiding our flag." Neji said.

"I've got it!!" said Kiba. "Let's dig a hole in bury it!!"

"The teachers said we're not allowed to bury it." said Chouji.

"Oh…" said Kiba, thinking. "In that case, let's hide it under a big rock!!"

"We're not allowed to do that either." Chouji said.

"Then I've got nothing." Said Kiba, shrugging flamboyantly.

"They said it had to be visible…" said Naruto thoughtfully. "What if we buried it… SLIGHTLY?"

"No, we're not going to bury the flag." Said Ino as-a-matter-of-factly.

"It's not fair!" said Kiba. "It's easier to hide a blue flag than a pink flag! We should complain!"

"And what do you think that would prove?" Neji said. "Do you actually believe our psychotic teachers would listen to anything we have to say?"

"Let's just hide it already." Said Shino who was obviously getting impatient.

The Blue Team reached a small ledge that hooked under slightly. "As long as it's visible…" said Shikamaru, grabbing a shuriken and impaling the flag so it was sticking out of the side of the cliff so that it wouldn't be visible unless one bent over and looked under the cliff.

"Is that really a good hiding spot?" Sasuke said, crossing his arms.

"Oh yes." Said Shikamaru. "It is."

"How much longer until the game officially starts?" asked Hinata.

"Any minute." Said Shikamaru.

"Now, are we going to be trying to incapacitate the other team or are we going to be trying to find the flag?!" said Lee as he threw some punches to show that he was ready to go.

"I think we should just go for finding the other flag." Shikamaru said. "If we get the chance, we could always make their numbers smaller. Honestly, I don't think they're going to try to get rid of all of us instead of going after the flags since we have so many girls on our team."

"Wow!" said Sakura. "I never realized that that was an advantage!"

"Yeah, a lot of guys don't like hitting or beating up on girls." Tenten agreed.

"Kiba wouldn't, I don't know about Shino, Ino wouldn't be able to do the job, Naruto wouldn't, Chouji wouldn't and Neji…well, he would." Said Shikamaru, counting off on his fingers.

Hinata coughed nervously.

"They'd all be easy to eliminate." Said Sasuke.

Meanwhile, the Pink Team reached a small pool of water. "Make sure it's visible, okay?" said Neji as he handed Naruto the pink flag. "We don't want to get disqualified for your stupidity."

"Yeah, yeah!" said Naruto as he grabbed the flag and jumped into the water. He swam to the bottom and stuck the flag in the bottom with a shuriken. Then he swam back up. Everyone assessed the location and decided that it was visible enough.

"All right," said Kiba. "One or two people should stay here to watch the flag."

"Then they'd know where the flag was." Said Shino.

"Aw man…" said Kiba. "I want at least ONE of my ideas to pull through!!"

"Now, are we going to actually look for the flag or just beat everyone else up on the other team?" questioned Chouji.

"I'LL take Sasuke!!" said Naruto. "You guys can decide amongst yourselves who you're going to beat up."

"I don't think we should do it that way." Said Ino. "It'll be easier in the long run to just look for the flag."

"But that's the boring way." Whined Naruto. "Plus, THEY'RE going to be gunning for US!"

"I doubt that." Ino said.

"ATTENTION!!!" Gai yelled, coming out of nowhere and screaming into a megaphone so everyone jumped thirty feet in the air out of sheer surprise. "I just came to tell you that you can start running around foolishly in attempt to get the flags now."

"Thanks…" said everyone, looking at Gai in an annoyed fashion. Then Gai skipped off to inform the other team.

"Every ten minutes, meet back here." Said Neji. "That way, we'll be able to discuss our hypothesizes on the location of the other team's flag and we can also find out if anyone has been knocked out of the competition; on our team OR the other team."

"LET'S GO!!" yelled Naruto enthusiastically.


	40. Capture the Flag

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Capture the Flag

Might we say that you folks AMAZE us with how fast you can read and review.  I swear, we submit the chapter, answer the phone and suddenly there's a review in our email box.  Our hats off to you and keep it up!

The Blue Team split up in their buddy groups.  Sasuke and Hinata were the official "beat up anyone who might come our way" team, Sakura and Shikamaru were the official "decoy away from our flag" team and Lee and Tenten were the official "find the other flag" team.  Of course, if these teams just so happened to overlap then it was okay.

"All right, so you know the plan?" Shikamaru said to Sakura.

"Yeah, I know the plan!" Sakura said with an exasperated sigh.

"Just making sure." Said Shikamaru as he sat down on the ground in front of a huge rock.  "If you mess this up then we're screwed."

"Why don't you worry about yourself?" said Sakura, rolling her eyes.

"You BOTH need to worry about yourselves!!" came Naruto's voice as he jumped out of a tree.

"Naruto!" said Shikamaru.  "How…?"

"Ha!" said Naruto.  "I WAS going to just beat you up, Shikamaru… not you of course, Sakura!  But now I figure that I'll, instead, just take your flag and end this game quickly!!"

"What makes you think the flag is around here?" said Sakura, moving towards Shikamaru.

"Because you two are obviously guarding something!" said Naruto.  "Thanks to Shino and Kiba, I got the idea that if someone is guarding an area then the flag must be nearby!"

"Then we'll just have to keep you here." Said Shikamaru, standing up and performing a hand seal.  "Kagemane no Jutsu!"

His shadow extended and attached to Naruto's.

"You can't keep this up forever!" said Naruto.  "Once you run out of chakra or one of my teammates come along, we'll get the flag and win!"

"He's got a point, Shikamaru." Said Sakura.

"Quiet." Said Shikamaru.

Just then, there was a rustling from the bushes and Shino appeared.

Shikamaru and Sakura looked at each other.  Then Shikamaru dropped the jutsu and he and Sakura took off running.

"I am triumphant!" cheered Naruto, doing a little dance.

"What?" said Shino.

"Great job Shino!" said Naruto.  "The flag's around here somewhere!  Let's find it before they come back with reinforcements!"

"Are you sure it's around here?" Shino asked as he started looking.

"Yeah!" Naruto answered.  "I'm positive!"

Meanwhile, Sasuke and Hinata were observing Chouji walking around in the forest by himself.

"Um…should we?" Hinata whispered nervously to Sasuke.

"It's a little suspicious." Sasuke answered.  "Why would Chouji just be walking around by himself?  There's probably other people waiting for him to be ambushed so they can jump out and ambush the ambushers."

"Can you sense anyone?" Hinata asked.

"No…" Sasuke said.  "But some people can be pretty tricky and I don't know much about them.  Like Shino.  And Neji."

"Oh…I see." Said Hinata.

The two of them watched Chouji walk away and then they jumped out of their hiding spots.  "This is going to be harder than I thought…" Sasuke said with a frown.

"So what do we do?" asked Hinata.

"Let's find Lee and Tenten and team up with them." Sasuke replied.

"But I thought they were looking for the flag." Said Hinata as she started following after Sasuke.

"They are." Sasuke said.

"But isn't that an important job?" Hinata said, a little confused.

"I personally think it would be easiest to just take out all the members on the other team instead of wasting time looking for a flag." Sasuke said.  "We're ninjas, not…flag finders."

"I suppose…" Hinata said tentatively.

Meanwhile, Neji was trying to find the flag while also suppressing the urge to use the Byakugan to do so.  He heard something behind him make a sound so he whirled around all ready to smite the sound creator with his Gentle Fist only to see Kiba.

"Geezers!" said Kiba, jumping back in surprise.

"What are you doing?" Neji said, lowering his hands.

"I just thought two heads would be better than one!" Kiba answered.  "And you just so happened to be the first person I stumbled across!"

"Whatever…" said Neji, turning around only to see Ino standing in front of him.

"I'm nervous about being out there alone!" she whined.  "Can we travel as a pack by any chance?"

"That's pathetic." Neji said.  "And you call yourself a ninja?"

"Well, someday I plan on being a good ninja, but right now I haven't quite achieved that yet!" Ino said.  "Until I have, I want to play it safe so I don't end up getting mortally wounded or killed or anything."

"I don't think anyone is going to kill or mortally wound you." Said Kiba.

"So what exactly are you two trying to do?" Ino asked.  "Look for the flag or look for people to beat up?"

"Either one." Neji answered.

"Then it would be best for me to come with you!" Ino said.  "That way, if you come across any girls, _I _could take care of them since I know guys hate hitting girls!"

Neji only glared at her.  Apparently she didn't know about the Main House and the Branch House and the horrible hatred in the Hyuuga family.

Meanwhile, Tenten were leaping through the trees in search of a pink flag.  She looked down to the ground where Lee was running parallel to her.

"See anything?" she called.

"Not yet!" Lee yelled back.

But then they both reached a clearing where Shino and Naruto were looking around.

"It's gotta be around here somewhere!!" said Naruto.

"It's NOT here." Said Shino.  But then they both noticed Tenten and Lee. 

"Aha!" Naruto yelled.  "Come to check on the flag I see!  Well you'll have to get through US first because we are going to get that flag!"

"The flag is here?!" Lee exclaimed.

"Of course!!" said Naruto.

"You're not fooling?" Lee asked.

"No way!" said Naruto.  "You'd have to be an idiot not to know that the flag was around here somewhere!"

"I knew Naruto was stupid…but to just blurt out the location of their flag…" Tenten said quietly so only Lee could hear as she jumped down from the tree.

"I'm not arguing!" said Lee.  "It only makes our job easier!"

"If you're not going to leave quietly so we can make our way to the flag then we'll have to fight you two!" said Tenten.

"Bring it on!" said Naruto enthusiastically.  He looked behind him to get some back up from Shino only to discover that he was walking away.  "Where are you going?!"

"It's been ten minutes." Shino answered.  "We have to go back to the meeting spot to check in."

"WHAT?!" yelled Naruto.  "Not _NOW_!  We have a job to do!!"

"The flag's not going to go anywhere." Shino said.

"Oh, arrogant I see!" said Lee, shaking his fist at Shino.  "You just wait!  You go to your little meeting and when you come back, you'll see just how wrong you are!"

"Uh…huh." Said Shino skeptically.

"So you're actually leaving?!" Naruto demanded.  Shino shrugged and continued walking away.  Naruto grunted angrily, threw some lame yo mama insults at Tenten and Lee and then chased after Shino.

"I'm so mad!" said Lee, punching a fist into his palm.  "I have half a mind to find them and beat them up!"

"Let's just find the flag." Said Tenten.

"YOU look for the flag, I'll take care of the two of them!" said Lee as he ran after Shino and Naruto.

"We have to stay together!" Tenten yelled.  But Lee was LONG gone.

Meanwhile…

Shikamaru and Sakura were sitting near a little river, sighing, waiting and looking at the clouds.

Just then, Chouji emerged from the forest.  Shikamaru immediately put up his hand seal and caught Chouji in his shadow.

"You won't be telling your teammates about where our flag is!" said Sakura.

"Sakura, you're not supposed to say that." Said Shikamaru, sounding irritated.

"So the flag is here?" said Chouji.

"Great job." Said Shikamaru to Sakura.

"Sorry!" said Sakura.

"Now I have to hold on to him for this entire competition to make sure he doesn't find the flag or tell everyone else where it is." Shikamaru sighed.  "That's so troublesome."

He paused for a moment.

"Oh no." he said.  "I'm low on chakra.  Sakura, we have to get out of here because Chouji can beat us both since I don't have much chakra left and you might as well not have any chakra at all.  On the count of three, we're going to break into a run.  Chouji may be more powerful, but we're faster."

"But what about our flag, Shikamaru?!" said Sakura.

"We'll just hurry and get other people to back us up!" said Shikamaru as he dropped the jutsu and he and Sakura ran off again.

Chouji stood there for a moment and then decided that he wasn't going to hang around if more people were coming to back them up.  So he darted back to the meeting spot to inform his team on his new find.

When he got there, everyone else was waiting.

"We were getting worried that you were incapacitated!" said Ino.

"I know where the flag is!" Chouji said.

"Yeah, so do we!" said Naruto, pointing in a random direction.

"No, the flag is over there." Said Chouji, pointing in a different direction that Naruto was point in.

The team paused.

"Okay…" said Neji.  "We know they don't have TWO flags…so let's go to one area first and if there's no flag there then we'll know that the other place has the flag."

"Let's go to our area first!" said Naruto.

So they decided to go as a big mob where Shino and Naruto supposedly found their flag to find that Lee and Tenten were looking around.

"You ALL came to make sure we didn't find your flag?" said Tenten.

"You'll NEVER find our flag!" said Kiba.

"We already know where your flag is!" said Lee.

"You do?!" gasped Naruto.

"Yeah, DUH." Said Lee.

"I bet the other four are going to get it right now." Ino whispered to her team.

"We have to send some people back…" started Neji just as Sasuke and Hinata came running into the clearing.

"We found the flag, Sasuke!" said Lee.

"Oh." Said Sasuke as he noticed the entire Pink Team standing there.  He wanted to fight them, not look for a flag.

"Okay…two people go back to the flag." Neji said to the team.  After a quick discussion, Kiba and Naruto eventually ran off to guard the flag.

"Let's get rid of all these people so we can find the flag in peace!" said Lee.

"I was thinking the same thing." Said Sasuke.

"I'll take Neji!" said Lee enthusiastically.  Neji wasn't about to claim who he was going to be 'taken' by, especially if it was Lee.  He knew whom he was going after first.  And he also knew whom he was going after second.  And I'll tell you this much… Lee wasn't either of them.

Meanwhile, Naruto and Kiba reached the water that their flag was hidden in.  They looked over the edge to see that it was still soundly sitting at the bottom.

"That's a relief." Said Naruto.

"They may know where it is, but they're not getting past us!" Kiba announced.

"Yeah!" said Naruto.  "We'll beat anyone who gets in our way with our mad ninja powers!!"

"Oh yeah!" said Kiba.

The two sat there for a moment, not saying much.

"The others are probably doing a good job holding back the other team." Kiba said finally.

"I hope Sasuke somehow breaks through because I want to fight him!" said Naruto.

"There's no way he'd get past US!" said Kiba.

"I just want to say, though…" said Naruto.  "If Sasuke DOES make it here then I want to fight him alone."

"I want to fight too!" said Kiba.

"If it's ANYONE else comes then you can fight them too, okay?" bargained Naruto.

"I guess…" said Kiba reluctantly.  "But if Sasuke looks like he's about to beat you then I'm going to jump in and help."

"He's not going to beat me." Naruto assured the world.

Meanwhile…

"Shikamaru, I don't think your performance was very convincing." Said Sakura as she and Shikamaru found a new spot to hang out.

"I think it was." Said Shikamaru as he sat down.  "As long as Chouji fell for it, then it doesn't matter how convincing it was.  And trust me, Chouji believes anything I say."

"Whatever." Said Sakura.  "How do you think our REAL flag is doing?"

"Well, considering the game is still going on then I would assume that it's still hidden." Shikamaru replied.

Meanwhile…

The battle commenced.

Lee charged at Neji who only stepped to the side and focused his attack on Hinata who was standing innocently off in another direction.  She gasped and ducked her head just as Neji went to Gentle Fist her into next week.

"HEY!" said Lee.  "I'M fighting you!"

Neji was too busy avenging his father again to even reply to Lee.  He successfully landed a deciding blow on Hinata and knocked her out.

"There we go." said Neji in a satisfied tone.

"That was cheap." Said Sasuke, looking up from his current tiff with Shino.  He didn't like how one of his teammates was now incapacitated.

"Don't worry, Sasuke, I'LL take care of him!" said Lee heroically.  It was a good thing Lee said that, too, or else Sasuke would have run off to smite Neji and then Shino would have had a heart attack that someone else left his fight and then that would have been BAD!!

Ino and Chouji were fighting against Tenten.  It was awfully hard for Tenten to hold her own against two people, especially since she was a little reluctant to throw sharp things at them in fear of impaling them and killing them.  And, since Ino and Chouji work together ever so well, it wasn't long until Tenten was incapacitated.

"All right!" said Ino and Chouji as they slapped each other five.

"That's two…" said Sasuke in a frustrated tone.  He looked at his options.  Lee already said he was going to take care of Neji…Sasuke didn't really mind that since he didn't know how Neji fought anyway.  Then there was Chouji… Sasuke wasn't about to pick on Chouji.  The same went for Ino.  They were just too weak for him.  He looked at Shino who was all…"I'M SHINO!!!" but…Sasuke didn't know exactly how he was going to continue to go about—

"YAAA!!" yelled Lee as he ran up and started engaging himself in a fight with Shino.  Sasuke stood there in silence for a moment and then he figured that this was his cue to run off and find Naruto.

As he was doing that, Neji suddenly appeared.  "I've been waiting for this for a long time." Neji said.

"What makes you think that I'm going to fight you?" Sasuke said pompously.

"If you don't then I'll just incapacitate you." Neji said.

"Fine then." Said Sasuke, getting ready to fight.  They were JUST about to engage in mortal combat when Lee all of a sudden came out of nowhere AGAIN!

"YAAA!!" he yelled as he dove down on top of Neji and started fighting with him.  Sasuke looked back at Shino who was standing in the same spot.  Shino shrugged so Sasuke turned around and ran past the brawling Neji and Lee to find Naruto.

It didn't take him very long.

"I told you it would happen!" said Naruto, springing up.  "Remember, Kiba, don't get involved!"

"Whatever." Said Kiba, knowing that he WOULD have to get involved.

"Let's do this, Sasuke!" said Naruto.

Sasuke didn't reply.  He only coolly got all ready and they both started charging.  Suddenly, Naruto stopped dead in his tracks.  "Hey!" said Naruto suddenly, but he was promptly silenced when he was kicked in the face by Sasuke.

Sasuke lowered his leg and looked to the side to see Shikamaru standing there with his hand seal up and his shadow attached to Naruto's.  Shikamaru stopped the jutsu and retracted the shadow, and Naruto collapsed.

"That felt…unsatisfying." Said Sasuke.

"We could hear the fighting." Sakura said since she was there too.

"It's back there." Sasuke replied, pointing behind him.

"Then let's go." said Shikamaru.  He, Sasuke and Sakura all ran off to go back to the fighting area.

Kiba looked at Akamaru.  "Good job being quiet, Akamaru." He said, petting him on the head.  "We're the only guards now.  We have to make sure no one gets this flag."

Meanwhile, back at the brawling area, Neji had escaped Lee's wrath but Lee continued to chase after him.

"I want to fight you!!" Lee yelled.

"Geez…" Neji said, sounding a little annoyed as he stayed just one step ahead Lee at all times.

Shino, Ino and Chouji were just standing there.  They didn't have anyone to fight and there was no way they were going to get Lee's attention.  Thankfully, that's when Sakura, Sasuke and Shikamaru appeared!

"I got Ino!" said Sakura.

Sakura and Ino then ran off to engage themselves in a bitch fight.

"Sasuke, how about we entertain the same technique as before?" Shikamaru said to Sasuke.  "I'll stop them and you incapacitate them."

"That seems like sort of a shameless way of winning." Sasuke said.

Shikamaru waited for him to continue.  "…And?" he said when he didn't.  "It's a good technique.  That's how the Kagemane no Jutsu is supposed to be used."

Then Shino came over.  "Sasuke, you left in the middle of our fight." He said.

Shikamaru looked at Sasuke for approval as he raised his hand seal.  Sasuke rolled his eyes and nodded.  So Shikamaru used his Kagemane no Jutsu and caught Shino.

Just when Sasuke was about to deliver the blows that would be required to sufficiently incapacitate Shino, he looked down at his feet to see that a bunch of bugs were crawling up his legs.  He shook his legs a little bit in attempt to get them off and then jumped away from the area.

"Shikamaru." Said Sasuke.  "I thought you were going to stop him."

"You can stop me but you can't stop my bugs." Said Shino.

Sasuke hardly suppressed the urge to say, "Eww…"

"Then this is pointless." Said Shikamaru as he let the jutsu go.

"All right, Shikamaru, this is your fight." Said Sasuke.  "I respect that."

"What?" said Shikamaru but Sasuke had already taken off.

Shino didn't care WHO he fought, he just wanted to fight someone!!  So he decided to sick his bugs on Shikamaru.

Sasuke knew that he had to knock out at least one more person since he was pretty much positive that Shino was going to take out Shikamaru and, if Lee kept chasing after Neji, Neji would eventually turn around and pummel Lee.  As for Sakura…well, ANYONE could take out Sakura.  So he had to thin the numbers down before they all teamed up on him once his team was completely obliterated.  He figured that Chouji was his best bet especially since he was only kind of standing there obliviously at the time.

Sakura and Ino were engaged in their fight when they jumped back from each other to take a breather and put their forehead protectors in the right spot so that the fight would be SERIOUS!  Just as Ino was reaching for her forehead protector, a huge rotund mass crashed into her at top speed, knocking her to the ground.

It was Chouji.

Chouji landed on top of Ino and crushed all of her internal organs.  But not really.  Instead, he just knocked her out.  And, since he had been previously kicked by Sasuke, he was also knocked out!  A DOUBLE HIT!!

"Sasuke!" swooned Sakura.  "You saved me!"

"I have knocked out all three of their team members." Said Sasuke.  "Should I go after Neji or Shino or…" Then he stopped and looked around.  "Or… hey, Sakura?  Shouldn't they have a sixth person?"

"Um…" Sakura said, looking around.  She spotted Lee chasing Neji and she spotted Shino engaged in a small, low key battle with Shikamaru.  But she didn't see anyone else clad in pink.  "They SHOULD…who's not here…?"

Just then, Kiba came leaping out of the trees holding a blue flag high above his head.  "Hey guys!" he said.  "What am I supposed to do with the flag once I've found it?"

Everyone looked at him.

"HE FOUND OUR FLAG!!" yelled Lee, slapping his cheeks.

"You have to go to the teachers!" said Neji.  Kiba nodded and took off.  Shikamaru tried extending his shadow to catch him, but Kiba went off a little too fast.

"We have to stop him!!" said Sakura to her team.

"Lee, Sasuke," said Shikamaru.  "You two are the fast ones."

"RIGHT!!" yelled Lee as he looked like he was going to run off.  Sasuke rolled his eyes and ran off.

"Lee!" said Neji.  "Um…fight me!"

Lee immediately stopped and turned around.  "You got it!" he said.

"Don't do that Lee!" said Sakura.  "Remember the flag?!  Remember?!"

"But…" Lee said, torn in two.  He wanted to stop Kiba but he wanted to fight Neji SO BADLY…

"Come on, Lee, don't you want to fight me?" said Neji.

"Lee!" Sakura whined.

"Sasuke will get the flag!" Lee assured Sakura as he got in his fighter stance.

Sasuke was catching up with Kiba very quickly.  He was fast approaching the figure of Kiba speeding off as fast as he could.  Not fast enough.  Sasuke leapt forward and grabbed Kiba's legs, knocking him on his face.  "All right, Kiba, I'll be taking that flag back." He said.

Kiba looked up at him and suddenly poofed.  As Sasuke looked on, intrigued, the smoke cleared and Akamaru was lying there barking happily.

"No…way…" Sasuke said, feeling really stupid.

Then he heard laughter and upon looking up, he spotted Kiba.

"Haha!" he laughed.  "You fell for it!!"  Then Kiba caught sight of Sasuke determined and slightly evil glare and realized that he probably should have been running the whole time so he turned around and ran off.

Just as Sasuke was about to chase after him, Shino dropped down from a tree.

"We're finishing our fight now." Said Shino.

"Move." Said Sasuke.

Neither of them moved.

"Please move." Sasuke tried.

"No." said Shino.  "We have to finish our fight."

"I have to catch Kiba." Said Sasuke.

"After our fight." Shino said.

"Fine." Said Sasuke.  "I'll end this quickly."

Kiba was speeding as fast as he could.  He kept looking behind him but couldn't see any sign of Sasuke and he definitely couldn't SMELL any sign of Sasuke so he figured he was in the clear but he kept running fast anyway.  Akamaru quickly caught up with him too.

"Good job, Akamaru!" said Kiba.  "Now we just have to find the teachers!"

Then he spotted the four of them.

"Oh, here they are." He said, running up to them.

"Hi Kiba!" said Kurenai.

"I found the flag!" he said, holding up the flag triumphantly.

"So you did!" said Gai.  "I guess the Pink Team wins!"

"YAHOO!!" cheered Kiba.

The four teachers gathered all the students back to a little area where all the incapacitated people recovered magically.

"How'd you do it, Kiba?" asked Naruto.

"Well, I got bored with just guarding the flag." Said Kiba.  "So I sniffed the blue one out in about three seconds and brought it back to where everyone else was!"

"Why didn't we think of that from the beginning?" wondered Ino.

"All right!!" said Asuma.  "We have discussed it and decided who should get the MVP award on each team."

"For the Pink Team…KIBA!" said Kakashi.

"HURRAY!" cheered Kiba.  "I feel so special!"

"He deserves it!" said Chouji.

"_I _deserve it." said Naruto, crossing his arms and pouting.

"And for the Blue Team…" Gai started.  "It was a hard choice between Shikamaru and Sasuke… but in the end… we decided on Sakura."

"What?" said everyone.

"Why SAKURA?" said Sasuke, looking offended.

"Come on, Sasuke, she has, like, no chance of getting an MVP award for real." Kurenai whispered.

"Um…yay?" said Sakura.  It felt kind of like an empty award.

"Well, I'm glad we had this little game to distract you from fighting that the life of a ninja demands." Kakashi said.

"Except half of the game was based solely around fighting." Kiba pointed out.

"Right!" said Kakashi.  "EXCEPT for that!"  Then they all chuckled warmly as a black circle engulfed them.


	41. Shikamaru n Shino n Tenten: Height Requi

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Shikamaru/Shino/Tenten

Height Requirement

Many people realized that we neglected to do a chapter for these three hanging out.  We did a Kiba/Naruto/Neji one, a Sasuke/Lee/Sakura one and a Chouji/Ino/Hinata one.  Why didn't we finish it off with the remaining characters?  Because…they're BORING.  Shikamaru can stare at the clouds all day, Shino never speaks and Tenten (say it with me this time) has no character development whatsoever!  But 'tis our duty.

Shikamaru had left the restaurant early because he felt that sitting around watching Chouji eat was boring.

Shino was engaged in his daily bug hunt.

Tenten was hopping mad because someone had destroyed her Hover Disk.

Of course, like everyone else, these three happened to meet.  They stood there and stared at each other for a minute or two when, all of a sudden, a bus pulled up and an old guy walked out.

Then he started dancing around crazily like a fool to some insane music that had seemingly come out of nowhere.  Tenten, Shino and Shikamaru shrugged and punched the air.

 "WE'RE GOIN' TO SIX FLAGS!!" they exclaimed as they all piled on the bus.

Upon reaching Six Flags, they quickly ditched the old guy and started making their way around on their own.  Tenten picked up a little brochure that showed a map of the whole park and the three started looking curiously at it to decide which ride they wished to partake on.

"How about the Superman ride?" Tenten suggested.

"The Superman ride?" sighed Shikamaru.

"Whatever." Said Shino.

So, because they had one vote FOR, and the other two failed to voice which way they cared about, they made their way over to the line.  While they were waiting in the line, they came across a huge life size portrait of Superman with his hand out, implying that one had to be a certain height to ride the ride.  Now, this particular height just so happened to be five foot four.

"Aw man," said Shikamaru.  "That's troublesome.  None of us are tall enough to ride this ride."

"That's so lame!" said Tenten.  "We're just too short by a few inches!"

"Maybe they won't notice." Shino said.  "Shikamaru's hair makes him look taller.  So does mine."

"Yeah but I don't want to have to wait in this line for however long we're going to have to only to be turned away once we get to the front!" Tenten said.

"All right." Said Shikamaru.  "What other rides are there?"

"There's the Time Warp." Tenten answered, opening the map up again.  "I heard that was fun."

"Let's go to that." Shino said.

So the trio walked across the park and got in line for the Time Warp.  Once again, they were faced with a height chart that demanded they be at least five foot two.

"What is this?!" demanded Tenten.  "Are they purposely trying to make it so that short people can't go on this ride?!"

"I think they're making it so that children can't go on the ride and break their necks." Shino said.

"We're not going to break our necks." Tenten said.  "We're ninjas."

"THEY don't know that." Shino reminded her.

"Okay, okay, so Time Warp is out of the question." Tenten sighed, opening the map up again.  "What now?"

"How about the Mind Eraser?" Shikamaru said, pointing to one of the rides pictured on the map.

"I wonder if there's any way to find out how tall you have to be to ride the rides without actually having to walk over there and find out." Shino said as he scanned the front of the map.  When he didn't find one, they all shrugged at each other and went over to the Mind Eraser.

"I wish I was just a few inches taller!" whined Tenten when they found that the height requirement was that they be at LEAST five two.

"Is there ANY ride we can go on at our present heights?" Shikamaru wondered aloud.

No sooner had he said that than they found themselves riding on the Dumbos.

"This is dumb." Said Tenten once the ride ended and they all got out.  "They make rides for teenagers and for little kids but nothing for the void in the middle!  Namely, US!"

"I'm sure if we looked hard enough, we'd be able to find one." Shino said.

"We shouldn't have to look that hard." Tenten said.  "We're at an amusement park!  Aren't most kids at an amusement park our age?  Why wouldn't there be an abundance of rides for us?"

"You shouldn't take it all so personally." Shikamaru said.

"I want to see the manager!" Tenten announced.

"No, that's troublesome." Shikamaru sighed.

"What are we supposed to do for fun?" complained Tenten.

"Let's spar." Shino suggested.

Shikamaru and Tenten looked at him and then at each other.  On cue, they all shrugged and commenced their sparing right then and there.


	42. Lil Kakashi n Lil Gai: A Gifted Ninja

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Lil Gai and Lil Kakashi

The Gifted Ninja

We had a revelation while writing Lil Hinata and Lil Tenten's chapters.  What if the TEACHERS had Lil chapters?  That would be so swell.  And then we realized that doing Lil Kurenai and Lil Asuma would be harder than doing Lil Tenten.  So we just decided to give Lil Gai and Lil Kakashi a wonderful JOINT chapter!!  YAY!!

Kakashi obviously did SOMETHING to miff Gai enough to make him want to become true rivals with him.  I don't think there's any possible way we could find out that reason unless we used the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past.

Gai was only at the tender age of seven when his teacher (who is NOT Iruka) told him the splendiferous news that he was to graduate the academy early!  So, along with all the average students who were graduating at the age of twelve, Gai went up and received his forehead protector with pride.  He was sure that he was quite possibly the youngest genin alive.

As he frolicked home, he caught sight of a few passing ninjas on a mission.

While he was distracted, he was suddenly knocked over by one of the ninjas on the missions.

"Sorry." Said the ninja.

Gai looked up to see someone standing over him.  This boy was no older than he was; yet he was wearing a chuunin vest.  The boy reached out his hand to help Gai up.

"Who are you?" Gai demanded.  "You're my age but I never saw you at the academy!"

"My name is Hatake Kakashi." Said the boy.  "I only went to the academy for two months so that's probably why you don't remember me."

"Two months?" said Gai.  "Why only two months?!"

"Because they graduated me." Kakashi answered.

"Why?!" demanded Gai.  "After only two months?!"

"Because I was more skilled than the other children in the class." Kakashi replied.

"Wait, so you're a chuunin too?!" Gai said.

"I was a genin for eight months and then I took my chuunin exam." Kakashi said.

Kakashi then noted the fact that his teacher was summoning him so he nodded at Gai and left.

Gai was fuming with anger.  "I thought _I _was gifted!" he said, shaking his fist angrily as a huge battle aura floated around him.  "But he was already a chuunin while I was in the academy!"

After allowing that thought to fester within him for a moment, Gai suddenly got inspired.  "No matter!" he said.  "I'll just show everyone, especially that Kakashi, that I am a superb ninja!!"

Then Gai ran home to train for the next time he met Kakashi.

It didn't take that long.  Gai was training in his front yard when he suddenly saw Kakashi standing there.

"What are you doing here?!" Gai said.

"This is the Maito residence, right?" Kakashi said.

"So?" said Gai.

"I completed the mission and have come to receive the payment." Kakashi answered.

"Mission?" said Gai.  "What kind of a mission?"

"A B-rank mission." Kakashi said.  "I can't share the details with a genin.  Are your parents home?"

This comment enraged Gai beyond belief.

"Hatake Kakashi, I, Maito Gai, COMMAND that you fight me right now!" Gai said, pointing dramatically at Kakashi as a wave crashed behind him.

Kakashi sighed.  "I don't have time right now." He said.  "I only came to collect payment for the Hokage."

"YOU do errands for the Hokage?!" Gai gasped.

"Yes." Said Kakashi.  "Now I need to speak to your parents."

"No, now you need to FIGHT me!" said Gai, getting into his fighter's stance. 

Kakashi rolled his eyes and then swatted Gai to the side, sending him skidding across the yard before he finally came to a halt thanks to a well-placed tree.  As Gai lied there in wonder, Kakashi went up his front walk and knocked on the door.

"But…" Gai started, to himself.  "I don't understand… I'm a gifted ninja!  I graduated at the age of seven!"

He stood up and brushed his bum off.

"I, Maito Gai, vow here and now that someday, I will prove to the world that I am a better ninja than you are, Hatake Kakashi!!" Gai yelled, pointing directly at Kakashi who wasn't even paying attention.  "AHHH!!  HE WASN'T EVEN LISTENING TO ME!!"


	43. Karaoke

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Karaoke

YES!!  IT IS HERE!!  THE MOST ANTICIPATED CHAPTER EVER!!  Well, actually, I guess it ISN'T really the most anticipated chapter ever.  It's kind of one of those ideas that we say, "Hm…what can they do in THIS chapter…?" and then add, "I KNOW!  HOW ABOUT KARAOKE?!"  But it never ends up happening.  You know what, though?  Today it IS!

"Come on Shino!" said Kiba eagerly as he and Hinata dragged Shino down to the karaoke room that was conveniently located right below the academy.  "Everyone is going to be there!  And when are we going to be hyper enough to be able to stay up this late to do karaoke?!"

"Kiba, it's only eight o'clock." Shino tried to say but he was promptly taken down the stairs and into the mysterious beyond.  They reached the karaoke room in seconds where everyone was sitting around waiting.

"Wow!" exclaimed Hinata as she ran over to join the girls at the girls table.  Kiba frowned because he wanted to sit with Hinata but couldn't very well sit at the girls table or else the guys would make fun of him.  So, instead, he pulled Shino over to the guys table which was MUCH more heavily populated than the girls table.

"Hey everyone!" said Kiba enthusiastically as he pulled himself up a chair.

"Hi Kiba…" said everyone, not quite as enthusiastically.

"Has anyone gone yet?" Kiba asked.

"Sakura and Ino did a joint effort of 'My Heart Will Go On' that completely bombed but other than that, no." Sasuke answered.

"I thought their performance was good!" Naruto protested.

"I'm just waiting for them to start up with 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'…" Shikamaru sighed.

"All right!" cheered Sakura, standing up.  "Now that all the girls are here, let's do 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'!!"

"YEAH!!" said the other girls as they all ran up to the stage and put a CD in the karaoke machine.

"See?" said Shikamaru as they started singing in the background.

"You're so smart, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

"Neji, which song should we sing?" Lee asked, showing the list to Neji.

Neji looked at Lee as if he was an idiot.  "Wait…are you serious?" he said.

"Yeah!" said Lee.

"I am way above karaoke." Neji said.

"So you're saying that you came here but you won't even sing anything?!" Lee demanded.  "Then why did you even come?!"

Neji was about to answer with a response that made complete sense when Naruto had a sudden outburst and pointed to one of the songs on the list.  "I found the perfect song for you to sing, Sasuke!" he said.

Sasuke leaned over curiously to see what Naruto was pointing to.

"It's by Dennis Leary and it's called 'I'm an Asshole'!" Naruto said.

"HEY!!" yelled Ino as she and Sakura came running over.

"Don't insult Sasuke!!" said Sakura.

"And stop interrupting our song!" Ino added.  The two of them ran back over where they had kind of left Tenten and Hinata hanging and then continued their song.

"Wow, Sasuke, good thing you had your girlfriends to protect you." Naruto mumbled.

Sasuke decided to ignore Naruto and go back to sitting there looking cool.

"Fine, if Neji's not going to sing with me then you guys have to!" Lee said as he flipped through the book faster than the speed of light.

"I'M going to sing too!" said Kiba.

"Me too!" said Naruto.

"I want to sing too!" said Chouji.  "Won't you sing too, Shikamaru?"

"No." Shikamaru answered.

"We always seem to be split down the middle in the exact same way since I KNOW Shino doesn't want to sing." Kiba observed.  Shino nodded.

"I get to pick the song because I'm the oldest!" Lee declared.  "I'm going to pick my favorite inspirational song that I play in the background whenever I'm training."

"Not THAT song…" Neji said, slapping his forehead.

"Tub Thumpin' by Chumbawumba!!" Lee said dramatically.  Everyone looked confused.  "Or… more commonly known as that song where they repeat, 'I get knocked down but I get up again!' one million times."

"I love that song!!" said Kiba.

"Do you think the girls are almost done?" Chouji wondered.

"I don't know." Said Shikamaru.  "This song goes on FOREVER."

"Shikamaru, do you have something against this song?" Chouji asked.

"You have no idea, Chouji." Shikamaru answered.

When Girls Just Wanna Have Fun finally ended, a new quartet ran up and practically shoved the girls off the stage.  The girls didn't mind because they were already on their way back to the table to pick their next big hit.

"I love 'She's a Maniac'!" Tenten exclaimed.

"I've never heard that song before…" Hinata confessed.

"Neither have I." Sakura said.

Tenten looked at Ino, but Ino only shrugged.

"Fine…" Tenten said sadly.  That was her favorite song but she couldn't very well sing it all by herself!

As they searched through the booklet that had the lists of songs that were available, the group of four were meanwhile being EXTREMELY loud to the point in which everyone felt like smiting them.

"Lee is so embarrassing." Neji said to the rest of the table still sitting.  "I hate it when we're in public and he starts acting stupid because then I get associated with him."

"I feel the same thing when I'm with Naruto in public." Sasuke agreed.

"Kiba is really really loud." Shino added.

"Chouji's usually under control, INO'S the annoying one." Shikamaru admitted.  "I think those other three just bring out the worst in him."

The four of them gave exasperated sighs.

"How much longer are we going to have to stay at this thing?" Sasuke said, looking at his ninja watch.

"Technically, we don't HAVE to stay." Shino said.

"Then why are we?" asked Neji.

Before any of them could give a logical explanation as to why they continued to stay there, the group that was previously singing suddenly came back.  Yes, it was the shortest four and half minutes of EVERYONE'S lives but that's entirely beside the point!  They were all sweaty and gross too because they couldn't very well sing that song without dancing like fools.

"That was fun!" said Kiba, sitting down and picking up the list.  "Which one should we sing next?"

"I think I need a breather!" said Lee as he took the list from Kiba and fanned himself with it.

"Naw, I'm ready to go now!" said Naruto.

"Please spare us from having to listen to anymore." Sasuke said.  But the four wouldn't have been able to go up and sing anyway because the girls had already run up and were currently singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun AGAIN.

"They're singing it AGAIN?" Shikamaru said, putting his head down on the table.

"They're not even doing a good job…" Neji sighed as if it was affecting him.

"Shino, I really think you should go up there and show them how it's done." Kiba said.

"No." said Shino.

"Shino wants to be a rapper." Kiba told everyone.

"No I don't." Shino denied.

"Yes you do, it is SO obvious." Kiba said.  "He has every Aaron Carter CD there is."

"What are you talking about?" Shino said.  "Do you always compulsively lie or am I just lucky?"

"You're just no fun, that's all, Shino." Said Kiba.  "It's nothing PERSONAL."

The girls stopped half way through Girls Just Wanna Have Fun because they thought it was kind of a stupid idea to sing it AGAIN.  They walked over to the boys table.

"How come no one that we care about, specifically Sasuke, is singing?" Sakura asked.

"Because we, or rather I, don't feel like it." Sasuke answered.

"But there are so many romantic duets that we could sing!" Ino said.  "You and me, Sasuke, I mean."

"You girls are so annoying." Sasuke said because he KNEW that that always works to freak them out.  And it did work, unlike his fire moves that never work.  Because, while those never work, this simple phrase DOES!  Wow, I feel like the Department of Redundancy Department!  YAY!!

"Sasuke called us annoying!!" screeched Ino and Sakura as they started crying.

"Well, I'm tired of being here." Sasuke said, standing up.

"Yeah, and I don't know why I even came here in the first place." Neji added.

"If Sasuke's not staying so that I can impress him then I have no reason to stay!" said Ino.

"YEAH!" said Sakura.

"If Sakura's leaving then so shall I!" Lee announced.

"Hey, hey!" said Naruto.  "I'LL be the one to walk Sakura home!!"

"Oh um…I guess I'll leave too…" Hinata said nervously.  She didn't figure there would be a point in being there if NARUTO left!

"I don't want to be the only girl." Tenten said.

"Hinata, if you're leaving now, you probably need someone to walk you home since it's dark outside." Said Kiba.  "Akamaru, you're coming too and I don't want to hear any arguments!"

"The only reason I'm here is because Kiba forced me so if he's leaving then so am I." Shino said.

"I agree with Neji, I never wanted to be here in the first place." Said Shikamaru.

"Well, not only would it be ludicrous for me to stay here alone, but it would be equally ludicrous for me to be ANYWHERE without Shikamaru!" Chouji said openly.

The whole gang went upstairs and outside.

"Sasuke, I have to compliment you on your brilliance." Shikamaru said.  "I do believe that you're the only person out of all of us who would be able to start such a chain reaction that would have everyone eventually leave."

"Of course I'm the only one." Said Sasuke.  He left Shikamaru there and walked off, feeling cooler than he's ever felt in his life, which meant he was feeling pretty gosh darned cool.


	44. Orochimaru: Because My Arms Hurt

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Orochimaru

Because My Arms Hurt

This chapter was supposed to be up with those failure Jiraiya and Tsunade chapters.  But we were feeling pretty down with what we had created with Jiraiya and Tsunade so we needed a vacation.  Hopefully, this one won't be quite as unbearable.

We told you once many an eon ago that Orochimaru was hoarding all the Magic Crystal Balls of the Past.  What does he do with all of them?  No one knows.  Maybe he sells them on the black market.  Maybe he just keeps them all for himself.  Whatever the reason may be, perhaps you would like to see the adventure that was endured to retrieve such a treasure for him.

Did we actually personally steal it from him?  Goodness NO!  That would be silly and it would also be a self-insertion and NO ONE likes self-insertions.  Except… you.

Instead, we sent the entire Super Team of Naruto, Kiba, Neji, Chouji and Shikamaru to do our dirty work.  We figured they would have no problem succeeding since they defeated Orochimaru's underlings and if they just so happened to stumble across MORE of Orochimaru's inferiors then they would have no trouble with easily disposing of them.

"This time, we're going to stay together." Shikamaru said, since he's team leader.  The rest of the team groaned slightly because they didn't want to take orders from Shikamaru.

BUT, since this is a chapter about Orochimaru, that means that we must focus around him and NOT the Super Team.  So Orochimaru was sitting in his room currently throwing a fit because his arms hurt SO much.  Yes, we know we most certainly don't have our Naruto Time Line right because Orochimaru's arm pains were WAY before The Super Team was created but we'll all just pretend that he fell out of a tree and hurt them again.

So Orochimaru was kicking and screaming and killing his random minions that were trying to give him medicine to make him feel all better.  But then his favorite subordinate of all came in; KABUTO!

"Orochimaru, the Super Team has invaded your lair!" said Kabuto.

"WHAT?!" demanded Orochimaru.  "This can't be!"

"What should we do, Orochimaru?" asked Kabuto.

"Nothing!" said Orochimaru.  "They will never get past the moat!"

"Orochimaru, they have already gotten past the moat." Said Kabuto.  "With great ease, might I add."

"They got past the alligators?" Orochimaru questioned.

"Yes." Kabuto replied.

"Ha!" laughed Orochimaru.  "No need to worry!  They wouldn't ever get past my GUARDS!"

"Um…well…" started Kabuto.

"Don't tell me they've already gotten past my guards, Kabuto!" said Orochimaru desperately.

"Actually, we don't have anymore guards because you killed them all while you were rampaging about your hurt arms." Kabuto confessed.

"Then YOU kill them!" Orochimaru said, sounding exasperated.

"I can't today." Kabuto said.

"And why not?" Orochimaru asked, raising his eyebrows.

"It's kind of embarrassing…I don't want to say…" Kabuto admitted.

"Fine then!" said Orochimaru.  "What are they after?"

"Uh…they seem to want one of the Magic Crystal Balls of the Past." Kabuto answered.

The only response Kabuto received after that statement was Orochimaru screaming again and sounding like he was barfing.  Another gofer ran in just in time for Orochimaru to kill him.

"If that is what they want, then they shall have it!" Orochimaru said finally after the lackey was sufficiently dead.

"But Orochimaru!" said Kabuto.  "I thought you LOVED your Magic Crystal Balls of the Past!  Why don't YOU kill them?"

"Because my arms hurt!!" whined Orochimaru.  "Just give them one and tell them to go away or I shall become angry and take my anger out on YOU!"

Kabuto bowed.  "Yes, Orochimaru." He said finally as he picked up a Magic Crystal Ball of the Past and left the room.  At that moment, Orochimaru swore that as soon as his arms got all better, he would take care of that Super Team to the best of his power for stealing his Magic Crystal Ball of the Past.


	45. The Men: Manly Laser Tag

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Men

Manly Laser Tag

Hehehehehelawd…awww…okay, there was NO excuse for that Orochimaru chapter but OH WELL!! We had lots of fun with our first laser tag adventure and we look back on it and wish Kiba were there. So, we're not going to have just ANY laser tag adventure, we're going to have a MANLY laser tag adventure!!

Lee, Sasuke and Neji told all the other men about their experiences with laser tag while they had been in the hospital. This made the other men a little sad for a little while and then they realized that they also wanted to play some laser tag. Sasuke agreed to go back just so he could prove to Neji and Lee that he didn't deserve that horrible score he received last time. Lee agreed to go back because he loved laser tag and loved being alive and loved the world. Neji agreed to go back because he wanted to make sure no one took his title away from him, namely Sasuke.

"How did you guys pick teams last time?" Naruto asked.

"We picked names out of a hat." Lee answered.

With that, everyone wrote down their names and dropped the papers in a hat that they just so happened to find. Four names were pulled out and those four names were; Neji, Shikamaru, Kiba and Naruto. This meant that Sasuke, Shino, Lee and Chouji were on the other team.

There wasn't any argumentation so they went up to the jounin behind the counter and gave him their crazy nicknames that I'm sure you all remember from before and got guns and backpacks. Mind you, not REAL guns! Just laser tag guns. You know, just so that all the more unstable people wouldn't actually end up killing everyone else.

They went into the dark shooting area and split up into teams.

With the Blue Team…

"All right, Neji, don't mess this up like you mess everything else up." Naruto warned.

"I'm actually good at laser tag." Neji said. "I won last time."

"Sure you did." Said Kiba.

Neji brought the scorecard from last time because he knew he would need it just in case he didn't end up on the same team as Lee or Sasuke. Naruto and Kiba looked it over curiously.

"This is a complete fake." Naruto said finally.

"Fine." Said Neji, taking it back. "I'll just prove it to you then."

Neji decided not to let them in on the little fact that shooting your own teammate subtracted five hundred points from your score.

"All right, let me make a plan." Said Shikamaru, going into his thinking pose.

And the Red Team…

"Okay, our strategy is…BEAT THE OTHER TEAM!!!" screamed Lee.

"Lee, be quiet." Sasuke instructed.

"Oh right, we must have stealth." Lee nodded.

"We have to think of a plan." Sasuke continued since he was the self appointed leader of his group. "Does anyone have any ideas?"

"We should split up." Shino said. "We can cover more ground that way."

"No, we should stick together!" said Chouji.

"YES!!" yelled Lee. "STICKING TOGETHER IS THE KEY!!"

But the rest of his team diving on him promptly silenced him.

Then sound went off that signaled them to start the shooting and killing. But not REALLY killing. Just pretend killing that temporarily put you out of the game for like…three seconds.

Neji didn't waste any time ditching the rest of his team that SO did not believe in him. As much as he wanted to shoot them each a million times, he couldn't because he didn't want to senselessly lose all those points. This time around, he would have to play a little harder since he didn't have Hinata to senselessly pick on like last time.

It didn't take him long to find his sniping position that he and Tenten hung out for the entire game when they were playing before. He waited around there, checking his back and his sides and underneath him and above him at all times so there was no way anyone would be able to sneak up on him.

Unless they were in his blind angle.

Like Sasuke. Sasuke had managed to get in Neji's blind angle once again. He complimented himself on being so great, knowing that he was already off to a good start. After quickly making sure he was on a different team as Neji, he raised the gun and went to fire.

But, before he could, his backpack exploded with lights and noises. He looked at the screen on his gun to see that he had been shot by someone named 'Chuunin'. In the process of moving only a slight bit, Sasuke had gotten out of Neji's blind angle and now Neji spun around and fired at Sasuke without even batting an eye. This caused Sasuke's backpack to explode again.

A little frustrated, Sasuke quickly ran off, trying to dodge behind walls but was shot two more times by Neji who is quite good at following a moving target. Sasuke was quite angry and swore he would get his revenge on this one called 'Chuunin'. It was pretty obvious to him that this player was Shikamaru too, since Shikamaru WAS the only chuunin in the group as much as Sasuke hated to admit it. And, after remembering that Shikamaru was fortunately on a different team as him, Sasuke decided to make it his mission to hit Shikamaru as many times as possible.

Shikamaru, meanwhile, was walking along with his gun raised. His team had run off by the time he had awoken from his trance so they didn't even get to hear his marvelous plan. He let out a loud yawn and leaned against a wall so he was wedged in a corner.

Suddenly, his backpack started going off. He looked at the screen to see he had been hit by 'Lotus'. He sighed. "How troublesome." He commented.

Shikamaru was just about to sigh again and whine some more, wondering WHY he was even there in the first place when, all of a sudden, Chouji came out of nowhere. Shikamaru was surprised and raised his gun, shooting Chouji once.

"There you are, Shikamaru!" said Chouji, not even flinching at his crazy reacting backpack.

"Chouji, we're on different teams." Shikamaru reminded him.

"Oh, I could never shoot you, Shikamaru!" laughed Chouji.

"Uh…okay." Said Shikamaru with a shrug.

Both their backpacks simultaneously went off and they could distinctly see Naruto running by while laughing manically. Shikamaru was, at first, going to let Naruto go but he decided instead to just give him one shot and he did.

Naruto was so sure he had gotten away and was quite distraught to find that he had been shot once during his escape. "No matter." Naruto said as he hid behind a wall. "It's only one shot. I'm safe here."

Lee was running around crazily, trying to find someone to shoot. Then he found Naruto. So he pointed his gun directly at Naruto and fired it.

"Hey!" said Naruto angrily.

"Victory!" Lee announced. Naruto was about to shoot Lee back when Lee's backpack went off before he could. Lee looked at the screen. "Sunlight?" he said, looking confused.

"Geez, what fruit named himself 'Sunlight'?" Naruto said.

But Lee continued to be shot by Sunlight so he had to make a quick getaway. Even as he started to run, his backpack continued to go off. Finally, he managed to dive under an overhang, a place where Sunlight was apparently unable to get him. HOW IRONIC! So, after hiding out there for a few moments, he was pretty sure that Sunlight had gone away. He crawled timidly out just a bit, but his backpack immediately went off. Attack of the killer Sunlight!! AHHH!!

So Lee quickly hid back underneath it.

"I'm going to have to spend the rest of the game under here!" complained Lee just as he saw a pair of feet in front of him. He looked up to see Shino standing there. "Are you Sunlight?"

"No, I'm Shino." Shino answered.

"I meant in the game!" Lee said.

"No, I'm not Sunlight." Shino said. "What are you doing under there?"

"Hiding from Sunlight!!" Lee answered. Shino thought about this. It did sound rather silly when taken out of context. "He was constantly attacking me for no reason!"

"Well, I guess he's gone now." Shino said.

Lee got out from underneath the overhang and stood up. "So he is!" he commented. "Thanks Shino, you scared Sunlight away!"

Shino raised an eyebrow and then raised his gun towards Lee. Lee slapped his cheeks and gasped, thinking Shino had betrayed him. "Duck." Shino said. Lee ducked and Shino shot Kiba who was standing there looking like he was about to shoot.

"Aw man!" Kiba said as he waited for his backpack to calm down.

"Kiba, if you don't leave now, I'm going to shoot you again." Shino warned.

"RIGHT!" said Kiba as he quickly ran in the other direction. The last thing he heard was Lee calling after him, asking if he was Sunlight.

Kiba ran as fast he could, looking for someplace to hide even though Shino wasn't even chasing him. Finally, he ran up a few levels to find Neji hunched in a corner with his gun pointed out of a little opening.

"Found you!" Kiba said, raising his gun and shooting.

Neji knew Kiba was there the whole time and actually sort of expected him to shoot him so he was ready to dodge. He landed in front of Kiba and put his hand over the front of the gun.

"I'm on your team." Neji said, glaring at Kiba.

"Oh right!" said Kiba. "Teams! I forgot about those. I don't think they matter, though."

"Then why don't you go shoot Shikamaru or Naruto just not me?" Neji suggested, going back to his position.

"I'll do just that!" Kiba said, giving Neji the thumbs up as he jumped off the ledge and went in search of someone to kill. Neji shook his head and rolled his eyes and then spotted Lee and Shino standing in an opening just talking.

"Got you both." Neji said smugly to himself as he shot both of them.

"AHHHH!!" Lee yelled. "I can't handle the sound of my backpack going off anymore!"

"Come on." Shino said, grabbing Lee and pulling him around a corner where they would be safe from an attack.

"Where are Sasuke and Chouji anyway?" Lee asked.

"I'm right here." Sasuke said, coming around the corner.

"Hi Sasuke." Said Lee. "We're on the same team, right?"

"Yes." Said Sasuke. "We have to find Shikamaru."

"Is Shikamaru Sunlight?" Lee asked.

Sasuke looked at Lee as if he was stupid. "No." he said. "We have to go after him because he shot me and ruined my perfect opportunity to shoot Neji when he wasn't paying attention."

"Sounds like a plan." Shino said.

The three of them started creeping along, searching for Shikamaru. But they were all interrupted because their backpacks exploded with lights and sirens one right after another. All three looked at their screens at the same time to see they had just been shot by someone by the name of 'Matthews'.

"Who is THAT?!" demanded Lee.

Just then, Naruto jumped out from behind a wall and opened fire on all three of them standing there like fools. He laughed heartily at their expense and then remembered that they could now shoot him so he quickly ran away while they shot at him.

"So was Naruto Matthews?" Shino wondered.

"No, I don't think so." Said Sasuke. "From where he was standing before he hit us, he was not in a good position to shoot us. They've got all their players split up around the entire place. No matter where we go, there's always someone watching us."

"That's for sure." Neji said to himself as he looked directly down at the three standing there. He couldn't reach their backpacks at that particular angle. He just needed them to move forward just a little bit. Thanks to the mentioned Matthews, they stopped dead just before he had the chance to take care of them himself and, just when they were going to start walking again, Naruto jumped out. Gosh darn!

Speaking of Naruto, he had just come up behind Neji.

"HAHA!" laughed Naruto as he went to shoot Neji but Neji only spun around and knocked the gun out of Naruto's hand. Since the gun was attached to the backpack, it really only went a few feet and then smashed to the ground.

"I'm on your team you moron!" Neji said, sounding annoyed.

"Oh right…" Naruto said sheepishly. He picked up the gun. Neji shook his head and looked over the ledge again to see that Shino, Sasuke and Lee had already continued walking and were now out of range of the gun.

"Great job, Naruto." Said Neji with a sigh.

"Have you just been sitting here the whole time?" Naruto asked.

"TAKE THIS!!" came Kiba's voice as he appeared out of nowhere and shot Naruto.

"HEY!!" yelled Naruto as he shot Kiba back.

"HEY!!" Kiba yelled as he shot Naruto again.

The two of them continued to shoot each other foolishly as Neji laughed slightly under his breath, only imagining what this act was doing to their score. But then, using his Byakugan, realized that Sasuke was now pointing in his direction. He heard Naruto and Kiba!

"Be quiet you two!" Neji hushed them.

"What?" they both said as they looked at Neji but still continued to shoot each other.

Neji gave an exasperated sigh and realized that he would have to, for the first time in all two of his laser tag experiences, RUN!

So, leaving Naruto and Kiba there, he took off.

Meanwhile, Shikamaru and Chouji were sitting in their little hang out area.

"Have you shot anyone yet, Shikamaru?" Chouji asked, trying to start small talk.

"I've shot you." Shikamaru said.

"I meant BESIDES that!" laughed Chouji.

"There you are!" said Lee, jumping out. He gasped when he saw Shikamaru and started wildly shooting him. "Come on, Chouji, we have to run!!"

Lee grabbed Chouji's arm and attempted to pull him up but Chouji wouldn't budge. As Lee continued to struggle with Chouji's weight, Shikamaru took that opportunity to fire at Lee numerous times.

"Stop, stop, stop!" said Lee, throwing a temper tantrum.

Finally, Lee knew when he was beat, so he left.

"We almost had to be separated, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

"This is true, Chouji." Said Shikamaru. Of in the distance, he caught sight of a figure…

Meanwhile…

Naruto was frolicking about, happy as can be. For a moment there, he had forgotten all about the laser tag game and was jerked back into reality when his backpack went off. His first reaction was, instead of running, to look at the screen. "Avenger?!" he gasped. But then the name changed. "Chuunin?! Ahh!! Avenger again!!"

The name kept switching back from Avenger to Chuunin to Avenger to Chuunin again. Then suddenly, the name 'Player Two' came up.

"Player Two?" Naruto said with a raised eyebrow.

He couldn't be confused for very much longer because he was still continuously being bombarded by Avenger and Chuunin. So, instead of standing there for anymore precious minutes, he zoomed off faster than Lee without his weights on to find a place to hide.

"Kiba…I see you…" Naruto said under his breath after the sirens had died down and it was quiet again as he caught sight of Kiba way off in the distance. Kiba's back was turned, almost as if he was in the middle of shooting someone else, so Naruto knew he would never know what hit him.

He shot him and heard the sirens. It was strange, how could he hear the sirens from all the way over here? Then he looked down to see that his backpack was the one emitting the sirens. So he instead looked up to see Sasuke standing over him.

"Hi dead last." Said Sasuke.

"Hey!" said Naruto, standing up. "I was in the middle of something very important!!"

"What was that?" Sasuke said, raising his gun and shooting Naruto again.

"Stop!" said Naruto, shooting Sasuke.

"I don't have any beef with YOU, Naruto." Said Sasuke, putting his hand over Naruto's gun so he would stop shooting. "Just tell me where Shikamaru is and I'll leave you alone for now."

"Why do you want to find Shikamaru?" Naruto asked.

"Because he ruined my chances of having a game where I didn't get hit once in the whole thing." Sasuke answered. "And I want to get back at him."

"I don't know where he is!" said Naruto. "Let go of my gun!"

"Fine." Said Sasuke as he let go and then jumped into the air, landing gracefully on an upper level. Naruto shook his fist at Sasuke, so Sasuke turned around and shot him again.

Sasuke turned around and then he saw it. Sasuke and Chouji sitting right in front of him. He gaped for a moment or so and went to shoot Shikamaru to get his revenge but his backpack began to react. He looked at the screen. "Beast?" he said, sounding angry. "You're next…"

When his backpack finally calmed down, he looked back at Shikamaru; ready to shoot him dead only to find that Shikamaru already had his gun raised and had shot him instead.

"I just want to get my revenge!!" Sasuke said, sounding annoyed.

"Whatever." Said Shikamaru since he didn't really care. So Sasuke slowly and dramatically raised his weapon to shoot Shikamaru but, as fate would have it, his backpack blew up again.

"Who is it this time?!" Sasuke demanded, looking at the screen with utter disgust in his face and tone. "SUNLIGHT?! Who in their right mind would name himself SUNLIGHT?" But he didn't have time to insult Sunlight any further because Sunlight currently was sniping him out like there was no tomorrow. Sasuke knew that his score now was pretty much gone since he hadn't really shot all that many people and had got shot more times than he could count just trying to get his revenge on Shikamaru… Chuunin…

So he dove behind a wall so he was pretty much staring Shikamaru and Chouji in the face.

"Now's my chance." He observed, raising his gun. He shot directly at Shikamaru who looked like he couldn't possibly care less even if he TRIED but nothing happened. Sasuke looked at his gun to see the screen read, "Game Over". "Game Over? Who is that?!"

"It means the game is over." Shikamaru said, standing up.

"WHAT?!" Sasuke demanded.

But it was only a matter of time before everyone eventually made it back to the main area where they would learn their scores.

"The winning team is the Red Team!" announced the jounin behind the counter.

"YAY!!" cheered the Red Team.

"Now, as you know, getting hit is –100 points." The jounin explained as he stacked all the individual scorecards up. "Hitting someone is 100 points. Hitting your own teammate is –500."

"WHAT?!" yelled Kiba and Naruto. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US, NEJI?!"

"All right," said the jounin behind the counter. "Even though the Red Team won, the individual winner for the game was on the Blue Team who managed not to get hit a single time! Sunlight with 3400!"

"I'll take that." Neji said, stepping forward and taking the card.

"NEJI?!" gasped Lee. "YOU were Sunlight?! I should have recognized your familiar style of play from before!"

"Why would you name yourself Sunlight?" said Naruto, looking slightly offended.

"Because I'm a Hyuuga." Neji said. "Hyuuga means sunlight."

"Oh." Said Naruto. "I thought you were just a pansy."

"I'm not a pansy." Said Neji, just realizing that it must have seemed like he was since it was kind of a silly name to pick for himself. "Now you all have to admit that I'm not bad at EVERYTHING."

"Okay, okay!" said Kiba. "You're not bad at EVERYTHING. You can fight, do the Macarena and play laser tag."

Neji only glared in response. He looked at his scorecard. He was actually a little disappointed with his score because his previous one had been almost triple the one he had now. But he couldn't argue because it's not like any of the people he was trying to prove himself knew that.

"ANYWAY!" said the jounin. "In second place is 'Chuunin'!"

"You HAD to name yourself Chuunin and continue to rub it in our faces, didn't you?" Sasuke said to Shikamaru. Shikamaru only looked at him weird as Shino took the card from the man.

"Shino, why did you name yourself Chuunin?" asked Kiba. "You're not a Chuunin! You're a Genin!"

"I know." Said Shino, gripping the scorecard so tightly that he crumbled it.

"Third place is 'Player Two' with 200 points!" said the jounin.

"THAT one is me, I believe." Shikamaru said, taking the card.

"Shikamaru, why did you name yourself Player Two?" Chouji asked.

"I didn't put a name in for myself." Shikamaru shrugged. "And I guess I was the second person in line."

"All right, all right, settle down everyone!" said Naruto. "I'm next!"

"The rest of the scores are in the negative numbers, just so you know." The jounin said. Sasuke snapped his fingers and swore under his breath. "And next is someone who didn't even fire once! Chouji with –100 points!"

"I'm glad you're the only one who shot me, Shikamaru!" said Chouji, looking at the scorecard.

"You're supposed to think up a nickname for yourself." Said Kiba.

"I thought we were just putting our regular names in." Chouji admitted.

"Fifth place is Lotus with –1300!" said the jounin behind the counter.

"Wow, that was really bad." Said Lee with a sigh as he took the card. "Neji! You shot me eleven times!"

"So?" Neji said.

Sasuke was realizing that maybe he shouldn't have come to prove to everyone that he was cooler than they originally thought. Because he was only succeeding in proving that he was less cool than everyone originally thought.

"Avenger is in sixth place with –1500 points!" said the jounin.

"Damn." Said Sasuke, tearing the card out of the jounin's hand and inspecting it. "I thought Chuunin was Shikamaru so I was trying to find him the whole time instead of shooting other people. That reminds me. Shino, we were on the same team, why did you shoot me?"

"I just saw a figure and I shot it." Shino admitted.

"You can use that as your excuse, Sasuke, but you know you're just lying to yourself!" Naruto said.

"You're one to talk." Said Sasuke. "You're coming in a lower place than me."

"Not by much!" said Naruto. "I'm next!"

"Not unless you're Matthews with –8400 points!" said the jounin.

"YAHOO!" cheered Kiba, taking the card. "Wait a second, that's bad."

"Matthews?" said Shino. "What is Matthews?"

"It's from a show I like." Kiba said in that none-of-your-business tone.

"And that means, in last place is Beast with –12300 points!" said the jounin, handing the last card to Naruto.

"Ahh!" Naruto said, looking at the card. "Neji shot me fifteen times, Sasuke shot me eight times and Shino shot me six times and Lee shot me twice!! And Kiba shot me a zillion times!! This is unbelievable!"

"Dead last once again, Naruto." Said Sasuke but then he regretted it a second later. Why, you ask? Well, read on friend.

"But Sasuke, if memory serves correctly you got –13900 points in the first time around!" said Lee. "That is over ten thousand less points than Naruto!"

"Didn't the scorekeeper also say that that was the lowest score ever recorded at this place?" Neji felt he needed to add even though he wasn't sticking up for Naruto, he was just proving his was better than Sasuke.

It was one of those times that Sasuke wished some girls were there to stick up for him as he watched everyone slowly start to make fun of him. But he kept telling himself that at least he bettered himself from last time. He had gone up by 12400 points even though he was still in the negative numbers. At least his increase was more points than Naruto had total! Oh geez… we better leave before Sasuke makes himself think that he deserves first place just because he improved so much.


	46. Konohamaru Trio: Heavy Sleeper

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Konohamaru Trio

Heavy Sleeper

NO ONE likes Konohamaru so why we're doing a chapter dedicated to him is beyond even me.  But Konohamaru DID make a cameo in Shikamaru's "Box" chapter that was filled with plot holes.  So this is a continuation of this chapter after Konohamaru supposedly went to bed after being baby-sat by Shikamaru quite poorly.

Konohamaru sat in his bedroom after being sent off to bed by Shikamaru.  Shikamaru was a nice guy and an okay babysitter but that kid had no idea how to play Box.  It was almost 9:00 and Konohamaru had been awake for officially one half of an hour.  He could never get asleep at night if he didn't get to play a nice game of Box.

So he flung off his blankets and hopped out of bed.  He would just have to march down there and show Shikamaru who was boss by DEMANDING that they play Box for real or else he would never go to sleep.

Konohamaru crept down the stairs to find the television off.  He looked around the room for a few minutes in search of Shikamaru but couldn't find him.  So he figured he'd watch some TV past his bedtime so as he went over to the couch to sit down, he found Shikamaru lying down on it.

"I DEMAND to play Box again!" Konohamaru said.

Shikamaru didn't move.  He had his back to Konohamaru, facing the pillows.  Konohamaru frowned and started poking Shikamaru but he didn't move.  So Konohamaru climbed up on the couch and leaned over Shikamaru to find that his eyes were closed and he was currently…SLEEPING!!

Konohamaru had had a lot of babysitters in his time but never had one ever fallen asleep on him!  What was he to do now?  After pacing around for a few minutes, Konohamaru suddenly spotted his two friends' heads in the window, Moegi and Udon.  They were nodding their heads and gesturing for Konohamaru to come over and open the window so they could come in and play.

Konohamaru ran over and opened the window up.  "Sh!" said Konohamaru.  "My babysitter is sleeping!"

"Aw…we sneaked out of our houses because you had a babysitter!" said Moegi.

"Yeah, we thought we were gonna get to play Box!" said Udon.

"We will!" said Konohamaru.  "All we have to do is wake him up!"

"OKAY!!" cheered Udon and Moegi.  Udon and Moegi each had their roles in Box as well and every time Konohamaru had a babysitter, they would usually invite themselves over to play as well.  The three of them stood around the sleeping Shikamaru, the only sounds in the room being his breathing.  They looked at each other.

"What do we do?" Udon asked.

"First, the old fashion way!" said Moegi as she went over and started shaking Shikamaru slightly.  When she got no response, she started shaking him some more.  When she got no response still, Konohamaru and Udon joined in on the shaking but all were unsuccessful in their efforts.

"Well, he's a heavy sleeper!" said Konohamaru.  "We'll just have to try harder!"

"How?" Udon asked.

"Do you have your recorder?" Konohamaru asked.

Udon whipped out his horrible recorder that all small children have.  "I always have my recorder." He answered.

"Do you have your tambourine?" Konohamaru asked Moegi.

"I always have my tambourine." Moegi answered, taking it out from behind his back.

"And I have my kazoo." Konohamaru finished.  "Time for a parade!!"

They all started playing their 'instruments' as they marched around the room as loudly as they could.  After a moment of doing so, they all ran back over to Shikamaru to check if he was awake.  He hadn't even moved.

"…He's a REALLY heavy sleeper…" Konohamaru deducted.

"What do we do?" Moegi asked frantically.

"Let's push him off the couch!" said Konohamaru.

"Good idea!" said Udon.  "The shock'll wake him up!"

The three of them scaled the couch and then wedged themselves in between Shikamaru and the back of the couch.  Then, with all their might, they shoved as hard as they could to get Shikamaru off.  When they finally did, he only kind of slowly tumbled off in a very gradual fashion so there was no shock to it at all.  Unsurprisingly, he did not wake.

"He'll never wake up!" Moegi said, out of breath.

"But I want to play Box!" complained Konohamaru as he slumped down on the couch.

"Let's rest for a bit…" Udon said, lying down.  The other two agreed and they all lied down to take a rest.  After only a few moments, they were out like light bulbs.  It was WAY past their bedtimes and they had just performed a lot of physical activity.

Shikamaru opened one eye when he finally thought them to be sleeping.

"Took long enough." He said, getting up off the floor and carrying the three to bed.


	47. Kankuro n Gashir: The Most Random Pair E

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Kankuro/Gashir

Most Random Pair Ever

This is a chapter that we WANTED to write, but then we were afraid you guys would think we were on crack so we didn't.

We went on a quest for the most RANDOM Naruto pairing EVER. We came across many pairings that shocked, amused and, frankly, disturbed us. For example, we found that Misumi (one of Kabuto's teammates) can be with pretty much anyone because of his famous attack; the RAPE NO JUTSU!! You know, when he wraps himself around his enemy and "attacks" them? We call it Rape no Jutsu.

But we're not talking about Misumi! We're talking about other odd pairs!

We find Kakashi and Iruka pretty random but everyone seems to like that way too much work for us to actually do a chapter about it as we have previously explained.

SO ANYWAY, because our attempts to find the most random pairing ever completely failed, we had to think up our OWN! That's right. We thought up our OWN most random pairing ever.

One of them definitely had to be Gashir who is, next to Kiba, the most underrated character in the entire Naruto series. He's that really cool and awesome guy who Hiashi killed when he tried to kidnap Hinata. No, Gashir was doing the kidnapping, not Hiashi, just so you know.

Then who else… who else indeed?

We went through all the random people we could think of and then the most random person of all hit us.

KANKURO!

Kankuro and Gashir was a match made in heaven. I mean, they both have puppets, after all.

…?

Hang on, Gashir doesn't have a puppet.

Strike that.

Okay…Kankuro and Gashir belong together because they're both jounins!

YEAH!!

…Oh wait.

No, Kankuro isn't a jounin. He's a GENIN!

I know! They both have psychopathic younger brothers that are possessed by some evil sand demon.

…Hang on. Not Gashir. Only Kankuro.

I got it! Both are DEAD! I knew I'd find a reason why they belong together!

Hold just a tick. Kankuro's alive…dagnabbit…

Well, I guess there is no reason that they belong to each other. You know why? BECAUSE THEY'RE THE MOST RANDOM NARUTO PAIRING EVER!! BWA HA HA HA HA!!

Whew…lost the cool there.

So here is our chapter dedicated to Kankuro and Gashir lovin'.

"Oh Gashir, I LOVE you!" said Kankuro as he threw all of his previous lovers aside since he has a bunch and all.

"And I love you too, Kankuro my dearest." Said Gashir.

"If anyone gets in the way of our love, I will use my puppet to protect us from harm!" Kankuro promised.

"And I will use my jounin abilities too!" Gashir said.

"But Gashir, lover, you died by getting punched only once." Kankuro reminded him.

"Uh…no?" said Gashir.

Then they both chuckled warmly and ran off to hang out and be lovers.


	48. Teachers: Hazing Squared

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Teachers

Hazing Squared

Man, that hazing chapter was so much fun the first time around. And we figured you all needed a break from the two horrible chapters you were just forced to read. So here are the teachers once again, hazing another poor victim who only wishes to be apart of their club!

"So then I said, 'NO, Baki, Shikamaru is more powerful than Gaara because Shikamaru is a chuunin!'" Asuma said as he slapped his knee. "And Baki was all like, 'No one is more powerful than Gaara!' and I was all like, 'No one… EXCEPT SHIKAMARU!!'"

"I don't know…" started Kurenai.

"Yes." Said Asuma immediately, looking completely serious. "Gaara was in that Chuunin exam too but he didn't become a chuunin like Shikamaru did because he was far less powerful than Shikamaru."

"Okay…" said everyone. They were now past being angry and now at the point in which they kind of felt sorry for him. AND Shikamaru.

They were currently inside the restaurant where they could sit at the table and grill food and eat it right then and there. WITHOUT a waitress or waiter grilling it for them. No, they got to grill it on their own with the grill that was provided at the table.

Just then, the door to the restaurant swung open loudly. In stomped Anko, a jounin who was an examiner from the Chuunin exam.

"Anko!" said Asuma, standing up. "It's so nice to see you!"

"Asuma, I had no part in Shikamaru's promotion." Said Anko, putting her hand up and trying to ignore Asuma. "I'm just looking for Kurenai."

"Right here!" said Kurenai, standing up.

"Kurenai, where is your shame?!" Anko demanded.

"What…?" Kurenai said.

"You constantly spend all your time with these four men!" said Anko, pointing at Iruka, Kakashi, Gai and Asuma who were only sitting there obliviously. "You sit in this restaurant or you spend the time harassing your students! This has only been recently brought to my attention and I must say that I am EXTREMELY disappointed!"

"What's that supposed to mean?!" demanded Gai, standing up.

"It means that Kurenai should be hanging out with LADY friends!" said Anko.

"But these guys are my friends!" said Kurenai.

"I've got it!" said Iruka. "If you want Kurenai to be hanging out with lady friends then how about you join our group too?"

"Whoa, Iruka." Said Kakashi, grabbing his arm. "You are newly apart of this group and you have no right whatsoever to make a proclamation like that."

"I think Iruka has a good idea." Said Kurenai. "Even though I don't know where Anko gets off thinking she can judge me as such! I think it might be healthy for me to be hanging out with another woman! Anko, would you like to hang out with us?"

"I suppose." Said Anko, sitting down.

"Wait!" said Gai. "I refuse!"

"YEAH!" said Asuma. "She can't just WALTZ into our club like this!"

"How dare you, Iruka." Said Kakashi, shaking his head.

"Well…uh…" said Iruka hesitantly, knowing that he was only the member of the T-Birds who had yet to earn his leather jacket. "How about we…uh… we still have to haze her, don't we?"

"Ah, what an idea, Iruka!" said Gai. "While Anko is a jounin and, in a way, a teacher we have no right to turn her away, it would be unfair to Iruka if we did not haze her in the same way we hazed him!"

"What kind of teacher are you?" Anko said to Iruka.

"He's right, Anko." Said Kurenai. "If you want to be part of the gang, you have to prove that you're cool enough to hang out with us."

"Hey, if Iruka can pass the tests as a mere chuunin then I'm not worried!" said Anko confidently.

"I hate being discriminated against just because I'm a chuunin." Said Iruka with a frown.

"Okay, my students first!!" Gai yelled.

"Aw man…" said everyone else.

"What?" said Anko but they all dragged her outside.

"The task I gave Iruka last time was easy because I was I kind of WANTED him to join the club but I don't want you to join so I'll give you a harder one…" Gai said, scratching his chin. Anko crossed her arms to show her disapproval of Gai's comment, but Gai was far from caring.

"Any ideas?" Asuma asked Gai after a pause ensued that was longer than necessary.

"YES!" said Gai. "Anko, you must help Lee win a battle!"

"Easy as pie!" said Anko.

"Gai…" said Kakashi, slapping his forehead.

"AGAINST NEJI!" Gai finished.

Everyone gasped dramatically.

"It can't be done!" said Anko.

"What about Tenten?" Kakashi said snidely.

"And…um…get her to willingly dress up…" Gai started. Then he paused and tried to think of a climactic finishing touch. "…AS NEJI!!"

Everyone gasped again.

"I kind of feel bad for all of them." Said Kurenai. "Except Lee. He'll be happy I suppose."

"To add to it all, you only have ten minutes to do so!" Gai continued.

Anko rolled up her sleeves. "I can do it!" she said as she marched to Neji's favorite training area. Everyone knew exactly where it was because of… you know. The Macarena Incident, which is now so historical and memorable that it needs to be capitalized and celebrated.

The three of them always seemed to be conveniently training in Neji's favorite training area so I guess it's their whole TEAM'S favorite training area. Except Neji likes it the best.

She stood there behind a tree watching them for a moment, trying to figure out how she was going to go about this.

"Hurry up." Came the teacher's voices behind her as they pushed her out into the opening.

Neji, Lee and Tenten all immediately stopped their activity and turned around to stare at her ominously, almost as if they KNEW she was up to something evil.

"Um…so…" she said nervously, making sure they were paying attention. Though it was pretty obvious they were paying attention considering they were all staring at her and not moving at all, waiting for her to continue as she foolishly stood there trying to get attention.

"What do you want?" Neji said finally.

"I wanted to um…" started Anko. "I wanted to see some spectacular genins in action!"

"If you're looking for a spectacular genin, you need look no further!" Lee said, pushing through Neji and Tenten and stepping forward.

"Yes, yes!" said Anko. "I remember YOU…"

"You do?!" said Lee happily.

"Yes, and I have heard from some very reliable sources that you look to defeat the one named Hyuuga Neji." Anko said.

"That's me." Said Lee, lowering his head in shame.

"I have come with a proposition!" said Anko. "I will help you defeat him IF you do a small favor for me."

"What is going on?" Neji said, uncrossing his arms. He knew he was all that, but even Neji is sensible enough to know that he wouldn't be able to conquer Lee if he had a special jounin on his side.

"What's the favor?!" Lee asked, getting on his knees. "I'll do ANYTHING!"

"Um…uh…" started Anko, wondering how to phrase this. So she quickly pointed at Tenten who as only standing idly by, used to all this Neji and Lee tussling. "SHE must dress up as…" Then she pointed at Neji. " HIM!"

"DONE!" said Lee.

"WHAT?!" said Neji and Tenten.

"This is going to be so good…" Gai whispered to the other teachers from their hiding spot.

"Gai, is Lee your favorite?" said Kakashi.

"No!" said Gai quickly…a little TOO quickly.

"How is that a fair trade?" Tenten demanded. "That's just ME doing something stupid so that you can do a favor for him?"

"That is my only condition." Said Anko.

"Then take it and go." said Neji, shaking his head. "Come on, let's get back to our training."

"Tenten…" Lee said, crawling over to Tenten, still on his knees. "PLEASE! You MUST do this favor for me! I'll do ANYTHING!"

"Lee, I don't know." Said Tenten. "You're a good guy and everything…"

"Come on, it's not like we're asking Neji to dress up as YOU!" said Lee. Neji glared at Lee for even mentioning something as crazy as that. "Please, please, please, please, please!"

Tenten groaned and looked at Anko. "WHY are you making me do this?" she said. "Can't you pick on someone else?"

"Uh…" said Anko, quickly looking at her watch, seeing that only one minute remained.

"I guess…" Tenten said finally. "But you owe me big, Lee!"

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!" Lee said, kissing Tenten's feet. But then he stood up and saluted to Anko. "Let's get to the well overdue beating!!"

Just when Neji was about to try to negotiate for his life, Kakashi, Iruka, Kurenai, Gai and Asuma dropped down from the trees.

"Hold it right there!" said Asuma. "The time limit's up! You failed!"

"Failed?" said Tenten, Neji and Lee.

"Come on, give me a second chance!" said Anko. "That task was too hard!"

"Yeah!" said Kurenai. "She got them to agree so we should give her a second chance!"

The men groaned.

"What?" said Tenten, Neji and Lee.

"All in favor of giving Anko a second chance raise your hand." Said Kakashi, putting his hand up in the air. Iruka and Kurenai put their hands up as well.

"What?!" demanded Gai. "WHY?! Iruka?! Kakashi?!"

"I want to see someone else continue to harass your students." Iruka said.

"And I want her to harass my students next." Kakashi replied.

"Fine." Said Gai, crossing his arms. "One more chance! But that's it!"

"ALL RIGHT!" cheered Anko. The six of them ran off.

"Wait!" Lee called after them. "I thought you were going to help me beat up Neji!!"

But the teachers weren't listening. They made their way to the bridge area and hid in a well-concealed hiding spot that no one would ever be able to find them in. EVER. So the six of them watched Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura hang out and sigh.

"Okay, no time limit this time." Anko said.

"Fine fine." Said the others.

"What do I have to do?" asked Anko.

Kakashi rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "All right… you're going to have to look underneath the underneath for this one." He warned her.

"I'm ready!" said Anko.

"I want you to make the three of them break into song." Kakashi said. "The SAME song."

Anko waited. "And?" she prompted.

"That's it." Kakashi answered.

"Where's the looking underneath the underneath part?" Anko asked.

"Just ignore Kakashi." Kurenai advised.

"Okay…" said Anko as she jumped out into the opening. Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto all turned around, ready to be annoyed with Kakashi for being so late but then when they noticed it was only Anko, they turned around and continued doing whatever they were doing before. "Good morning students!" she said.

"Hi…" said the three of them.

"Say…I remember the three of you from the chuunin exam…" Anko said slyly. "Do you remember our official chuunin song?"

"There's an official chuunin song?!" said Naruto. "What is it?! Tell me!!"

"Oh that's right!" said Anko. "You three aren't chuunins! I can't tell you what the official chuunin song is! How silly of me."

"Did you come only to mock us?" Sasuke said, sounding annoyed.

"Actually, I came to let you in the secret." Said Anko, gesturing for them all to come closer. They crept in so they looked like football players making a play. "From the first time I saw you guys enter the exam, I felt like you deserved to be chuunins."

"OF COURSE!" yelled Naruto so that everyone had to break away but then quickly come back in.

"So I'm going to teach you the chuunin song." Anko continued, trying to ignore the interruption. "If you know the chuunin song, you can impress the Hokage and he's likely to make you a chuunin the NEXT exam."

"Just for knowing a song?" Sakura said.

"Yes." Said Anko. "You all ready to learn the song?"

They all nodded. As stupid as they would feel singing some stupid song, they wanted to be chuunins so they were willing to do whatever it took to be so. Anko thought of a song as quickly as she could and spouted out the first one that came to mind.

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb!" she sang, a little embarrassed.

"Wait." Sasuke said, taking a step back. "The official chuunin song is 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'?"

"Yes!" said Anko. "And don't say it so loudly!"

"Why is that the official chuunin song?" asked Naruto.

"Because no one would ever suspect it!" Anko answered. "But this is good because you all know the lyrics already!" Sasuke eyed her suspiciously. "Come on, why would I lie to you?"

Sasuke's eyes wandered through the foliage near the bridge. He caught sight of something rustling in the trees. This clued him in to the fact that he was sensing a mass of people sitting up there. Specifically, his teacher and his partners in crime.

Then Sasuke looked back at Anko. Then something came in to mind. Naruto had mentioned a little while back that Iruka had gone through some hazing so that's why he had practically attacked Sasuke in an attempt to make him laugh. Sure, it worked, but that was only because he was extremely ticklish. Sasuke easily pieced the puzzle together since he's a sharp kid and realized that this was all another trick.

"Uh…" Anko said, waving her hand in front of Sasuke's face.

"Official chuunin song." Said Sasuke under his breath with a slight tone of disgust. "Yeah right."

"Sasuke!" said Sakura. "This is our chance to become chuunins!"

"Kakashi, I KNOW you're over there." Sasuke called.

"I TOLD you not to move, Gai!" came a voice from the trees.

"I had a wedgie!" Gai whined. The five of them came out of the trees and looked at Anko with a look of disappointment.

"Well, that's the second test you've failed." Asuma said. "I'm sorry. We're going to have to let you go."

"But YOU guys ruined that one!" said Anko. "Give me another chance!"

"Another chance!" cheered Kurenai in agreement.

"She has a point." Gai admitted, especially since it was his fault.

"Well fine." Said Kakashi.

"Whose students are next?" Iruka asked.

"Are you guys just going around harassing all of us to decide who's cool enough to hang out with you?" Naruto said.

All the teachers stared at Naruto and then slowly tried to creep away as if they weren't standing there in broad daylight without any cover at all. Eventually, when they felt they were far enough away, they broke into a run and didn't look back.

"MY students are next!" said Kurenai after they had finished. "I want you to go up to my students and try to convince them that you're me and act as though everything's normal!"

"WHAT?" said all the males and Anko.

"Come on!" said Kurenai. "It'll be funny."

"I'm on it!" Anko said, running off to find Kurenai's students.

"Kurenai, that's too easy." Said Iruka. "She can just pretend she's using genjutsu to make herself look different."

"Yeah, but with Kiba's nose, they'll know she's not me from a mile away." Kurenai said. All the males nodded and smiled, complimenting Kurenai on her feminine evilness.

Anko saw them Kiba, Hinata and Shino all hanging out telling stories to one another.

"And then Akamaru was all like, 'I'm cool'!" Kiba said. "And I was like, 'No you're not Akamaru!' And he was like, 'Yes I am!' and then I said, 'Why don't you prove it then?' and he was like, 'Okay, I will!'"

Akamaru barked.

"Oh that's right." Kiba said. "He didn't say 'Okay, I will!' He said 'I could prove it with my eyes closed!'"

"This is a fascinating story, Kiba." Said Shino.

"Why, thank you Shino." Said Kiba, not detecting the sarcasm. Instead, his attention was more focused on an unfamiliar scent coming up behind him. He turned around to see Anko making their way towards them.

"Hello examiner." Said Hinata, remembering who Anko was almost immediately.

"Examiner?" laughed Anko. "What are you talking about? Come on, it's time to get to training!"

"Training?" said Kiba. "That's what we have our teacher for."

"Obviously!" said Anko. "So what are you waiting for?"

"…Our teacher?" Shino tried.

"I AM your teacher you silly…er…student of mine!" Anko said, just realizing that she didn't know any of their names.

"No, Kurenai is." Kiba said.

"And who do I look like to you?" Anko said.

"…NOT Kurenai?" Kiba said finally since he didn't know her name either.

"Oh!" said Anko with a laugh, looking down at herself. "It's just a bit of genjutsu I'm using to make myself look like someone else since that's what genjutsu is all about after all…" she cleared her throat. "Here, I'll undo it right now!"

Then she put her hands in a seal and transformed into Kurenai.

"There we go!" she said. "Now don't I look like your teacher… who is named Kurenai?"

"Yes." Said the three of them.

"All right!" cheered Anko.

"But…you're not her." Kiba said while Anko was in the middle of her victory dance.

"What?" said Anko. "What's that supposed to mean? Of course I am! Just look at me!"

"You LOOK like her…but you don't SMELL like her." Kiba said.

"Smell like her…?" Anko said obliviously. But then she took note of the red marks on his face and the dog that was residing in the front of his jacket. "Aw… you're part of the Inuzuka clan, aren't you?" she said at long last.

Kiba nodded.

"Well never mind then." Anko sighed, undoing the jutsu and walking away.

Hinata cleared her throat. "Okay, Kiba." She said. "Why don't you finish the story?"

"Oh right!" said Kiba. "And THAT'S when I said…"

Anko was on her way back to where the teachers were.

"I failed again." She sighed. "I wish I knew that there was an Inuzuka in your group."

"Sorry, Anko." Said Kurenai. "Some people just aren't cut out to be part of our little club."

"Hang on!" said Asuma. "We can give her ONE more chance, can't we?"

"Why?" said everyone, including Anko.

"Well I don't want to be the ONLY one who didn't have his team harassed." Said Asuma as if it was obvious.

"OH RIGHT!" laughed everyone as they dragged Anko over to the restaurant that they had been in before.

"They should be in here." Asuma said. "And your task shall be…hm…"

"I know." Said Kakashi. "Make Ino and Shikamaru dance a romantic dance to only the sound of Chouji eating."

He received a few odd looks.

"Yes!" Asuma finally agreed. "That sounds like a good plan!"

"Kakashi, that is so weird." Said Gai. "Are you smoking something?"

"No." Kakashi said plainly.

"Good luck." Said Iruka, choosing not to mention that all he had to do was make them leave the restaurant.

Anko was a little nervous. How was she going to do something as insane and ridiculous as that? It would be hard enough to get them to dance even if both of their favorite songs were playing and it was a romantic setting AND if they had interest in each other… but to the sound of Chouji eating? That was just odd…

So she walked in and looked around. Finally, she spotted them.

"You know what?" Ino said to her two male teammates. "I feel like dancing! Don't you guys?"

"No, I feel like eating." Said Chouji, taking another bite.

"And I feel like doing nothing." Shikamaru said.

"If only there was music playing…" Ino sighed as if Chouji and Shikamaru had just leapt up and exclaimed, "OH YES INO!! WE MUST DANCE RIGHT NOW!!"

Then Anko stepped up.

"Why hello there." Said Anko.

The three students said hello to her formally. They all knew who she was because Shikamaru was a chuunin after all. Plus, they had all BEEN there for that chuunin exam and they weren't as slow as Team Kurenai.

"Did I hear someone say that they wanted to dance?" Anko said.

"Yeah!" said Ino. "Me!"

"SLOW dance?" Anko said slickly.

"Uh…no." said Ino. "Unless I'm dancing with Sasuke. I'll dance however if I'm dancing with Sasuke!"

"What about if you were dancing with Shikamaru?" said Anko, putting her hands around Shikamaru's face as if he was a picture that needed to be framed.

"SLOW DANCING… with SHIKAMARU?" said Ino. The three students looked at Anko for a moment and then simultaneously threw their heads back and laughed at her.

"Not only would Ino never dance with me, but I would never dance period." said Shikamaru.

"Yeah, what he said!" agreed Ino.

"That's not true!" said Chouji. Both of them turned their heads and stared and Chouji with a certain look of both anger and curiosity in their eyes. "What? You guys don't remember when we were doing that tournament thing that the teachers forced us to do and then we had to the do the dancing event and it was the two of you? And you guys slow danced to Tequila?"

"That was an extreme circumstance." Shikamaru said. "We had no choice on the matter. I would never dance with Ino on my own free will."

"What's that supposed to mean, Shikamaru?" Ino said, crossing her arms. "Are you saying that I'm not feminine or sexy enough to be danced with?"

"No." said Shikamaru. "I never said that. You know me. I don't dance."

"I KNOW what you said!" said Ino, standing up. "So that's why I'm leaving! Goodbye you two and goodbye examiner!" Ino stormed out of the restaurant in a huff.

"I think she wanted to dance with you, Shikamaru." Said Chouji.

"She SAID she wanted to dance with Sasuke." Shikamaru reminded him.

Anko stood there for a moment. There was no way she'd be able to complete the task if Ino wasn't even there anymore. So, looking mightily depressed, she walked out of the restaurant.

"That was an impossible task!" she said to the rest of the teachers who were only shaking their heads.

"Sorry, Anko." Said Gai. "We gave you FOUR chances. But you didn't complete a single task."

"But they were unfair tasks!" Anko said. "The first one I had a ridiculous time limit! Then you guys ruined the second one! And for the third one, you guys knew that I wouldn't be able to do it because of your Inuzuka! And this one… NO one would dance romantically to the sound of someone else eating, even if they were in love!"

"Iruka would have been able to do it." Asuma sighed wistfully.

"Yes." Said Iruka. "I would have."

"Fine!" said Anko. "I don't even know why I was trying so hard in the first place! I don't NEED to hang out with you guys! I'll just go hang out with my REAL friends! Baki, Ibiki and Ebisu!"

With that, she stomped away, making big Anko-sized footprints in the ground.

"That Anko!" said Kurenai.

"What are we going to do with her?" Iruka laughed.

The five of them erupted into warm chuckling.

"We really have to stop doing that." Kakashi said after their chuckling ended.


	49. Neji n Lee: Prank the Main House

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Neji/Lee

Prank the Main House

This one came out of nowhere.  There was no previous inspiration.  It was just one of things where we went; HEY!  What if we wrote a chapter about…?

Neji was sitting at home knitting.  His scarf was coming out a lot better than he imagined and he anticipated the arrival of winter so he could wear it.  Of course, he wouldn't be telling people that he had made it and hoped that it wouldn't look like he made it so no one would be suspicious… the last people he needed was people knowing that he knitted.

He accidentally let his mind linger and was suddenly distracted from his knitting.  So he tried to focus everything on recalling his technique for knitting in the proper way.

"The Branch House member goes around the Main House member and then the Main House member falls over and the Branch House member…" Neji narrated out loud to himself when he could see someone approaching.  He was, of course, looking THROUGH the wall with his Byakugan out the back of his head so it was easier to know if someone was coming.  Namely, it was his evil uncle, Hiashi.

As Hiashi passed by, Neji continued his narration.

"The bunny goes around the tree…the tree falls…the bunny escapes…the lumberjack pulls the tree away…the bunny goes around the next tree…"

Hiashi looked at Neji briefly but didn't say anything.  He just kept walking.  He thought it was a little weird that Neji was knitting, but he wasn't about to confront him.  As far as Hiashi was concerned, Neji was more evil than he was.

Neji watched him go, pretending he didn't notice.  Then, once he was gone, Neji put the needles down and looked out the window.  He was suddenly horrified by a horribly ugly and giant face appearing the window.

"Lee!" Neji yelled, nearly falling off the couch and quickly covering his partially made scarf with a pillow.  Lee opened the window and climbed in as Neji tried to collect himself and make sure the knitting needles were sufficiently covered.

"Hi Neji!" Lee said.

"What are you doing?!" Neji demanded, sitting down on the pillow.

"We were supposed to go training a half an hour ago." Lee said, pointing at the clock.  "So I came to check to see what happened!"

Neji looked at it and then made a face.  "Sorry…I forgot…" he admitted.

"That is so unlike you!" Lee said.  "You know what?  And Tenten ran off for another trip to the beach too!  Brings back memories, doesn't it?"

"What does?" Neji said.

"Tenten going to the beach." Lee replied.

"What does that bring back memories of?" Neji questioned.

"Come on, don't tell me you don't remember when we put a turkey in her bag the LAST time she went to the beach!" said Lee.

"Yeah…I remember…" Neji said, rolling his eyes.  "And if you came over here to ask if I wanted to do it again, then the answer is no."

"She's already gone." Said Lee.  "So we wouldn't be able to do it even if I WANTED to!  Even though…I have to admit I do feel like pranking someone today…" Lee looked off into space.

Neji spotted his evil uncle coming back.  Hiashi walked by the room Neji was in with Lee, looked at them both questioningly but didn't stop walking.  He thought it was weird that this strange non-Hyuuga person was suddenly in the house, but he wasn't about to confront Neji about it.  Neji was scary and evil and Hiashi didn't feel like dealing with him at the moment.  So he dismissed Lee as a random little friend that Neji had and just continued on his way.

"Is that your uncle?" Lee whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" Neji asked.

"I don't know." Lee said.  "But is it?"

"Yeah." Neji answered.  "How'd you know?"

"Because he looks like you and you said that your dad and your uncle were twins but I knew it wasn't your dad because—" Lee started but then he stopped dead.  The two of them cleared their throats and looked away from each other extremely awkwardly.

Then Neji suddenly got an idea.  An AWFUL idea.  Neji got a wonderful AWFUL idea.

It came to him easily, especially with Lee sitting there right in front of him.

"Lee." He said.

"Sorry!" said Lee, wincing and covering his face with his hands.  "I'll think next time I open my mouth!"

"Shut up and listen." Neji said, leaning over.  "NOW you can whisper."

"What?" Lee whispered, leaning over as well.

"You said you wanted to prank someone?" Neji asked.

"I ALWAYS feel like pulling a prank on someone!" laughed Lee.

"Shh." Neji instructed, looking a little annoyed.

"Oh right." Lee said, lowering his voice again.

"Well, if you were going to prank someone today, what would you do?" Neji interrogated.

"Hm…" Lee pondered.  "Depends on who I would be pranking.  Do you have anyone in mind?"

Neji lowered his voice so much that Lee could hardly hear him.

_"The Main House."_

Lee gasped.  "You don't mean…" he said.  "EVERYONE in the Main House?!"

"Something to make ALL of them suffer." Neji said, looking evil.

"Neji, I've never done a prank on that scale before." Said Lee nervously.

But Neji was too wrapped up in his potential victory that he didn't even hear Lee.  He was thinking as hard as he could for something that he could do to the Main House that would make them pay for what they did.  But, unfortunately for him, he was too unstable when it came to the Main House and Branch House thing that the only ideas he could think of involved killing all of them or mortally wounding all of them.

"That's why I need you to help me." Neji said, not realizing that his thought process had been exactly that.  THOUGHT.

"Why, because I've never done a prank on this scale?" Lee said, looking confused.

"What?" said Neji.  "Right, whatever.  Do you have any ideas?"

"Hm…" Lee said.  "I have to admit, Neji, this is a little weird.  I mean, I always thought of us as pals and I would do anything for a pal but you know… this goes against everything…"

"Lee, I'll fight you if you do a good job." Neji said.

"OH FINE!" said Lee, putting his hand out for Neji to shake.  Neji shook it and then waited.

"Well?" he asked.

"I'm thinking…" Lee said.  "What kind of prank do you want it to be?"

"I don't know." Said Neji, looking at Lee like he just won the Moron of the Century Award.  "This is YOUR thing!  This is why I'm asking YOU to think up an idea, remember?"

"Ah, Neji, I guess you don't remember." Lee said.  "YOU'RE the one who thought up the idea to put the turkey in Tenten's bag."

Neji was about to beat up Lee for saying something as foolish as that but he stopped and tried to recall.  Then he realized it.  It WAS him who suggested it.  Well, it wasn't a very GOOD prank, but he had thought of it.

"What now?" Neji said.

"Let's BOTH brainstorm!" Lee said as if he was a girl at a party who had just announced that it was time to paint their nails.

"Uh well…all right." Neji said, repositioning himself slightly, only to suddenly remember that he was sitting on the knitting needles and definitely couldn't stand up as long as Lee was there.  "How about we talk about this somewhere besides here?  After all, someone from the Main House could walk by at any given moment."

"You're right, Neji." Said Lee.  "I'll be outside!"

Lee jumped out the window he had come in.  Neji looked out the window to see that Lee was looking in the opposite direction.  He quickly stood up, grabbed the knitting needles and opened the drawer and just when he was about to throw the whole kit and caboodle in, Lee poked his head back in the window.

"Hey, you coming?" he said, but then he caught sight of the needles and yarn.  Neji's eyes widened as Lee looked them over.

"…I was just cleaning up." Neji said.  "Someone left these here…in the Main House…"

"Oh." Said Lee.  "Okay!"

Neji thanked his lucky stars that Lee's one of those guys that you could easily convince that they would never find 'gullible' in the dictionary.

So after Neji tucked the unfinished scarf away, he jumped out the window just as Hiashi walked by again.  He caught sight of Neji shutting the window.  Hiashi found this behavior ALSO to be extremely peculiar.  Their eyes finally met for the first time that day and, to save face, both of them glared at each other evilly and simultaneously.  Lee looked at Neji and Hiashi glaring at each other through the window and shook his head with a shrug.

"Okay, let's go." said Lee.

"Right." Said Neji, finally tearing away from his evil glare.  He and Lee went off to Neji's training area.

"You realize, of course, that by using the term 'prank', you're pulling a HARMLESS practical joke on someone." Lee clarified.

"I know." Neji said.

"Just making sure." Lee said.

The two of them gave heavy sighs and started to think of a way to prank the Main House.  Neji was mostly just trying to think of an idea that didn't end up with them dead.  Lee was trying to think of something that would satisfy Neji because he wanted to fight Neji SO bad.

"I got it." said Lee.  "What if we put a turkey on each of their beds so that when they go to bed, they have to take the turkey OFF their bed?"

Lee's eyes were wide and he was nodding enthusiastically.

Neji stared at Lee.  "Lee." He said.  "No more turkeys."

"Okay, fine!" said Lee defensively.  "I'm only trying to help!"

"Try a little harder, will you?" Neji said.

"All right, all right…" Lee said, letting his mind wander.  "What if we…oh never mind…"

"Remember that I don't want to get caught for doing this." Neji said.

"Of course!" said Lee.  "And if you do get caught, I'LL take full responsibility!"

"Why?" Neji asked.

"Because I know how much you hate the Main House and I don't need you to hate it any MORE because then I'll just have to listen to even more rants about it and I SO do not want to hear anymore about it." Lee answered.

"Whatever happened to you thinking next time you opened your mouth?" Neji said.

"I said I would do it." Lee said.  "And I thought before I said that."

"Thought about WHAT?" Neji said, flabbergasted.  "How you could potentially insult me MORE?"

"What are you guys doing?" came a voice behind them.  They turned around to see Tenten standing there.

"Hey, I thought you went to the beach!" said Lee.

"It was closed today!" said Tenten, walking over.  "You guys want to train?"

"Not right now." Lee said.  "We're trying to think of a way to—"

Then Lee stopped and looked at Neji who was shaking his head slightly.

"—To…" Lee said, trying to think quick.  "To…uh…tell you that…uh…"

"That…we don't…feel like training right now." Neji said.

"Yeah!" said Lee.  "We're trying to think of a way to tell you that we don't feel like training anymore!"

Tenten rolled her eyes.  "Okay…" she said.  "I'm NOT extremely suspicious of that at all…"

"Oh good." Said Lee with a sigh of relief.

Neji slapped his forehead.

"But whatever." Tenten said.  "I don't feel much like training either.  I'll leave you guys to what you were doing and I'll just head home."

With that, Tenten turned and left.

"Whew, I didn't think she was going to buy it for a second there." Lee said, taking a deep breath.

Neji shook his head, feeling a little embarrassed FOR Lee.

"Hey, let's pull a prank on Tenten instead!" said Lee.

"NO." said Neji, grabbing Lee's shoulders.  "We are going to make the Main House suffer."

"Neji, pranking isn't supposed to be centered around someone suffering!" said Lee.  "You don't understand the art of pranking someone else!  The main idea is to make someone the butt of your joke, publicly laugh at them and then everyone gets over it in the end and a black circle engulfs the group happily!"

"Lee." Said Neji, letting go of Lee.  "Your mouth was moving, but I didn't hear a word of it."

"Okay…let's think…" Lee said.

"Short of killing them, I have nothing." Neji admitted with a sigh.  "Do you know what the time is?"

"Probably forty-five minutes after we were supposed to have a training session." Lee said.  "Meaning…quarter to six."

"Almost dinner time." Neji said, standing up.  "If I'm not back on time then everyone will be angry, especially since I didn't tell anyone I was leaving."

"Oh good!" said Lee.  "I always think better on a full stomach!"

"Lee, you're not invited to come along." Neji said.

"Why not?" Lee asked.

"Because." Neji replied.

"That's not a very good reason." Lee said when Neji didn't continue.

"Because you're not a Hyuuga, that's why." Neji said.

"Well, that's STILL not a very good reason, but it's better than the other one so I guess I'll accept it." Lee said.  "How about I walk you back then?"

"I can walk back on my own." Neji said.

"But we can brainstorm on the way back!" said Lee enthusiastically.

"Oh…okay then." Neji said. 

The two of them started back, unable to think up a good way to prank the Main House the whole way.  Finally, Neji reached his house and opened the door. 

"Lee, let's do this tomorrow." He said.

Lee stopped and listened.  Neji noticed Lee was listening and started listening as well.

"What are you listening to?" Neji asked.

"Is there ALWAYS music playing in the background of your house?" Lee asked.

Neji listened.  "Classical, I guess." Neji said.  "I'm used to it."

"So you probably have some kind of radio that channels throughout the entire villa, right?" Lee said.

"Probably." Neji answered.  "Why?"

"No reason." Lee replied as he turned around and frolicked off.  Neji decided to think of it no more and just go inside where everyone was getting ready to start dinner.

Neji decided to ignore Lee, something he was definitely going to regret later.  So he went into the house and towards the kitchen where all the other Hyuugas were hanging out.  You see, you might not know this, but all the Hyuugas get together for every single dinner and eat together!  Why, you got a problem with it?

Neji sat down at the table in his regular seat and they were JUST about to get started when they suddenly heard some faint laughter.

"What…?" said some random confused Hyuuga person.

Suddenly, a loud beat began to play.  It was loud.  EXTREMELY loud.  And also extremely familiar.  It wasn't long until Neji recognized it as… the Macarena.  And it was playing so loudly that no one could hear themselves think.

"Lee…" Neji said angrily under his breath as he stormed out of the room to find Lee.  He went down to the central Hyuuga control area and saw Lee by a large stereo like device while dancing the Macarena.  He didn't notice Neji walk in.  "Just a bitch slap, that's all he needs." Neji mumbled to himself as he walked over to Lee slowly.

Then Lee jumped and turned, spotting Neji.  "HI NEJI!!" Lee yelled over the loud music.  He turned around and lowered the volume.  "Wasn't that a good idea for a prank?"

"Lee, you realize that that was more of a prank on ME than on the Main House, of course?" Neji said, fuming.  Lee was only a few more steps away and then he would receive the bitch slap of his life.

"It was actually a complete coincidence that it played the Macarena." Lee admitted.  "I just put in a dance CD and that's the first song on the track!"

Then Lee was in range.  And Lee got bitch slapped so hard he was knocked into next week.  This made Neji feel slightly better, but then realized blaming Lee for his ignorance would be silly.

Of course.  It was all the MAIN HOUSE'S fault, after all.  It always is.


	50. Super Team: Pass Around the Blame

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Super Team

Pass Around the Blame

We kind of left a window open at the end of the Orochimaru for him to go off and destroy the Super Team. And we did that entirely by accident! But when we did it, we were all like, hey! It'll be like when Itachi went around trying to kill Kiba, Naruto and Neji! But now it'll be Orochimaru trying to kill Kiba, Naruto, Neji, Shikamaru and Chouji! Will they survive?! I hope so!! You'll have to read to find out!!!!!!!

The entire Super Team was hanging out with each other because they're super and they rule. Of course, under REAL circumstances, I doubt they would ever really hang out with each other as a big mob, but we can pretend they would.

"Got any threes?" Naruto asked.

"Go fish." Neji answered.

Before Naruto could go fish, someone dropped down from the heavens and landed in the middle of their card game. The five of them gasped and stepped back.

"I've come to get revenge on you!" said Orochimaru. "For three valid reason! First of all, you smote my minions! Second, you stole my Magic Crystal Ball of the Past! Third, I'm mean and just don't like you! Well…I guess that's four reason…"

"EEK!" said Naruto, Kiba and Chouji as they jumped behind Shikamaru and Neji.

"What are you doing?" Shikamaru said, looking annoyed.

"Well, Shikamaru, you're a chuunin and Neji…" started Naruto but then he stopped and pondered. "I guess if you lost to me then you should be back here too." He grabbed Neji's arm and pulled him behind Shikamaru.

"Don't do that again." Neji said, wrenching his arm away from Naruto and standing back up.

"Ha!" laughed Orochimaru. "You won't get survive my attacks!"

"Hurry Neji!" said Kiba. "Make him think of an alternative punishment and prolong our deaths until he's thought it over!"

"Whatever happened to me hiding behind Shikamaru?" Neji said.

"That was NARUTO!" said Chouji.

"You can run but you can't hide!" said Orochimaru.

"Okay, okay, we can think up a plan." Said Shikamaru.

"Is that all you're good for?!" demanded Naruto.

"Yes." Shikamaru answered.

"You can't stop me!!" said Orochimaru.

"Will you stop spouting out cliché bad guy lines?" Neji said, sounding annoyed.

"Uh…" said Orochimaru.

"Come on, we have to take him all together!" said Naruto, looking determined. "It's the only way to rise triumphant!"

"You mean…blindly run towards him and see what happens?" Kiba said.

"YES!" Naruto answered.

"Sounds like a plan!" Kiba said, punching the air.

"No." said Shikamaru, grabbing both of their collars before they began their attack.

"Aww…" they said sadly.

"If you're not going to attack me then I shall come at you!" said Orochimaru.

"Great, we lost our advantage of attacking first." Chouji said as Orochimaru started charging at them.

"This reminds me of when Sasuke's evil brother came and attacked us!" whined Kiba.

At the sound of that sentence, Orochimaru stopped dead and started looking around with an excited expression on his face. "Sasuke's here?" he said, sounding like a happy puppy **_if_** that puppy could potentially talk.

"…No…" said the Super Team.

"Oh." Said Orochimaru, sounding sad. "In that case, I shall destroy you!!"

(I had the sudden urge to make Orochimaru whip out a magic wand and use that to destroy them right then and there. Weird, huh?)

As Orochimaru went to attack them, our Super Team leapt up into the air and hid in the trees. Orochimaru wasn't far behind and what followed was a long sequence in which a bunch of people are jumping through trees and talking about stuff. But ESPECIALLY Shikamaru who didn't stop talking. He had a lot to say.

"Okay, now that we've been hoping around in trees for a long time and Shikamaru's been talking, let's think of something we can do to escape Orochimaru's wrath." Kiba said.

"Hm…" said everyone thoughtfully.

"How about if we gave back the Magic Crystal Ball of the Past?" Chouji suggested.

"I don't know if that will work." Neji said. "Because then he still has three other reason why he wants to kill us."

"Oh yeah…" Chouji sighed.

"Seems pretty hopeless." Naruto said, looking at Shikamaru.

The four of them looked at Shikamaru and then started clearing their throats.

"Look, guys, I'm trying to think." Shikamaru said. "You clearing your throats constantly isn't going to make me think any faster."

"Sorry…" said the four, bowing their heads in shame.

Suddenly Orochimaru appeared in front of them.

"You can't run any further!!" Orochimaru yelled as they all got so surprised that they fell out of the trees. Orochimaru followed them back to the ground. "Prepare for DEATH!"

"Orochimaru, wait." Said Neji, standing up and brushing off his bottom.

"Why should I?" Orochimaru said, crossing his arms.

"Okay, we're willing to admit that what we did was wrong in a way." Neji said. "Right everyone?"

"Right…" said everyone quickly.

"AND?" said Orochimaru.

"I'm sure there's an…uh…agreement that can be reached so that no one has to be smote." Neji tried.

"Like what?" Orochimaru asked skeptically.

"We could…mow your lawn?" Neji said. "Dry cleaning? Grocery shopping? Anything else you can think of?"

Orochimaru looked like he was going to say something, but then put his hand on his chin in such a way that suggested he was actually considering it. The rest of the Super Team held their breath.

"Well…" Orochimaru started but suddenly, about eighty-five Leaf jounins appeared out of nowhere.

"Orochimaru!!" yelled the one in front. "How DARE you come back here!"

"And harass a group of innocent genins at that too!" said a random jounin.

"Actually, Shikamaru is a chuunin." Came a voice from the crowd that sounded remarkably like Asuma.

"Oh…right…so he is." The random jounin corrected himself. "These genins and this one chuunin."

"Er…uh…" started Orochimaru. "Um…well…"

"GET HIM!!" yelled the jounins as they all pounced for Orochimaru and created a huge pile on him. When they finally realized that that wasn't the smartest plan of attack, they quickly got off him only to find that he was nowhere to be found.

"That was dumb." Said one of the jounins. "Well, let's head home."

All of the jounins disappeared, leaving the Super Team there alone.

"What do you say we head back to the village just in case?" Naruto suggested nervously. Everyone agreed and quickly made their way back.

"Whose idea was it anyway for the five of us to come in a secluded place in the middle of a forest to play a game of cards?" Shikamaru asked.

"It was Naruto's idea." Said Kiba.

"No, it was Neji." Naruto retorted.

"No, it was Chouji." Neji argued.

"Don't pass the blame around when we all know very well it was Kiba!" Chouji said.

"It was all of you EXCEPT me." Said Kiba.

**Hi ho. You may be curious as to why "if" was randomly brought attention to approximately half way through the story. BECAUSE THAT WAS OUR MILLIONTH WORD EVER PUBLISHED ON !!! 38 and 1/2 stories...one million words... all comes down to the word 'IF'!! Anti-climactic, isn't it? CANDY FOR ALL!! Confetti galore! Have a swellerific day!!**

****

**Also, no updates for the rest of this week. Sorry. But we are away and simply can't find a way to update. But at least you got to see the one millionth word! No matter how LAME it was!**


	51. Boats

**YAAAAAAAAAY!! WE'RE BACK!! Honestly, though, if we had really tried hard enough, we wouldn't have had to miss a single day of updating this story. Oh well, it's all in the past now. Anyway thanks for all your kind words concerning our millionth word! We were afraid people would ridicule us for having our millionth word be something stupid like 'IF'. Does anyone else have a millionth word? Oh, never mind. Just read the chapter already.**

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Boats

We've noticed that there are certainly a lot more group chapters in this lost chapter version of the Naruto Primer. And there are also an abundance of chapters that are dedicated to the teachers trying to prove that their students are the best. OH WELL!!

One day, the huge group was down at the beach area that you never see in the comic or the show, but it DOES exist, trust us. We're not going to bother telling you why they're there or how they got there since that would just be repetitive so we're going to cut right to the chase.

"All right," said Kurenai. "Each team has three hours to construct a boat. At the end of the three hours, you must get on your boat and paddle out to the island out there, where we will be waiting. Everyone understand?"

The students said that they did and were just about to tear off and search for supplies when…"All right, we have to assign the new teams." Said Kakashi, whipping out a clipboard and pulling a pencil out from behind his ear.

"This whole competition was my idea!" said Asuma smugly.

"We randomly drew your names out of a hat a little while ago." Kakashi said, trying to ignore Asuma. "And the new teams are as follows; Hinata, Sakura, Chouji and Kiba are on one team. Tenten, Ino, Shikamaru and Shino are on another. And, by process of elimination, Neji, Sasuke, Naruto and Lee are on the last one."

"Your three hours starts now." Said Kurenai. "Synchronize your watches!"

Sasuke immediately synchronized his watch, holding it out so everyone could see it. Everyone marveled at his awesome ninja watch. The teachers then ran off…to go and do…stuff.

"Guys, let's get a bunch of branches and tie them together!!" said Kiba to his team. "It'll be like a raft!! We can't lose!"

"That sounds like a good idea, Kiba!" said Hinata.

"Sounds good to me!" said Sakura with a shrug.

"Whatever." Said Chouji.

Shikamaru looked at his team after observing what just transpired and laughing to himself. "All right, guys." He said. "I have the plans for an awesome boat. All you have to do is do exactly what I say and we'll win this."

"I trust you Shikamaru!" said Ino. "Guys, let's do what Shikamaru says."

"Whatever." Shino said.

"Sure!" said Tenten. "What's the plan?"

Shikamaru then explained the plan to his group and they went off to get the supplies they needed. Shikamaru, on the other hand, was the self-designated paddle maker.

"I HAVE AN IDEA!!!" yelled Lee so loudly that it startled the rest of his team and everyone else that was within a few miles.

"What is it?" Sasuke asked.

"We could get a huge tree and hollow it out!" Lee said, doing little hand motions for hollowing something out. "Then we could all climb inside and make paddles and it'll be like a canoe! What do you guys think?! Pretty good?!"

"We don't have any better." Naruto said.

"We could think some more." Neji suggested.

"No, we're wasting time." Said Sasuke. "Let's just go with the canoe idea. Me, Lee and Neji will go and get the tree. Naruto, you get supplies we need for the boat."

The group broke out, Naruto off to the village and the rest to the forest to find the hugest tree they came across.

Later…

All the groups had all their supplies and everything they needed to start making their boat.

"All right, if you put those trees as the base with the door going across…" Shikamaru narrated as he whittled some paddles EVER so slowly. His teammates tried their best to keep up with Shikamaru and his directions.

"Shikamaru, we need more man power!" Tenten said, wiping her forehead.

"I think Shino is manly enough to fill the gap." Said Shikamaru.

"Don't bother trying to get any work out of Shikamaru." Ino advised Tenten.

"Hey, I got the idea AND I'm making these paddles." Said Shikamaru, holding up a paddle. "Where would you be if everyone was working on the boat and then there were no paddles? Come on, do I have to think of EVERYTHING?"

"Where should we drill the hole to put the sail?" Shino asked, picking up a drill.

"Hello?" Shikamaru said with an exasperated sigh. "The doorknob hole is good enough. There's no sense in drilling more holes in a boat than we need."

Hinata had taken a break from her work to watch the Shikamaru team momentarily and how their boat was coming along. Then she looked back at her boat, which looked like a couple of logs tied together. Ironically, that's exactly what it was.

"You guys, our boat rules SO much!" Kiba declared. "It's because we have five members working on it and everyone else only has four."

"I think we should make it a little stronger." Sakura said as she touched one of the sticks and it snapped.

"It's plenty strong!" laughed Kiba. "All we have to do is sit on it lightly!!"

"Sit on it lightly?" Chouji said with a raised eyebrow.

"Sure!" said Kiba. "It's easy! And…hey!" He bent down and picked up a few logs. "We can use these as paddles!"

"How are we going to use a couple of logs as paddles?" Hinata questioned.

"All we do is put the logs in the water and then push forward!" said Kiba as if it was obvious.

While this group was almost finished with their boat, the final team was still waiting for Naruto to return. They had retrieved a hefty sized tree to hollow out, but all they needed was for Naruto to bring them the tools in which they would hollow it out with!

Then Naruto returned.

"I brought all the supplies I could find!" said Naruto as he dropped three items on the ground.

"A…sweater?" Neji said, picking up a sweater.

"A bowl?" Sasuke said, looking kind of annoyed.

"I get dibs on the chair!!" said Lee.

"What good will a bowl, a sweater and a chair do us?!" demanded Sasuke.

"The bowl is for just in case we get hungry, the chair is for sitting on and we'll need to the sweater if we get cold!" Naruto answered.

"When we said we needed supplies, we meant that we needed working supplies in order to make the boat." Neji tried to explain without popping a blood vessel.

"I'LL go and get the stuff we need!" said Lee.

"No, there's no time." Said Sasuke. "We'll just have to hollow out the boat with our shuriken."

"WHIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" whined Naruto and Lee. Neji whined on the inside but he wasn't about to sink the level of Naruto and Lee.

So the four whipped out their shuriken and began furiously hollowing out the tree to the best of their abilities.

At the end of the three hour time limit, all the teachers returned. The teams had mostly finished up and were waiting for them to tell them to go. First, the teachers went over to the Shikamaru group.

"Tell us about your creation." Ordered Asuma.

"Shikamaru?" said the other three, pointing to Shikamaru.

Shikamaru turned around and looked at the boat. "It's a sailboat." He said. "And I made paddles just in case there was no wind."

"YOU made paddles?!" gasped all the teachers as they kept themselves from fainting.

"That's about all he did." Said Shino.

"And he only made three…" Tenten added.

"We only need three." Shikamaru replied. "I'M going to steer."

"Very nice!" complimented Gai. "I'm rather impressed!"

The teachers migrated to the Neji, Sasuke, Naruto and Lee group as they stood with their canoe.

"It's a canoe!" said Kurenai.

"How did you go about making this?" asked Kakashi. "I don't see any tools around."

"Aha, Kakashi, I've been waiting for the opportunity to say this." Said Asuma. "If you just looked underneath the underneath then you would see that they used their shuriken!"

Kakashi stared at Asuma. "Sorry, that was not a proper use of the phrase looking underneath the underneath." He said.

"DARN!" said Asuma, snapping his fingers.

"WHY did you hollow it out with your shuriken?" asked Gai. "Why didn't you use tools?"

"It was because Naruto didn't bring any tools." Said Sasuke, glaring at Naruto.

"They said SUPPLIES!" Naruto said in his defense.

"Okay…so how are you going to go about moving it?" said Kurenai, looking in the canoe for paddles.

The four students stared at each other silently. They had been so busy hollowing out the canoe that they had completely forgotten about paddles.

"TOO LATE NOW!!" yelled Asuma and Kurenai. They wanted this team to lose because it didn't have any of THEIR students on it. So the two random teachers pulled the two significant teachers over to the last group and their… little…thing.

"I hope this isn't your boat." Said Kakashi. "I hope this is modern art."

"It's our raft!!" said Kiba. "See? I'm going to sit here, Chouji's going to sit here, Hinata's going to sit behind me and Sakura is going to sit over here and then Akamaru will be here and we'll have paddles and—"

"All right, we understand." Said Gai. "What were you guys doing during the whole three hours?"

"…Making the boat?" said Hinata, looking somewhat confused.

"Okay then…" said Asuma with a shrug.

"Attention!" Kurenai called, standing on top of Naruto's chair. "Everyone has to put their boats in the water and when we say go, you all have to go as fast as you can to that island! Whoever gets there first wins!"

"Guys, what are we going to use for paddles?" Neji asked as he and his team picked up their boat and moved it over to the water.

"Our hands I guess…" Lee said.

"Um…I'm going to use my bowl!" said Naruto.

Sasuke looked Naruto up and down and then picked up the chair that Kurenai had jumped off of. With that, he smashed it right over the boat's side.

"MY CHAIR!!!" wailed Naruto.

"I know Naruto's annoying but you didn't have to smash his chair." Said Lee.

Sasuke didn't answer, he only picked up the two pieces and handed the seat to Neji and kept the back for himself. "I'll use this for my paddle, and you use that for yours."

"What about me?!" demanded Lee.

"You can be the motor." Sasuke assigned him.

"YES!!" cheered Lee. "THE MOTOR!!! THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB OF ALL!"

"Kiba…it's coming undone!" said Sakura as she desperately tried to grab a stray stick that was floating out from underneath her. They had all climbed on the raft and were pretty much under the water.

"I'm wet." Said Chouji.

"That's okay, let's just tie it back together!" said Kiba as he grabbed some stray rope and tied the stick back on.

"I don't think the weight is balanced." Said Hinata, noting the fact that Sakura and Chouji were both under the water while Hinata and Kiba were above it.

"Hinata, I'm the second heaviest so I should be in the front!" said Kiba. "It only makes sense!"

"All right!" cheered Ino. "We have the best boat!! We're going to win! All thanks to Shikamaru!"

"Naturally." Said Shikamaru.

"I'm going to be sitting the middle." Said Shino as he got up and sat in the very middlest of the boat. "I don't want to get any water on me. I don't do water."

Everyone knew why so they didn't want to have to ask.

"Well, even though Shikamaru did nothing in the actual construction of the boat, I have to admit that most of our success was because of him!" Tenten said.

"Most?" said Shikamaru.

"All right, all right, all." Tenten said, rolling her eyes.

"ON YOUR MARK!!!" yelled all the teachers. "GET SET…GO!!!"

AND THEY WERE OFF!!

The Canoe Team got the biggest start. Even with their ghetto paddles, they pulled ahead the fastest. It was also because Lee was able to walk along the ocean bottom until he couldn't touch anymore and then was there to vigorously push them along.

The Sailboat Team opened up their sails and caught the wind. It was awesome. Ino and Tenten paddled for a moment or two, but then they realized that it was kind of pointless so they picked the paddles out of the water and just sat back to enjoy the ride.

As for the Raft Team…

Well, they were going pretty slow. With their logs for paddles, they had pretty much…uh…not gotten ANYWHERE.

"I am practically under water right now." Said Chouji who was currently up to his waist in water.

"That's strange!" said Kiba who was about a foot out of the water. "I thought I calculated the weight perfectly!"

"We need to balance the weight better!" Sakura complained since she was under water as well.

"I'll move up a little bit!" said Hinata as she started to scoot forward but slipped on the slippery sticks and slid backwards instead. The entire back of the boat was completely submerged underwater and Kiba was sent up into the air, only to sink a few seconds later along with the boat and the rest of his team.

With the Canoe Team…

"Do you guys feel like we're getting…lower?" Neji asked, turning around to face the rest of his team. He was sitting in front of the canoe with Naruto in the middle and Sasuke in the back. Lee was pushing out of the boat.

"Come to think of it, the boat IS getting heavier." Said Lee.

"Come to think of it…we're sitting in water!" Naruto yelled.

Everyone looked down to see that there was a good few inches of water in their canoe.

"There's a leak somewhere!" said Neji frantically. If they sank now then everyone would find out that he couldn't swim! NOOOO!!

"A squirrel hole!!" Naruto yelled, pointing dramatically at a hole at the bottom of the boat.

"We should have noticed that!" said Lee. "That would have been less for us to have to hollow out!!"

"I'll plug it up with this sweater!!" said Naruto as he shoved the sweater in the hole. Then he stopped paddling and began bailing with his bowl in order to get all the water out. "Ha! Take THAT Sasuke! We ended up using all my stuff!"

He turned around and looked at Sasuke who looked completely unfazed and was furiously paddling as if nothing had happened. He was so in the zone that nothing could surprise him now.

With the Sailboat Team…

"Shikamaru." Said Ino as she hit Shikamaru on the shoulder. Shikamaru looked down from his current cloud admiring.

"What?" he asked.

"If you're going to steer, you have to pay attention." She said.

"Oh right." Sighed Shikamaru, looking down to see that he was holding onto the rudder.

"I think we're catching up with Neji and Lee!" said Tenten.

"AND Sasuke." Ino corrected.

"Right!" said Tenten.

"I think we have a chance at winning this one!" said Ino as she turned around and hit Shikamaru again. "If Shikamaru would keep the boat going straight!!"

"What?" said Shikamaru. "Geez. This is so troublesome."

"If it's too troublesome to steer then I will!" said Tenten.

"No, I'll take care of it." Shikamaru replied.

With the Raft Team…(or the…um, Lack of Raft Team…)

"Come on!!" said Kiba. "We can still catch up with them!!"

The team of four was currently clinging to a log and kicking with their feet, moving at an incredibly slow pace.

"Sorry, Kiba, I don't think we're EVER going to catch up with them." Said Sakura who had long since given up on the kicking.

"I think we should just enjoy the water." Said Chouji. "It would be faster if we just swam back to the shore."

After a moment of argumentation, everyone eventually ended up agreeing. It was four to one with only Kiba wanting to continue forward. "Some friend YOU are, Akamaru!" Kiba growled under his breath as everyone turned around and headed back towards the shore.

With the Canoe Team…

"This is BORING!!" complained Naruto.

"Don't stop paddling." Said Neji, turning around and noticing that Naruto had dropped the bowl on the bottom of the boat and was now leaning back and stretching.

"Can't we take a little break?" he said.

"No, the other team will catch up with us!!" yelled Lee, stealing a glance behind him to see big sails off in the distance.

Naruto got a devious grin and grabbed both sides of the boat. Then he started rocking it back and forth. "ROCK THE BOAT ROCK THE BOAT ROCK THE BOAT!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Neji immediately dropped the seat of the chair in the boat and grabbed the rims. He turned around. "Stop that!!" he commanded.

"Stop what?!" Naruto yelled, continuing to rock the boat. "These waters sure are treacherous!"

"You shouldn't rock the boat!!" said Lee. "It's hard to push!! And you guys might fall in!!"

"Must…win…" Sasuke said as he continued paddling as hard as he could to make up for the fact that Neji and Naruto had stopped.

"Naruto…I'll give you to the count of three before I do something drastic." Said Neji as water started splashing in the boat.

"Oh I'm really scared." Said Naruto in a mocking tone. He knew he had beaten Neji in the tournament. He had beaten him then and he could beat him NOW! Mwa ha ha!

After that last comment, Neji could tell just by looking at Naruto's eyes that he was thinking about the fact that he beat him in the tournament. So Neji didn't even bother giving Naruto to the count of three. He just grabbed his 'paddle', spun around and smacked Naruto over the head with it. Naruto went flying out of the boat and skid across the water before sinking, obviously unconscious. Lee and Sasuke both stopped their motion.

"That certainly was drastic." Lee said.

Sasuke dropped the back of the chair. "Great job, Neji." He commented, sounding annoyed. "If we're lucky, we might come in second now."

"He was rocking the boat." Said Neji.

"I know." Sasuke replied. "But now he's not even in the boat. Well, since you did it, you have to go and get him."

"Me?" Neji said nervously. "Lee's already in the water…"

"No, you have to get him." Said Sasuke, pointing out in the water.

"Lee's already in the water." Neji repeated.

"Yeah!" said Lee quickly, giving the thumbs up. "I'll go!!"

Lee swam out to where Naruto was sinking, dove down and resurfaced with him, returning to the boat in record-breaking time. Though, it wasn't quite enough because, by the time he got back, the Sailboat Team had caught up with them and was now sailing by.

"That sure was interesting." Said Ino as they cruised on by.

"They have a boat." Said Tenten. "There's no point to half of them being in the water."

"Maybe it was a capsize." Said Shino.

"No, Neji and Sasuke were completely dry." Shikamaru said.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter." Ino said. "We're almost at the island! We're going to win!"

After a little while of sailing, and checking back every once and a while to make sure the Canoe Team was still far behind, they reached the shore of the island where the teachers were waiting.

"Congratulations!" said Asuma. "I knew you guys would win because both Shikamaru AND Ino are on that team!"

"And I noticed that no one on Kakashi's team won…" Gai said under his breath. Kakashi crossed his arms and pouted.

"I was pretty much certain that the Neji, Sasuke, Naruto and Lee team was going to win." Kurenai confessed. "As much as I DIDN'T want them to…"

With the Canoe Team…

"It ONLY makes sense, Neji." Said Sasuke. "Since I dropped my paddle in the water when I was angry at you and Naruto's bowl broke because you hit him, not to mention the fact that he's unconscious, YOU should have to go out and push while I use your paddle."

"No, I think I'll just use my paddle and you can push with Lee." Said Neji.

"This ISN'T a choice, Neji." Said Sasuke. "Now get in the water before I do something drastic to YOU."

"What are you going to do?" said Neji in that offended tone that was all like, "You can't touch me. I was the number one rookie last year. I rule."

"If I remember correctly…" said Sasuke. "You…you lost to…that's right! You lost to Naruto, didn't you? You DID!"

"You lost to Lee." Neji pointed out.

"No." said Sasuke. "I let Lee win. I wanted him to use that move so I could copy it. He didn't REALLY beat me. If I were to fight him now, I would win." Sasuke had probably told himself this story so many times that he actually believed it. Poor child. "With that said, get in the water and push."

"I'm not getting in the water, Sasuke."

"Neji…just get in the water."

"No, I'm not going to."

"How about we fight, then? Loser gets in the water. Fight me now. We'll determine now who's better. Who has the better bloodline, curse seal and is just all around better than the other person."

As much as Neji WANTED to fight Sasuke, he didn't want to do it while they were in a little canoe out in the middle of the water. Then he noticed that they were on the shore.

"YEAH!!!" cheered Lee as he jumped out of the water and showed off some of his mad taijutsu skills. "WE FINISHED!! GO US!!!"

"You were kicking the whole time?" said Sasuke as he got out of the boat.

"YEAH!!" said Lee as he threw some more punches.

"How about that fight now?" said Neji as he got out of the canoe as well.

"No." said Sasuke. "We don't need to fight if we're already on the shore."

"Whatever happened to determining who has the better bloodline and curse seal and who's better?!" Neji demanded.

"Oh, I know I'm better." Said Sasuke. "I only fight people when I'm kind of on the fence on who's better or if I just feel like beating someone but I'm pretty sure that I'm better than you."

Before Neji could explode with anger that would most likely end up with a rant on the Main and Branch Houses, the teachers all ran over.

"HURRAY!!" cheered Gai. "GREAT JOB!!"

"YES SIR!!" said Lee, saluting him.

"I thought you guys were going to win." Said Kakashi.

"We would have but some people can't control their anger." Said Sasuke, glaring at Neji. Neji decided to let that slide since he was slightly relieved that no one found out that he couldn't swim. And if someone found THAT out (besides Lee) then he would DIE. Just DIE, I say.

Finally, with the Lack of a Raft Team…

"Um…do you think they're going to come over here?" said Sakura, looking off in the distance.

"Let's just wait a little longer." Said Kiba as he made a sand castle with Hinata and Akamaru.

After everyone waited quite a long time for each other, the teachers and the rest of the students finally went back to the main land to find the Lack of a Raft Team THERE. There was a little bit of explanation and then everything was hunky dory.

"All right…" said Kakashi. "Let's just note this down as another pointless waste of time and continue going about our lives."

"Sounds like a plan!" cheered everyone else.


	52. The Naras: A Little Appreciation

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Naras

A Little Appreciation

We're trying something out.  Let's see what happens.

Mrs. Nara, also known as Shikaonna, usually wakes up early and makes breakfast.  Today was no exception.  She went downstairs and made some breakfast for the healthy ninja men in her family.

When she had only just started, she went to the bottom of the stairs.  "SHIKATO!!" she screamed.  "SHIKAMARU!!  BREAKFAST!!!"

After waiting for a moment, she nodded and went back into the kitchen.  She wanted to make sure they were up to eat it while it was still hot.  She happily put the bacon on the pan and watched it begin to sizzle.  She waited just a moment and then went to the bottom of the stairs again.

"SHIKATO!!  SHIKAMARU!!  COME EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!!!"

"Yeah…" came Shikato's voice from upstairs.

Shikaonna smiled and went back into the kitchen.  As the bacon cooked, she mixed some eggs with milk.  Then, when the bacon was done, she took it off the pan and then put the eggs on.

Then she went back to the stairs.

"SHIKATO!!  SHIKAMARU!!  TIME TO EAT!!!"

"Okay…" came Shikamaru's voce.

She hummed to herself, went back to the kitchen and put the bread in the toaster and mixed the eggs around contently.  She didn't mind making breakfast for her wonderful men every morning.  After all, they went out and defended her and kept her safe from evil ninjas.  When the eggs were almost ready to be served, she went back to the stairs.

"SHIKATO!!  SHIKAMARU!!  I'M NOT GOING TO CALL YOU AGAIN!!!"

"We're COMING!" they both yelled.

She went to the kitchen again.  She divided the eggs into three equal portions on three plates.  Each plate got two pieces of bacon and a slice of toast as well.  She put the plates on the table and got glasses out of the cabinet.  She gave herself and Shikato some coffee and Shikamaru some orange juice.  She got out knives and napkins as well and sat herself down at the table.

Just when she thought she would have to go to the stairs AGAIN, Shikato and Shikamaru came through the doorway while yawning.

"How did you sleep, boys?" Shikaonna asked.

"Fine…" they said groggily.

"Any missions today?" she asked as they sat down.

"Yeah, I have one." Shikato replied.

"Asuma wants to train today." Shikamaru said, looking at the clock.

They all started eating breakfast.

"So, what do you think?" Shikaonna asked.

"Of what?" Shikato said.

"Breakfast!" Shikaonna replied.  "Is it delicious?"

"Yes, very much so." Shikato answered, just trying to make his wife happy.  Shikaonna beamed and continued eating.

"I'm done." Said Shikamaru, pushing his plate away and standing up.

Shikaonna looked at his plate to see that only half his eggs were eaten, he only had one bite of toast and the bacon was untouched.

"But Shikamaru." She said.  "You haven't finished all your food."

"I'm not that hungry." Shikamaru answered.  "Besides, I'm already running late so I have to go anyway." He opened the closet and started looking around for his chuunin vest.

"Oh um…" Shikaonna said, not wanting to get in the way of her son's training.  "All right…"

"Where's my vest?" Shikamaru asked when he was unable to locate it.

"I took it to get cleaned!" Shikaonna replied.

"What?" said Shikamaru.  "When?"

"Yesterday afternoon." Shikaonna answered.

Shikamaru was pretty sure that he had been wearing it then.  "Oh… then what will I wear?" he said.

"Well, if you're only training then you shouldn't need to wear it." Shikaonna pointed out.

"I guess…" Shikamaru said, shutting the closet door.  He knew that Asuma would have a heart attack if he showed up without his chuunin vest but Asuma would just have to deal.

"What about mine?" Shikato asked.

"Yeah, I took yours to be cleaned too." Shikaonna replied.  "I don't know how you two deal with dirty vests all the time!"

"What?" said Shikato.  "I have a mission!  I NEED that vest!"

"Well excuse me!" said Shikaonna, standing up and throwing her napkin down on the table.  "I'm only trying to be a good wife and mother and this is the thanks I get!"

She took the plate from Shikato who was in the middle of eating and took it to the sink.  She dropped it in the sink along with her plate and Shikamaru's.

"I was still eating that." Said Shikato.

"From now on, you can just make your OWN food!" said Shikaonna.

"Uh…I'm going to leave now…" said Shikamaru, trying to creep out before his mom could yell at him too.

"Don't you leave!" said Shikaonna.  "If you take one more step towards that door then I'm going to punish you!"  Shikamaru sighed and rolled his eyes, but didn't defy his mommy.

"Please don't do this." Said Shikato.  "It's early."

"Until I get a little appreciation around here, you can be sure that you won't be waking up to a nice breakfast or coming home to a nice dinner!" Shikaonna said, crossing her arms defiantly.

"We DO appreciate you." Said Shikato.

"Hmph." Said Shikaonna, not listening.

"Shikamaru tell your mother that we appreciate her." Instructed Shikato.

"Mom, we appreciate you." said Shikamaru.

Shikaonna began to fume when, suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"I wonder who that could be!" said Shikaonna as she went to the door.  Shikamaru and Shikato looked at each other with 'This is troublesome' expressions and then Shikaonna poked her head back in.  "See you later boys!" she said.  "I'm going out with the girls!"

With that, she was gone.

"Dad, why is mom so psychopathic?" Shikamaru asked his dad.

"Be quiet Shikamaru." Said Shikato, trying to pick some things out of the sink that were worth saving.


	53. The Inuzukas: Mamma's Boy

**One of the stories that we wrote about forty years ago just got reported for being written in play form… back when it was allowed. And our account got suspended. sigh So I guess that means we'll see you on September 2nd! Sorry!**

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Inuzukas

Mamma's Boy

Originally, when we saw Kiba's guardians the first time around, we decided that it was a picture of Kiba's mom and Kiba's dad. But then, in a later chapter when Kiba's featured with the so-called "Mom" (the taller one) then we came to notice a little note that said, "The Inuzuka _SIBLINGS_"! OH MY GOD!! So that meant he had a dad and a sister. BUT, upon seeing the episode that features all the parents of the ninjas, we finally concluded that Kiba's either got a really feminine father or it's his mother. So, we originally thought his sister was his mom and his mother was his dad. Now we will officially right all our wrongs!! YAY!!

Kiba was hiding underneath the couch one day when all of a sudden, Kuromaru came over to him, sniffing the area he was in.

"Shh!" whispered Kiba, gesturing for Kuromaru to go away. "Go away, Kuromaru! Pretend you didn't see me, okay?" Kuromaru barked quietly. "No, I'm not hiding from Mom, I'm hiding from—"

But he was interrupted when he suddenly saw his sister's happy face in front of him. "Hi Kiba!" she exclaimed.

"H-h-hi…" Kiba said nervously, shooting Kuromaru an evil glare.

"Thanks, Kuromaru!" said Kiba's sister as he grabbed Kiba's hands and pulled him out from underneath the couch. "Now what are you doing down there? You might have an allergic reaction from all the dust!"

She stood him up and brushed his clothes off.

"Um…I have to go!" said Kiba, trying to get away, but she grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Now why won't you try on the new shirt I bought for you?" said his sister, whipping a pink shirt out from behind her back. "It's such a cute little thing! Especially with the puppy on the front…"

"I'm not going to wear that in public!" Kiba said, sounding appalled.

"Why?" Kiba's sister asked, looking truly confused.

"Because all the guys will make fun of me!" whined Kiba. Just then, Kiba's mom walked in.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Kiba won't wear the new shirt I bought him!" Kiba's sister said.

"It's pink!" Kiba pointed out, refusing to even TOUCH it.

"It's so cute!" exclaimed Kiba's mom, taking the shirt. "Oh, why don't you wear it, Kiba? You'll look so darling in it!"

"But I don't want to look darling!" Kiba complained. "I want to look cool and butch and macho!"

"Kiba, you wear too black." Said Kiba's mom as she tried to wrestle the shirt he was wearing off. "You need more color to your wardrobe! Besides, you don't have to wear it in public, only for you mommy and older sister!"

"But mom!" Kiba continued to whine as she got the shirt off and threw it across the room. Then she pulled the pink shirt over his head.

"It's so cute!!" said Kiba's sister.

Akamaru barked.

"Shut up, Akamaru!" said Kiba.

"See?" said Kiba's mom. "Even Akamaru thinks you look cute."

"Akamaru's just making fun of me!" Kiba said. "He's going to tell everyone that I was wearing this shirt!"

"Oh no he won't." said Kiba's sister. Then she gasped. "I'm going to go and get the camera! Don't move an inch, Kiba!"

She sprung up and ran out of the room.

"Mom…" moaned Kiba. "I don't want her to take a picture of me!"

"Kiba, just be thankful she's not putting you in dresses anymore!" said Kiba's mom as his sister ran back in with the camera.

"Smile!" she said. But Kiba only frowned. She took the picture anyway. "I can't wait to get this developed!"

"Make doubles." Said his mom.

"No, don't make doubles!" Kiba said, throwing a temper tantrum.

Suddenly, everyone in the house, including the dogs, was still and silent. Sniffing and listening. Someone was coming up the front walk.

"Uh-oh, they're going for the doorbell." Said Kiba's mom, springing up.

The two females sprinted to the door as fast as they could to prevent chaos throughout the entire house as Kiba quickly tore of the pink shirt and put his other one back on.

"Kiba!" called Kiba's sister. "Your girlfriend is at the door!"

"My girlfriend?" Kiba said, looking out the window to see Hinata standing there. Then he got mad. "She's not my girlfriend!"

He stomped over to the door and his mom and sister ran off while giggling.

"Hi Hinata." Said Kiba. "Sorry, my mom and sister are…" He was at a loss for words.

"It's okay!" said Hinata.

"Do you feel better?" Kiba asked. "Yesterday you looked really sick."

"I actually just came to thank you for walking me home!" said Hinata.

"You came all the way over here just to thank me?" said Kiba. "You're so nice, Hinata! It wasn't any trouble at all!"

Hinata smiled. "Well, thank you again!" she said. "Bye!"

"Bye!" Kiba said as Hinata turned and left. Kiba watched her go and then shut the door. He turned around to see his mom and sister poking their heads around the corner, watching and hanging on every word. "Don't you two have anything better to do?!" he demanded angrily.

"Kiba, you didn't tell us you walked her home!" cooed his sister. "That's so adorable!"

"My son will grow up to be a good man!" said his mom.

Kiba turned bright red, half because he was infuriated and the other half because he was incredibly embarrassed. "Stop making fun of me!" he said.

"We're COMPLIMENTING you!" said his sister.

"No, you're making fun of me!" Kiba said.

"If that's the way you want to look at it, then go ahead." Said his mom defensively. "But you should just know that we LOVE you!" She reached out her arms for Kiba to leap into and hug her. But Kiba was a little angry at the moment that he did no such thing. "Kiba, don't make me get violent."

"Better do what she says." Said Kiba's sister.

Kiba groaned and gave his mommy a big hug. Then his sister joined the hug. And not long after, all the dogs jumped in too and it was one huge hug with Kiba squashed in the middle.

"I'm all hugged out…" he managed to say since his internal organs were currently being crushed. Slowly, they all let go and remembered the good times.

"Well, I have to get going!" said Kiba's sister. "I have an important mission to do."

"Me too." Agreed Kiba's mom. "Kiba, stay home and watch the house, will you please? And remember, no parties while we're gone and most certainly don't invite any girlfriends over!"

"MOM!" said Kiba.

"Bye Kiba!" said his two female family units as they took their appointed dogs and ran out of the house. Kiba was left there to be angry.

Akamaru barked at him.

Kiba slowly turned his head and looked at Akamaru. "What?" he said, sounding annoyed. "You think you're FUNNY or something Akamaru?" Then he stormed off to whine by himself.


	54. Lil Legendary Sanin: Favoritism

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Lil Legendary Sannin

Favoritism

This chapter takes place when the Three Legendary Sannin (Orochimaru, Jiraiya and Tsunade) were little and innocent.  You know, BEFORE Orochimaru decided that he didn't want to be precious anymore and actually wanted to be a bastard.  OKAY!  ONWARD!

Since Orochimaru never really DID get his Magic Crystal Ball of the Past back, we thankfully still have it.  Now we shall go back to a time when the world made sense and all the characters with the exception of a few are yet to be born!

It might be hard to imagine, but the third Hokage AKA Sarutobi actually used to be a young man fifty years ago.  Today, it was time for him to train his wonderful students!

There was Tsunade.  What can a teacher say about his random girl that every team has?  But Tsunade was rather exceptional, but it was impossible to be able to keep up with the other two who were above and beyond exceptional.  Jiraiya was a fast learner, though extremely rambunctious and it really got on Sarutobi's nerves.  A LOT.  Then there was Orochimaru.  The PERFECT student.  He was well behaved, gifted and had the ability to calm the other two down whenever they got in a tiff.  This may have been one of the reasons why Orochimaru was Sarutobi's favorite.

"HEY GUYS!" yelled Jiraiya, catching sight of Tsunade and Orochimaru who were walking together.  He ran over to them.  "Just why are you guys walking together?  Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"No we're not!!" yelled Tsunade, punching Jiraiya half way across tone.  Jiraiya came back a second later as Orochimaru only stood there and was all like; "Okay…"

"Then why are you walking together?" Jiraiya asked, getting in between them.

"We were going off to meet Sarutobi!" said Tsunade.  "We have training today, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" said Jiraiya.  "Good thing I saw you guys or else I would have forgotten."

"That happened yesterday." Orochimaru said.

"Yeah so?" said Jiraiya.  "I don't have SELECTIVE short term memory.  I just have short term memory in general!"

"All right…" said Orochimaru.

"Oh shut up Jiraiya." Said Tsunade.  "You're such a dork.  You should learn to be more like Orochimaru."

"What and wear PINK?" said Jiraiya, pointing to Orochimaru's little robey thing that was, in fact, a very light shade of pink.  "Yeah right.  I'm too manly for that."

Orochimaru didn't take any offence.  He was used to Jiraiya being a knave and making fun of his pink clothes.  But Orochimaru felt that pink brought out his eyes better and made his pale skin look darker.  Besides, Tsunade took enough offence for the both of them so Orochimaru couldn't be bothered with taking offence as well.

"You shouldn't say that kind of stuff while the person you're insulting is standing right there!" said Tsunade angrily.  "As a matter of fact, you shouldn't say that kind of stuff at all!"

"You want to fight?" Jiraiya said, bouncing back and forth and putting up his dukes.

"You're not even worth my time!" said Tsunade, putting her hand up in front of Jiraiya's face that CLEARLY told him it was time to talk to the hand.

"Hey!" said Jiraiya, pushing her hand away.

"We're going to be late if we don't hurry." Orochimaru said.

"Yeah, what he said!" said Tsunade.

"Fine!" said Jiraiya as the three of them picked up their pace a little bit and went off into the forest where they found Sarutobi waiting for them.

"It's about time you three!" said Sarutobi.  "What have I told you about punctuality?"

"Um…have it?" Jiraiya tried.

"Exactly!" said Sarutobi.  "Now, for today's training—"

"Aw man!" said Jiraiya.  "We've trained every day this week!  Can't we do something else today?"

"Jiraiya!" said Sarutobi angrily.  "You have no drive whatsoever as a ninja!  You're lucky you're where you are because of natural talent!  No don't force me to hurt you because we are training today whether you like it or not!"

"Fine!" said Jiraiya.

"Geez, I'm glad I'm not YOU or else I would just DIE." Said Tsunade to Jiraiya. 

"That could be arranged!" said Jiraiya, rolling up his sleeves.  "You dying, I mean!  Not you being me, but you dying!" 

"Why you!!" yelled Tsunade as she jumped on Jiraiya and started beating him up.  Orochimaru only stood idly by with a small smile, finding the argument slightly amusing on his standards.

"Okay." Said Sarutobi, taking a deep breath as he grabbed the two students people and separated them.  "Our training mission for today is this.  We're going to have a small spar and the victor gets to decide the punishment for the losers."

"Ha!" laughed Jiraiya, pointing at Tsunade.  "When I win, I'm going to make you do laps all day long!"

"I'm not worried because I know I'LL win and force YOU to do laps all day!" said Tsunade as they got all in each other's faces.  Orochimaru and Sarutobi only looked at each other and shrugged.

"Did I forget to mention there would be teams?" Sarutobi said.

"Ah!" said Tsunade, grabbing Orochimaru's arm.  "I want Orochimaru on my team!"

"No, that's not fair!" said Jiraiya.  "Because then it's two against one!"

"Well, I'll be participating too." Said Sarutobi.

"Then I want you to be on my team!" Tsunade corrected herself as she dropped Orochimaru's arm and grabbed Sarutobi's.

"And I'll be picking the teams too." Sarutobi said.

"Oh…" said Tsunade, knowing exactly what was coming.

"The teams shall be you three versus me." Said Sarutobi.

"What?" said Jiraiya.  "You've practically already lost!"

"We'll see, won't we?" said Sarutobi.

"Don't spoil it by making him change is mind!" said Tsunade, elbowing Jiraiya in the stomach.  "We'll get to make him do laps all day once we win!  You ready Orochimaru?"

Orochimaru only looked at her and nodded slightly.

"Wait for me to give the word to start." Said Sarutobi.

Everyone stood around and waited.

"Start." He said finally.

"I'll take care of this!" said Jiraiya as he immediately leapt up into the air and attempted to Judo chop Sarutobi but Sarutobi only grabbed Jiraiya's arm and threw him half way to Hong Kong.

"You're going to have to use TEAMWORK to defeat me!" said Sarutobi.

"Jiraiya, stop being stupid and cooperate with us!" called Tsunade as Jiraiya came running back.

"You guys try and keep up!" instructed Jiraiya.

"Yeah right, Jiraiya!!" yelled Tsunade.  The two of them turned to each other and started cat fighting.

"You two!" said Sarutobi.  "Can't you put aside your differences for just a minute?!"

"NO!!" screamed Tsunade and Jiraiya.

"Then I'm changing the teams." Sarutobi said.

"GOOD!!" yelled Tsunade and Jiraiya.

"It's now Orochimaru and I versus the two of you." Sarutobi said.

"WHY?!" demanded… well, you know.

"I think it's unfair for him to have to deal with you two." Sarutobi said.  "Besides, I feel like punishing you for being annoying but Orochimaru didn't do anything wrong so he doesn't deserve to be punished."

"THAT'S FAVORITISM!!" yelled Jiraiya.

"Actually, I think that's more of UN-favoritism." Commented Tsunade.  "On our part, I mean."

Orochimaru didn't feel like beating up his…er…"friends" dare we say?  So he only watched as Sarutobi gave the two of them an appropriate beating and decided that they were defeated and couldn't say that they could fight ON!

"All right, one hundred laps!" Sarutobi said.

Tsunade and Jiraiya moaned a little bit but then were off.

Orochimaru only stood there.  Something different.

"Orochimaru, I DO believe you have the potential to be Hokage someday." Said Sarutobi wistfully as the two of them looked up at the giant Hokage Mountain.  If only he hadn't said that.  We could avoided MANY problems in the future.


	55. The Harunos: Manicure

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Harunos

Manicure

Sakura's mother never actually SHOWS, but we do hear her voice and she is mentioned a few times. So we can only assume she actually exists in real life. And just so you're not freaked out and confused later, she shall be addressed as Blakura. Hey, thanks phantomgamer01 and Bro for helping get us OFF our temporary writer's block! You guys… are the MEN.

This particular morning was exceptionally glorious and precious. The birds were singing and the sun was shining. It was a beautiful spring day with little wind and the exact right temperature that would make everyone comfortable! As the sun basked its rays of light down on the Haruno house, a wailing figure suddenly came running up the front steps and flung the door open.

"MOM!" screamed Sakura, running through the house in search of her mother whose name is Blakura. "MOM!"

"Sakura!" came the voice of Blakura as she hurried over. "Oh Sakura. Whatever is the matter?"

Sakura wept and wept and could not even bring herself to answer for another few minutes. Every time she tried to say, only more wails came out. Finally, she found the strength to speak.

"It's Sasuke." Sakura said. "He called me annoying again!"

"Oh Sakura." Said Blakura as she hugged Sakura. Sakura continued to cry.

"What am I going to do?" Sakura asked. "I LOVE him!"

"Well, it's like I always tell you!" said Blakura. "NEVER give up! Always fight as hard as you can until you accomplish your goal or die trying! Here, how about we talk about it while we do our nails?"

"Okay." Said Sakura, wiping her eyes.

Blakura had a feeling something bad was going to happen that day with her mother's intuition so she had already gotten her manicure station all ready just in case. The two of them went over and started making their nails look pretty while they talked some more.

"I just don't understand!" Sakura said. "Why doesn't he love me too?"

"Sakura, he's a boy!" said Blakura. "You can't predict what a boy is thinking. Sometimes they do extremely outlandish things without explanation!"

"Like call me annoying?" Sakura asked.

"Exactly." Said Blakura. "I remember when I first saw your father. It was love at first sight!"

"Did you have a rocky relationship?" Sakura said. "And then end up falling in love later on in life?"

"Um…no…" Blakura admitted. "It was love at first sight for him too."

"Oh." Said Sakura, looking disappointed.

"But that's beside the point!" Blakura said quickly. "Why don't you start thinking about getting to know another boy? You're still young. You don't have to focus all your attention on one boy."

"But Mom!" said Sakura. "This isn't just ANY boy. This is SASUKE we're talking about. You've seen him!"

"Yes…I've seen him…" sighed Blakura. "That's exactly why I think you should get interested in someone else. He's the kind of guy that will never stick around."

"But Mom…" sighed Sakura dreamily. "Whenever I see him…"

Sakura thought for the right words.

"Sakura…please…" Blakura said before Sakura could just embarrass herself. "What about that other boy that's on your team? What is his name? Naruto? I think he likes you."

"Blech." Said Sakura. "Mom, I KNOW he likes me. And I don't care."

"Come now, Sakura!" said Blakura. "Don't be so shallow."

"Mom, I realized a little while ago…" Sakura started. "I think Sasuke is gay!"

"Well, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he was." Blakura said.

"What?!" said Sakura. "WHY?!"

"Because all good looking men always turn out to be gay." Blakura said.

"All of them do?" Sakura said, looking hopeless.

"All of them." Blakura said. "Just think about all the good looking men you know. Especially if they have a good fashion sense. If he's good looking and dresses well, then he's gay."

Sakura sighed. "Well…I guess Lee's the most un-gay guy in the world." She said finally.

"Lee?" Blakura said. "Rock Lee? The boy who comes by with the flowers?"

"Yeah, THAT Lee." Sakura answered.

"He's um…cute…" Blakura said. "In a weird sort of way…think of it this way! He's so ugly that he's cute! Right?"

"MOM!" said Sakura. "You have no idea what you're talking about so just stop it, okay?! Not ALL good looking well dressed guys are gay."

"Think about it, Sakura." Blakura advised.

Sakura thought. Did she know any other good-looking guys who dressed well? Maybe she was just biased because of…Sasuke…wow. Sasuke.

"Mom?" said Sakura. "Is there any way to make a guy un-gay?"

"Oh sure." Said Blakura. "All you have to do is charm him off his feet."

"Even if he thinks I'm annoying?" Sakura said, getting a pouty face.

"Even if!" Blakura answered.

"Wow Mom!" said Sakura. "You always know what to say! I'm marching right back out there and talking to Sasuke! I'll show him that I'm work his time!"

"Go for it, Sakura." Said Blakura as Sakura stood up and blew on her nails to dry them. Then she frolicked out the door, as happy as can be.

**Salutations readers! This is Luigi! I'm putting this note at the bottom of this chapter because I am away at college and I would like to know if anyone out there, besides me, goes to the University of New Hampshire? If anyone does, that would be positively lovely and I would simply adore a rendezvous. Well, cheerio!**


	56. The Aburames: Father n Son Day

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Aburames

Father-Son Day

OMG!!!!!!!1111111111one. Shino's dad looks exactly like Auron it's so CREEPY. So from now on, we will refer to him as Auron, just so you know.

Mr. Aburame, who will henceforth be known as Auron, was sitting on the couch one day reading a magazine. It was a parenting magazine. The article he was reading was titled, "Do You Have A Strong Bond With Your Child?"

Auron didn't believe that he had something like that with Shino, so that's why he bought the magazine. It had never concerned him before, but he realized that Shino was now getting older and would be going through puberty soon and he wanted to be the type of dad that was approachable with embarrassing questions.

The first thing the article did was isolate whether or not there was a bond. Auron knew he didn't have one so he skipped that part and went right to the mending area where it explained how you should go about fixing the lack of bond.

Mainly, it described an ideal Father-Son day...

So Auron put the magazine down and rose from his seat. He went right to Shino's room and opened the door to find his son sleeping since it was early in the morning after all. And, even though Shino usually liked to sleep late, Auron knew that it was imperative to begin their bonding.

He turned the lights on. "Shino, wake up." He ordered from the doorway.

Shino didn't move.

"Shino." Said Auron. It was always tough getting Shino up in the morning with this technique of standing in the door and stoically calling his name. So Auron took a step into Shino's room, making his way closer to Shino, something he had never done before.

Shino knew this and his spidey senses tingled. He woke up and rolled over, seeing his dad a step into his room.

"Father, what are you doing?" Shino asked.

"Waking you up." Auron answered, stepping back into the doorway.

"Why?" Shino said.

Auron pulled out two baseball gloves out from behind his back. "We are going to have a father-son bonding day." Auron replied.

Shino looked questioningly at his father, but he was not about to disobey him. So he got up out of bed and dressed himself and then they went outside. The two of them went to a public park area and Auron handed Shino one of the gloves.

"All right." Said Auron, putting one of the gloves on his hand. The two of them stared at each other.

"What now?" Shino asked.

"I don't know." Auron confessed.

Shino looked at the glove. "Isn't there supposed to be a ball we throw to each other while wearing these gloves?" he questioned.

Auron tried to remember. "Maybe." He said finally. He turned his back to Shino and whipped out the magazine, looking at the pictures that showed just how to have a perfect father-son day. Sure enough, there was a ball where the father and son were playing catch. Quickly, he put the magazine back in his sleeve and faced Shino again. "A careless oversight." Auron said, taking off his glove and taking Shino's glove again.

"What now?" Shino asked.

"We're going to watch a movie." Auron said.

"What movie?" Shino said as the two of them made their way back home.

"Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade." Auron replied.

"...?" was the only response Shino could think of.

"It's about a father and son with differences but then coming together at the end and saving the world." Auron explained.

"Oh." Shino said.

They reached home and Auron showed the box to Shino.

"This is the third movie in a trilogy." Shino observed.

"It's the only one with a father/son bond." Auron said as he took the videotape out of the box and then held it for a moment. He looked around the room but it didn't take him long to remember that they didn't have a video tape player... OR a television for that matter.

"Father, what's wrong?" Shino said.

"Maybe watching a video won't do us any good." Said Auron, putting the video back in the box.

"I was just about to mention that we had no way of playing the video." Shino admitted.

"No matter." Said Auron, going to the kitchen and retrieving an egg. "Now we're going to have an egg toss."

"Egg toss?" Shino said, raising his eyebrow.

"Yes." Said Auron. "It is very good for father-son bonding."

"I remember egg tosses on father/son day at the academy." Shino reminisced. "But you never made it to those."

"That was then." Auron said. "This is now. And we're going to have an egg toss now."

"But Father, the egg toss is a competition." Shino said. "If there are no other fathers or sons around then it's pointless."

"Then shall we find more fathers and sons?" Auron asked.

"...No..." Shino said. "Let's just have an egg toss here."

Auron and Shino then got ready to have an egg toss. Auron threw the egg to Shino and Shino caught it. Then Shino threw it to Auron. This continued until they had backed up as far as possible and still threw the egg back and forth.

"This does seem rather pointless, Shino." Auron commented since they were only about ten feet apart.

"What do we do now?" Shino said.

Auron caught the egg. "Let's make an omelet." He said, looking at the egg.

"Very well." Shino said.

The two went into the kitchen and took out a frying pan. Auron put the frying pan on the stove and turned the stove on full blast. Then he placed the egg right in the middle of the pan.

The two of them stared at the egg as it rolled around in the frying pan.

"Is this an omelet?" Shino asked.

"I believe so." Auron said.

They watched the egg some more.

"What is an omelet supposed to do?" Shino said finally.

"I don't know." Auron answered.

Finally, Auron reached over and turned the stove off.

"That omelet was exciting." Shino said.

"I agree." Auron said. "Now we're going to the park."

"Weren't we just at the park?" Shino pointed out.

"Yes." Said Auron. "But we're not there anymore and therefore have to go back. Let's go."

The two went back to the park where there was a small playground. A bunch of small children were frolicking around with their parents.

"Shino, I'm going to push you on the swings." Auron said.

Shino sat down on one of the swings. "I can pump myself, Father." Said Shino.

"Then you do not require my assistance?" Auron asked.

"No." Shino said.

"Then you will go down the slide." Auron instructed.

Shino got off the swings and climbed up the ladder so he was at the top of the slide. Auron stood at the bottom with his hands out.

"Father, what are you doing?" Shino asked.

"I'm going to catch you." Auron answered.

"I don't need to be caught." Shino said.

"Why not?" Auron said.

"Because I'm not five, I'm twelve." Shino replied.

"Oh." Said Auron, stepping to the side as Shino slid down.

"Now what are we going to do?" Shino asked.

"Shino, I feel as though we have sufficiently bonded for one day." Auron said. "Besides, we've done everything on the list for a father-son day and it's not even nine o'clock. Except..."

"Except what?" Shino said.

"We have not 'hugged'." Auron answered.

The two stared at each other.

"'Hug'?" Shino asked.

"I was hoping you would know." Auron admitted.

"I do not." Shino said.

"Then I suppose the father-son day is over and quite successful." Auron said.

"I suppose." Shino said.

They stared at each other for another long while, turned in opposite directions and then walked off.


	57. The Akimichis: In the Kitchen

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Akimichis

In the Kitchen

I've noticed that none of the characters really have moms. The closest we have is Sakura whose mom never actually shows up in the series. Other than that, everyone has DADS... and some people don't really have that much! Wow, that's so crazy!

Chomaru had been Chouji's father his entire life. Because of this, he felt like he knew his son. However, lately, Chouji had begun to act a little strange to a point in which not even a dadoo would be able to guess what the problem was unless he confronted him.

He had been appearing distant. He made up excuses all the time and left the house at strange times. Then he would return all beat up and tired and go straight off to bed.

Never without missing a meal, of course.

If he missed a meal, THEN Chomaru would be worried.

But there wasn't really anything to be worried about YET... and Chomaru decided he'd approach the problem before an event occurred that he SHOULD start worrying about.

That's exactly what he did.

"Chouji," said Chomaru as he sat down on the couch next to Chouji.

Chouji was putting his shoes on, ready to go out. "Yeah Dad?" he asked.

"Where are you going?" Chomaru asked.

"Out." Chouji replied with a shrug.

"You certainly have been going out a lot." Chomaru observed.

"Well, I'm a genin now so I have to train a lot!" Chouji said, standing up.

"Hang on," said Chomaru, pushing Chouji back down in his seat.

"What is it, Dad?" Chouji asked.

"Tell me WHERE you're going." Chomaru said.

"Why?" said Chouji. "I'm just going _out._ Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do!" said Chomaru. "Can't a dad be curious about where his son is going? You're still young, Chouji, and I think I have a right to know!"

"There's nothing to tell!" said Chouji. "I'm just going out!"

"Are you going out with a girl?" Chomaru said, looking serious. "Chouji, do you have a girlfriend?"

"No!" said Chouji, sounding annoyed.

"It's all right, you can tell me." Chomaru said.

"Tell you what?!" demanded Chouji. "I have to go out because I have to train! I don't have a girlfriend!"

Chomaru gasped. "Then..." he started.

"NO!" yelled Chouji. "Dad, I'm just going out to train with Asuma, Ino and Shikamaru! Because that's what we ninjas DO!"

"All right, Chouji, but if you ever feel like you're questioning, I urge you not to be afraid to—"

"DAD!" whined Chouji. "You're embarrassing me!"

"I just don't want you to be afraid to approach me!" Chomaru said.

"Approach you about what?" said Chouji. "Dad... I have to go!"

"It's just that you've been so distant lately!" complained Chomaru as he buried his face in his hands and started to cry.

"Don't cry dad!" said Chouji as he started comforting his crazy large father. "It's just...I was on my way out and you started asking me all these embarrassing questions!"

"Sorry, Chouji, it wasn't my place to ask you such questions!" said Chomaru as he stood up and started walking away. Chouji looked at the door and then at his father's enormous turned back. He decided to do the RIGHT thing and follow after his father to make sure he was all right and wouldn't cry anymore. So he chased after his dad into the kitchen since that's where the Akimichis ALWAYS go if they're feeling sad.

Or hungry.

Or happy.

Or tired.

Or angry.

Or any other emotion.

The Akimichis pretty much spend all their time in the kitchen.

**Okay, because this is probably the most likely chapter gone to by ANYONE, we are going to assume that you haven't read the first Naruto Primer at all OR the first 55 chapters of this one. No, no, don't try to deny it. We know you're just skipping around and went straight for Chouji's family chapter. We understand completely. I mean, how could you resist?**

**But for all of you fans who were reading since the very beginning, you probably know that we had some rules for reading the Naruto Primer back when lists were allowed. Unfortunately, those rules got removed and now we're seeing people skipping around in the Naruto Primers. One minute someone will be reviewing chapter 39... then 15... then 58...then 11... I mean, come on people. It's numerical. It all makes sense. Unless you're reading a Choose Your Own Adventure book, you should read from chapter 1 to chapter 101, NOT from 39 to 15 to 58 to 11.**

**So, to all you folks who have initially come to this Chouji's family chapter first, and I know it's a lot of you, here are the rules. We are reposting them but NOT in list form. Follow them.**

****

Thou shalt enrich thy vocabulary, reading and enlightenment through exploring these simple stories.

Thou shalt not be thy brother's keeper, for he is old enough to venture on his own and get thee back.

**_Thou shalt not read chapter 3 without first reading chapter 2, which immediately followed chapter 1. When completed with chapter 3, proceed directly to chapter 4, not to chapter 5, not to chapter 6, and certainly not back to chapter 2. Unless, of course, thou missed something in chapter 2 and must go back to aid thy enrichment._**

Thou shalt mowith the lawn for thy parents, only after completing the final chapter, which came after reading the chapter right before the final one and all previous to that one. By no means shalt thou read first the final chapter.

Thou shalt enjoyith the chapters of the Naruto Primer. And even if thou doth love them not, live by their teachings.

**There you go. Now go BACK to the Naruto Primer and read that! Then read the first 55 chapters of this ALL IN ORDER!!! Okay. hoot**


	58. The Hyuugas: The Letter

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Hyuugas

The Letter

Since Neji doesn't have a REAL family, we're just going to clump all the Hyuugas together as one giant odor. Meaning…Neji, Hiashi, Hinata and Hanabi!! HURRAY!!

One day, Hiashi was doing some cleaning of the attic. Then he stumbled across a letter that was apparently addressed to him… from Hizashi!!

He opened it up. _Dear Hiashi, if you are reading this then I am probably dead. I know you will take it upon yourself to make sure my son remains happy—_

"Oops." Said Hiashi.

_So I have made a list of things he enjoys._

"Um…" Hiashi said tentatively. He wished he had found this letter ages ago. So he decided he had best start now in the process of making his nephew happy so he went through the house to find Neji sitting there. Knitting.

Hiashi cleared his throat a few times but Neji decided to just situate himself so Hiashi was in his blind angle. Hiashi knew this of course so he walked over to where Neji was sitting. Neji looked up. "What?" Neji said. "Do you want something?"

"I was taking my daughters out to…"

He looked at the letter.

"The Ground Round." He said.

"Okay." Said Neji, not caring.

"I want you to accompany us there." Hiashi said, though it sounded more like a command than a request.

Neji raised an eyebrow but he couldn't argue with Hiashi. So, even though he was EVER so reluctant to do so, he put his knitting away in the drawer and stood up, following Hiashi into the other room where Hinata and Hanabi were playing with dolls.

"Hinata, Hanabi, we're going to the Ground Round." Said Hiashi.

"Really?" said Hinata, springing up. But then she saw Neji standing there and her face fell.

"And Neji's coming with us." Hiashi finished.

"Oh…I see…" Hinata said, clearing her throat slightly.

"Um…" was all Hanabi had to say.

"Come, we're leaving now." Said Hiashi.

They all went outside EXTREMELY awkwardly. It's doubtful that any of these people were on good terms with each other so they didn't really walk near one another at any point.

Hiashi looked at the letter again as they passed the local pony riding corral.

Finally, he stopped and turned around.

"How about…we stop and ride some ponies?" said Hiashi. "After all, it's not really lunch time yet…"

"I love ponies!" said Hanabi.

"Wow, I've never been pony riding before!" said Hinata.

Hiashi knew that Neji was just too proud to admit that he wanted to ride the ponies too. So he forced them all into the corral. "Neji, why don't you ride the pony first?" Hiashi suggested.

"I don't want to." Neji said. "That is a childish activity. I am not a child."

"Very well," said Hiashi, figuring he'd just use some reverse psychology. "Then you have to watch Hinata and Hanabi have fun."

"What else is new?" Neji said, sitting down on a bench.

"This is certainly awkward." Hinata said, mostly to herself. But then she was hoisted up onto a pony by one of the people that ran the corral and then Hanabi was placed up next to her. The man walked around the corral holding onto the pony as Hiashi walked with them.

"Dad, why are we randomly going out to eat and riding ponies?" Hanabi asked.

"Do I need a reason to take my children out for the day?" Hiashi retorted.

"But why is Neji here?" Hanabi whispered.

"He's your cousin and my responsibility." Hiashi answered. Hanabi shrugged and went back to riding the pony. While both his daughter's backs were turned, Hiashi whipped out the letter again.

"A balloon…" he said.

"What was that, Dad?" Hinata asked.

"Nothing." Hiashi said as he put the letter back in his pocket.

When the pony ride was finally over, they went back over to where Neji was still sitting patiently. Though you KNOW it wasn't patient because inside of him all sorts of ill feelings towards his relatives were just festering.

"We're going to stop by the party shop on the way to the Ground Round." Hiashi said.

"Why?" asked Hanabi.

"I think we should all have a balloon." Hiashi replied.

"I like balloons." Said Hinata.

"Me too!" said Hanabi.

"Neji, do you like balloons?" Hiashi asked after a moment's pause in Neji's direction.

Neji crossed his arms. "Honestly, I hate balloons." He said.

Hiashi sighed. How could a boy have possibly changed that much in only nine year's time? But nonetheless, he knew that Neji actually DID want a balloon even though he tried to pretend as though he didn't. So they went to the party shop and Hiashi bought a balloon for Hinata, Hanabi and Neji each.

"Thanks dad!" said Hinata as she helped Hanabi tie the balloon string around her wrist. She also tied the string to HER balloon around her own wrist.

Hiashi was still holding Neji's balloon. "Take the balloon." Hiashi said.

"I don't want to have to carry a balloon around, especially if we're going into a restaurant." Neji said.

"Take the balloon before I am forced to do something drastic." Hiashi warned, getting that LOOK.

Neji didn't even want to know what this drastic thing would be so he took the balloon while glaring angrily at his evil uncle. Hiashi chose to ignore and took the three sunspots to the Ground Round.

Hinata felt it was a little strange that her father was being so nice. She thought it was even stranger that Neji was being forced to come along with them. In a way, she was a little sad that he had to come because this was one of the first times he father had done something like this and Neji had to be there to ruin the atmosphere. She hated herself for thinking that but she couldn't help it! It made her feel a little sad.

Hanabi was clueless. She liked food and was eating.

"All right, now we will get dessert." Hiashi said after everyone had finished eating. "Baseball caps filled with ice cream for all. Including you, Neji. And you WILL like it."

"I don't want any ice cream." Said Neji as he pushed away his food that he hadn't touched. He decided not to eat it just because his evil uncle had given it to him and refused to accept the 'charity'.

"I want a baseball cap filled with ice cream." Said Hanabi.

"You may have one." Said Hiashi. "And you will as well, Hinata. And Neji, so will you."

"Go ahead and order one but I'm NOT eating it." Neji said with a scoff.

Hiashi had half a mind to just end Neji's life right then and there for being so insolent, but his mission was to fulfill his dead brother's last request to keep his son happy…so he couldn't very well KILL him.

"Very well." Said Hiashi as he ordered only TWO baseball caps filled with ice cream. As his daughters ate and his nephew scoffed, Hiashi secretly looked at the letter and decided to finish reading it.

_Of course, this letter is out of date to when Neji was only four. As he grows older, naturally his likes and dislikes will change. You may adjust your means of keeping him happy according to his needs and wants._

Hiashi frowned and wished he had read that part before he had gone and made himself look foolish.


	59. Random Ninjas: The Magical Adventure

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Random Ninjas

The Magical Adventure

We brought you Genma and Hayate's magical adventure. Then we were going to bring you Kotetsu and Izumo's magical adventure. But that would be ludicrous because then we'd be leaving out Raido and Iwashi who are just SO important. So we are going to officially have a "RANDOM NINJA MAGICAL ADVENTURE!!!" How exciting!

I think it's imperative that first we introduce the team to you.

First, we have Genma. He's the NINJA of the group as well as the leader. He's got mad fighting skills and usually takes care of all the important ninja things required in the group.

Hayate is Genma's male lover and we neglected to mention that he's also a ninja. So I guess there's TWO ninjas of the group! Anyway, Hayate, like Genma, takes care of all the important fighting things that ninjas usually take care of. He's a JOUNIN, just like Genma!!

SILLY US! We also forgot that Kotetsu is the ninja of the group too. Kotetsu is also the CRAZY one too and makes sure that everyone in the group is having fun!!

Izumo…well, I guess he's the ninja too. Izumo is the HEART of the team and, while he does kill people on occasion, he can be viewed as the nice one. He and Kotetsu are both chuunins.

Iwashi is a chuunin as well, which means he's also a ninja, but that doesn't mean he can't pack a punch! He and his little pointy beard will conquer all that oppose him.

Then there's Raido. Even though his face is kind of melting off, don't let him frighten you away because he's also a nice guy. Mind you, not as nice as Izumo! And Raido's the ARCHER!! Every team needs and ARCHER! Wait…no, never mind. He's also a jounin ninja. I guess they're ALL ninjas! Hence the name "Random Ninjas" I guess.

So anyway, these six random ninjas composed of three chuunins and three jounins often perform good deeds and triumph over evil.

Hayate, Iwashi, Izumo, Kotetsu and Raido were all waiting outside one day for Genma to come out with their mission.

"What do you think we'll have to do today?" Iwashi asked his pals.

"I hope it's something exciting!" said Kotetsu.

"Oh, Kotetsu, you're so crazy!" said Izumo.

"I agree." Said Raido. "Our missions as of late have been really low key and rather boring."

"Hey, here comes Genma." Said Hayate as Genma came walking out of the Hokage building with a paper in his hand. He looked distressed. "Genma, what's wrong?"

"Well…I'm sure you've all come to realize that our missions have been progressively getting more appropriate for new genins…" Genma said. "Well… just look at this!"

He handed the paper to Hayate who took it and coughed.

"It's a statement declaring that from now on, all the important missions will be completed by important characters!" Hayate said.

"GASP!!!" gasped everyone else except for Genma who had already reacted a while ago and Hayate who had just said it.

"Now we're dealing with D-rank missions." Said Hayate sadly.

"This is an outrage!!" said Kotetsu. "I REFUSE to stand for this!"

"There's nothing we can do." Said Izumo. "We're not important enough to start an uprising."

"Yeah, especially me." Said Iwashi.

"You can't expect us to just roll over and admit defeat!" said Raido passionately.

"Raido and Kotetsu are right!" said Genma. "Something has to be done!"

"But what?" asked Hayate.

"Well…let's try to think of our random abilities and use them in the best way we can…" said Kotetsu, rubbing his chin. "For example, I use quite possibly more hair gel than anyone else in the entire village!"

"AND we can use our genjutsu to make ourselves look like genin." Said Izumo, looking at Kotetsu with an annoyed expression.

"Oh right." Said Kotetsu. "I guess that's more important."

"I'm the best at contracting the common cold." Said Hayate, coughing.

"I'm really good at tying knots, especially if it's for a handkerchief around my head!" said Genma, pointing his finger up in the air.

"I'm the Hokage's bodyguard so I know lots and lots of secrets about the Hokage and have access to all the missions and stuff." Said Raido with a shrug.

"My pointy beard sometimes has a mind of its own!" said Iwashi.

"Um…okay!" said Kotetsu. "This is a start."

"How can we use all these abilities to make ourselves known?" said Genma, rubbing his chin.

"Let's use our genjutsu to look like genin and then go into the Hokage's building where all the mission scrolls are." Said Izumo. "We can switch around the labels so the D-rank missions are actually the A-rank missions so we'll be given those instead of the important characters. Then we can tie up all the important characters with my mad knot tying skills and infect them all with the common cold!!"

They paused.

"And then…Iwashi's beard can…MAYBE do something…" Izumo finished.

"That's a great idea!!" said Raido.

"Wait right there." Came a voice behind them. They all turned around to see Aoba standing there.

"Aoba!!" gasped Kotetsu. "Did you hear our totally unprovoked plan?!"

"Yes." Aoba said.

"I suppose you're going to tell the Hokage then…" said Hayate.

"No, I'm not." Aoba said. "Though I am by far the coolest and best dressed ninja in the village, I am also a random ninja as well, just like the rest of you. So I would like 'in' on your plans."

"You got it!" said Genma as he put his hand out. Hayate put his hand on Genma's, then Aoba, then Raido, then Kotetsu, then Izumo, then Iwashi and then anyone else whom I may have forgotten.

"Ready?" said Iwashi.

"READY!!" yelled everyone, including Iwashi. They all jumped into the air and cheered.

Almost immediately, Mission Impossible music started playing as they morphed themselves with genjutsu to look like genin. It was so precious!

"All right, everyone follow me!" said Raido.

The group of seven sneaked into the Hokage's building, going mostly undetected. Not only did they look like helpless little genin who couldn't possibly be plotting anything, but they were RANDOM helpless little genin who couldn't possibly be plotting anything. So all the important characters that might have crossed their paths were completely unsuspecting.

They made it into the secret mission storing room. Raido pulled the missions out of a drawer and opened them up.

"Here are the D-ranks, and here are the A-ranks." He said.

"Wait, let's think this through first." Said Hayate. "This could potentially be really dangerous if we get assigned these important missions, especially a few of you who are only chuunins."

"Are you saying that being a chuunin is a bad thing?" said Kotetsu, getting all in Hayate's face.

"On an A-rank mission, yes." Hayate said.

"We chuunins don't have to take this sort of abuse!" said Kotetsu, grabbing Izumo and Iwashi.

"Hey, we don't want any trouble." Said Iwashi quickly.

"We jounins outnumber you chuunins!" said Aoba. "Not to mention we're jounins and you're only chuunins."

"See?" said Kotetsu. "I told you this would happen eventually! They couldn't keep it inside them anymore! All you jounins are alike! All you want to do is put us chuunins down just because we're chuunins and not jounins!"

"Hey, hey, let's not fight." Said Genma in that Sonic the Hedgehog tone. "We all have to get along and work together."

"I didn't mean to start anything." Hayate said.

"Are we switching these are not?" Raido asked.

"Yes!" said everyone else. "Switch them!!"

They weren't interrupted because the only people that would potentially interrupt them would be random unimportant ninjas. And, since all the random unimportant ninjas were currently performing evil deeds, there were no random unimportant ninjas to interrupt them.

They could hardly withhold their childish giggling as they crept out of the mission storage room after switching the labels.

Suddenly, they bumped into someone who was just glowing with importantness.

"Why, hello there." Said Kakashi, looking down at the seven disguised random ninjas.

"Hello, Kakashi!" said Genma, stepping in front. "We're just seven random genins frolicking about and we're most certainly not up to no good and you're crazy to think we are!"

"Okay." Said Kakashi. He walked past them on his way to the mission storage room.

"He knows…" whispered Izumo.

"How could he?!" said Raido. "There's no cameras or anything in that room so there's no way he'd be able to know!"

"What are we going to do?!" said Kotetsu. "He recognized us!!"

"I never should have agreed to this!!" said Aoba, fretting.

"Everyone, you need to calm down." Said Hayate. "He didn't recognize us and he doesn't know."

"You're right, lover." Said Genma. "Let's just get out of here before he starts to suspect anything."

Then Kakashi came out of the mission storage room holding a bunch of scrolls.

"Er…" said Kotetsu as Kakashi walked by them. "Where are you going with those scrolls?"

"To the Hokage." Said Kakashi. "It's time to hand out missions." Then he walked away.

"You hear that?" said Iwashi after Kakashi was out of earshot. "It's time to hand out missions so that means they have no idea what we did!"

"Let's turn back to our regular selves and receive missions like we USED to!" said Raido enthusiastically. They all dispelled their genjutsu and turned back to normal. Then they sprinted off to the Hokage's room where he was looking through the scrolls.

"Oh!" said the Hokage. "Just the seven men I was looking for. I have a very important A-rank mission that needs a team composed of four jounins and three chuunins."

"Wow!" said Aoba. "That MUST be an important mission!"

"Let's have a look-see." Said the Hokage, opening up the A-rank scroll. "Oh and by the way. I have heard that there have been some reports of a few troublesome children posing as me and handing out missions to people that were incorrect so if you have received any D-rank missions lately, then that's why. Anyway, let's look at these A-rank missions…"

He peered at them as the random ninjas looked at each other anxiously.

"Hm…" said the Hokage. "This sure is strange. I guess there wasn't a mission that required your assistance. All these missions appear as though they're genin work…"

"Uh…" said Genma quickly as he approached the Hokage. "Oh! Mr. Hokage sir! Look at this! They're labeled incorrectly!"

The Hokage looked at the two scrolls and laughed. "So they are!" he said. "That would have been disastrous! Ah, here we go. Here's your correct mission."

He handed the seven a paper with the details of the mission scribed down on it. Then the seven ninjas thanked the Hokage and left the building as quickly as their legs could carry them.

"I guess we all learned a valuable lesson from all this." Said Izumo.

"What's that?" Kotetsu asked.

"Um…" Izumo said. "Well…I don't exactly know how to phrase it in a fancy proverb so that it makes sense, so I'll just state is clearly. If something happens that makes you feel a little sad or skeptical, it's important that you talk it over with the person who is the cause of your unhappiness instead of blindly doing something that might inevitably cause MORE unhappiness!!"

"That is a mouthful." Said Raido with a nod.

"How about we just say that the lesson of today is just, 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' again?" suggested Iwashi.

"That too!" said Izumo.

Then they all winked and put their thumbs up.


	60. Temari: The Way To Go

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Temari

The Way to Go

I think we tried to write a Temari chapter on at least THREE different occasions, along with a Kankuro chapter, in both the Lost Chapters AND the Original Naruto Primer. It just can't be done!! So that's why you must excuse the stupidity of this chapter.

You have to wonder what in the entire world would possess someone to make them think; "I've got it!! The most perfect fighting style EVER! …A GIANT FAN!!"

Surely there's something psychological going on in Temari's head that made her finally decide on a fan.

It could have been because her brothers both carried enormous things on their backs. Gaara had his giant gourd and Kankuro had his puppet. Maybe Temari was feeling jealous because they were always saying things like, "Temari, we're cooler because we carry huge and heavy things around all the time. You can't be in our club. No girls allowed."

Or it could have been Temari legitimately felt like the fan would be the coolest and most intimidating thing EVER. Especially with those purple dots. I can see why she'd think that the fan was the way to go.

But you know what? Those giant fans can get pretty difficult to maintain. Sometimes, after a particularly rough battle, the fan cannot be repaired and it is necessary for Temari to order a new one. Of course, ordering and sending away for a giant fan is not the hard part. The hard part is coming home every day and asking about the whereabouts of the mail.

It had been approximately eight weeks since the last time she sent away for a fan. She didn't need one immediately since her current fan was still intact, but she didn't want to be stuck waiting eight weeks for her new fan to come if she didn't have a current one. She always liked to have at least two back-ups just in case. So, even though it wasn't imperative that she had the fan right way, she would still like it.

Unfortunately, Kankuro and Gaara were usually home before she was so they were the ones to get the mail. This meant that she had to get the mail from them, which could sometimes be a challenge. A very ANNOYING challenge that she preferred not to confront unless it she absolutely had to.

"GUYS!" Temari yelled, coming in the door. She went in the other room where Kankuro and Gaara were coloring. "Kankuro, Gaara, did the mail come today?"

"Oh yeah, the mail came all right." Said Kankuro as Gaara slapped him five.

"Uh…" said Temari, wondering why he had slapped him five. "Did my package come by any chance?"

"Temari, the mail is no place to get a package." Said Kankuro. "Oh!"

He slapped Gaara five again.

"Is that supposed to be some really pathetic sexual joke?" Temari asked. "Because it wasn't very funny."

"You should know what isn't funny." Said Kankuro as he, once again, slapped Gaara five.

"That doesn't even make sense!!" Temari said, getting slightly offended. But then she took a deep breath. "Did my fan come today? Yes or no."

"Yeah, it's right over there." Kankuro said, pointing to the fan in the corner of the room.

"Thank you." Said Temari with a sigh as she took the fan upstairs in her room so she could personalize with the intimidating purple dots.


	61. Kankuro: Kankuro's Side

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Kankuro

Kankuro's Side

We STRIVED so hard to think up a plot for this chapter. HARD. Very hard. But we did it. Enjoy it…OR ELSE.

Ever since Kankuro backed out of the tournament right before his match with Shino, he's been viewed as the bad guy.

Why?

Because Shino has been viewed as the good guy.

But, as you've seen in the past, Shino is kind of taking on the bad guy role. Shino has been harassing Kankuro to no end just because of a split second decision that Kankuro made for the good of his pals who wanted to take over Konoha.

However, we can't—

"HEY!" yelled Kankuro. "Stop making me look like a victim! I'll take that punk-ass bug kid on ANY day!"

Whoa Kankuro. You better watch out. Shino doesn't exactly have control over his temper.

"Bring him on!" said Kankuro.

Oh very well.

SUDDENLY, SHINO WALKED AROUND THE CORNER!!

"I couldn't help but notice that you called me a 'punk-ass bug kid'." Said Shino, doing little quotey things.

"I did!" said Kankuro. "You wanna go? Let's settle this once and for all so I can finally go on with my life, all right?"

"I beat you once, I can beat you again." Shino said.

"HA!" said Kankuro. "YOU? Beat ME?! I think you're confused! I'm the one who was able to leave that battle!"

Shino's eyes narrowed but it's not like you could tell.

"I'll start us off!" said Kankuro as he whipped out his puppet and put his hands in a seal. "Kugutsu no Jutsu!"

Shino extended his arms and his bugs crawled out from under his jacket and under his skin as well. Ewie. The two stared each other down for a moment or so.

Then a dagger extended from Karasu's arm as it leapt towards Shino. Shino merely jumped backwards but Karasu spat so shuriken out of its mouth, but it wasn't very hard for Shino to dodge those either. As Kankuro stood there like a fool, Shino went to come up behind him and strike him down but Kankuro was able to dodge since Shino isn't exactly a taijutsu master.

Karasu spun around and spat out some poison gas. Shino wasn't about to fall for the poison gas like LAST time so he jumped behind Karasu and kicked it towards Kankuro so the gas attacked HIM!

"ACK!" gasped Kankuro as he stumbled away from the gas. He collapsed on the ground.

"You cannot defeat me." Said Shino.

"Rrrg…" said Kankuro, beating the ground with his fist. "Is your revenge fulfilled? Will you leave me alone?"

"I'm still not a chuunin, am I?" said Shino crossly.

He turned and walked away as Kankuro was left there to suffer. Poor Kankuro. But don't worry about him dying because… um… he built up a tolerance to the poison gas in Karasu just in case a situation like this presented itself. So he's FINE!

In the end though, this tussle didn't prove anything because Shino is still only a genin and Kankuro shall be forever harassed. Poor Shino. Poor Kankuro. I don't know whose side I'm on anymore. Yes I do. SHINO 4EVA!!!111ONE!!!111ONE


	62. The Yamanakas: TMRCSWEver

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Yamanakas

TMRCSW…Ever

We wrote this chapter once but it was EVER so similar to the Haruno's one, except the Dad was kind of like, "Okay Ino…" instead of embracing her and comforting her. We figured you guys didn't need to see that since it was kind of repetitive. So that is why this chapter is so retarded.

Ino was sitting at home watching television. She was engaged in one of her favorite afternoon activities: watching INFOMERCIALS! Have you ever done it? It can be strangely entertaining even if you're sitting there saying, "Why is God's name am I watching infomercials?"

Her favorite infomercial EVER came on. Yes, she even liked this one more than the Oxiclean one.

"_The Most Relaxing Classical Songs in the World…Ever._" Ino sighed as she turned the volume up so she could hear the most relaxing classical songs in the world…ever.

She swooned and sighed and became very relaxed.

Suddenly, the front door opened.

"Dad?" Ino called.

"Yeah?" Inoshi replied as he came in.

"Dad, you HAVE to loan me some money!" Ino pleaded.

"Not this again…" Inoshi said, noticing which infomercial was on.

"Dad!!" whined Ino. "They're the most relaxing classical songs in the world… EVER!"

"I'm not going to buy ten CDs of classical tunes." Said Inoshi.

"It's not TEN!" said Ino. "It's three! And they're not just ANY classic tunes! They're—"

"I know, I know." Said Inoshi. "The most relaxing classing songs EVER."

"Why can't you understand?!" whined Ino.

"I understand completely!" said Inoshi. "I understand that you want me to spend money on some classical music!"

"Dad, it's only five easy payments of $29.99!" said Ino.

"ONLY?" said Inoshi.

"Plus shipping and handling!" said Ino.

"Do you have any idea how much that comes out to?" said Inoshi. "Over one hundred dollars! On just a bunch of classical songs that, while they may be the most relaxing ones EVER, you can still do without them!"

"I can't do with out them!" cried Ino. "I NEED them! They're the most relaxing classical songs…EVER... in the world!! And I must have them!"

"I'm sorry, Ino." Said Inoshi. "If you want to spend that much money on a few CDs then you'll have to come up with it all by yourself."

"Where am I supposed to get that kind of money?" demanded Ino.

"Get a job." Said Inoshi.

"Between training to become a ninja, getting Sasuke to love me and working in the flower shop, I—" she trailed off. "Hey! I think you should pay me for working in the flower shop!"

"Ino, we've already been through this." Said Inoshi. "You work in the flower shop instead of doing chores so that's why you're not paid for it."

"But dad, if you just started paying me a little for my time then I'll have my own to spend and, in the long run, I'll learn the value of money!" said Ino. "Plus, I'll be able to pay for the CDs I want!"

"Technically, Ino, that money will still be mine." Inoshi reminded her.

"BUT DAD!" complained Ino. "I really want these CDs!"

"We have to go through this every time this infomercial comes on…" said Inoshi with a heavy sigh.

"If you let me order them then we wouldn't have to go through it anymore." Said Ino.

"Ino, my answer is NO and that's final." Said Inoshi. "And if you can't figure that out then I'm going to have to not allow you to watch infomercials anymore."

"Dad, you're so mean!" said Ino. "I bet everyone else in the village already has these CDs!"

"Then borrow them from someone else." Said Inoshi.

"DAAAD!" said Ino. "That wasn't my point! I'm saying that I'm the only one in the whole world who doesn't have the most relaxing classical songs in the world." She paused. "EVER!"

"All of a sudden it's the whole world?" said Inoshi with a raised eyebrow. "I thought it was only the village."

"The village is included in the world." Said Ino as if it was obvious.

"Tell you what, Ino, when you become a chuunin, I'll buy you these CDs." Said Inoshi.

"Really?" Ino said, beaming.

"Really." Inoshi answered.

"In that case, I'm going off to train right now!!" Ino said as she ran over to the phone to call Shikamaru and Chouji.

Inoshi sighed and shut the television off. At least it gave her more incentive to train and become better if she could just have the CDs. It was so HARD to have daughters these days! Let's all feel sorry for Inoshi who has to deal with having a daughter while his two best friends have sons.

"BYE DAD!" said Ino. "I'm going off to train!"

"Okay, Ino." Said Inoshi.

"You might as well order away for the CDs now because I'm practically going to become a chuunin in like…five minutes." Ino said as she opened the door.

"I'll order them when you become a chuunin." Inoshi said.

"Okay!" said Ino, deciding not to press her luck as she closed the door behind her.


	63. The Orphans: The Arcade

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Orphans

The Arcade

Naruto, Sasuke, Lee and Tenten don't have families. Naruto and Sasuke are orphans and Lee and Tenten just don't have specified parents that were mentioned or shown. Family chapters for these guys would be tough so we just decided to clump them all together and give them a chapter instead of racking our brains in attempt to find a loophole in our own rules.

One day, Lee, Tenten and Naruto were all over Sasuke's house. They had just come in from a long and excruciating training exercise that was rigorous and tested their wits and strength.

They all sat down on the couch and gave heavy sighs.

"Guys, a new arcade opened up yesterday." Said Lee.

No one said anything for a moment or so. Then, simultaneously, they rose from their seats and walked out the door with only one thing in mind. ARCADE!

They reached the arcade that clearly was brand new. They got a whole mess of tokens and wandered around, trying to find the perfect place to start. But with so many machines and colored lights, it was hard to choose!

There were a few games in which two people who were rivals could potentially sort out their rivalry. In fact, there was one particular game with a little Barbie and a little Ken on jet skis that involved shooting water out of a little gun into a little hole and then, depending on how steady the stream of water was, Barbie and Ken would go up and whichever one hit the top first would win.

Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other and nodded.

"We'll watch." Said Tenten, referring to herself and Lee. They knew that there would be no way to get them away from the game without proving that a certain person was better.

"Sasuke, you can either be player one or Ken, you can't be both!" said Naruto.

"Then I'll be Ken." Sasuke said. He didn't care much about being player one because he knew that if a dyslexic person walked by, HE would be player one and NOT Naruto. But not even a dyslexic person could mistake Barbie for Ken.

"FINE!" said Naruto, thinking he was getting the better deal because the whole dyslexic thing never even occurred to him.

The cheap starting music played and then the two of them hit the bull's-eye in the hole but only the Ken on jet skis appeared to be moving up.

"Hey!" said Naruto. "This one's broken!"

"Nice excuse." Said Sasuke as Ken reached the top and then four tickets were spat out of the machine.

"No, seriously!" said Naruto. "Watch, you try it!"

"I don't NEED to try it to know you're lying." Sasuke said.

"This is to prove that I'm NOT lying." Said Naruto.

"Besides, I'm not going to waste another token." Sasuke said as he ripped the tickets out and pocketed them.

"Just give it up, Naruto." Said Tenten.

"But I obviously hit the bull's-eye better than Sasuke did!" started Naruto but he was suddenly distracted. One by one, the other three looked in the direction that Naruto was looking off in to see two Dance Dance Revolution machines right next to each other.

It was a race between Sasuke and Naruto to be the boy machine. They both started sprinting towards the game but, upon reaching it, Lee suddenly jumped in front of them both and landed on the pad.

"Go on!" said Lee. "Challenge me if you DARE!"

Sasuke glared at Naruto and pushed him out of the way. Then Sasuke got up on the girl side.

"I play Sasuke after!!" said Naruto.

"And I play Sasuke again after that!" Lee said.

"And me after that!!" said Naruto.

"Guys, what about me?" asked Tenten.

"Um…" said the three extremely competitive people as they figured that if they ignored Tenten, maybe she'd forget her question. Lee and Sasuke both put their tokens in and the machine lit up.

"Maybe we should start with—" started Lee but then he noticed that Sasuke was moving his chart to MANIAC!! So Lee quickly moved his to maniac too. Then they went as far as to pick the hardest song on the entire list.

"Yeah right, Sasuke!" said Naruto as if Lee wasn't doing the exact same thing as him. "You can't do THIS song!"

"Watch me." Said Sasuke.

Then the song started.

With Sasuke and Lee's mad ninja skills and inhumane speed, the two of them were able to keep up with all the jumps and steps and stuff as if they had been playing for years like one of those obsessed people. Finally, when the song was over, both looked as though they hadn't done a single thing!

"I got a double A!" said Lee. "And my score broke a record! YAY!" He went to look over at Sasuke's score, but Sasuke quickly continued the game so Lee wouldn't see that he had only gotten a SINGLE A! NOOO! Lee shrugged and jumped off the dancing pad. "I believe it's your turn, Naruto!"

"You better believe it!" said Naruto, jumping on the pad.

"I don't feel like playing anymore." Said Sasuke with a sigh as he stepped off the pad.

"WHAT?!" demanded Naruto. "Get back on!!"

"No, I don't feel like it." said Sasuke in a tone that made it quite obvious that his aim was only to annoy Naruto.

Naruto fumed as Lee jumped in Sasuke's place.

"I'LL play again!" he said.

"I'm only going to play if I get to play against Sasuke!!" said Naruto as he got off.

Lee shrugged and looked at Tenten who was only standing idly by. "Do you want to play, Tenten?" he asked.

"Sure!" said Tenten, getting on.

The two of them played a game and then Tenten realized that she was way out of her league so she moved herself down to basic after getting an E- on maniac. Then after playing a few more games, Lee and Tenten realized that Naruto and Sasuke weren't there anymore.

"Let's go find them!" said Lee.

"Okay." Said Tenten.

It wasn't too hard to find Naruto and Sasuke because they two of them were in the middle of competing in the Spider Stomping Game. There just so happened to be two machines right next to each other so they could both stomp spiders and see who stomped more.

"HA!" said Naruto after they finished a round of spider stomping. "I only missed ONE spider!"

Sasuke crossed his arms and laughed slightly. "You missed one?" he said finally.

"NO WAY!!" Naruto yelled, pushing Sasuke out of the way and looking at the score on his screen to see that Sasuke had, in fact, stomped every single spider that attempted to oppose him. "I'll show you, Sasuke!" Naruto said as he fished through his pockets for more tokens.

"Hey guys, where'd you go?" said Lee.

"…Here?" Sasuke tried.

"No, we played Ski-ball first!" said Naruto. "And I won!"

"You keep telling yourself that, Naruto." Said Sasuke.

"It's true!" said Naruto as he looked at Lee and Tenten. "You guys believe me, don't you?"

"Uh…" stuttered Lee and Tenten.

"How many tickets do you guys have?" said Tenten.

"I don't know how many Naruto has, but I definitely have at least fifty." Said Sasuke, pulling all of his tickets out of his pocket.

"Wow!" said Lee. "I don't have ANY!"

"That's because you've been playing that dancing game the whole time." Sasuke reminded him.

"Silly me!" said Lee.

"I have WELL over a hundred!" said Naruto but it was pretty obvious that he had even less than Sasuke.

"Lee, when were we supposed to meet Neji for training?" Tenten asked randomly.

"Um…" said Lee, looking at the clock. "Ten minutes ago."

"Oh right." Said Naruto. "Sasuke, when were we supposed to meet Sakura for training?"

"About a half an hour ago." Sasuke answered.

The four stood there in silence for a moment.

"Do you think he'd notice if we weren't there?" Lee asked Tenten.

Tenten slapped him upside the head. "Let's go." she said.

"Aww…" said Lee sadly.

"Bye guys!" said Tenten as she grabbed Lee's arm and dragged him out of the arcade.

Naruto and Sasuke looked as though they WERE going to follow but then they looked back at the arcade and all the competitive games they could play. They figured that Kakashi wouldn't show up for another few hours ANYWAY, so they might as well just play some more! And that's exactly…what they did.


	64. Kabuto: A Regular Day

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Kabuto

A Regular Day

You know, Kabuto quickly became another one of those chapters that was requested a lot. I don't see why everyone likes Kabuto so much because, personally we find him to be annoying and groan whenever we see him. In my opinion, anyone who pretends to be good to the point in which people are adding the suffix of 'san' at the end of his name should be hated forever.

Kabuto awoke from awoke one morning from a very peculiar dreams concerning dolphins and sharks. He quickly dismissed those thoughts from his mind because he knew there were plenty of things to do. He hopped out of bed and clothed himself in his favorite purple outfit and put on his glasses.

The first thing he had to do was check on Orochimaru to make sure he was all right and in one piece and not experiencing any pain in the arms.

"OROCHIMARU!" said Kabuto happily as he swung the door open to Orochimaru's room.

Orochimaru had just finished smiting another slave.

"What do you want?" Orochimaru asked.

"I'm just making sure you're okay and still alive." Said Kabuto. "Do your arms hurt at all?"

"I feel fine!" yelled Orochimaru. "Now leave me be!"

"Yes sir!" said Kabuto as he closed the door. He was always so glad when Orochimaru was happy like that. But now that all of morning activities were already completed, what was he supposed to do? His initial thought was to just wait outside Orochimaru's room just in case something happened since he wanted to be the one to run in and make him feel all better. But then he realized that there were a few things he could be doing with his time to make Orochimaru happy.

He went to the window and looked out. He slapped his cheeks and gasped when he saw seven random ninjas from the leaf standing outside looking quizzically at a map.

"Curses!" said Kabuto. "Random ninjas!"

He was about to run around and find some ninjas to do his dirty work for him but he realized that Orochimaru had already killed all the ones that were nearby.

"Looks like I'LL have to rescue Orochimaru!" said Kabuto confidently as he leapt out the window.

"Admit it, we're lost." Said Aoba, taking the map from Genma.

"We're not lost." Said Genma.

"Yeah, I'm sure Orochimaru's secret lair is around here somewhere." Said Kotetsu.

"What are you seven doing?!" demanded Kabuto as he stomped over.

"Oh, I guess we ARE close." Said Izumo, looking satisfied.

"If you don't leave quietly now then I will be forced to kill you!" said Kabuto.

"I'm already dead." Said Hayate.

"Well, this is only a scouting mission after all." Said Iwashi.

"Yeah, let's go back and tell everyone else that we found Orochimaru's lair!" said Raido. The seven random ninjas hopped away while Kabuto only stood there like a guard dog.

"That takes care of THEM!" said Kabuto, sounding satisfied. "Now what should I do…?"

So Kabuto went back inside and decided to check on Orochimaru again.

"Orochimaru?" said Kabuto, only poking his head in.

"Leave me alone, Kabuto!" yelled Orochimaru.

"Okay!" said Kabuto, shutting the door. He hung around outside the door for a few hours and then decided that Orochimaru would be fine for the day. But he WOULDN'T be fine for the day unless he got some food in him!

So that's when Kabuto frolicked off to the kitchen to make sure Orochimaru's meal was coming along nicely. It was, so that meant that Kabuto had to be bored again. But nothing was boring as long as he was doing things for Orochimaru. So he hung around in the kitchen for a long time until Orochimaru's food was done and then he took the platter up to Orochimaru's room.

"Orochimaru, time to eat!" Kabuto said as he walked in with the food.

"I SAID to leave me alone!" said Orochimaru as he slapped the platter to the side and splattered all the food on the wall.

Kabuto's lip quivered slightly at the sight of the splattered food, but he wasn't going to let Orochimaru see him cry.

"Okay…" said Kabuto as he left the room sadly. He knew that Orochimaru would get hungry eventually so he waited outside the room for another few hours, just in case. He didn't want Orochimaru to have to wait for a minute longer than he had to for anything.

Somewhere, he heard the clock strike midnight.

"Is it really already midnight?" Kabuto said as he looked at his watch. Then he chuckled warmly to himself upon realizing that he had done a lot more waiting around than usual. He decided to peek inside Orochimaru's room to make sure he was all right.

Kabuto spotted Orochimaru lying in his bed sleeping.

"Awww…" cooed Kabuto. He tiptoed over to Orochimaru and tucked him in lovingly and turned off all the lights. Then he quietly went back to his room and got clothed in his pink pajamas with the feet on the end and got in bed. Tomorrow would be another long, hard day for Kabuto.


	65. Neji: A Branch House Carol

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Neji

A Branch House Carol

This chapter was requested by one of our friends who, for some strange and inexplicable reason, would prefer if his name were NOT put in the credit section. It was kind of a collaborative effort. And yes, this means that we are now getting in the suggestion portion of the Lost Chapters. Wait patiently and your request might show up!

Nothing could ever stop Neji from hating the Main House so immensely. Most Branch House members felt the same, but Neji had extra reason to abhor everything it was and stood for. We all know the reasons why, so we do not have to explain.

It was Christmas time in the Hyuuga Household. As a matter of fact, it was Christmas time for EVERYONE! Whether you were part of the Main House or the Branch house or not even a Hyuuga at all, it was Christmas nonetheless! But Neji would have none of this good cheer because wintertime reminded him of Hinata's birthday, which reminded him of the day he got his curse seal, which reminded him of the day his evil uncle killed the representative from the other village, which reminded him of the day he found that the Main House killed his father.

The Hyuuga children were out building a snowman but Neji was way above that. Suddenly, Lee and Tenten approached him.

"Merry Christmas Neji!" said Lee.

Neji crossed his arms and muttered something under his breath that sounded like the start of a Main House rant but also sounded a lot like, "Bah! Humbug!"

"Aw…do you not like Christmas?" said Tenten.

"You have no idea." Said Neji.

"Gai's going to have a BIG Christmas celebration!" said Lee. "And we're all invited! Isn't that great?!"

"I'm not going." Said Neji, putting his nose up in the air.

"Why?!" gasped Lee and Tenten.

"Because the Christmas season is my least favorite time of the year!" Neji answered flatly.

"Oh…I see…" said Lee, looking hurt FOR Gai. Neji didn't want to linger any longer so he stood up and went back into the house where Lee and Tenten both knew they were NOT allowed to follow. It's not like they WANTED to though, so they didn't.

He almost crashed into Hinata on his way in.

"I'm sorry!" said Hinata quickly as she quickly hurried past him. He decided that she would live for the day, and someday, when he got her alone, then he would have his revenge.

That night, Neji went to bed just as usual. He knew he wouldn't be getting any presents upon awakening. AS USUAL. However, in the middle of the night he was awakened by a strange sound. When he sat up in bed, he found that his window was opened. He got up and shut the window and turned around to get back in bed only to see Naruto standing there!

"Good god…" said Neji, taking a deep breath after getting over his surprise. "WHAT are you doing in my room?"

"I am here tonight to warn you that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping my fate!" said Naruto.

"What?" said Neji.

"I don't know." Naruto confessed. "But tonight, you will be haunted by three spirits!"

"What?" Neji repeated.

"Look to see me no more; and look that, for your own sake, you remember what has passed between us!" Naruto exclaimed as he ran to the window and went to leap out it. But he found that it was stuck. After struggling for a moment, he finally forced it open and then jumped out. Neji raised an eyebrow at all of the commotion and figured that this was only Naruto doing one of his practical jokes so he closed the window again and went back to bed.

Neji lied down and was just about to go to sleep again when he heard some knocking at his window. At first, he figured it must have been the wind or a tree, but the rapping continued at a slow and steady pace so he soon realized that there was someone out there.

"Lee, I'm going to kill you." Said Neji under his breath since he knew that Lee was the only one who had done this to him in the middle of the night. He went to the window and opened it, expecting to see Lee sitting there but, instead, found Shikamaru.

"Hi Neji." Said Shikamaru.

"Why are you here?" said Neji with an exasperated sigh.

"I'm here to take you on a little trip." Shikamaru answered as he grabbed Neji's arm and pulled him out onto the window ledge.

"Are you kidding me?" Neji started but then Shikamaru pulled him out the window and the two of them plummeted to the ground. Luckily, it was only a few feet since Neji's room is on the first floor.

"Come on." Said Shikamaru.

"It's late." Said Neji. "I don't feel like it."

"Fine, then I'll show you here." Said Shikamaru as he pulled a large photo album out from behind his back.

"Hey, this is mine." Said Neji as he went to take if from Shikamaru but Shikamaru only turned around and opened the book himself. He flipped through a few of the pages as Neji peered over his shoulder.

"There, you see?" said Shikamaru, turning around and showing one of the pages to Neji.

"That's when I was three." Said Neji.

"At Christmas time, right?" Shikamaru said.

"Yeah, so?" said Neji.

"Here is everyone partying about, and even you, along with the two houses and I believe that's your father there…" Shikamaru said, pointing to things in the pictures.

"So what?" said Neji, looking a little annoyed.

"Fine, fine." Said Shikamaru as he closed the book.

"Are you done?" Neji said, going back to his window.

"I guess." Shikamaru said with a shrug.

"Did Lee put you up to this?" Neji said as he jumped back up through the window. "Or maybe it was Naruto."

"Uh…" said Shikamaru. "Never mind. Whatever. I'm leaving."

With that, Shikamaru was gone.

Neji rolled his eyes and got back in his room. He closed the window and locked it. He also pulled the curtains out in front of it and figured that he wouldn't open it no matter what.

He stood there for a moment or two and just when he was about to get back in bed, he heard more rapping. "Go away." He said. "I'm not opening the window."

Neji's curiosity got the best of him so he drew the shades a bit to the side and saw Kiba's face pressed against the window. He nearly fell over from surprise as Kiba forced the window open.

"Why is everyone bothering me today?!" Neji demanded but it was obviously just a rhetorical question.

"Come on!" said Kiba. "Akamaru and I have something very important we want to show you!"

Before Neji could even argue, Kiba grabbed hold of him and leapt out the window. Without stopping for even a moment, he dragged him halfway across the Hyuuga grounds before they parked outside a window.

"All right, that's enough." Said Neji, drawing away from Kiba.

"Come on, look!" said Kiba, peeking his head over the windowsill.

Neji couldn't have come all that way and NOT have looked! So he peeked over as well to see his evil uncle tucking Hinata and Hanabi into bed.

"Why are you showing me this?" Neji said. "Just to remind me that I don't have a father?"

"Shh!" Kiba hissed.

"I'm glad we'll all be together for Christmas!" said Hanabi.

"Well, we all have Hizashi to thank for that." Said Hiashi.

"It's a wonder that his son turned out to be such an odious, stingy, hard, unfeeling person!" said Hanabi.

Neji glared at Kiba. "I don't want to be here anymore." Neji said.

"Hey, they're likely to say something nice about you!" said Kiba. But Neji was standing up and walking away so Kiba chased after him. "Hey! Wait!"

"I don't see what you're proving." Said Neji.

"Oh come on." Said Kiba. "I'm missing Gai's big party for this! Hey, let's stop by there!"

"I'm in my pajamas." Neji said.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" said Kiba, grabbing onto Neji again and pulling him halfway across the village. Once again, they observed what was going on from a window.

"He said that Christmas was his least favorite time of the year!" said Lee to the rest of the guests.

"More shame for him!" said Tenten.

"Why is everyone always talking about me?" Neji said, sounding annoyed.

"He's a comical old fellow," said Gai. "That's the truth; and not so pleasant as he might be. However, his offences carry their own punishment, and I have nothing to say against him. Who suffers by his ill whims? Himself, always. Here he takes it into his head to dislike us, and he won't come and dine with us. What's the consequence? He don't lose much of a dinner."

"A-wha?" said Kakashi.

But Gai only broke into warm laughter. Not soon after, everyone else couldn't help but join in.

"There, you see?" Kiba said to Neji.

"I see what?" Neji asked.

"Didn't you just learn a life lesson from Gai?" Kiba asked.

"No, I don't even know what he said." Neji confessed. "I can hardly hear them out here."

"Well fine." Said Kiba, looking offended. "This isn't going to work unless you try too, you know!"

"WHAT isn't going to work?" Neji said. "Is there some kind of joke going around?"

"Be quiet you." Said Kiba. "I'm going home. Come on, Akamaru!"

With that, Kiba and Akamaru sprinted off.

Neji stood there for a moment.

"Great, now I'm half way across the village." Sighed Neji. "In my pajamas. I hope no one sees me…"

He started the long walk back to the Hyuuga villa. He decided to take a shortcut through the graveyard since there are always graveyards around that provide handy shortcuts.

At about the halfway mark of the graveyard, he suddenly saw a figure off in the distance with a large, heavy coat on and a hood that covered his face.

Normally, he wouldn't approach such a figure but this person was in the way of his shortcut so he had no choice. He tried to walk around the person, but the person maneuvered himself so he was blocked his path. Neji sighed and tried to step around him the other way, but the person once again go in his way.

"Who are you?" Neji asked finally.

"Sasuke." Said the figure as he took his hood off.

"Oh." Said Neji. "I should have figured it'd be one of you. How many more times am I going to be pestered tonight?"

"This is the last time." Sasuke answered.

"Okay, good." Said Neji. "So what do you want to show me?"

"Um…" Sasuke said, looking around. "That."

He pointed to a grave.

Neji bent down and looked at it. Fully expecting to see his own name there, he was slightly disappointed to find the name of some random person whom he didn't even know.

"And?" Neji said finally.

"This is my father's grave." Sasuke said, framing the part of the gravestone message where the name "Uchiha" was.

"Okay…" Neji said slowly.

"And this is my mother's grave." Sasuke went on. "And over here is my grandmother's. This is my cousin's. Here's someone's grave who I didn't know, but he was also apart of my clan."

"Where exactly is this going?" Neji inquired.

"I don't know." Sasuke admitted. "I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing so I'm just winging it."

"All right…" Neji said. "I'm just going to head home now."

"Okay." Said Sasuke. "Nice pajamas."

"Shut up." Said Neji as he walked past Sasuke and continued on home. When he finally reached home, he went in through the window, shut it for good and then climbed into bed. After waiting for a moment to make sure no one else would come, he finally went to sleep.

The next morning, he woke up. He opened up his window for the last time to be faced with Lee.

"Lee, are you the one who made a bunch of people bother me and drag me halfway around the village last night?!" Neji demanded.

"Uh…no…" said Lee suspiciously. "Uh…do you have the Christmas spirit now?"

"What are you talking about Lee?" said Neji. "If you don't get away from my house right now then I will most likely fight you and end up killing you."

"Aw man!" said Lee.

"It's not like I don't like Christmas, I just don't like this time of year because it's around the time that my dad died." Neji said. "It has nothing to do with the actual Christmas season."

"I wish you had told me that before I went through all that trouble!" said Lee angrily.

"Whatever." Said Neji, shutting the window.

Lee turned around and looked at Tenten, Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru and Kiba.

"Well guys, we tried our best!" said Lee.

"I still don't even know what we were trying to do." Said Sasuke.

"It doesn't mater." Said Kiba. "God bless us! Everyone!"


	66. Look Nice and Behave

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Look Nice and Behave

We got this request from Rashaka that essentially asked us to make it so everyone had to look nice and behave. At first we were like, "OH YEAH! THEY COULD…!!" And sort of trailed off at that point. Hopefully, these chapters are portrayed realistically.

"As all of you know, today is the Hokage's birthday." Said Asuma as he and the other teachers paced in front of the collective number of eleven genin students and one chuunin.

"Which means there's going to be a grand party tonight that all of Konoha is expected to attend, including the lot of you." Said Kakashi.

"It will be very formal, very black tie." Said Gai.

"Which essentially means that you all must look nice and behave!" Kurenai finished off.

"Now don't make us turn this into a competition by trying to determine who will look the best…" said Asuma.

"Work together with your teammates to help yourselves look good with helpful advice from the more stylish members of your team." Kakashi said.

"Meet back here at seven o'clock." Said Kurenai.

"And if you're not pretty then you will be punished severely!" said Gai.

Then the four of them ran off.

"If they REALLY cared then they would come with us to make sure we dressed up nice." Said Kiba.

The four teams split up to do their dressing up.

"Well, I think I'm ALREADY nice looking enough so let's help Shino since he looks like something crawled onto his head and died!" said Kiba.

"Kiba, I personally think you are in dire need of a shower." Said Shino.

"WHAT?!" demanded Kiba as if he had said nothing to bring that on.

"Let's just start with Shino and then we'll do you to, okay Kiba?" said Hinata.

"Okay!" said Kiba, giving Hinata the thumbs up.

The three of them frolicked off to Shino's house.

"First, you have to take off that jacket." Said Kiba to Shino.

Shino sighed and unbuttoned his jacket. Slowly, he removed it and about a billion bugs fell from it.

"EW!!" exclaimed Kiba and Hinata as they both drew back from all the bugs and nasty stuff.

"Sorry." Said Shino.

"That's really scary." Said Hinata.

"And disgusting." Kiba added.

When all the bugs had scurried off, the two people who were not Shino could finally get closer again.

"What do you think, Hinata?" asked Kiba. "About his clothes, I mean."

"Uh…" Hinata said quietly.

"Come on, Hinata, you have to give us your opinion!" said Kiba. "You're the girl here! Whether or not Shino is punished for looking stupid depends on you!"

"Well…" Hinata said. "He can't just wear that white t-shirt and gray pants! I think we should get him new clothes."

"What kind of clothes?" asked Kiba. "I mean, what kind of clothes do girls like? I mean, girls like Sasuke, right? Let's dress him up like Sasuke!"

"Personally, I find Sasuke's sense of style rather appalling for someone who has so many girls chasing after him." Said Shino.

"You're one to talk." Said Kiba.

Shino just kind of stood there. He couldn't disagree, but he wasn't about to agree.

MEANWHILE!!!

Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto decided to take care of Sasuke first since he would be the easiest. All Sasuke really had to do was change his clothes into something nice.

"Sasuke, what about your hair?" said Naruto.

"What about my hair?" Sasuke said.

"It's…weird." Naruto said finally. "It looks like…a bird's butt."

"It does NOT look like a bird's butt!!" screamed Sakura as she ran over to Naruto and punched him.

"I could have taken care of that." Said Sasuke to Sakura who was fuming.

"But he said your hair looked like a bird's butt!" whined Sakura.

"_I _was going to punch him." Sasuke said, looking annoyed.

Then Naruto came back from wherever he was punched to. "Okay, okay!" he said defensively. "From now on, I won't give my input and you'll just be punished for having stupid hair that looks like a bird's butt!"

Then it was Sasuke's turn to get up and punch Naruto. And that's what he did.

MEANWHILE!!!

"HURRAY!" cheered Ino. "I finally get to tell you guys my TRUE feelings about your fashion sense!"

"Or you could…not." Shikamaru suggested.

"Just for that, Shikamaru, we're going to give YOU a makeover FIRST!" Ino threatened.

"It's not a makeover, we're just putting on nice clothes." Shikamaru reminded her. "Besides, I'm just going to go like this. It's not like Asuma's going to punish ME."

"You have to at least put on long pants!" said Chouji.

"Fine, I'll do that." Said Shikamaru.

"What makes you think Asuma won't punish you?" Ino said, putting her hands on her hips.

"As long as I'm wearing my chuunin vest, Asuma will be happy." Shikamaru said.

"That's not fair." Said Ino.

"But you WANT to dress up, don't you?" Shikamaru said.

"Well yeah!" said Ino. "Okay! Me first!"

Ino then ran into her walk-in closet (since they were at her house and all) as Shikamaru and Chouji looked at each other and shrugged.

MEANWHILE!!!

"I'm going to wear my BEST tuxedo!!" said Lee as he pulled a bright green tuxedo with white polka dots out of his closet. Then he looked around and found the hugest and most flamboyant matching bowtie.

Tenten and Neji didn't really know how break it to Lee that that was the most retarded looking tuxedo they had ever seen.

"And, after I put the tuxedo on, I'm going to brush my teeth until it's time to go so my teeth will SHINE!" Lee announced.

"That sounds like a good idea, Lee." Said Tenten since she didn't want to hurt Lee's feelings.

Neji couldn't let it fly. "Lee…" he started. "Are you seriously going to wear that or is this another one of those horrible jokes that everyone is in on except for me?"

"Neji, what are you talking about?" Lee laughed. "This tuxedo is awesome!"

"Lee…" Neji tried again.

"What about you?" asked Lee. "If you don't have anything nice to wear, I could loan you some clothes! I just hope you're not going to wear that white life jacket you always wear."

Neji looked stupefied for a moment or two. Maybe even three. "How dare you." He said.

MEANWHILE!!!

"Let's see…what does Shino have in his closet?" said Kiba as he flung Shino's closet doors. A bunch of bugs exploded from it and crawled around the room.

"EW!!" yelled Hinata and Kiba as they jumped away.

"Sorry." Said Shino.

Once again, they had to wait for the bugs to leave before venturing back into the closet.

"All right…" said Kiba. "Hinata, what is the most appealing to you?"

"Er…" Hinata said as she shifted through the shirts on hangers. "Wow, Shino! You have a lot of really nice clothes! How come you never wear them?"

"Because I'm a ninja." Shino replied. "It would be ludicrous to wear nice clothes."

"He's got a point." Said Kiba.

"How about…this one?" Hinata said as she pulled out a collared, button down orange shirt with a dark blue stripe going across the front.

"Orange?" said Shino in the most offended tone ever.

"Yes…" Hinata said nervously.

"I think Hinata knows best!" said Kiba as he handed the shirt to Shino. "Do you have any nice pants, Shino?"

"In the drawer over there." Shino answered, pointing to his dresser on the other side of the room.

They stared at it.

"You can open that one." Said Kiba.

"All right." Said Shino as he opened up the drawer and a whole mess of bugs jumped out of it.

"EW!!" yelled Hinata and Kiba.

MEANWHILE!!!

"All right, we gave him a new shirt and took off his forehead protector!" said Sakura, pointing at Sasuke who was now wearing a shirt that didn't have an overwhelming collar. It actually looked exactly like his normal shirt just…without the collar.

"What else?" Naruto wondered.

The three were silent again.

"This is so dumb." Said Sasuke.

"How about some cologne?" suggested Naruto. "Does anybody have some cologne?"

"No…" said Sasuke and Sakura.

"All right, so it's my turn then!" said Naruto.

"Whatever." Said Sasuke, looking at his ninja watch. "But make it quick because we spent way too much time giving me a different shirt that we're running out of time for Sakura."

"Then let's do me first!" said Sakura. "Actually, I think I'm just going to go to my house and get ready. You guys can hang out."

"Now that I'm done, I'm just going to go home." Sasuke said.

"HEY!" yelled Naruto. "You guys have to help me! I have zero fashion sense! I don't want to get punished!!"

"Too bad, Naruto." Said Sasuke and Sakura as they ran out the door.

MEANWHILE!!!

"How long are we going to have to wait here?" Chouji asked Shikamaru.

Shikamaru stood up and knocked on Ino's closet door. "Ino!" he called. "Are you coming out anytime soon?"

"Give a girl some time!" Ino called from inside.

"We've given you plenty of time." Said Shikamaru.

"I'm trying to find my best dress!" Ino said.

"Why does that take as long as it's taking?" Shikamaru asked.

"It just DOES!" said Ino. "You wouldn't understand!"

"I guess not…" said Shikamaru with a shrug. He sat back down next to Chouji and shrugged.

"When are we going to make ourselves look nice?" Chouji wondered, referring to himself and Shikamaru.

"I guess at about 6:55, five minutes before it's time to meet the teachers." Shikamaru answered.

"Oh Shikamaru, don't say that!" said Chouji. "That would be AWFUL!"

"Don't worry, Chouji." Said Shikamaru. "It won't be as terrible as you're making it out to be."

MEANWHILE!!!

"I look AWESOME!" said Lee as he followed Tenten and Neji to the world of the Hyuugas because it was time for NEJI to look pretty!

"Yeah Lee…" said Tenten, trying to avoid eye contact. Or at least eye contact between her eyes and Lee's outfit. His bowtie was so large that it was covering half his face.

Neji pulled out a white long-sleeved shirt and a pair of black pants from his closet.

"You're going to wear THAT?!" Lee gasped.

"Yes." Said Neji.

"Neji, if you spill water on yourself you'll stain!" said Lee.

"So?" said Neji.

"Here, let's go back to my house and I'll loan you one of my tuxedos." Lee said, acting like he was a big hero.

"No, that's all right." Said Neji, slamming his bedroom door on Lee and Tenten's faces so he could change.

"After this, we'll go to MY house and I'LL change!" said Tenten.

"Sorry, Tenten, but I don't think I have anything stylish that you could wear." Said Lee.

"Oh Lee, it's all right." Said Tenten, feeling relieved. "If I was a boy, I would DEFINITELY wear one of your tuxedos."

"Really?" said Lee.

"Oh yes." Said Tenten. "Unfortunately, though, I'm a girl and therefore I cannot wear one. I have to wear a dress instead."

"I hope Gai likes my tuxedo!" said Lee randomly.

"You know what?" said Tenten. "I bet he will."

LATER ON!!

It was about seven o'clock and it was time for everyone to venture off to the area in which they would be meeting their teachers. Kiba, Hinata and Shino were the first to arrive. Shino had his orange shirt on because he figured he knew what Kiba and Hinata were talking about. Kiba had a pair of dress up pants, a button down white shirt complete with a tie and everything. He also had his hair combed all pretty like. AND AKAMARU WAS WEARING A DOGGY BOWTIE!! As for Hinata, her hair didn't look any different except for the little blue ribbon but she was wearing a baby blue dress and little white gloves so she looked like she was a seven-year-old girl stuck in an Easter commercial.

They stood around and waited for a few minutes when, suddenly, Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto came around the corner!! Sakura had on a pink frilly dress with all the trimmings and her hair was done to the EXTREME. After Sakura and Naruto had left, Sasuke apparently decided to change his clothes because he was now wearing a black button down shirt with an Uchiha fan on the pocket and black pants. As for Naruto, he was wearing a red plaid lumberjack shirt and a pair of black and white striped pants. It didn't match.

"Hi." Said everyone simultaneously. They didn't know what else to say.

"Hinata, you look so pretty!" said Sakura finally.

"Thank you." Said Hinata. "You look nice too, Sakura."

"You think so?" Sakura said, spinning around. "What do you think, Sasuke?"

"You've already asked me that." Said Sasuke in the tone that clearly showed that she had asked him a whole lot more times than just ONCE. Then again, this is Sasuke we're talking about. He has VERY low tolerance for annoying people.

"And you never answered!" wailed Sakura.

But then Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji came!! Shikamaru was wearing his nice pants, a nice shirt and his chuunin vest over it. Chouji had a standard male's tuxedo that was nothing special. Ino was wearing the exact same dress as Sakura except it was purple instead of pink.

"YOU COPIED ME!!" Ino and Sakura yelled at the same time, pointing at each other.

"Naruto, did you fall down or something?" Shikamaru asked Naruto.

"No!" yelled Naruto. "I'm sexy!!"

"Hey, is that Shino?" asked Chouji, pointing at Shino.

"Yeah, isn't he so orange?" said Kiba, looking satisfied.

"I think orange is a good color on Shino!" said Hinata.

"Yeah, Hinata!" agreed Kiba. Shino rolled his eyes just as Lee, Neji and Tenten arrived!! We all know what Lee was wearing so describing it again would be ludicrous! We ALSO know what Neji was wearing so that would be ludicrous as well! And who cares what Tenten is wearing so describing what she has on would also be ludicrous! HURRAY!!

"What do you guys think of my tuxedo?" said Lee as he straightened his bowtie proudly.

"Uh…" said everyone slowly.

"Tenten, your dress is so nice!" said Ino. All the girls began complimenting each other on their dresses as the men stood there being manly.

"Aw man, I can't believe I'm the only one wearing a tie!" said Kiba.

"I'm wearing a tie!" said Chouji.

"Me too!" said Lee.

"I meant BESIDES you guys." Sighed Kiba.

"Think how I feel." Said Shino. "I'm wearing orange. Everyone else is in either white or black."

"I'm wearing green!" said Lee.

"And I'm wearing red!" said Naruto.

"I meant besides you guys." Said Shino.

"I just said that, Shino!" said Kiba as he shoved Shino. Not in a malicious manner, just to be playful like you would push your friends around.

Shino regained his balance. "Kiba, don't invade my personal space again." He said.

Before Kiba could be offended, the four teachers suddenly came out of nowhere all dressed up as well.

"WOW!!" yelled Gai as he ran over to Lee. "We must shop at the same store because we both have the same tuxedo!!"

"I KNOW!!" exclaimed Lee.

"Kiba?!" gasped Kurenai. She was wearing some kind of red… thing. "I swear, I wouldn't even have known it was you if you didn't have those red things on your face!"

"I look spiffy!" said Kiba. "And Akamaru dressed up too!"

"Shino?! Wow! You look great! I didn't even know it was you at first!" Kurenai said.

"What about Shikamaru?!" said Asuma, pointing to Shikamaru. Asuma was wearing just some kind of white button down shirt and pants.

"Naruto, why are you wearing that?" Kakashi said. Kakashi didn't change his clothes at all.

"No one helped me!" whined Naruto.

"We brought an unbiased person along to help us determine who the best dressed person was." Said Gai as he beckoned for Iruka to come out from behind a tree. Iruka was dressed up all pretty too.

Iruka scratched his chin and paced.

"I thought this wasn't a competition." Said Sasuke.

"We lied!" chimed the teachers.

Everyone paused.

"Okay, I'll pick one person from each team?" said Iruka.

"Whatever." Said the teachers.

"From this team…hmm… Sasuke!" said Iruka.

"NOOOOOOO!!" Naruto yelled. "Sasuke beat me again!!"

"As always." Said Sasuke.

"What about my dress?" whined Sakura.

"It's the same as Ino's." Iruka replied. "And as for this team… I'll have to go with… Chouji!"

"Hurray!" cheered Chouji.

"Nice job, Chouji." Said Shikamaru.

"And I guess I didn't win because my dress is the same as Sakura's?" complained Ino.

"Right!" said Iruka. He looked at Neji, Lee and Tenten long and hard. Actually, he was really just trying to decide between Neji and Tenten. "Over here…uh…" When he was about to announce the winner, Kakashi suddenly came up from behind Neji and put his hand on his shoulder. Neji tried to ignore Kakashi at first, but then when he just didn't let go, he decided to inquire as to why he was touching him.

"Neji, I looked underneath the underneath and realized that your shirt is soft and fuzzy." Kakashi said finally.

"It's fuzzy?" said Tenten.

Everyone pretty much ambushed Neji at that point to feel his fuzzy shirt. When they were all satisfied and everything was said and done, they finally left Neji alone who as clearly ready to go on the warpath.

"How does noticing that someone's shirt is fuzzy involve looking underneath the underneath?" Gai questioned.

"Well, I noticed and you guys didn't." Kakashi said.

"Okay, well, I think that fuzzy shirt pretty much was a dead give away that Neji wins out of this group!" said Iruka.

"I wish my dress was fuzzy." Said Tenten.

"What about my tuxedo?!" demanded Lee.

"Uh…" started Iruka. "It's…you can't go up against fuzzy things!"

"DARN!" said Lee, snapping his fingers.

"Finally, this last group." Iruka said, looking at Shino, Kiba and Hinata. "Well, I saved this group for last because you all look so nice!"

"I have the best dressed group." Said Kurenai with a cough.

"It's hard to decide." Said Iruka, trying to ignore Kurenai. "But I finally came to the conclusion that Kiba is the winner!"

"YAHOO!!" cheered Kiba.

"Nice job, Kiba!" said Hinata.

"Shino, sorry, you're wearing…orange." Said Iruka.

"I hate orange." Shino decided.

"Okay, now let's get out of here and get to that party before we're late!" said Asuma.

"We still have to go to that?" said Shikamaru. "I thought you made up the whole party just to trick us into getting dressed up so you could turn it into a competition."

"No, that would just be CRUEL!" laughed Gai.

"So…let's go." said Kakashi.


	67. Team Gai: Drunken Stupor

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Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Gai

Drunken Stupor

This is was also a request by unmei0wa0fushigi. Mainly, all that was said was; "I finally caught up to the manga and when I saw Lee get drunk, it was the best thing in the world. You guys -must- do a chapter on it! Or at least include it into a chapter some way..." ARGH! We LIVE to serve our fans so if we -must- do a chapter including Lee being intoxicated then it shall be done! (Oh and if you're confused about the whereabouts of that party for the Hokage… we didn't write it. Sorry.)

One day, Neji, Tenten and Lee were doing something different with their time. They were TRAINING!!

"Hey Neji, will you give me a rematch today?" Lee asked randomly.

"Lee, you got your rematch last week." Said Neji, sounding bored. "Until you get stronger, I'm not going to fight you again. It's just a waste of my time and yours too."

"Not to mention MINE!" said Tenten but she was ignored.

Then Gai appeared out of nowhere. Actually, it wasn't out of nowhere, just through some trees that were conveniently placed for hiding in.

"Good morn, youthful students!" said Gai.

"Good morning, Gai!!" said Lee, standing up straight like a soldier and saluting to his teacher.

"At ease, Lee!" chuckled Gai.

"You didn't say you were stopping by today." Said Tenten.

"I decided that there is something very vital I must speak to you all about." Gai announced. "But, you and Neji can wait here."

He grabbed Lee and dragged him off where they could speak in private.

"What is it, Gai?" said Lee eagerly.

"I couldn't help but overhear your request for a rematch with Neji!" said Gai, giving Lee the nice guy pose.

"Yeah but he refused…" said Lee, lowering his head.

"I overheard that was well!" said Gai as he put his arm around Lee and pointed off into the sunset that the two of them had conjured up with their youthful glow. "You know Lee, what I'm about to suggest to you is highly unprofessional and slightly illegal!"

"What?" asked Lee. "Is it another forbidden jutsu?"

"…Forbidden for all those under 21!" Gai said dramatically. "I have a way that you will be able to defeat Neji."

"How?" Lee said willingly.

Gai leaned over to Lee. "The Drunken Fist." He whispered ever so quietly that one would have difficulty hearing him.

Meanwhile, Tenten and Neji were training.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Tenten asked as she threw some shuriken at a pole.

Neji looked up from his current activity of beating up a pole. "Does it matter?" he said.

Tenten shrugged. "I'm just curious…" she admitted.

"Trust me, nothing those two ever talk about is worth pondering for." Neji said, going back to his pole smiting. He knew he was way above Lee and Gai's conversations.

Tenten went back to her shuriken throwing, deciding it was no use to try to get Neji to admit that he really did want to hear their conversation because, for all she knew, he genuinely was not interested. Just as they were getting back to being engrossed in their activities, Lee and Gai came back.

Gai quickly pushed Lee forward and ran off as fast as he could.

"Lee, are you all right?" Tenten asked, noticing that Lee didn't look like himself.

"Of course I am!" said Lee dramatically. "I'm better than all right because today is the day I will defeat YOU, Neji!"

"Oh really." Said Neji, OBVIOUSLY not looking convinced.

"Yes!" said Lee, whipping out a bottle of alcohol.

Neji and Tenten only looked at him as he chugged the whole thing down.

"…"

Then he staggered a little bit and dropped the bottle.

"OKAY!" he said finally. "Let's fight!"

"Wait, did I just see that correctly?" Neji said. "Are you really so desperate that you are intoxicating yourself in vain hope that in your drunken stupor, you'll be able to defeat me?"

"YES!!" yelled Lee.

Then Gai came back, but AWAY from where Lee, Tenten and Neji were. He beckoned for Tenten to come over and she did. "You may not know this!" Gai called to Neji. "But Lee is an NATURAL at the Drunken Fist!"

"Was this YOUR idea?" said Neji.

"MAYBE!" said Gai, sounding as innocent as possible.

"FIGHT ME!!" Lee yelled at Neji.

"Fine, I'll just prove to you that the Drunken Fist is something you cannot be a genius of." Said Neji, getting into his stance. He figured he'd end the fight before it even began by charging at Lee and knocking his lights out. He charged at Lee, but never got to the knocking his lights out first. Lee jumped up into the air and landed behind Neji. Of course, Neji would have none of this Lee HITTING him so he spun around to block.

"Gai, did you really give Lee alcohol?" said Tenten.

"No." said Gai. "It's just a Kool-Aid! I couldn't bring myself to hurt Lee's youthful glow by making him drink UNDERAGE! But I figured if I TOLD him that it was alcohol then it would have the same effect!"

"Oh, like a placebo, right?" Tenten said.

"Exactly!" said Gai.

"Sorry, but I don't know if Kool-Aid is really going to help Lee beat Neji." Tenten admitted.

But as soon as she said that, they both observed as Lee handed his first punch on Neji. EVER. Neji flew across his very own favorite training area and hit a tree.

"HA!" laughed Lee. "Come and get some of this!"

"All right, this ends here." Said Neji, standing up and getting a serious look on his face. Of course, it's not like he previously had a goofy look on his face, but now he was just EXTRA serious.

He charged at Lee and they continued their battle.

"Wow, I can't believe it's actually working." Tenten commented.

"The passion of youth is the strongest passion of all!!" Gai said as if that had any sort of relevance to what Tenten had said.

"Gai, is it really okay to let them duke it out like that?" Tenten said. "Usually you're the one to break them up when they're fighting. In a way, you sort of instigated this one."

Gai smiled and his teeth went PING! "I usually break up their fights because those are the times Lee is LOSING!" he said. "Today, Lee in WINNING!"

"And to think I ever had any doubts in my mind as to whether or not you liked Lee the best…" Tenten sighed.

"Don't worry, Tenten." Said Gai as he put an arm around Tenten. "The only reason I like Lee better is because I was able to make him exactly like me. If you two had done so then I would have liked you guys more. But it's not like I DON'T like you! I just PREFER Lee!"

"Gai, you can't get out of a hole by digging more." Said Tenten.

"Fine." Said Gai, dropping his hand off Tenten's shoulder. "You're my least favorite then."

"Whatever." Said Tenten.

By this time, the battle between Lee and Neji had gotten MAD exciting. Lee was crazy and "drunk", while Neji was infuriated that he was starting to bleed and his white shirt was getting dirty.

"Ha ha ha ha!" laughed Gai warmly. It was pretty obvious that he was enjoying this.

"I had no idea that placebos worked this well." Said Tenten. "Are you sure you gave him Kool-Aid?"

"Of course I'm sure!" said Gai as he whipped out a bottle that was labeled 'Kool-Aid'. "I switched them before I even got here and cleaned out the bottles thoroughly! I'm not THAT irresponsible!"

Tenten looked at the bottle. "Gai… that looks an awful lot like Kool-Aid." She commented.

"What?" Gai said, taking a good look at it. He opened up the cork and took a sip, then gasped. "It IS the Kool-Aid!! I remember now! This idea came to me in my sleep and I guess I dreamt up the part about me cleaning out the bottles and switching them and didn't realized that I had awakened!!"

"And THAT'S not irresponsible?!" said Tenten, sounding annoyed.

"I gave Lee the alcohol!!" gasped Gai, slapping his cheeks. "Tenten, we must stop the battle!!"

"We?" said Tenten.

"YES!!" yelled Gai as he ran out in between the two of the feuding students just as they were about to charge at each other and unleash their special moves from the fiery pits of HECK! (Yes, from Heck. This IS a PG story after all.) "STOP THIS FIGHT!!" yelled Gai.

"What the hell?!" demanded Neji. "I was about to defeat him!"

"Oh no you weren't!" said Gai as he held back Lee. "You can't defeat Lee while he's like this! You're just lucky that he didn't do anything drastically serious to injure you!"

"Lee can't injure me." Said Neji. "Get out of my way so I can beat him."

"LET ME AT 'IM!!" said Lee, swinging his fists crazily.

"NO, Lee!!" yelled Gai as he spun around and punched Lee as hard as he could. It was Lee's turn to travel across Neji's favorite training area and crash into a tree.

"Gai, I can—" started Neji.

"Neji, don't make me punch you too." Gai threatened, shaking his fist at Neji.

"…Okay…" said Neji, stepping back a bit. He was glad that he at least got a warning.

"All right, I want you all to continue going about your business as if I had never come in the first place!" said Gai.

"Right, sure." Said Neji in that tone that obviously showed that as soon as Gai was gone, he would turn around and resume the fight.

Gai is pretty astute, though, despite what you may have learned throughout this chapter. "And Tenten will be the official tattle-tale!" said Gai. "If I hear anything from her about you two fighting again then I will not permit you to enter the chuunin exam! EVER!! And you will be my student, Neji, FOREVER!!"

"Okay, fine." Said Neji in that tone that obviously showed that he would never go against Gai's wishes.

"As you were!" said Gai as he strutted away.


	68. Ino n Asuma: The Ninjet of Team 10

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Ino/Asuma

The Ninjet of Team 10

Dattebayo (who has a really amusing name) gave us the suggestion of writing a chapter with a teacher and just ONE student since we hadn't seen that sort of interaction yet. So that sparked the twelve chapter long arc with just one teacher and one student. And, yes, Tenten will get a chapter too. Don't worry all you Tenten fans.

Ino woke up early in the morning. She didn't know why, but that was just the kind of person she was. She liked to get things done instead of procrastinate them as much as possible.

Her passion for becoming a great ninja had exploded ever since Shikamaru had become a chuunin. She could always hear Asuma talking about him to the other teachers and singing his praises while not even looking at her or Chouji. She also wanted to get rid of the stereotype that all the female ninjas of the village were soft. She would have to change it all and today was a good a day as any to start.

Ino leapt up out of bed and got dressed quickly. The sun was still rising as she left the house. It was time to meet Asuma for training.

She got to the spot and sat down. All she had to do now was wait.

Asuma wasn't far behind her. Sure, he wasn't going to deny that he might have been paying too much attention to Shikamaru when, in reality, he should have been paying LESS attention to him since it was clear that he didn't need as much attention as Ino and Chouji. He also made a vow that day, that it was time to train Ino and Chouji better.

As he reached the meeting spot, he nodded at Ino and the two of them waited and waited for Shikamaru and Chouji.

"Where are they?" Ino said finally. "Asuma, it wasn't a very good idea to start training this early in the morning. Shikamaru's probably still sleeping and I bet Chouji is over there right now trying to wake him up."

"You're probably right." Said Asuma with a sigh.

"Um…" Ino started. "Do you think we could just start without them?"

"Why?" asked Asuma.

"Well… I want to start my training." Ino said. "I want to become a good ninja. And I think that when Shikamaru and Chouji are here, I don't really get an opportunity to do so."

"I guess…" Asuma said.

Ino clapped and stood up.

"Okay, what first?" she asked.

"Wait a second." Said Asuma, turning around.

"What?" asked Ino.

"I thought I heard someone coming…" Asuma said. "It sounded like Shikamaru so I was just making sure…"

Ino frowned. "Can we just get started?" she requested.

"Sure." Said Asuma. "Where did we leave off yesterday?"

"We were all working to help Shikamaru improve on his new shadow attack." Said Ino.

"Oh." Said Asuma. "Hm…if Shikamaru's not here, what are we going to do?"

"We could work on something else!" said Ino. "Something that has NOTHING to do with Shikamaru!"

"Nothing to do with Shikamaru?" said Asuma. He couldn't think of a single thing that would fall in THAT category.

"How about if we work on MY attacks?" Ino suggested when she noticed Asuma was at a loss.

"Okay, that sounds okay." Said Asuma. "So…what is it that you do?"

Ino looked a little annoyed. "The Shintenshin no Jutsu."

"That's right!" said Asuma. "I knew that. The FIRST thing we have to do is work on the hand seals."

"I already know the hand seals!" Ino said, getting a little frustrated.

"Then where are you at?" Asuma asked.

"I want to be able to use the attack without hurting myself in the process." Said Ino. "You know, while my limp body is lying over there, I want to be able to stand there as a target for people to attack and have nothing happen to my body."

"I don't know if I can teach you that." Said Asuma. "But I CAN teach you a different technique that will allow you to control people without hurting your own body."

"Really?" said Ino. "What?"

"The Kagemane no Jutsu!" said Asuma.

Ino's face fell. "That's Shikamaru's attack."

"Shikamaru doesn't have to be the ONLY one who uses that attack!" said Asuma, treating Ino like a silly goose. "I'm sure he won't mind if I teach it to you too."

"But I don't want to learn the Kagemane no Jutsu." Complained Ino. "I want to stick to my family's tradition of using switching attacks and don't want to move to Shikamaru's family's tradition of using shadow attacks!"

"If you want to be a well-rounded ninjet, you'll learn ALL these things." Asuma said.

"Asuma, what is a ninjet?" Ino said.

"A ninjet…" said Asuma. "A female ninja. A male ninja is a ninja, a female ninja is a ninjet!"

Ino shook her head, not knowing how to react to a comment like that. "Did you just make that up?" she said.

"…Maybe…" Asuma said.

"Okay, okay, let's just improve on my taijutsu." Said Ino, trying to stay on track.

"All right!" said Asuma willingly. "What would you like to learn? Kicks? Punches? What?"

"What do you think I have to improve?" Ino asked.

"I don't know." Said Asuma. "I was hoping you would."

"Haven't you ever seen me fight?!" demanded Ino. "I thought you were my teacher!! You should know these things!"

Asuma was about to answer but then Shikamaru and Chouji suddenly appeared there.

"Ah!" said Asuma. "Shikamaru!! …And Chouji! Welcome! Let's continue where we left off yesterday, what do you say?"

"Whatever." Said Shikamaru and Chouji as they shrugged.

Ino slapped her forehead. She'd NEVER be a good ninja at this rate!


	69. Kiba n Kurenai: Carbohydrates

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Kiba/Kurenai

Carbohydrates

Kiba had the day off today. Yesterday's training session with Kurenai was extra tough and the team wasn't dismissed until late. They always seemed to have a training session like that at least once a month, usually at around the same time.

But he chose not to let it bother him because he knew that if he let it bother him then he'd turn into a bitter person like Neji who let EVERYTHING bother him.

Kiba was out with Akamaru on their walk. Is Kiba walking Akamaru? Is Akamaru walking Kiba? Are they merely walking together? No one knows. But they're so tight so it doesn't really matter!

Kurenai was also on a walk. She was feeling sad, bad and mad all at the same time. She always felt like this after the hard training sessions that occurred once a month. It was probably because she vented a little too much out on her innocent students who had nothing to do with her unhappiness. Especially Kiba. She always seemed to be extra mean to Kiba.

That's when she saw him. It was Kiba out for his walk with Akamaru. Kurenai knew that he already knew she was there so it was pointless for her to try to avoid him. She decided that she would right everything she did wrong to him that day before!

"Kiba!" she said.

"Hi Kurenai!" said Kiba cheerfully.

Kurenai knew it was all a front and that, deep down inside, he was actually very very sad and hurt. Maybe he even resented her for being so petty!

Kiba had figured that their greeting was just a passing one and continued on his walk but Kurenai spun around and grabbed his arm before he could get too far away. "Wait a second, Kiba." She said.

"It's our day off today!" said Kiba, realizing that she was going to make him train or something. He suddenly felt like maybe he should have stayed inside for his day off.

"No, I'm not going to make you train!" said Kurenai. "I feel as though I was a little harsh on all of you yesterday, but especially you, Kiba. So I'm going to make it up to you!"

Kiba didn't know how to respond.

"Okay." He said finally since he didn't want to hurt Kurenai's feelings.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Kurenai asked.

"No." Kiba answered.

"Then I'll take you out for breakfast and there will be no hard feelings!" Kurenai decided.

"There ARE no hard feelings!" said Kiba.

"Kiba, I don't need you to say that." Said Kurenai. "Even though I'm your teacher, I still want us to have an honest relationship so come on."

Kiba shrugged and figured he wouldn't argue anymore. He wanted to go out to breakfast ANYWAY so it was awesome that he now had someone to pay FOR him!

They reached the nearest iHop restaurant and went inside. Luckily there was a table opening and completely ready JUST for them JUST as they walked in! Isn't that GRAND?!

Kiba sat down and opened the menu.

Kurenai was still feeling bad. Now she felt as though she was being meaner since she had sort of forced Kiba to come. What if he didn't WANT to spend time with her after how mean she had been to him? She couldn't blame him if he felt that way. After all, he hadn't really said anything to her the whole time.

Kiba wasn't speaking only because he was focused on finding something to eat. At first, he just wanted to order the most expensive thing on the menu, hoping that it would make the whole world chuckle but then he realized that that would probably be mean. So, instead, he just decided to order some pancakes with hash browns. He liked hash browns. They were good and filled with carbohydrates.

The waitress walked over.

"May I take your order?" said the waitress.

"Yes, I'll take the eggs from your low-carb menu with." Kurenai said.

"Okay." Said the waitress. "And what about your son?"

"He's not my son." Said Kurenai.

"I'm not her son." Said Kiba.

"You're…friend?" tried the waitress.

"Student." Kurenai and Kiba said at the same time.

"Okay then." Said the waitress.

"Could I have the pancakes with hash browns and a side of toast from your extra carb menu?" Kiba asked.

"Extra carb menu?" said the waitress with a raised eyebrow. But she wrote down his order even though there was no such thing as an extra carb menu. Then she left.

Kiba chuckled warmly to himself. If he couldn't order the most expensive thing on the menu, he could at least be silly and ask for something with extra carbs since Kurenai was OBVIOUSLY on Atkins or South Beach or something dumb like that.

And Kurenai thought that this was a creative way for Kiba to tell her that he was still angry. She cleared her throat and pretended to be interested in something far away.

Kiba didn't even notice as he and Akamaru started making a tower out of the jelly packets that were available to them.

Kurenai was fussing over absolutely nothing.

Kiba had failed to realize anything was wrong.

"Kiba, I think I should apologize!" said Kurenai suddenly, standing up and slamming her hands down on the table.

"What?" said Kiba as his jelly packet tower toppled over. "About what?"

"About being so mean to you yesterday!" Kurenai said as if it was obvious.

"Oh." Said Kiba. "That was just training. I know you only want us to become good ninjas!"

"Um…" said Kurenai, slowly sitting back down. "Of course. Right."

She cleared her throat and tried to find something else to hide behind as Kiba went back to his tower building. Now she felt really stupid. They hadn't even noticed.


	70. Tenten n Gai: Individuality

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Gai/Tenten

Individuality

Tenten's just the girl on the same team as Neji and Lee. That's all she will ever be known as. She has no significance to the plot or anything whatsoever, her only purpose is to be there so it's not some OTHER girl with equally less importance compared to other characters.

Gai's no dummy. That's something he noticed. He had worked hard to make Lee the great ninja he is today and made him so recognizable and memorable. As for Neji, that boy had more conflicts going with other characters as well as within himself that he didn't even REQUIRE Gai's help to become an individual. However, Tenten was different.

For a long time, Tenten went without caring. However, recently, as everyone else became a lot closer, Tenten felt as though she was just being pushed out of the group.

Gai wasn't about to let Kakashi's students do better than his. He had to do something for Tenten to make her flashier so that people would remember her upon seeing her!

"Tenten…" said Gai, coming over to Tenten as she threw some shuriken around. Lee and Neji were off… I don't know. Doing something important.

"Yes Gai?" said Tenten, looking up.

"Sit down." He instructed. Tenten shrugged and sat down as Gai sat down in front of her. She could tell she was about to get a serious talk. "I think it's important we work on your individuality."

"My individuality?" Tenten questioned.

"Yes!" said Gai. "Do you want to know why it's hard for you to make friends among the other young ninjas?"

"Why?" Tenten asked.

"Because you might as well be someone without a name!" said Gai. "We have to make you important! We have to make you SPECIAL! We have to give you a glow of youth that would outshine that of all the people in the whole village! We have to make you such an individual that everything will become different for everyone just from you entering the room!"

Tenten pondered that for a moment. She liked the sound of being a more influential being, but she didn't like the idea of having to change herself to do. But, obviously, if she was as unnoticed as she was just being herself then that obviously wasn't working.

"So what do I have to do?" Tenten said finally.

"I've noticed that you're not in love with anyone." Said Gai.

"How do you know?" Tenten demanded.

"Well, if you are, you're not making it obvious enough." Gai said. "You must be LOUDER about your affections! You must go directly up to the person you love and openly express your feelings!"

"Oh." Said Tenten. "Won't that just make me annoying?"

"No." said Gai flatly. "So tell me… who do you love?"

"I'm not telling!" said Tenten. "That's personal… like my weight!"

Gai sighed and shook his head. "This isn't going to work then." He said. "Not Sasuke, I hope."

"He's cute, but I don't love him!" said Tenten, sounding annoyed.

"Okay, good." Said Gai. "Because loving HIM would make you even less of an individual. And I hope you don't love anyone random like Kiba or Shino or Chouji."

"No!" said Tenten.

"I GET IT!!" yelled Gai. "YOU LOVE LEE!!"

"Shut up Gai!" Tenten yelled. "Leave me alone about my love life!!"

"Okay, okay." Said Gai, backing off. "No need to bite my head of."

"Well, when you're screaming something like that, anyone could get the wrong idea." Tenten said.

"But it MIGHT be the right idea!" Gai pointed out.

"But it's NOT." Tenten reminded him.

"Look, Tenten, if it's the right idea then that's exactly how you have to go about expressing it." Gai said as-a-matter-of-factly. "Besides, you would create a lot of controversy if you loved Lee because he's loves Sakura and Sakura loves Sasuke and Naruto loves Sakura and everyone in the world loves Sasuke except for the people who want to fight him."

"Sorry." Said Tenten with a shrug.

Then Gai looked like he was getting an epiphany. "I know who you love!!" he said finally. "NEJI!"

"Gai, stop it!" said Tenten. "I'm not going to tell you who I love even if you guess the right person!"

"Then it IS Neji, isn't it?!" demanded Gai, getting in Tenten's face.

Tenten pushed Gai away. "NO!" she said.

Gai nodded. "Right." He said sarcastically. "In that case, I have some pointers for you."

"Gai, I'm only thirteen!" said Tenten. "Any love you theorizing I'm experiencing right now is only my emotional newly teenaged self trying to get a grip on my hormones!"

"You can say that, but I don't believe it." said Gai stubbornly. "I think you need to become friends with Hinata and be MORALLY OPPOSED to the rejection that she experiences from Neji!"

"I AM morally opposed to that!" said Tenten.

"You DO love him!" said Gai.

"No, EVERYONE is morally opposed to what he does to her!" said Tenten.

Gai looked like he was going to say something but then his eyes widened and he slapped his cheeks dramatically. "O-M-G!!!!!!!11ONE TENTEN, YOU CAN'T LOVE _ME, _I'M YOUR TEACHER!!!"

"GAI, WHOEVER SAID I LOVED _YOU_?!" Tenten yelled as loudly as she could just to clear up any misunderstandings… in case any random passerby happened to be wandering by.

"You're right." Said Gai. "It's MUCH more plausible for you to be in love with NEJI!!"

"Gai." Said Tenten, standing up. "I can't have this conversation with you anymore."

"Why?" said Gai, looking hurt.

"Because all you're doing is screaming untrue things and embarrassing me." Said Tenten.

"All right, I'll stop screaming untrue things about you." Said Gai, rolling his eyes as if Tenten's request was completely unreasonable. Then Tenten looked over Gai's head to see Neji and Lee standing there trying to avoid eye contact while getting ready to start training.

"Oh my god!" gasped Tenten. "Gai, they were standing there the whole time!! They heard everything you said!!"

"You should go and confess your love!!" said Gai, pushing her forward.

"OH NOOOO!" Tenten shrieked as she ran away as fast as she could. Gai only chuckled warmly, glad that he had given Tenten some character development even though he hadn't really but he can easily be lead into believing that he did.


	71. Naruto n Kakashi: The Truth

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Naruto/Kakashi

The Truth

Naruto had always been living alone. When he was really young, he had a few temporary guardians, but never anyone that stayed long enough for him to grow attached to.

Kakashi also lived alone. He didn't require guardianship or companionship like Naruto did, but it did get lonely on occasion. That's part of the reason why he decided to become a teacher so he could frolic with children and make his different.

Speaking of those wonderful students of his, Kakashi remembered that he was supposed to be meeting them… a little while ago. Okay, a LOT while ago.

So he went off to the bridge to find only Naruto there. Since he had been observing from afar, he debated with himself on whether he should actually show up or if he should just blow it off since there was only ONE student after all.

But he decided at the last second to show up.

"Hi Naruto." He said.

"KAKASHI!!" yelled Naruto, pointing. "WHY ARE YOU SO LATE!!!"

"I—" started Kakashi.

"Never mind!" interrupted Naruto. "I know whatever will come out of your mouth will be a lie so just forget it!"

"Okay." Said Kakashi with a shrug. It was true so he wasn't going to deny it or get offended by it. "Where are Sasuke and Sakura?"

"Sasuke has the flu and Sakura's taking care of him." Naruto answered.

"Oh." Said Kakashi, looking a little disappointed with that answer. "No matter. Today, you and I will train."

Naruto and Kakashi went off to some training area. It's not like it was their FAVORITE training area, it was just a random training area that they train in. I hope that makes sense!

"All right." Said Kakashi. "Today we're going to—"

"Hang on!" said Naruto. "Before we start, can you answer one question for me?"

"Okay." Said Kakashi.

"And PROMISE that you'll give me a truthful answer!" Naruto said.

"It depends on the question." Kakashi said.

"No, you have to promise that it'll be the truth, no matter what!" said Naruto.

"Why do I have to promise?" Kakashi questioned.

"Because you never tell the truth and I want the truth for once!!" Naruto said.

"Oh fine." Said Kakashi. "I'll tell you the truth."

"Good." Said Naruto. "Okay, here's my question. How come you taught the Chidori to Sasuke and not to me? Is he your favorite?"

Kakashi didn't answer for a good while.

"Hel-LO?!" said Naruto. "Answer me already!"

"I'm thinking." Kakashi answered.

"Of WHAT?!" demanded Naruto.

"An answer." Kakashi replied.

"You should just answer me with the truth so you don't have to spend all this time thinking up a lie!!" said Naruto.

"I never said I was thinking up a lie." Kakashi said. "I just said I was thinking up an answer."

"You shouldn't have to think up an answer if it's the truth!" said Naruto.

"I could be trying to soften the blow." Kakashi said.

"AHA!" said Naruto. "So he IS your favorite then! I knew it!"

"Naruto, did I ever say that?" Kakashi asked.

"No, but it was obvious." Naruto said, crossing his arms. "I didn't even have to ask, I knew the answer from the way beginning."

"What if I was to tell you that my favorite was neither you or Sasuke?" Kakashi said.

"What?" said Naruto. "SAKURA?"

"Did I say Sakura?" Kakashi said.

"No, but besides me and Sasuke is ONLY Sakura!" said Naruto.

"What about OTHER students I had?" Kakashi suggested.

"WE'RE YOUR FIRST STUDENTS!!!" yelled Naruto.

"Ah yes." Said Kakashi. "Well…you never specified that it had to be a student. You merely just said 'who's your favorite'. Favorite what?"

"Kakashi, now you're just playing dumb and avoiding the question!" said Naruto. "Favorite STUDENT! Who's your favorite STUDENT?"

"Hm…" said Kakashi.

"Aw man, are you going to think for an hour again?" whined Naruto.

"Naruto, I hardly think I was thinking for an hour the last time around." Kakashi said.

"Now you're just sidetracking yourself again!" said Naruto.

"You're sidetracking me, Naruto." Kakashi pointed out. "I was ready to answer before you distracted me. Now I don't know how long it'll take for me to think of my reply again."

"Do you LIKE torturing people or am I just lucky?!" Naruto yelled, on the verge of a temper tantrum.

"Now, now, Naruto." Said Kakashi. "I don't even know which question to answer anymore or which ones I have sworn the truth on."

"Your favorite student!" Naruto repeated. "Who is your favorite student?"

"Why do you want to know?" said Kakashi. "Isn't it better to have a little mystery in life?"

"NO!!" Naruto yelled, in full-fledged temper tantrum mode.

"In that case—" started Kakashi but there was suddenly some beeping noises heard. Kakashi took out his beeper. "Oh. Naruto, I have something important I have to go to. Let's take a rain check on this conversation. I'll see you later."

With that, Kakashi was gone.

"HEY!!!" yelled Naruto at the top of his lungs. But then he just found some safe corner for him to sit and cry.


	72. Another Set Up

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Another Set-Up

kenthegreat1 described quite a long and drawn out sequence of events that this chapter would have to be about. We won't bother explaining it now because then that would be giving it away! So we'll just leave it at this since you're about to read this chapter anyway.

Ever since Operation Hook-Up-Love-Obstacles failed, Sakura has been a little down. She tried to get Lee and Ino to like each other so that Lee would stop liking her and Ino would stop liking Sasuke. That didn't work out so well, so Sakura decided to work on her more ANNOYING problem, while helping someone in the process!

Any IDIOT can tell that Hinata has some sort of feelings for Naruto. And Sakura's just the idiot to notice! And, since Hinata's such her GREAT friend, Sakura is perfectly willing to talk Naruto into asking Hinata out on a date! Isn't that splendid?

So Kiba, Shino and Hinata were all hanging out, looking like they were about to start training. Sakura was observing from a bush when, all of a sudden, Naruto appeared out of nowhere. "HI SAKURA!!" he yelled, waving a letter around. "You said you wanted me to meet you here?!"

"SHHH!!" said Sakura as she covered Naruto's mouth. It was kind of insane that they went unnoticed, but they DID!

"Sorry." Said Naruto. "But what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, I just so happened to be walking by this group as they stood here and trained and I figured that it would be the nice thing to do for you to ask Hinata to go out for lunch!"

"What?" said Naruto, looking slightly confused. "I was going to ask YOU to go out to lunch with me!"

"I already ate!" Sakura lied.

"Why Hinata?" questioned Naruto. "I'm MUCH better friends with Kiba. I'd ask him to go out to lunch with me before I asked Hinata!"

Sakura paused. Was Naruto gay too?

"No!" Sakura said, trying to dismiss that thought from her head. "Okay, you have to ask Hinata out because then I might start to try and think about MAYBE contemplating go out on a date with you!"

"REALLY?!" said Naruto in an excited tone. "With that offer, I can't HELP but agree!"

He jumped out of bush. "Hey Hinata!" he called, running over.

"Hi Naruto…" said Hinata nervously. If Kiba was an ACTUAL dog then he probably would have growled and his hair would stick up. As for Shino, he just stood there silently. As usual.

"Hinata, I was wondering if you wanted to go out to lunch with me!" Naruto said.

"W-w-w-what?" Hinata stuttered.

"WHAT?!" growled Kiba as his hair stuck STRAIGHT up.

"Just for lunch!" said Naruto.

"Um…okay…" Hinata said, blushing like CRAZY and twiddling her fingers.

"Hinata, you don't want to go out to lunch with HIM!" said Kiba as if it was the worst thing he could think of.

"It's lunch time anyway." Said Shino as if that had relevance. "While Hinata's eating with Naruto, we can go and get something to eat too."

"But…" began Kiba.

"THANK YOU Shino!" said Sakura happily from her bush.

So Shino and Kiba, much to Kiba's dismay, went off one way as Hinata and Naruto went off the other way. Sakura was going to go off and frolic happily, but then she decided to follow after Kiba to make sure he didn't interrupt Hinata and Naruto's DAAAAATE.

"Hey guys!" said Sakura as she walked over to Kiba and Shion who were still standing there like knaves. "I don't know either of you very well, but do you think we could all go and have lunch since Hinata's going out with Naruto? We'll close the social gap!"

"How did you know Hinata's going to eat lunch with Naruto?" said Kiba suspiciously. He can SENSE evil.

"Because I set them up!" said Sakura. "Isn't it great?"

"NO IT IS NOT GREAT!!" yelled Kiba.

"Now Naruto will finally be out of my hair and Hinata will finally have a boyfriend!" said Sakura.

Kiba only glared at her.

"I don't think that's very nice of you to use Hinata as a decoy to divert Naruto's attention away from you." Said Shino.

"I'm not doing that!" said Sakura, looking offended. "I'm helping them both! She obviously likes him!"

Upon hearing the last statement, Kiba clutched his heart and almost died. "Did she say that?!" he said.

"Well…no… but it's obvious!" said Sakura. Cue Sakura's woman's intuition. "Hey…" she said slyly. "Do you like Hinata?"

"NO!" yelled Kiba. "I'm much too manly for that!"

Akamaru barked.

"Don't listen to Akamaru!!" said Kiba. "I only like Shino as a friend. You got that Shino?! ONLY A FRIEND!"

"Okay." Said Shino. "I like you as a friend too, Kiba."

Akamaru barked again.

"I'm sure he just likes me as a friend!!" said Kiba. "He SAID it!!"

"Okay…I'm going to go and…make sure their date is going okay!" said Sakura as she slipped away while Kiba argued with his dog.

Then Kiba happened to notice that Sakura left. He made a vow right then and there that he must make sure that Naruto and Hinata's date went BADLY so that they'd never pursue each other as lovers even though they're only twelve and don't need significant others yet!

"Shino, don't you think it's TERRIBLE the way Sakura plays with Naruto and Hinata's feelings?" said Kiba.

"Yes." Said Shino.

"…Okay, so let's go crash their date!!" said Kiba.

"Whatever." Shino said with a shrug.

The two of them ran off to the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table where you can cook the food.

"I was going to take you to the Ramen place, but then I decided that this restaurant was…I don't know… more… grillish."

"Oh." Said Hinata. "Okay."

Shino and Kiba dove into a table and picked up menus to cover their faces.

"All right," said Kiba. "What's our first plan of attack to ruin their date?"

Suddenly, they looked up to see Neji and Lee standing there.

"What are you guys doing?" Lee asked.

"What are YOU guys doing?" Kiba retorted.

"We came here to get something to eat!" said Lee. "Obviously!"

"We came here to make sure Naruto and Hinata's date goes bad." Shino answered.

"No we didn't!" said Kiba unconvincingly.

"Why are you doing something like that?" Lee questioned.

"Because Sakura only set them up so that Naruto wouldn't bother her anymore!" said Kiba.

"Hey!" said Lee. "If Naruto's not bothering her anymore… that's less competition for me! I have to make sure this date goes WELL!"

Lee then sprinted over to the table at the opposite side of the restaurant where Sakura was sitting hiding behind a menu.

"Oh man!" said Kiba. "From now on, let's not tell anyone!"

"What are you two planning on doing to ruin their date?" Neji asked.

"Uh…not KILL her or HARM her or anything…" said Kiba.

"As long as we're in the process of making a member of the Main House's life worse, I'm in." said Neji as he sat down and grabbed a menu too.

"…" said Shino and Kiba.

Meanwhile, Sakura and Lee were hiding out as well.

"Kiba's here?!" gasped Sakura. "Trying to ruin their date?!"

"YEAH!" said Lee. "And now it seems he has enlisted the help of Shino and Neji! Oh WOE is Hinata and Naruto!!"

"We have to make sure they don't do anything to ruin their date!" said Sakura in a determined fashion.

"Ruin whose date?" said Ino, popping up from behind Sakura.

"None of your busi—" started Sakura.

"Naruto and Hinata's date!!" Lee answered immediately.

"That's not nice!" said Ino. "Hinata's a nice person who deserves to have some fun every once and a while and it's SO obvious that she likes Naruto anyway! I think we should all work together to make sure they don't do anything!"

"ALL RIGHT!!" cheered Lee.

Just then, a radiant glow entered the restaurant. It was SASUKE!! He walked in and spotted Hinata and Naruto obliviously ordering their meals, and then the tables on either side of them with his other ninja acquaintances hiding behind menus.

"Let's see…" said Sasuke. "I could go and sit with Neji, Kiba and Shino. Or I could sit with Sakura, Ino and Lee. Or I could sit with Hinata and Naruto. Or…" he looked across the restaurant. "Shikamaru and Chouji. Then again, I could always just sit by myself."

Sasuke then realized that it was rather puzzling that all these people were hanging out together in one restaurant. If that was so then it was either one big huge coincidence or it was a party… and he always thought it was strange if he was to walk in on a party that he didn't receive an invitation to. So, he figured it was time to question someone.

"Shino, you're the most sane one here." said Sasuke. "Talk to me."

"Sakura set up Naruto and Hinata so that Naruto would stop bothering her so that she'd be free to date you." Shino answered.

"Oh." Said Sasuke, crossing his arms. "I dislike that on so many levels. So, if this is a thing with Naruto and Hinata, why are you all here?"

"Crashing the date so it doesn't go well!" said Kiba.

"…Because?" Sasuke asked.

"Because…uh…because!" said Kiba.

"Kiba's making me." Said Shino.

"And I just like watching the Main House suffer." Neji finished.

"Oh, those are good reasons." Said Sasuke, rolling his eyes. "I will join you for an INTELLIGENT reason, and for a dumb reason. One, I don't want Naruto to prosper… that's the dumb reason. The intelligent reason is that I don't want Sakura to succeed even though I will never ask her out on a date even if she was free."

Sasuke joined the other three in hiding behind the menu.

Then Tenten walked in. She looked at the tables. She decided that she liked the group of Sakura, Ino and Lee better than any of the other groups so she frolicked over to them.

"Okay…so what's our first plan to ruin the date?" Kiba said. He didn't WANT to make Hinata sad, but it was for her own good.

"I went over there and asked Shikamaru what we should do." Shino said as he pointed to Shikamaru.

"Here." Said Shikamaru. He had an intricate plan written out on a napkin.

"WOW!" said Kiba. "Thanks Shikamaru!"

Shikamaru shrugged and left.

"All right, let's do this!" said Kiba. They all were just about to get into their battle poses when Hinata and Naruto suddenly stood up.

"Thank you for taking me out to lunch, Naruto!" said Hinata.

"Yeah, I guess!" said Naruto. "There wasn't much to talk about. Okay! I'm going to go off and find Sakura!"

"…Okay…" Hinata said, sounding kind of sad as Naruto dashed out the door.

Everyone who had been waiting for their climactic battle scene suddenly deflated with unhappiness and/or disappointment. With the exception of Kiba who could CLEARLY tell that nothing had changed between Naruto and Hinata… and Naruto STILL liked Sakura!!

"Well that didn't work out quite like I had planned!" said Sakura with a sigh. Oh well. Tomorrow's a new day. A new day to hook up more unsuspecting love obstacles.


	73. Team Kurenai: Summer

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Kurenai

Summer

Spectrum suggested that we do a SNOWY chapter. We thought that would be fun, but that sparked an exciting idea! Four teams… FOUR SEASONS… FOUR MORE CHAPTERS!! YAY!!

Kiba, Shino and Hinata had just arrived at the water park. It was a very wonderful water park and it was especially wonderful because they got their own cabana and required no adult supervision! But they had it anyway since Kurenai was there!

Unfortunately for them, it had yet to open.

"I can't believe the water park isn't open yet!" said Kiba, clinging onto the fence that kept them out.

"Don't worry, it should open up any minute." Said Kurenai.

…Then it opened! YAY!!

They all got in line to get their bracelets. Luckily, they were all tall enough so they got to ride the big rides. Shino got a different bracelet that promised he would not go into the water and if he did, they would get fined. But the bracelet cost less so that's why it was purchased!

"Water parks are cool!" said Kiba. "I ALWAYS rally for field trips to water parks whenever I can because I feel it is important for us to not only work to become ninjas but also ride down waterslides!"

"What…in order to become ninjas?" Shino asked.

"No, just in general." Kiba answered.

"I thought you didn't like water." Said Shino.

"I don't!" Kiba agreed. "But I still feel it is important for us to ride waterslides! Wow, I feel like a broken record!"

"Well, Kiba, you weren't being very clear." Hinata pointed out.

"You're right, Hinata!" said Kiba. "I should try to be clearer from now on! Hey, let's not stand around talking about pointless things anymore and go down the slides!"

"I'm not going down the slides." Said Shino. "I don't do water."

"You two could have told us that you didn't like water BEFORE we got here!" said Kurenai.

"I've TOLD you all that I don't do water." Shino said. "On countless occasions, as a matter of fact."

"We're still coming with you guys even if we're not going down any slides!" said Kiba.

They went off to the waterslide with the shortest line. Hinata and Kurenai went up and then they went down. Kiba cheered for them as they splashed in the pool at the bottom of the slide and Shino stood there without any change in his expression whatsoever. Of course not.

"All right, we were talking while we were in line." Said Kurenai to Shino and Kiba. "And we feel bad about going down slides while you guys just wait here."

"It's all right!" said Kiba. "I was here just in case I had to dive in and save anyone who is drowning."

"Kiba…you wouldn't do that anyway." Said Shino. "You JUST said a few minutes ago that even if someone was drowning you wouldn't get in any water."

"No…" said Kiba. "I said I wouldn't get in the water if it was OVER MY HEAD."

"Let's just go to the wave pool." Said Kurenai.

They all frolicked off to the wave pool. Kurenai and Hinata jumped into the water as Kiba and Shino stood idly by.

"Okay…I guess this is kind of pointless too." Said Kurenai with a sigh.

"I'll take picture of everyone!" said Kiba as he whipped out his camera. Luckily he didn't like water or else he might have very well belly flopped into the pool.

"Come on, Kiba, you're being dumb." Said Shino. "Look at how BORED Hinata is."

"No, it's all right." Said Hinata but it was so obvious that it wasn't true.

"Kiba, you're going in the wave pool whether you go in voluntarily or I FORCE you to." said Shino.

"Why?!" demanded Kiba. "I don't like water! I TOLD you all that!"

"DOGS love water and CATS hate water." Shino pointed out.

"My horrible dislike of water has nothing to do with my tight relationship with dogs!" Kiba said. "It's not something that my entire clan suffers from! It's just an individual preference!"

"I'm bigger than you and I'm a better fighter." Said Shino. "I WILL get you into that pool."

"Shino, leave him alone." Said Kurenai. "If he doesn't want to get in the pool then you can't MAKE him."

"He has to at least TRY it." said Shino.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO AT LEAST TRY IT!?!?" yelled Kiba as he overreacted.

"Kiba, calm down." Said Kurenai. "There's no reason to get yourself all agitated like that. I'm sure Shino was just…joking around."

"Oh yeah." Said Kiba sarcastically. "I'm SURE Shino was just joking around since he has a tendency of doing that a lot."

Kiba stood there and glared at Shino.

Shino must have had a rush of adrenalin or something because he extended one hand and knocked Kiba into the pool. Just because he could.

Kiba resurfaced, jumped out of pool and looked like he was about to unleash all his anger and rage out on Shino, but then he just stormed off. The three of them hung out there for a moment.

"Hinata, you go." said Kurenai.

"Okay…" said Hinata, getting out of the pool and hurrying after him.

"Shino, that wasn't very nice." Said Kurenai to Shino.

"I didn't think he'd get so upset." Shino confessed. "You have to admit, I was provoked."

"Shino, you were entirely unprovoked." Said Kurenai. "I think you were upset about something and took it out on Kiba. Now what do you say to that?"

"I'd say your assumption is incorrect." Shino replied.

"You should still apologize to him." Kurenai said.

Just then, Hinata returned.

"Is Kiba all right?" asked Kurenai. "Did you tell him Shino was sorry?"

"He'll be fine." Said Hinata.

"He's just a little dramatic sometimes." Kurenai sighed.

"A little?" Shino said, raising an eyebrow. "Sometimes?"

"Okay…maybe he's really dramatic… all the time…" Kurenai corrected herself.

"You DID push him in the pool…" Hinata pointed out shyly.

"I don't think he'll hold a grudge." Kurenai said.

"He's just going to dry off and change his clothes back at the cabana." Hinata reported.

"Is he coming back?" asked Kurenai.

"He says it depends if he feels like it…" Hinata said.

"Why is he changing out of his bathing suit?" asked Shino.

"He said it was because it was wet." Hinata answered.

"…I'm no expert on bathing suits, but I thought that was the point of them." Shino said. Hinata and Kurenai shrugged. And Shino shrugged too. And somewhere, back at the cabana, Kiba couldn't help but subconsciously join in on the shrugging as well!! HAW HAW HAW!!


	74. Team Gai: Autumn

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Gai

Autumn

"I HATE D-rank missions!" said Tenten to Gai.

"But the Hokage personally asked us to rake these leaves!" said Gai.

Gai, Tenten, Lee and Neji were currently raking a large area of the village that had many a tree and many a leaf. After all, it IS the Village of the LEAF! Oh, that was a good one.

None of them were too thrilled to be there, but Lee wasn't about to voice his opinion against Gai and Neji wasn't about to loudly voice his opinion like Tenten had.

"As long as we're doing our part for the village!" said Lee, putting his hand over his heart.

"Keep raking." Said Neji, hitting Lee with his rake.

"There has to be a faster way of doing this!" complained Tenten. "The leaves just keep falling!"

"Well, I suppose you are not discouraged from using your ninja abilities to aid you in this raking clean up!" said Gai. "In fact, you are encouraged to do so!!"

"All right!" cheered Lee. "This is good because I thought up an idea while we were raking!"

"Here we go…" said Tenten, not even wanting to hear.

"Neji, you have to use your little spinning move and spin around and around and then all the leaves will be blown up into the air and land in a nice little pile in the hole you created with your chakra!" said Lee.

"Little spinning move?" said Neji.

"You know what I'm talking about!" said Lee.

"Lee, that will never EVER work in a MILLION years!" said Tenten.

"Say…that's just crazy enough to work!" said Gai.

"No, it WON'T work!" said Tenten. "It's ridiculous! It will just blow them all randomly around!"

"You know what that attack is called, there's no reason to say 'little spinning move'." Neji said, not stopping his raking activity.

"Come on!" said Lee. "It'll make our jobs easier! Besides, if it DOESN'T work then we'll be no worse off than we were before!"

"Uh…yes we will!" said Tenten, sounding annoyed. "Because then all the leaves we've already raked will be blown around again!"

"I vote YES!" said Gai.

"ME TOO!" said Lee.

"Well, I vote no." said Tenten, crossing her arms. "And Neji probably does too."

"I MIGHT have done it if he had called it by the right name." Said Neji even though it was obviously a lie.

"Well, my vote counts as TWO so we win!!" cheered Gai as he grabbed hands with Lee and the two of them spun in circles like knaves.

"…No." said Neji because he knew the plan was doomed to failure from the very beginning.

"Then I think the only way to settle this dispute is a fight!" said Lee. "If _I _win, you must comply to my demands! If YOU win, I'll do the rest of this raking by myself!!"

"Do it!" said Tenten. It was a good deal for her because she didn't have to rake anymore since she knew Neji would win.

"NO Lee!" said Gai. "That is a wager too large!!"

"Gai, I MUST!" said Lee as he dramatically threw his rake to the ground. "I must stand by what I believe in!"

"Oh Lee!" said Gai as tears fell from his eyes like waterfalls.

"Are you serious?" said Neji. "You'll rake all of this by yourself?"

"Not by himself!" said Gai. "_I _will be helping!"

"GAI!!" exclaimed Lee.

"LEE!!" Gai yelled back as they both leapt into each other's arms.

"Just do it!" said Tenten.

"Fine." Said Neji since he didn't want to rake anyway. "Hold my scarf."

He tossed his scarf to Tenten.

"Wow, this is a nice scarf!" she said. "Where did you buy it?"

"At the…uh…store." Neji answered.

"Oh!" said Tenten. "I want one just like this! What store?"

"Um…I don't remember." Neji said.

"No, this is OBVIOUSLY a new scarf." Said Tenten. "You can't tell me you've already forgotten where you got it."

"Someone gave it to me." Neji lied.

Tenten looked at him skeptically. "Who?" she said.

"Um." Said Neji. "My father. Before the Main House killed him."

Tenten didn't want to go further than that, but she couldn't help it. "This is a NEW SCARF." She pointed out. "You only said that so I wouldn't challenge you again! Now if you don't tell me then I'm just going to accuse you of making it!"

"Why would you accuse me of something like that?" Neji said ALL too quickly. "Why would I… NEJI, make a scarf?"

"Then tell me where you bought it!" Tenten said.

"NEJI!!" yelled Lee suddenly. "FIGHT ME!!"

"Okay." Said Neji, turning his back to Tenten.

"GO LEE!!" said Gai, grabbing his Lee flag and foam finger with Lee's face on it.

"Gai, now there's no doubt in my mind whatsoever that your favorite is Lee!" said Tenten. "You're openly cheering for him! You even have a flag and a foam finger with his face on them!"

"I love all my students equally!" said Gai. Then he looked at the flag and foam finger and quickly hid them behind his back.

"A fight…TO THE DEATH!!!" said Lee.

"How about until I beat you to the point in which you realize that you are no match for me?" Neji suggested.

"How about…the faster person wins!!" said Lee.

"…That's not a fight." Said Neji.

"Fine!" said Lee. "Just a fight until the other person can't fight back!"

"You said it." said Neji.

"Ready?" said Gai. "GO!!"

Lee charged at Neji and threw some punches. Neji easily dodged them all and used the Gentle Fist once right in Lee's chest, sending him flying up into the air and landing him hard on the ground.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!!" Lee cried as he covered his face and curled up into the fetal position.

"Lee, did you ever think that maybe you can't beat Neji because you've convinced yourself that it's impossible?" said Tenten.

"That's my line." Said Gai, sliding in front of Tenten. "Lee, if you don't believe in yourself then you cannot believe in…uh… Neji!"

"Gai!" said Lee. "That makes so much sense!"

Tenten slapped her forehead.

"I'm going home." Said Neji as he swiped the scarf from Tenten. "Have fun raking."

"If I can't rake all this then I will rake the whole village!" said Lee.

"Not alone you won't!" said Gai.

"Neji, wait!" said Tenten, chasing after Neji. "You have to tell me where you got that scarf!"


	75. Team Asuma: Spring

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Asuma

Spring

"What do you think our training will be today?" Ino asked Chouji and Shikamaru as the three of them walked up to Asuma's house.

"I wonder why Asuma asked us to meet him here today instead of at the usual spot!" said Chouji as he rung the doorbell. "What do you think Shikamaru?"

"Well…it's the first day of spring…" Shikamaru said just as the door flung open and Asuma was standing there looking rather welcoming.

"Good morning, students!" said Asuma. "You have a very important mission for today!" He reached into the house and pulled out some brooms, paper towels and other cleaning things. "SPRING CLEANING!!!"

"WHAT?!" demanded Ino and Chouji.

"I figured so much…" Shikamaru sighed.

"Asuma, we're your students, not your personal slaves!" said Ino. "We should be doing missions, not cleaning your house!"

"Au contraire!" said Asuma, whipping out a scroll that had a big letter D on it. "This IS a mission! The Hokage assigned it to you three personally since I have such an unmanageable house that is creating a public disturbance!"

"Aw man!" complained his students.

"So in you go!" said Asuma as he moved to the side and ushered the three young pupils into his abode. It was, as previously explained, messier than a house really should be. The kind of messy you only see in television shows or stories or something.

…

ANYWAY!

"All right, we'll start with the kitchen!" said Asuma, looking lovingly at his horribly messy kitchen area.

"Wow!" said Chouji. "This is…appalling!"

"Thanks!" said Asuma. "I actually did do a little bit of sprucing up before you guys came just so it wouldn't be EMBARRASSINGLY messy…"

"Asuma…how did you let this happen?" Shikamaru questioned.

"We have a lady that comes once a week to clean our house FOR us." Ino commented. "Let's just call HER."

"No, this is a mission!" said Asuma. "Therefore, I want you all to treat it like you're in a battle of some sort. Shikamaru, you start by devising a strategy for the best way to go about cleaning this room!"

"Start on top and work our way down." Shikamaru said.

"NO!" said Asuma. "A REAL strategy!"

"That sounded like a real strategy to me." Ino said.

"No…a real strategy where he has to… you know…" Asuma said.

"Go into the thinking position?" Chouji said, a light bulb appearing over his head.

"EXACTLY!" said Asuma.

"I only need to do that when I'm thinking really hard about something in a seemingly impossible situation." Shikamaru said.

But Shikamaru finally gave in when Asuma and Chouji both gave him big puppy eyes.

"Fine…" he said, rolling his eyes as he went through the motions just to make them happy. Everyone waited patiently for Shikamaru to finish. He figured that a few minutes was convincing enough and when he finished, he looked back up. "We have to start from the top and work our way down."

"GREAT IDEA SHIKAMARU!" Asuma complimented.

"Why not start from the bottom, Shikamaru?" asked Chouji.

"Because if we clean the bottom first then if we drop anything, we'll just have to clean up down there again." Shikamaru replied.

"Shikamaru, you're so lazy that you do anything in your power to avoid doing any extra work!" said Ino.

"…No, it makes sense." Said Shikamaru. "NO ONE wants to clean the same place twice. Especially if the rest of Asuma's house is like this."

"Whatever Shikamaru, but I know your REAL incentive is just to avoid doing as much work as you can." Ino said as she told Shikamaru to talk to the hand.

Shikamaru knew there was no point in arguing with Ino. "You're right, Ino." Said Shikamaru. "There's no denying it anymore. I am SO lazy."

"Well at least you're finally admitting it." said Ino.

"Let's get started!!" said Asuma.

Everyone began working. Shikamaru lasted about five minutes. Only long enough to clear off a space on the table and a chair so he could sit down on it and rest his head on the table. Chouji decided that it was near lunchtime so he cleared off the stove area and started making some lunch. Asuma found that book that he was three quarters of the way finished with and decided that now was a good time to finish.

As Ino worked on arranging some glasses on a shelf, she suddenly turned around to see no one helping her. "HEY!" she yelled. "Why am I the ONLY one working?!"

"Because I'm cooking!" said Chouji.

"And I'm reading!" said Asuma.

They both looked at Shikamaru to see he was sleeping.

"And Shikamaru's sleeping!" Chouji said.

"AND he's a chuunin!" Asuma added.

"That doesn't take away from the fact that you all have to be helping me!" Ino said. "And if you don't help then I should be the only one who gets credit for completing this mission!"

"It's a TEAM thing, Ino." Said Asuma. "You can't be the ONLY one to get credit."

"Yeah, Asuma." Said Ino. "It's a TEAM thing. So how about you guys help me clean? AS A TEAM?"

"Hahaha!" laughed Chouji. "That rhymes!"

Ino let out an exasperated sigh. "I SWEAR I was put on the wrong team!" she announced. Then she crossed her arms and sat down on a part of the counter that had been cleaned off. "I REFUSE to do anymore work until I see you guys contribute!"

"I was just making lunch for all of us." Chouji said.

"AND making a mess in the process!" Ino pointed out.

"And I'm almost done with this book…" Asuma said.

"But you're getting in the way!" Ino said. "As for Shikamaru, whenever I look at him being so lazy, I get more and more offended! I think it's turning into one of my pet peeves!"

"Shikamaru's existence or his laziness?" asked Chouji.

"His laziness!" said Ino. "He can exist, as long as he's doing something!"

She jumped off the table.

"If you guys aren't helping then I'm leaving!" Ino announced.

"Fine, I didn't want to clean anyway." Said Asuma. "I made up that thing about it being a mission. I just wanted to trick you guys into cleaning my house."

"That was nice." Said Chouji.

"I know, I know." Sighed Asuma. "And I'm so glad that Shikamaru caught on SO EARLY and didn't clean!"

"It's not that he KNEW!" said Ino, getting offended even more. "He's just LAZY! He fell asleep!!"

"No, I'm sure he knew I made it up." Asuma said. "He's very smart."

"I know." Said Ino. "But there's no way he could have figured out that you made the whole thing up."

"You're underestimating Shikamaru's intelligence!" said Asuma.

"Yeah, besides, Ino, I knew it too." Said Chouji. "That's why _I _stopped. I just didn't say anything because I figured you LIKED to clean."

"Why would I like to clean?" Ino demanded.

Chouji shrugged. "Because you're a girl?" he tried.

Ino sounded VERY frustrated. "I'm going home!" she declared as she stomped over to the door, flung it open and stormed out.

Asuma and Chouji sighed, sounding satisfied. Now that Ino was gone, the three of them could hang around and celebrate their manliness.


	76. Team Kakashi: Winter

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Team Kakashi

Winter

Kakashi decided that his students had been really well behaved recently and had trained to their fullest extent. So, to reward them, he took them up to the local ski resort where they could enjoy themselves!!

"I'm AWESOME at snowboarding!" said Naruto as he pulled his snowboard out of their little bus that they had arrived in. He also had all of his matching orange ski equipment and finally brought his goggles back so they could do something for once.

"I've only skied once or twice!" said Sakura even though it was probably a lie. For some reason, girls just have it in their heads that if they pretend to be really bad at something then it's cool. But anyway, she had all her matching PINK things!

Sasuke decided not to comment. He had never skied before but he didn't need anyone to know that. Besides, he was sure he'd be able to learn in only a few minutes time. He probably already knew how. As for HIS ski equipment, they weren't necessarily all one color, but each article of clothing had one or more fans featured on it. For example, there was a fan on each side of his earmuffs and on the end of his scarf and one on each mitten. OH those Uchihas! Or… THAT Uchiha!

Kakashi observed this. "Want to make sure everyone knows you're an Uchiha?" he said as he pulled his skies out.

"I want everyone to know that I am THAT Uchiha." Sasuke said.

"You're all skiing?!" demanded Naruto, sounding appalled. "Only ugly people ski. The COOL people snowboard."

"Are you saying I'm ugly, Naruto?!" said Sakura.

"It's okay for GIRLS to ski!" said Naruto. "I was referring to MEN who ski!"

So, without any further argumentation, the four went into the lodge and changed into their varying matching clothing. Then they put on their boots and marched outside to where their skies were.

"I don't know about you guys, but I snowboard EVERY WINTER so there's no way I'm starting out on some easy slope." Said Naruto as he buckled his snowboard.

"We're not going on an easy one anyway." Said Sasuke as he stood by his skies and waited to watch someone else put theirs on.

"Can we go on the bunny hills?" asked Sakura as if they weren't talking about not going on the easy ones.

"I'll go with majority." Said Kakashi as he pulled out his little perverted book and put his skies on all in one motion.

"Then let's go on 'The Crushinator'!!" said Naruto, pointing to the top of the mountain.

"How about one with a name that doesn't sound like the name of some little kid's robot?" Sasuke said as he opened up the mountain map.

"Sasuke, you're just afraid of The Crushinator because it's a black diamond." Said Naruto.

"That's not true." Said Sasuke. He genuinely didn't want to go down The Crushinator simply because its name was stupid. "How about 'Insanity'? While the name is still stupid, it's not as bad as The Crushinator."

"Fine!" said Naruto, looking at the map to see that Insanity was also a black diamond. "We can ride that lift up there." He pointed at a four-person lift that just so happened to be sitting right next to them. Everyone shrugged and got in line and loaded on the chairlift with no problem whatsoever.

"Sasuke, you're supposed to wear your skies." Said Kakashi.

"You do it your way, I'll do it mine." Said Sasuke as he laid his skies across the four laps.

"I REFUSE to allow Sasuke's skies to be on my lap!" said Naruto.

"Naruto, don't be such a jerk!" said Sakura. "It's only for a few minutes!"

"How do you expect to get off the lift?" Naruto asked Sasuke.

"…Walk?" Sasuke said as if it was obvious.

"Okay…" said Naruto.

"Which way are we going to go after we get off the lift?" Sakura asked.

"Insanity is off to the left." Said Sasuke, pulling out his map again. "So I suppose we should go left."

"WOW Sasuke!" said Naruto. "Did you figure that out all by yourself?!"

"Naruto, don't make me push you off this lift." Said Sasuke.

"You couldn't!" said Naruto. "We have the safety bar!!" Of course they were wearing the safety bar. Only stupid people don't wear the safety bar. People prove absolutely nothing when they don't wear their safety bar… with the exception of the fact that they're stupid enough to think that it's cool to not use the safety bar.

"We're almost at the top." Kakashi said as he lifted the safety bar up ONLY because it was time to get off the lift, not because he thought he was cool by not wearing the lift.

They reached the part where you're supposed to get off. Everyone glided off to the left except for Sasuke who had to awkwardly stumble down the hill only after picking up his skies. He struggled a bit to put them on, commenting on the fact that there was snow or something stuck in the buckles, but it was okay since Naruto was having trouble buckling his snowboard ANYWAY!!

"Okay, race to the bottom, Sasuke?!" said Naruto as he got in his ready position.

"Whatever, Naruto." Said Sasuke.

"I'll beat you!!" said Naruto. "I'll show you that I'm better at you!"

"Guys, let's just ski!" said Sakura.

"No!!" said Naruto. "I've already turned it into a competition so it's too late to go back now!"

"Fine, Naruto." Said Sasuke. "I'll show you that, once again, I'm better."

"Ready?!" said Naruto. "Set…GO!!"

With that, the two of them were off. Naruto whizzed down the mountain, trying not to look back. Sakura decided that she'd just ski off too since she didn't want to deal with the two of them competing. Sasuke started moving forward, immediately got the front end of one of his skies stuck in a powdery area and proceeded to tumble until he finally came to a stop in a ditch.

Kakashi pushed off slightly and went over to Sasuke, picking up all of his lost equipment on the way.

"Let me guess." Kakashi said. "You've never skied before."

"Maybe." Said Sasuke.

"To save you from any further embarrassment, I'll let you in on a secret." Kakashi said. "All you have to do is use your Sharingan on a good skier and you won't have to worry about it. Like…that guy."

Kakashi pointed to a guy as he sped by them so fast, he was just a tiny speck in the distance in a matter of seconds.

"Okay…maybe some other guy." Kakashi said.

Sasuke looked thoughtful for a moment and then decided to take Kakashi's advice. Kakashi skied off casually, not taking his eyes off his book as Sasuke activated his Sharingan and searched around for a good skier to copy.

After he had successfully swindled all the awesome skiing moves he could, he stood up, put all his stuff back on and was off! He was MAD awesome now. He was zig-zagging, going over jumps and blowing right through the powder. In only a matter of minutes, he reached the bottom of the mountain where Kakashi and Sakura were waiting.

"Where's Naruto?" he asked.

"He tried to go over a jump and tumbled into a ditch." Sakura answered. "There was a pipe in the ditch and he got stuck under the pipe."

"And you just left him there?" Kakashi said.

"…You did too." Sakura pointed out.

"I had already passed him by that time." Kakashi reminded her.

"So I guess I win AGAIN." Sasuke said with a sigh. "I have to find myself a more worthy rival."

"I heard that!!" yelled Naruto as he came over. "I would have beaten you if I hadn't fallen!"

"Sure you would have." Said Sasuke.

"I WOULD HAVE!!!" Naruto insisted. "REMATCH!!"

"Not again!" said Sakura, slapping her forehead.

It didn't take long before the four of them were back on the four-person chairlift. Of course, Sasuke took off his skies and laid them across the laps of his compadres, much to their dismay. But he wasn't about to change his habit NOW! He would just look like he did it by accident the first time around so now he had to deal with taking off his skies every time he got on the chairlift. OH WOE IS SASUKE!!!


	77. Hinata n Kurenai: Female Problems

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Hinata/Kurenai

Female Problems

Hinata was sitting at home one day. She had a problem. A BIG problem. She wanted to discuss it with her father in order to ease her problem, but she didn't know how to bring it up with him. Sometimes, men just didn't understand problems like this.

Kurenai was a set of ears when it came to her students' problems. Especially Hinata's. She was perfectly happy to help Hinata the day she confronted her with her problem…

"Kurenai…" Hinata said quietly.

"Yes, Hinata?" Kurenai said.

"I have a problem I want to ask you about." Hinata said shyly. "I didn't want to trouble you and I was GOING to ask my father but I don't think he'd understand."

"Oh, I already know what your problem is." Said Kurenai, wrapping her arm around Hinata. Then she looked at Kiba and Shino who were just standing idly by. "Okay, that's enough training for one day!"

"But we haven't even started." Shino pointed out.

"Then do five hundred laps around Konoha!" said Kurenai.

"Great job, Shino!" said Kiba sarcastically as the two of them took off.

Kurenai turned back to Hinata. "Now, this is a problem that all girls have to go through eventually." She said. "It's all apart of growing up and becoming a woman."

"Sakura and Ino go through this problem quite loudly." Hinata commented with a nod.

"Well, I'm glad you're mature enough to share it with each other." Kurenai said.

"So what do I do?" Hinata asked.

"Well, I believe it is important to tell you about the birds and the bees." Kurenai said as the two of them started walking in the park.

"The birds and the bees?" Hinata said, looking confused.

"You see…" Kurenai started. "When a man and a woman love each other very much, they plant a seed in the cabbage patch. Then, after nine months of waiting for the seed to grow, the happy couple picks the—"

"Um…" Hinata started. "Kurenai, I don't mean to interrupt…"

"This is very important Hinata." Kurenai said. "The happy couple will pick the new baby that has just sprouted out of the cabbage patch. Now, does this make sense to you? Do you understand the analogy I'm making?"

"I suppose…" Hinata said. "But my dad already described the real process thoroughly to me."

"Oh." Said Kurenai.

"But…why did you tell it to me anyway?" Hinata asked.

"Well, obviously your dad didn't explain to you the special circumstances that have to occur in order for this cabbage patch baby to grow." Kurenai said.

"Um…" Hinata began.

"All women go through this problem so it's nothing to be ashamed of!" said Kurenai. "The first few times is awkward, but once you get regulated—"

"Kurenai, I'm not talking about—"

"I'm trying to explain it best I can. But I can't do it if you keep interrupting me."

"…Okay…" Hinata said nervously. "But I think you're misunderstanding…"

"Misunderstanding what?" Kurenai asked.

"I think you think my problem is about…er… you know." Said Hinata. "But really, that's not my problem at all."

"Oh." Said Kurenai, looking slightly embarrassed. "Then what is it about?"

"Err…" started Hinata. She was ready to tell her problem to Kurenai earlier, but now she felt embarrassed about problems and didn't know if she'd be able to say it anymore.

"Well?" said Kurenai. "What is it?"

"You see…" Hinata said, trailing off.

"Hinata." Said Kurenai as she stopped walking and put her hand gently on Hinata's shoulder. "Do you have an eating disorder?"

"What?" Hinata said, looking flustered. "No…"

"You know, the first step to solving your problem is to admit that you have one." Kurenai said. "If you're not getting enough to eat, then you really need to tell someone about it."

"That's not it at all." Hinata said.

"If you want me to be your mediator then I will tell someone for you." Kurenai said.

"No, no." Hinata said, shaking her head.

"Then you'll tell?" said Kurenai. "Oh good."

"Kurenai, that's not my problem." Hinata said. "I don't have an eating disorder. At least, I don't THINK I do."

"Do you or don't you?" Kurenai said.

"I don't." Hinata said confidently.

"Then what is it you want to talk to me about?" Kurenai said.

Hinata figured she'd just spill it all out. "I was talking to this boy—" she began.

"OH!" laughed Kurenai as the two of them started walking again. "I know the rest, you don't have to continue."

"Really?" said Hinata. "How did you know?"

"Women's intuition." Said Kurenai. "So tell me. Who is this boy you were talking to? Was it _Sasuke_?"

"No." Hinata said.

"Then I bet it was _Naruto._" Kurenai said slyly.

Hinata shook her head. "Not Naruto." She said.

"Kiba?" Kurenai said, looking a little confused.

"No." Hinata replied.

"Then who was it?" Kurenai asked.

"Chouji." Hinata answered.

Kurenai slowly began to nod. "…Okay…" she said very slowly. "That's interesting. I guess all of this roots right back to our conversation about the birds and the bees."

"Kurenai, what are you talking about?" Hinata questioned.

Kurenai looked slightly frustrated. "I have no idea." She said. "What are YOU talking about?"

"I was talking to Chouji the other day." Hinata began. "And he started talking about how he wanted to be a good ninja. I said I wanted to be a good ninja too but then I commented on how there aren't a lot of good female ninjas. I wanted to ask my father why that was but I was afraid that he would think that I didn't appreciate him or any of the other male ninjas."

"…" was all Kurenai could respond with.

"So do you know of any good female ninjas?" Hinata asked.

"ME." Said Kurenai as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it kinda was.

"I meant besides you…" Hinata said, and she was being honest.

"Tsunade." Said Kurenai, putting her hand over her heart and looking off into the sunset. "She's every female ninjas role model."

"Oh…" said Hinata. "Tsunade…okay, I understand."

"You do?" said Kurenai. "I'm glad we had this little talk."

"Me too." Said Hinata.

"Okay…so now join Kiba and Shino on their five hundred laps." Said Kurenai, pointing at Kiba and Shino who had just successfully completed their first lap.

"All right." Said Hinata as she ran off to join them.


	78. Chouji n Asuma: Ostentatious Shikamaru

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Chouji/Asuma

Ostentatious Shikamaru

Woot. One hundred thousand words. Go Lost Chapters!

Chouji's best friend ever is Shikamaru. Back when Chouji was young and innocent, he didn't have very many friends. But then along came Shikamaru and he made everything all right.

Asuma was in a similar situation. You see, he considers Shikamaru to be one of his best friends too because Shikamaru made Asuma the coolest guy in the village because he was the ONLY one who had a student to pass the chuunin exam that time around!

Now, under normal circumstances, these two characters would much rather be spending their time with Shikamaru. But for the benefit of this chapter, we're going to have them be spending time with EACH OTHER!!

"YAAAAAAAAWWWWN!" exclaimed Asuma as he stretched high to the sky.

"Why are you so tired?" Chouji asked.

"I got into a fight last night with Gai over whose student was the best." Said Asuma as he pretended to throw some punches like a boxer.

"Oh." Said Chouji. "Student? As in not the plural?"

"Right." Said Asuma. "Everybody knows Shikamaru is the best because he's a chuunin."

"Yeah, Shikamaru IS the coolest but you could have compared Ino and me too just for the sake of argument!" said Chouji. "No doubt Gai was comparing with all three of his students!"

"No, he was only using Lee." Asuma replied.

"Oh." Said Chouji. "Okay then."

It was silent.

"So…where is Shikamaru anyway?" said Asuma, looking around.

The two of them were sitting in the restaurant with the grill… you know which restaurant.

"He's just late, that's all!" said Chouji with a chuckle.

"So…did Ino say she was coming this time around?" Asuma asked.

"No." said Chouji. "Well, she didn't say that she wasn't coming, and she didn't say that she WAS coming. She didn't say much of anything."

"That's different for her!" laughed Asuma.

"Let me rephrase that." Said Chouji. "She didn't say much of anything concerning our get-together. She said plenty of OTHER things!"

"That's the Ino we know!" said Asuma.

They laughed for a few seconds and awkwardly trailed off again.

"So…Shikamaru sure is grand." Said Asuma with a sigh.

"And ostentatious." Chouji agreed.

"I don't know if his particularly ostentatious." Asuma said.

"I think he is." Said Chouji.

"No, no, I think I'M more ostentatious than he is." Asuma corrected.

"We're not talking about you, we're talking about Shikamaru." Said Chouji. "And I think he's ostentatious!"

"He's not!" said Asuma, slamming his hands down on the table and standing up.

"Yes he IS!" said Chouji, doing the same.

"Do you even know what ostentatious means?!" demanded Asuma.

"A little!!" said Chouji. "Maybe!!"

"So you're saying that Shikamaru is pretentious?" said Asuma in a challenging fashion.

"Yes!" said Chouji.

"And portentous?!" Asuma said.

"YES!!" said Chouji.

"And arrogant?!" Asuma said.

"Oh!" said Chouji. "No, no. Shikamaru is far from arrogant. What a misunderstanding!"

"Ho ho ho!" laughed Asuma as he sat down. He and Chouji both chuckled and shook each other's hands, feeling a little silly about their exchange that just occurred.

"I think we should just stick with grand for now." Said Chouji.

"And awesome." Asuma added.

"And wonderful." Chouji sighed.

"And he's a chuunin!" Asuma said.

"Yeah!" said Chouji. "He's so lucky!"

"He's not lucky." Said Asuma. "He EARNED his position of chuuninhood!"

"You're right!" said Chouji. "No one deserves it more than Shikamaru!"

"That's for sure!" said Asuma. "And no one deserves a chuunin student more than I do!"

"Or a chuunin friend more than I do!" Chouji said.

The conversation was smote.

"Uh…" Asuma tried, trying to start it up again. "So, Shikamaru sure is swell, don't you agree?"

"I agree." Chouji nodded.

"SO swell, that I do believe he can enter the jounin exam!" said Asuma, pointing his finger up in the air.

"Yeah!" said Chouji. "We have to convince him to enter!"

"That sure will be exciting!" said Asuma. "I wonder what the guys'll say to Shikamaru being a JOUNIN while their students are still GENIN?" Asuma began to rub his hands together diabolically.

"Shikamaru will just have to show off his intelligence even MORE!" said Chouji.

"I believe that won't be too hard!" said Asuma. "Shikamaru has intelligence to SPARE!"

"I KNOW!" said Chouji.

The two of them erupted into hearty laughing once again as Shikamaru peeked in the window. He knew exactly what they were talking about.

"I have to either stop being late for these things or make sure Chouji and Asuma are never alone again." Said Shikamaru, looking mightily annoyed as he entered the restaurant.

"SHIKAMARU!!" cheered Asuma and Chouji as they leapt out of their seats. "WELCOME!!" During their conversation, they had hyped themselves up for Shikamaru's arrival a little too much and now were WAY too enthusiastic. It was bound to happen EVENTUALLY!! Now, if only Ino was there to save Shikamaru from the wrath of Chouji and Asuma…


	79. Sasuke n Kakashi: Hidden Agenda

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Sasuke/Kakashi

Hidden Agenda

Kakashi had made a mistake. A BIG mistake. A mistake that couldn't possibly be looked on the bright side of no matter how many lies he told or how many times he told himself the bright side of things.

Sakura had been particularly annoying that morning and Kakashi really only wanted to spend time by himself with his book. So he asked her to leave. She refused. He begged her to leave. She still refused. Finally, he spouted out, "If you leave, I'll set you up on a date with Sasuke."

Sure, she left, but then Kakashi realized that that wasn't his smartest moves. Now Sakura was being even MORE annoying, questioning as to when her date would be. Kakashi's only choice was to confront Sasuke about this.

Sasuke was unsuspecting. EVER so unsuspecting. He was just sitting back thinking and eating some delectable childish meal in his favorite thinking spot when, suddenly, he turned around to see Kakashi standing there. At first, Sasuke only stared at him, but finally he stood up and faced his teacher.

"What?" he said finally.

"Do you want to go on a date with Sakura?" Kakashi asked.

Sasuke only responded with a, "Hmph!" and turned around again. He was about to go about his life again as if Kakashi had not even come, but then he noticed that Kakashi was not leaving. So he turned around again. "Wait, were you being serious?" he said finally.

"Yes." Said Kakashi.

"No, I don't want to date Sakura." Said Sasuke. "There."

The two stared at each other for a few seconds.

"You sure?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes, I'm sure!" said Sasuke, getting a bit annoyed. In addition to having many complexes, Sasuke also tends to overreact.

"Then I'm afraid I will be forced to fight you." Said Kakashi with a shrug.

"Fight me?" said Sasuke. "Why?"

"If I win, you go on a date with Sakura." Said Kakashi. "If you win, you don't have to."

"What?!" demanded Sasuke. "Why would I have to something like that?!"

"Because I'm your teacher and what I say goes." Said Kakashi.

"What brought this on?" said Sasuke. "WHY are you doing this?!"

"Because." Said Kakashi. He wasn't about to actually admit what happened. That would be the RIGHT thing to do!"

"Fine!" said Sasuke since he knew he was better than Kakashi anyway.

It didn't take long for Kakashi to defeat Sasuke. He ended up sitting on Sasuke's back as Sasuke flailed around helplessly, being crushed under Kakashi's weight.

"All right, Sasuke, remember you agreed to my proposition." Said Kakashi.

"I refuse!" Sasuke said. "You don't have a right to impose a relationship on us! Or rather, on me!"

"Yes I do." Said Kakashi.

"Why?!" demanded Sasuke.

"Because I'm a jounin and I'm your teacher." Said Kakashi, getting off Sasuke. "And I'm telling you that if you go on a date with Sakura then you'll improve as a ninja."

"No I won't." said Sasuke. "I have reason to believe that you have a hidden agenda."

"No I don't." said Kakashi a little too quickly

"Yes you do." Sasuke said.

"No." Kakashi said unconvincingly.

"Tell me, does Sakura know about this little deal that you've made?" Sasuke asked.

"…No." Kakashi said.

"Let me guess." Said Sasuke. "It was her idea!"

"…No…" Kakashi said. And that one wasn't a lie.

"I am WAY above going on a date with Sakura." Sasuke decided. Sure, he had already decided that a LONG time ago, but now he was announcing it to Kakashi. Well, actually, I do believe he has most likely announced it to Kakashi once before… many times before but that's irrelevant! YAAAAAY!

"We made a deal, Sasuke." Kakashi said. "No less than five minutes ago. You said that if I beat you then you'd date Sakura."

"You didn't beat me." Said Sasuke, crossing his arms.

"…Yes I did." Said Kakashi.

"Not REALLY." Sasuke said.

"Would you prefer it if I incapacitated you to the extent in which you could no longer fight back and then allow Sakura to spend all day with you in the hospital?" Kakashi said.

"Psht." Said Sasuke. "Like you'd be able to do THAT."

Kakashi slapped his forehead. That Sasuke and his complexes. And temper. And short-term memory.

"I get it." said Sasuke suddenly. "You're Sakura… aren't you? You're using genjutsu to make yourself look like Kakashi!"

"Sasuke, really." Said Kakashi.

"You're right." Said Sasuke. "That's giving Sakura WAY too much credit."

Kakashi knew there was no way to get out of this mess. Even if he forced Sasuke to go on the date, he doubted it would last very long. But Sasuke's accusation of the usage of genjutsu gave Kakashi a wonderful, awful idea. He would just ask Naruto to take Sakura out on a date in the guise of Sasuke.

Oh yeah. Kakashi was the man. And now, EVERYONE was happy.


	80. Lee n Gai: Ladies Man

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Lee/Gai

Lady's Man

Lee and Gai share more than the size of their eyebrows, haircut, style and all the other obvious things they share. They also share an enthusiasm for LIFE! Gai is always willing to do whatever it takes to improve Lee, and Lee is always willing to do whatever it takes to make Gai proud of him.

"LEE!!" Gai exclaimed, jumping over to where Lee was and giving him a good morning punch.

"GAI!!" Lee gasped, tears streaming down his face.

"…LEE!" Gai said again, outstretching his arms.

"GAI!!" screamed Lee as he bounded off the ground and leapt into the arms of his teacher as a wave crashed behind them.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure both student and teacher would go insane if they didn't have each other.

"What are we doing today?" Lee asked when they had finished their hello. "I noticed that Neji and Tenten aren't here! Am I getting another extreme makeover?"

"No!" said Gai. "You don't NEED one! Your youthful glow burns brighter than ever on this fair morning!!"

"Oh Gai!" said Lee. "Teach me some vital lessons today!!"

Gai walked away from Lee and over to the ledge they were standing on. Or they both could have been imagining the dramatic ledge. Then he pointed off at the sunrise as the wind blew his hair. "You are quite astute to notice that your two teammates are not here at the present moment!"

"Has something happened to them?" Lee asked.

"No." Gai said. "Today, I have to give you some special training!"

"What sort of special training, Gai?" Lee said, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"After I finished speaking with Tenten about many a thing the other day, I couldn't help but realize that despite your good looks and the shine of youth, you are still lacking a girlfriend!!"

"Yes, Gai!" said Lee, saluting his teacher. "I was painfully aware of that also!!"

"So I have decided that I will set you up with Tenten!!" said Gai.

"But Gai!" said Lee, sounding slightly whiny. "I'm in love with Sakura!"

"Oh right!" laughed Gai. "Then I will set you up with Sakura since Tenten is in love with Neji anyway!"

"She is?" said Lee.

"YES!" said Gai.

"I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED!!" exclaimed Lee. "TENTEN AND NEJI; WHAT AN ODD COUPLE!!"

"BUT ANYWAY!!" yelled Gai, getting Lee's attention again. "Before we actually get started, I want to make sure that you're absolutely positive that Sakura is the one for you! Younger women can be quite the handful, Lee, trust me, I KNOW!" He smiled and his teeth went PING!

"YES, Gai!" said Lee enthusiastically.

"Okay, so what we have to do is find out what Sakura likes!" said Gai.

Lee's happiness immediately deflated.

"Why, Lee, whatever is the matter?" Gai asked.

"Sakura likes SASUKE." Lee answered, sniffling a bit.

"That's no trouble!" laughed Gai. "All we have to do is set Sasuke up with someone else and then Sakura won't have any choice but to turn to you!"

"Really?!" said Lee. "Who do we set Sasuke up with?!"

"Who else likes Sasuke?" asked Gai.

"EVERYONE!" said Lee.

"Then how about…Ino?" said Gai.

"GOOD IDEA!!" said Lee. "Wait…oh no!!"

"What is it?!" said Gai. "Do you know of someone who is in love with Ino already?!"

"YES!" said Lee. "I'm not sure, but I think I've seen Ino and Kiba flirting!"

"WOW!" said Gai. "I never noticed!!"

"I'm pretty sure!!" said Lee.

"Then we'll have to set Kiba up with someone else in order to distract him from Ino so that she'll be able to go out with Sasuke so you can go out with Sakura!" said Gai.

"How about with Tenten?" said Lee.

"NO!" yelled Gai. "Tenten and Neji are going out!!"

"REALLY?!" said Lee. "I MISSED THAT ENTIRELY!!"

"YEAH!!" said Gai. "So we'll set Kiba up with… um… KURENAI!!"

"WHAT?!" yelled Lee. "There's such a huge age difference between them! And what about Asuma?!"

"What, is he in love with Kurenai?!" said Gai.

"YEAH!" said Lee.

"I thought he only had eyes for Shikamaru!" said Gai, scratching his chin. "No matter! We'll simply get Asuma to marry…um…"

"Suzume!" said Lee.

"YES!" said Gai. "Lee, you are brilliant! I do not believe Shizune is in love with ANYONE!"

"I SAID SUZUME!!" said Lee.

"OH RIGHT!" said Gai. "Um…I think Suzume is going out with Iruka!"

"But Iruka loves Kakashi and Naruto!" said Lee.

"BOTH OF THEM?!" gasped Gai.

"YEAH!!" said Lee.

"I have to go have a talk with Iruka!!" said Gai.

"But we can always get Kakashi interested in Kurenai and Naruto can get interested in Tsunade!" said Lee.

"But I thought Shino was going to get paired up with Kurenai!" said Gai. "And isn't Tsunade like… fifty?!"

The two of them stared at each other.

"Um…what were we talking about before we got sidetracked?" said Lee, looking confused.

"I have no idea." Gai answered.

"Okay." Said Lee. "BYE GAI!!"

"Goodbye Lee!!" said Gai as the two of them hugged again. Then they parted ways.


	81. Itachi n Kisame: Roller Blades

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Itachi/Kisame

Roller Blades

There wasn't ONE particular person who requested this chapter. Everyone was kind of questioning as to the whereabouts of Itachi, including ourselves. He certainly hasn't made an appearance in a while so we were starting to feel deprived. We knew that problem was easily fixed.

"And then the guy said, 'I was talking to the duck!'" Kisame said in his best punch-line voice. Then he erupted into hysterical laughter. Itachi had heard the joke a thousand times so he only stared at Kisame crossly. After Kisame calmed down and wiped a tear from his eyes, he sighed. "Good times."

After another pause, Kisame finally asked, "So…what are we going to do?"

"I don't care." Said Itachi, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Oh!" said Kisame, hitting his fist into his palm. "I know! Have you ever roller bladed before?"

"I have." Said Itachi.

"Really?!" said Kisame. "Because I've never done it before! You can teach me!"

Itachi only stared at Kisame.

"Anyway…what are we going to do today?" he said.

"I just said!" said Kisame. "Let's go roller blading!"

"Oh, I thought that was just another one of your random comments." Itachi confessed.

They went into the shop and had NO trouble at all renting roller blades even though they're evil and stuff. Of course, they also rented all the proper protective equipment too just in case they fell over! Getting useless scrapes and bruises would just suck.

"Help me up!" said Kisame, holding out his hands. Itachi glared at Kisame as if DARING him to ask for help again. So Kisame struggled to get up on his own but ended up tumbling over.

Itachi only watched and decided to observe him getting up on his own.

"I'll get it right!" said Kisame who was fine since he was wearing all the correct protective equipment.

"Is this really such a good idea?" Itachi said as he watched Kisame attempt to get himself to his feet.

"It does feel rather strange." Kisame said. "Both of us being the evil people we are and doing something as insane as roller blading. Oh well! It's fun!"

Kisame crawled over to the ground so he was off the pavement and stood up that way. "There!" he said, feeling proud of himself. He stepped on to the pavement with one skate and was immediately sent head over heels and landed right on his back. "Ow!" he said.

Itachi shook his head and rolled his eyes.

After a little while of Kisame finally figuring out how it was done, the two of them skated off. Of course, they didn't get very far.

"I'm gonna fall!!!" Kisame yelled, flailing his arms around and then tumbling into a bush on the side of the path.

Itachi came to a stop and turned around to watch him get out.

"Itachi, I am SO embarrassed." Said Kisame as he got out of the bush.

"I can tell." Said Itachi. "How about we just do something else?"

"No!" said Kisame. "I'll learn how to do this!"

"You're going to end up killing yourself before you learn." Itachi said truthfully.

"I'm getting it!" Kisame insisted, standing up and steadying himself. "Do you have any tips for me?"

"From now on, instead of skating into a bush, just skate forward." Itachi advised.

"OH!" laughed Kisame even though he was secretly offended. Then he got distracted. "LOOK! That child up there is selling lemonade! Let's buy some!"

It took them a good five or so minutes to finally reach the pleasant child who had a makeshift little lemonade stand. "Twenty-five cents for a cup!" said the kid.

Kisame felt around in his pockets for his wallet only to find that he… couldn't find it! "Hey Itachi, did you think you could loan me fifty cents so I buy some lemonade for the both of us?" he asked.

"Whatever." Said Itachi, pulling fifty cents out of his flowery cloak. They gave the child the money and skated off. When they had gone a little way, Itachi finally took a sip of the lemonade and spat it out, looking disgusted.

"Is something the matter, Itachi?" Kisame asked.

"This…is VILE!" said Itachi as he started hacking slightly. "I can't believe that child charged us MONEY for this!! I…am SO offended!!"

"Kill him, Itachi!!" cheered Kisame, pulling out some pom poms. "Kill him!"

"I WILL!" said Itachi as he kicked off his roller blades and started marching back over to the lemonade stand.

"YAAAAAAAY!!" cheered Kisame as he jumped around foolishly but then slipped on his skates and landed on his arse. Then he noticed some people walking by and turned around to see… Kiba and Naruto!! "ITACHI!!" he yelled.

"WHAT?" Itachi said, turning around.

"It's THEM!" said Kisame, pointing to Kiba and Naruto. "I thought you killed them!"

Itachi looked slightly confused. He could have sworn he had killed them too.

"Very well…" he said, stomping in the other direction and taking off his helmet and kneepads and elbow pads and wrist protection and all the other padding equipment he was wearing.

Of course, it didn't take long for Kiba and Naruto to notice that Itachi was pursuing them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" they screamed dramatically instead of running away as fast as they could.

Kisame couldn't help but chuckle warmly. Itachi was just so crazy when he was angry.


	82. Haircuts

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Haircuts

Spectrum suggested that we write a chapter about haircuts. We were, at first, a little hesitant because we didn't want anyone's hair to end up changing just in our story. But then we figured we knew how to get around it.

The teachers had all mutually come to the decision that it really was time for their students to get their haircut. Some of them looked downright silly with their long and/or messy hair that seemed rather impractical for the life of a ninja. So they tricked their students to arrive at a secluded part in the forest.

When the students arrived, they were slightly disturbed to only see a stool and a pair of scissors where they were to meet. Just when they were about to run away screaming, they crashed into some kind of force field wall and found that they were boxed in by their teacher's chakra!! NOOOOO!!

"WELCOME!" cheered their teachers.

"We've decided that a few of your are in dire need of a haircut." Said Asuma.

"I don't need a haircut!" said Sakura. "I just got one!"

"YEAH!" said Ino. "Me too!"

"Well OBVIOUSLY some of you don't need them." Said Kurenai with is a laugh. "And the reason you're here is to help us convince other people that they need them."

"And maybe even do a little bit of restraining while we carry out our evil bidding." Kakashi added as an afterthought.

"ARTHURS FOR ALL!!" Gai exclaimed, holding up his bowl.

"BEFORE you all scream in terror." Said Asuma, addressing the students while stepping in front of Gai. "You don't have to get a bowl haircut if you don't want to."

"Like we'd want to." Said Neji.

"Except for you, Neji, YOU have to." Said Gai.

"I refuse." Said Neji.

"We got an unbiased median to make a list of the people who do not need haircuts." Said Kakashi, reaching behind his back and pulling out Iruka.

"Hi!" said Iruka. "I love being the unbiased median!"

"Just read the list." Said Kurenai in an annoyed tone as if Iruka had ranted for hours about being the median.

"Okay…Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Hinata…" said Iruka. "Unless they WANT to. And Kiba and Naruto."

"You forgot Lee." Said Gai.

"…" said Iruka. "And Lee I guess…"

"YAY!!" cheered the three men who would not be subjected to torture. Then Iruka left.

"I think I might get my haircut…" said Tenten thoughtfully.

"It is my thought that no man should have longer hair than the woman he is associated with!" said Kurenai. "So that will be our rule of thumb!"

"I don't need a haircut." Said Sasuke randomly.

"You need it cut in SOME places." Said Kakashi.

"What if we refuse to allow you to cut our hair?" said Neji defiantly.

"Then Kurenai will French braid your hair." Said Asuma, pointing to Kurenai who held up some elastics. "And you have long enough hair for it to be done."

"And what if I refuse to allow THAT?" Neji said.

"You don't have a choice in the matter!!" yelled Gai.

"So who's first?!" said Kurenai enthusiastically. "Or do we have to make an example of someone?"

"I'll go first!!" said Tenten.

The teachers sighed.

"BESIDES any girls?" Kurenai specified.

"But I want a trim." Tenten said.

"The whole reason we're doing this is to cut the MEN'S hair." Gai explained to his student.

"But Iruka said that we can get our hair cut as long as we WANT it." said Tenten.

"Do I really need to get my hair cut?" said Chouji.

"Yes." Said Asuma. "It is rather long. It just needs to be a little shorter."

"But Ino's hair is longer." Said Chouji. "And I thought the rule of thumb only applied if our hair was longer than the female on our team."

"He's right you know." Said Kakashi.

"All right, all right!" said Asuma. "You're fine!"

"But Shikamaru still needs his cut!" said Gai, waving the bowl around.

"Ino, why did you have to cut your hair?" Shikamaru said.

"Because I wanted a change!" said Ino. "Now just because you're too lazy to get your haircut doesn't mean—"

"It's NOT because I'm too lazy, it's just…" Shikamaru began. "I don't know. It's my family's hairstyle."

"I've had my hair like this since I was just a little kid." Said Sasuke. "My hair dries like this. If I cut it any shorter then it'll look really weird when it dries."

"It ALREADY looks really weird." Said Naruto.

"Shut up, Naruto." Said Sasuke.

"Nobody's touching my hair." Said Shino.

"All right, I think Shino's hair is a nice length." Said Kurenai since she didn't want to touch his hair anyway.

"So that leaves only Sasuke, Neji and Shikamaru." Said Asuma.

"Since when is the length of my hair on the same level as Neji's and Shikamaru's?" said Sasuke, looking annoyed. "I have long BANGS. And besides, my hair is shorter than Sakura's."

"Not your bangs though." Said Kakashi.

"My bangs shouldn't count." Sasuke said.

"Yeah!!" said Sakura. "Sasuke's hair is FINE!"

"If you think about it, look at how ridiculous his hairstyle is." Said Gai.

Everyone stared at Gai. Silently. No one said anything.

"Okay, okay, you've made your point." Said Gai, crossing his arms and pouting.

"I guess we didn't plan this very well." Said Kakashi to his fellow teachers.

"Yeah!" said Asuma. "Because suddenly, I realize that I don't want Shikamaru's hair to be cut!"

"No, Shikamaru's hair MUST be cut." Said Kurenai. "Or… at the very least… French braided."

"Fine, just French braid my hair." Said Shikamaru with a sigh.

"WHAT?!" yelled Asuma as well as the rest of the males.

"Let's just get it over with, okay?" said Shikamaru, sitting down on the stool with a sigh.

"YAY!" cheered Kurenai as she took out Shikamaru's elastic. Everyone gasped but couldn't help but watch in awe as Kurenai French braided Shikamaru's hair with expertise. "Wow! Shikamaru, your hair is really soft and it smells like lavender! What kind of shampoo do you use?"

"…Whatever's in the shower?" said Shikamaru.

"Oh, okay." Said Kurenai with a shrug.

"Neji, you're next." Said Gai. "So unless you want your hair to be French braided then you have to get it cut."

"Why are you four so psychotic?" said Neji.

"We're just doing what's best for you!" said Gai as tears streamed down his face.

"I still want to get my hair trimmed." Said Tenten. "Can I still get it done?"

"We're working with Neji here." Said Kakashi, looking annoyed that Tenten was being so persistent.

"Neji, if you don't cooperate nicely then Kurenai will be forced to use French Braid no Jutsu on you." Threatened Asuma.

"Oh, I know that jutsu!" said Ino.

"Me too!!" said Sakura. Yes. Sakura ACTUALLY knows a jutsu.

"It was our graduation requirement." Said Hinata.

"Your graduation requirement was a French braiding jutsu?" said Kiba, looking a little betrayed.

"I've never even heard of it." said Shino.

"Well, we female ninjas learned all sorts of jutsus like that while you guys were sparring!" said Ino. "When we weren't collecting flowers, we were learning hair braiding, sewing and cooking jutsus!"

"That's why female ninjas can never amount to anything." Said Neji.

"HEY!" yelled the five female ninjas present even though all the male ninjas couldn't help but agree with him. Inwardly, of course. They didn't want to have to face the wrath of the hair braiding jutsus.

"In that case, we'll just have to show him our French Braid no Jutsu!" said Kurenai angrily as she finished up with Shikamaru's VERY pretty French braid.

"That's okay." Said Neji. "I believe that you can do it just fine."

"Well, if you won't get your hair cut and you won't let me French braid your hair then I'll just use French Braid no Jutsu on you!" said Kurenai, putting her hand in a seal. "French Braid no Jutsu!"

There was a poof of smoke, and when it cleared, Neji's hair was French braided! It looked even prettier than Shikamaru's because there was no chance for error!

"WOW!!" exclaimed Lee who literally hasn't said anything this entire chapter. It makes sense for it to be Shino who hasn't said anything but he's said TWO things. But Lee hasn't said ANYTHING. "What an amazing jutsu!! If only my hair was longer!!"

"Lee, shut up." Said Neji as he tried to pull the braid out.

"HA!" laughed Kurenai. "That braid is bound with chakra! You will have to wait for it to loosen out BY ITSELF!! Unless, of course, you know how to cancel the move, which I doubt you do since you don't seem very in touch with your feminine jutsus."

"This…is the lamest jutsu EVER." Said Neji.

"Well, I think we're done here!" said Kakashi.

"Yes, I do believe we are." Said Gai.

"Even though we didn't really get ANYONE'S hair cut." Said Asuma. "And our original intention was to cut everyone's hair."

They all shrugged and everyone dispersed.

Except for Neji and Shikamaru who both had French braids in their hair.

"Not ALL men have never heard of French braid no jutsu." Said Shikamaru as he easily unbraided his hair and flipped it back into his regular ponytail.

"What, did you KNOW they were going to do that?" Neji said.

"Yes." Shikamaru said.

"HOW?" said Neji.

Shikamaru sighed. "I hate to say it, but I'm pretty sure I've already answered this question." Said Shikamaru. "Because… I'm… SHIKAMARU."

With that, Shikamaru left.

Neji's eye twitched just as there was a rustling from the trees. Asuma dropped down.

"I didn't REALLY leave." Asuma said. "I just wanted to tell you that that's another one of the reasons why he's a chuunin—"

"And I'm not, I know!" said Neji, sounding annoyed.


	83. Sex Ed

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Sex Ed

I don't know if this was actually the suggestion, but Ayako mentioned this in one of his/her reviews and we thought it sounded interesting. Believe you that we're already at Chapter 83? Wowie.

"Honestly, they're only twelve." Said Iruka to his jounin friends.

"MY students are thirteen." Said Gai.

"Nonetheless, I still think they're all too young to have visions of who they love and other things like that!" Iruka said. "And you four don't seem to be doing anything to discourage that! If anything, you seem to be ENCOURAGING it!"

"Love is a beautiful thing!" said Kurenai. "If they wish to love, then love they shall!"

"I agree!" said Asuma. "They're merely exploring their adolescence. Didn't YOU have a crush on anyone when you were young?"

"No!" said Iruka.

"That's probably why you don't have a girlfriend now." said Kakashi.

"I had a reason, though!" said Iruka. "Remember when we were younger, we had to take sex education as a part of graduation?"

"Good times." Sighed Gai with a grin.

"I was HORRIFIED!" Iruka admitted.

"You were the only one who took it seriously." Said Asuma.

"You see, that's why kids are so different nowadays!" said Iruka. "They're THINKING they're falling in love at younger ages because they didn't receive the proper education."

"In that case, Iruka, I believe it is your duty to teach our students about sexual education." Kurenai said, patting Iruka on the shoulder.

"Me?!" said Iruka. "No! I've got far more important things to do!!"

It didn't take very long for him to be convinced and to then be standing in front of the group of twelve students trying to get their attention.

"…Excuse me…" Iruka tried.

"Hey, how long is that going to last anyway?" said Lee, pulling at Neji's French braid.

"Back off." Said Neji, swatting Lee's hand away violently.

"Aww…it's so pretty!" laughed Tenten but Neji glared at her so hard that she almost fell over.

"What exactly are we doing again?" Kiba asked the general public, but directed mostly towards Shino and Hinata.

"Sex ed." Shino replied.

"Sex ed?" said Hinata, turning red.

"Shouldn't we be separated by gender?" Sakura questioned. "I don't want to deal with Naruto's immature antics!"

"I'm not immature!" said Naruto. "I can deal with sex ed stuff!"

"Yeah right, Naruto." Was all Sasuke said.

"This is probably one of the most troublesome things I have ever been forced into doing." Shikamaru commented.

"It won't be THAT bad, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

"I just want to get this over with." Said Ino grumpily, crossing her arms.

"Um…attention everyone…?" said Iruka nervously. No one was really listening to him, so he figured he'd just get things started. He turned around and pulled down two rolled up posters. "Uh…this is a man… and this is a woman…"

The group was immediately silenced.

"Um…" Iruka said.

"Iruka, you have these posters lying around?" said Shikamaru.

"That's so crazy, Shikamaru!" said Chouji. "It's for educational purposes!"

"That's what he SAYS." Said Ino.

"HAHAHAHA!!" laughed Naruto, pointing and nearly falling out of his seat.

"See?" said Sakura. "You're so annoying, Naruto!!"

Sasuke only sat there with his head resting on his hands.

Likewise with Shino, except he was sitting straight up and adjusting his glasses constantly.

"Hinata, do you think I could hit a spitball at that poster of the man where the sun don't shine?" Kiba asked. "Well…apparently, the sun DOES shine for this guy."

Hinata was turning hundreds of colors of the rainbow and couldn't keep her face out of her hands.

"Why are we doing this?" said Neji, but it was more to himself.

"MY EYES!!!" yelled Lee, throwing his hands over his eyes and dropping to the ground.

"Lee, calm down." Said Tenten. "You're embarrassing me!"

"Okay, okay, everyone…" said Iruka.

"Excuse me, Iruka, but I'm uncomfortable with there being boys in this room while we learn about feminine issues and female anatomy!" said Ino, raising her hand.

"The whole point of this class is so that everyone can learn about both… er… anatomies." Iruka said. "So…"

He painfully and briefly looked back at his two charts.

"Okay…any questions?" he said, looking back at his students.

"Can I go to the bathroom?!" Lee said, springing up and running out of the room as fast as he could.

"…Okay." Said Iruka even though Lee had already left. "Any other questions?"

"I have a question." Said Kiba. "Okay, say you're—"

"Kiba, don't ask any questions." Shino interrupted.

"What?" said Kiba. "Why?"

"Because you're only going to embarrass yourself." Shino answered.

"Embarrass MYSELF?" said Kiba, sounding appalled. "Why Shino, if I didn't know better, I'd say YOU'RE the embarrassed one here."

Shino adjusted his glasses and ducked deeper into his collar.

"That's all right, Iruka." Said Kiba. "I don't need to know."

"The whole point of this class is to answer questions that you have." Said Iruka. "You shouldn't feel pressured by your peers to not ask any questions."

"Wouldn't it be better if we wrote down our questions and passed them in?" Tenten said.

"That takes too long!" said Sakura.

"…No, no." said Iruka. "You should be comfortable enough to just ask." Secretly, he didn't want to have to read the questions out loud because he KNEW that some of the pranksters in the class would put in BS questions.

The class sat there twiddling their thumbs for a minute or so.

"I have a question." Sasuke said.

Everyone hung on his words.

"When does this class end?" he asked.

"Um…when there are no more questions to be asked." Iruka replied.

"Oh." Said Sasuke. He looked at the class. "Are there anymore questions to be asked?"

Simultaneously, the class shook their heads.

"So can we go now?" Sasuke asked Iruka.

"Wait!" said Iruka. "We haven't even asked any questions yet! I don't think you all have a better understanding of sexual education! So…you guys have to ask at least uh… FIVE questions and then we can leave!"

"Okay…Lee's question, Sasuke's question and Kiba's HALF a question…" said Naruto, counting on his fingers. "Two and a half more questions!"

"Those didn't count!" said Iruka.

"This is so troublesome." Shikamaru sighed.

"Can I ask another half a question?" Kiba requested.

"That half a question didn't count!" said Iruka.

"Did the question I just ask count?" Kiba asked.

"No!" said Iruka.

"Only half a question left to go!" said Naruto. "Someone ask a half a question!"

"Hey, I have a question." Said Kiba. "Never mind."

"No, that was probably more of a THIRD of a question." Naruto said.

"None of the questions have counted so far!!" yelled Iruka, on the verge of a temper tantrum.

"Iruka, you WANT to take about sex and stuff, don't you?" said Naruto slyly.

Iruka immediately turned bright red, as well as a few of the more uncomfortable people in the class at the sound of the world 'sex'.

"Only for your education!" said Iruka.

"Well, that question I just asked was SO sexually educational that I think it counts as TEN questions!" said Naruto.

Kiba sprung up out of his seat and spread his arms out. "CLASS DISMISSED!!" he shouted.

"ALL RIGHT!!" cheered the students as they sprinted out the door.

"HEY!!" yelled Iruka as he started to chase after him but then he figured that he didn't want to do it anyway so he might as well quickly tuck away his posters and hopefully never have to look at them every again.


	84. Sasuke: Legal Guardian

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Sasuke

Legal Guardian

Before we write this next chapter that was suggested by…US… we just want to give a quick shout out to phantomgamer01 for his incredible idea concerning Gaara doing a spoof of "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" except with sand instead of water and siblings instead of brooms. Try as we might, we couldn't write a chapter that justified the idea so we're just informing you that the idea existed, and we loved it. ANYWAY, as we previously mentioned, this next chapter was our own inspiration.

The morning was like any other morning for Uchiha Sasuke. He got out of bed, went into the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of Ninja Pebbles. Yup. Nothing out of the ordinary today.

Then the doorbell rang.

He was a little peeved that he had to leave his Ninja Pebbles because they were going to get soggy, but he figured he could always just pour himself a NEW bowl! So he went to the door and opened it up so suddenly be faced with…

Itachi and Kisame?!

"Greetings, younger brother!" said Itachi.

"ITACHI!!" yelled Sasuke. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

"Before you start your feudal attempts to kill me, take a look at this." Itachi said, handing Sasuke a piece of paper. Sasuke swiped it away and looked at it briefly.

"What is this?" he demanded.

"Well, as you probably know, I just turned eighteen." Said Itachi, welcoming himself into Sasuke's humble little abode as Kisame quickly followed after him. "Which means I am now old enough to legally be your guardian. And I do not believe that it is right for a boy as young as you to be alone and taking care of yourself without any supervision."

Sasuke crumpled up the piece of paper and tossed it to the floor. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!" he yelled.

"It's OUR house now!" said Itachi.

"NO IT'S NOT!!" yelled Sasuke.

"I can do the ironing!" said Kisame, raising his hand.

"Sasuke, you should see Kisame with the iron." Said Itachi.

"I CAN IRON JUST FINE!!" Sasuke yelled himself hoarse.

"So, now that I'm head of this household, a few things are going to change around here." Said Itachi, looking around the house. "First of all, there will be a dress code! You know, one of the reasons why I killed the clan is because I can't stand those Uchiha fans, so no more wearing those! Am I understood?"

Sasuke looked down to see that he was wearing his pajamas with hundreds of little Uchiha fans on them.

"NO!" he yelled, sounding more and more like a little kid. "This is MY house! You don't have any right to walk in here and start making rules! And you ESPECIALLY don't have any right to walk in here and start making rules since you killed the clan!"

"SECOND," Itachi continued. "I'm head of the household, we've already covered that. You, on the other hand…I don't like to use the word 'slave' but you get the idea, right?"

"ITACHI, IF YOU DON'T LEAVE NOW I'LL KILL YOU!!" Sasuke yelled.

Itachi chuckled rather warmly. "I'd like to see you try!" he laughed. "The next rule of the house is…uh… keep the place tidy! Kisame?"

Kisame took the bowl of Ninja Pebbles on the table and put it in the sink.

"I was eating that!!" Sasuke said angrily.

"You didn't LOOK like you were eating it." said Itachi. "You looked more like you were standing there screaming at the top of your lungs."

"I WAS eating it before you came in here and imposed yourself on me and my lifestyle!!" Sasuke said.

"Fourthly, no trying to kill me." Itachi said. "It just creates a MESS! And I really hate using that…er… Sharingan move… that I have…"

Sasuke was just about to start yelling again but then he stopped.

"What?" he said.

"You know, that EVIL one." Said Kisame.

"I dare not even mention its name." Said Itachi. "For even saying what it is called with have effect on your little mind and unpowerful… being. And it will probably end up sending you into a stupor for another month."

Sasuke eyed the two of them.

"What about PETS?" Sasuke said finally. "I know you're allergic, but can I have a pet anyway?"

"Oh." Said Itachi. "Er…yes, I am TERRIBLY allergic. So no pets."

"HA!" laughed Sasuke. "You're not Itachi! You're just someone who WISHES he was Itachi."

"I have developed allergies in the time in which we have not been together!" Itachi said. "Besides, KISAME has allergies too!"

"Though I don't know why you would wish you were Itachi…" Sasuke said, not really listening. "Because his days are numbered…"

"I AM Itachi!" said Itachi.

Just then, there was scratching from the door. Sasuke opened up the door to see Akamaru standing there, looking a little sad. He looked around the room for a moment and then spotted Itachi and Kisame. He barked and frolicked over to Kisame.

"Oh, look, this dog likes me for some reason." Said Kisame.

"And me with my allergies." Said Itachi, stepping away.

"Shh!!" said Kisame. "Don't give it AWAY!"

Sasuke slapped his forehead and shook his head. He felt a little stupid that he had fallen for it, but his ambition to smite them both for pulling this trick on him pretty much canceled out any feeling of stupidity that he was experiencing.

"It was Lee's idea!!" said Itachi. He poofed and suddenly turned into Naruto after he realized that Sasuke knew what was going down. Kisame poofed and appeared as Kiba.

Sasuke looked out the window just in time to see Lee ducking away.

Sasuke took a deep breath and looked at Kiba and Naruto.

"Haha… pretty funny huh?" said Kiba.

"Kiba…I used to have nothing against you." Said Sasuke. "But now… now… Naruto. You have _no _excuse. You two had better run now and run fast."

"I'm all for that!" said Kiba as he grabbed Akamaru and ran out of the room faster than Lee without his weights on. Naruto wasn't far behind as Sasuke stood there with aura flying around him. I swear, if he was a Dragon Ball Z character, he definitely would have turned into a Super Saiyan right then and there.


	85. Neji n Kisame n Iruka: The Dream

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Neji/Kisame/Iruka

The Dream

You remember way back in Chapter 36 Link described a dream concerning Neji, a shark and a clan of dolphins and how we came to the conclusion that we were being told that Neji, Kisame and Iruka all were involved in a vicious love triangle of death? Darkfire22 wanted us to write a chapter about them and their love triangle.

It is first important to elaborate the dream. When we said it was just Neji, we were sort of lying. Sakura was there too, but she didn't have a very big role. Neji and Sakura were, for some reason, in this beach house. Sakura went down to the cassette player and put in a cassette for music. Neji was watching television and saw that a bunch of dolphins were in this underground cavern at the bottom of the ocean and their echolocation powers were about to be their undoing because they were going to cause an earthquake and make all the rocks fall down on them.

(Yes, Sakura's role is over.)

Then _I _was there too. I, for some reason, had Aquaman powers. I was AquaLink. So I was under the water and down at the cavern. I guess I was the bad guy in this dream because I was the one who told the dolphins to all use their echolocation at the same time. With my AquaLink powers.

Neji decided that something had to be done because he, for some reason, knew what I was up to. So he jumped into the ocean and started swimming, which is odd because our perception of Neji is that he can't swim. But anyway! He's swimming and swimming and he swims for an AWFULLY long time until he intercepts ME! On my way BACK from the cavern where are the dolphins are getting ready to use echolocation together.

I guess Neji had AquaNeji powers because we then had a telepathic conversation right then and there that ended with Neji swimming by me and going towards the cavern.

My part in the dream was over.

He got there, informed the dolphins not to use echolocation at the same time, and they all thanked him. They're pretty smart dolphins. So Neji started to make his way back up to the surface. He reached the surface.

Then a shark came.

It ate him.

The dream ended.

What does this dream mean? Neji represents himself, the dolphins represent Iruka and the shark represents Kisame. I think it means that Neji has a relationship with Iruka that is very loving… yet his jealous overbearing boyfriend, Kisame, is… jealous and overbearing.

So…here's the chapter.

"Oh, Iruka, I love you!" said Neji. "I will protect you!"

"THANK you Neji!" said Iruka.

"NO!!" yelled Kisame, jumping out. "I am jealous and overbearing!! Neji is MINE!!"

"Oh no!" said Neji as he dropped his pink hanky for Iruka as Kisame dragged him away.

"I will always love you!" said Iruka, waving the hanky at Neji.

So there you go. IrukaXNejiXKisame. You'll never see it anywhere else.


	86. Neji n Gai: Help

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Neji/Gai

Help

Gai was happy as a clam. There was no reason for him to be sad during this time and great peace and wonderful youthfulness. In fact, it was all the more reason to be EXCITED to meet with his students for training!

You see, we call it NEJI'S favorite training area because he likes hanging out there the most, but it was originally the entire team's favorite training area. But that's irrelevant. Gai went to Neji's favorite training area to find, unsurprisingly enough, Neji!

But he wasn't training.

He looked more like he was sitting there waiting.

And, upon Gai's arrival, Neji sprung up out of his seat, went to Gai with ninja stealth and grabbed Gai's collar, pulling him down to his shorter level.

"GAI!" Neji yelled.

"Yes, Neji?" Gai said.

"Kurenai said that this braid would come out eventually!" Neji said, pointing to the French braid that was still in perfect condition. "It's been three days and still it doesn't show any signs of coming undone! Do something to fix it!"

Then Neji let Gai go.

Gai straightened his collar and cleared his throat. "I apologize, Neji." Said Gai, looking despaired. "But I know about feminine hair braiding jutsus about to the extent YOU do! Have you tried asking Kurenai to help you?"

"No." Neji said, crossing his arms. "She would be too stubborn."

Gai was about to point out that Neji was being the stubborn one and Kurenai had probably forgotten all about why she did it to him in the first place, but he valued his life a lot more than that. "Have you asked any of the other girls to help you?"

"I would NEVER ask one of the girls to help me." Said Neji, looking SO enraged that there was no adjective to describe it. "I don't want to ask ANYONE for help."

"Neji, you're asking ME to help!" Gai pointed out.

"No, I'm TELLING you to help." Neji said with a glare.

"Very well." Said Gai. "What do you suggest I do?"

"I don't know." Said Neji. "YOU'RE the jounin."

"Hm…I don't know." Said Gai. "If I were you, I suppose I would just ask a female to help me."

"No you wouldn't." said Neji. "Because I would never ask a female to help me."

"Why are you acting as though this is MY fault?" said Gai, looking offended.

"Because it is!" said Neji. "You're probably the one who SUGGESTED we all get haircuts!"

"But you're the one who provoked Kurenai!" Gai reminded him.

"I wouldn't have had the opportunity to do as such if you hadn't made the suggestion of cutting our hair." Neji said.

"Well, you should have cut your hair a long time ago and then all this would have never happened!" Gai said.

Neji closed his eyes and took a few hoot breaths in order to calm down. "Okay." He said. "This isn't getting my anywhere OR fixing my problem. So stop trying to start an argument with me and help me undo this."

"ME?" said Gai. "Starting an argument with YOU?!"

Neji glared his evil glare. I swear he does more glaring than anyone else combined. Times ten.

"Aren't you going to do anything?" Neji said after a moment's pause. "You have no idea what I have to go through at home. Everyone's always STARING at me and they all probably think that I styled my hair like this myself and that I like it." He paused. "Which I don't." he quickly added.

"Why don't you just TELL them that someone else did it to you?" Gai suggested. "And then one of the girls of your family is likely to say, 'Hey! I know how to fix that in a jiffy!' and then fix it. That way, you wouldn't be ASKING for help, but you'd still get it!!"

"Apparently you don't know about the Hyuuga family's Branch House and Main House system and the hatred passed down in the generations!" said Neji.

"…I meant explain it to someone in the BRANCH House." Said Gai, wanting to role his eyes but knowing that would probably just get him further punishment and ranting.

"You have to be more specific." Said Neji.

"I thought it was obvious." Gai said.

"No, when someone talks about the Hyuuga family, they're ALWAYS talking about the Main Family so whenever you want to talk about the Branch Family, you have to specify that you're talking about them." Neji said.

"Whoa." was all Gai was able to respond with.

"But now that I think about it, that idea doesn't sound too bad." Neji said, rubbing his chin.

"OR!" said Gai, getting another idea. "_I _could ask Tenten to fix your problem!"

"You could." Said Neji. "As long as you don't tell her that I told you to tell her."

"That won't even come up!" said Gai. "Because you didn't tell me to tell her."

"But I told you to do something, so it's the same as me telling you to tell her since you came up with idea."

"That's exactly it. I came up with idea so you didn't tell me to tell her."

"Good, exactly. She doesn't need to know."

"Know what?! It was MY idea!"

"Okay!" said Neji, sounding annoyed. "Fine! It was your idea! Just don't tell her that I needed help!"

"So what should I tell her?" Gai asked. "That you really like your new hairstyle?"

Neji gave Gai a look. "Why would you tell her that?" he said. "Then she wouldn't undo it."

"She might do it just to annoy you." Said Gai.

Neji slapped his forehead. "Obviously you have some experience in this theory." He said.

"I might." Said Gai. "But you can't say that you DON'T!"

"I don't." said Neji.

"Sure, sure." Said Gai.

"Gai…" started Neji. But then he stopped, took a few MORE hoot breaths and chose his battles. "Okay, fine, whatever. Just go and ask Tenten if she'll fix my hair. Tell her that… it's offending you."

"Okay." Said Gai with a shrug as he frolicked off to find Tenten.

Seconds later, Tenten and Lee came walking over from the other direction.

"Where's Gai going?" Lee asked.

"Tenten, Gai's looking for you." Said Neji immediately, pointing at the direction in which Gai frolicked off to.

"He'll be back, I'll just wait." Said Tenten with a shrug.

Neji WOULD have glared at her, but he's done enough glaring in this chapter so he'll just, instead, stand there foolishly.


	87. Sakura n Kakashi: Love Life

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Sakura/Kakashi

Love Life

Kakashi had gotten back from his little adventure with Sasuke. After he had gone through the whole mess, he finally decided to fess up and explain the whole problem he had been in with Sakura. You know, how he promised to set her up on a date with Sasuke if she left him alone.

So Sasuke was a little peeved and declared right then and there that he would never date Sakura… ESPECIALLY now.

Now Kakashi had to tell Sakura.

Sakura, on the other hand, was happy HAPPY _HAPPY_!! She had annoyed Kakashi to the point in which he announced he would set her up with Sasuke. She figured she'd have to annoy people more often.

She spent extra long that morning brushing her hair and making herself look ever so pretty. She could hardly keep herself from frolicking out the door and down to the meeting spot where Kakashi promised to have Sasuke waiting in his best outfit.

When she got there, Sasuke was standing there with a bouquet of flowers.

"Sasuke!" she exclaimed, skipping over.

"Hi Sakura." Said Sasuke.

"I'm so glad Kakashi talked you into coming." Said Sakura.

"Yeah." Said Sasuke, handing Sakura the flowers.

Sakura took the flowers and was just about to declare how happy she was when she eyed him suspiciously. "Wait a second…" she said.

"What?" said Sasuke.

"You're not Sasuke." Said Sakura, dropping the flowers. Sasuke poofed and suddenly, Kakashi was standing there. "EWWW!! YOU TRIED TO TRICK ME INTO GOING ON A DATE WITH YOU!! YOU'RE SUCH A PERVERT!!"

"Shh…" said Kakashi, looking around hoping no one had heard that. "That's not what I was doing."

"Oh yeah?" said Sakura. "It sure LOOKED that way."

"I know it looked that way." Said Kakashi. "But I was going to endure a few hours of torture and pretend to be Sasuke so that you wouldn't find out that I messed everything up."

"What do you mean?" said Sakura as her eyes welded up with tears. "Did Sasuke say no?"

Kakashi sighed. "Did you actually expect him to say yes?" he said truthfully.

"YES!" wailed Sakura as she pulled out her hanky and blew her nose loudly and unrealistically. "Now what can I do?!"

"The same thing you ALWAYS do when Sasuke rejects you?" Kakashi suggested, trying to tiptoe away.

"NO!!" yelled Sakura. "I've played matchmaker and got nothing in return for long enough! I tried setting up Ino and Lee but they were unappreciative! I tried setting up Naruto and Hinata but everyone else tried to ruin that! When will _I _get what _I _want?!" She buried her face in her hands and cried.

Kakashi only stared at her.

Sakura peeked one eye out and looked at Kakashi.

The two of them stood there in slight silence.

"Well?" Sakura said.

"Well what?" said Kakashi.

"When will I get what I want?" Sakura repeated.

"I don't know." Kakashi said with a shrug.

"What kind of teacher are you if you can't help me answer my questions?!" Sakura demanded.

"I'm supposed to answer questions about being a ninja and train you, not worry about your love life." Kakashi reminded her. "So I would have to say that I'm a pretty good teacher."

"All the OTHER teachers concern themselves with their students' love lives!" Sakura said.

"Do they?" Kakashi said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah!" said Sakura. "Gai worries about Lee all day long!"

"Gai is a special case." Said Kakashi. "And Gai worrying about Lee is hardly ALL the teachers concerning themselves with their students' love lives."

"Well…er…" Sakura said slowly.

"Why do you want me to get so involved anyway?" Kakashi asked. "If you're so convinced that Sasuke's in love with you and ONLY you then shouldn't you just let nature run its course and stop trying to get other people to feel bad for you so they set you up with him?"

Sakura considered this.

"No." she said finally.

"Oh." Said Kakashi with a sarcastic nod.

"Come on!" said Sakura. "Use your jounin authority to force Sasuke to go on a date with me!"

"I already tried that." Kakashi said.

"What?" said Sakura.

"First, I asked him." Kakashi explained. "Then I commanded him. Then I challenged him to a fight and the victor got to decide whether or not he had to go on a date with you."

"AND?" said Sakura.

"And…" Kakashi started but trailed off.

"You…LOST?!" gasped Sakura.

"No." Kakashi said, looking slightly offended. "I won. But Sasuke convinced himself that he won and there's really no reasoning with him after he's already convinced himself that he's won."

"Yeah, you can say that again." Sakura agreed.

"So I gave it my best shot." Kakashi said.

"Well, OUR agreement was that I would leave you alone if you made Sasuke go on a date with me!" Sakura reminded him. "And Sasuke is NOT going on a date with me!"

"So…what?" Kakashi said. "You plan on annoying me some more just for the sake of annoying me?"

"Yes!" said Sakura.

"If you used half of your energy from annoying me, and half of your energy from attempting to get Sasuke to go out with you and channeled all that towards becoming a ninja, you'd be unstoppable." Kakashi said.

Sakura's eyes lit up. "You really think so?" she said.

"Yes." Said Kakashi.

"Then I will!" Sakura said.

"Okay, good." Said Kakashi. "And I'm going home."

With that, Kakashi was gone.

Sakura stood there for a moment.

"Hey!" she whined. "I'm no better off than I was before!!"


	88. Shikamaru n Asuma: Dozed Off

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Shikamaru/Asuma

Dozed Off

It's no SECRET that Shikamaru is Asuma's prize pupil.

And you've heard the story a hundred thousand times. Shikamaru was the ONLY one to become a chuunin after the chuunin exam so therefore he is the best and therefore Asuma is the best because he did the best job training.

Right?

That's the way Asuma looked at it anyway.

Shikamaru, on the other hand, was rather surprised that he was given the title of chuuninhood. What, when all these other people were so much better than him.

But this is not another chapter all about Shikamaru being a chuunin and Asuma loving his chuuniness. You've had enough of those to last you the rest of your lives.

Shikamaru and Asuma were sitting in Shikamaru's favorite thinking spot and they were playing a riveting game of chess.

"Shikamaru, I believe this is the day I will defeat you!" Asuma declared as he moved one of his pieces across the board.

Shikamaru looked at the board and then moved a piece. "Checkmate." He said. "I win again."

Asuma looked questioningly at Shikamaru and then at the board. He mentally moved his king from square to square and realized that no matter where he went, he was stuck.

"So you have!" Asuma laughed. "In that case, I believe a rematch is in order, don't you?"

Shikamaru lied back and looked up at the clouds. He'd much rather look at the clouds or even take a nap than play another game of chess with Asuma.

"Sure." He shrugged. He didn't really have a choice in the matter anyway since Asuma was already setting the pieces back up for another game.

"Would you like to go first, Shikamaru?" Asuma asked.

"You can go first." Shikamaru said, sitting back up.

"Okay…then I will move here!" Asuma announced, moving his pawn.

Shikamaru moved his piece. Asuma moved his. Their game continued for a little while until it started getting intense. Asuma thought for a very long time until he moved his next piece. Asuma was exploring the technique of keeping his king completely boxed in with his pieces so it would be IMPOSSIBLE to check him. But that did put him at a certain handicap because he couldn't use those pieces.

Finally, he decided to just move his pawn forward a space.

Then it was Shikamaru's turn. He had already predicted what move he would do should Asuma move his pawn forward one space. But he was bored with this game and he could tell it was going to take forever, especially since he had his king encircled within his own pieces.

So he decided to go into his thinking position.

"AWWWW!!" gasped Asuma loudly as his cigarette dropped out of his gaping mouth. He quickly replaced it with another.

Asuma was silently waiting for Shikamaru to come out of his thinking position. He was feeling rather cocky that he had forced him to do so. His technique must be working! A good defense is your best offense! Or… is it your best offense is a good defense? Ah well! Either way, it was working and he was making Shikamaru THINK!!

Shikamaru could sense Asuma's excitement and anticipation. He already had a hundred different strategies that would have him rise triumphant in only a few turns. He had to crush this technique right away so Asuma wouldn't think it was a good idea and continue to use it. It was no more difficult to conquer…just ANNOYING.

Asuma patiently sat there. One of his favorite things to do while Shikamaru was thinking like this was to try to predict when he'd look up.

"_Five…four…three…two…_" Asuma thought. But Shikamaru didn't budge. _"Five… four… three… two…"_ Still nothing. This was a good technique.

Shikamaru had to keep himself from sighing under his breath. He hated days like this in which he was forced to spend his entire day playing rematch after rematch against Asuma. Whether it be shougi or chess or some other game that he brought, by the end of the day, Shikamaru would be completely sick of the game to the point in which anyone SAID it, he would become irritated.

The time ticked by slowly.

If Asuma had been in a chair, he would have been at the edge of his seat. Instead, he only continued to lean over and wait for Shikamaru to suddenly spring to life and move his next piece. He started to bounce a little bit.

Shikamaru was looking down and his eyes are closed. In a position like this, he couldn't possibly steal a peek at the clouds. He wished that his habitual thinking pose had been lying down on his back with his hands behind his head while looking at the clouds. Yeah, that would have been awesome. Oh well. Too late now.

You'd think that Asuma would get bored after a while. But the longer he was forced into waiting, the more excited he got. He could only imagine what sort of strategy Shikamaru was concocting in his brain at that very moment. His head was also swelling to immense proportions at the thought that his technique was making Shikamaru think so gosh darned much.

Shikamaru hadn't expected Asuma to last this long. Even he, SHIKAMARU, the one who NEVER got bored, was getting a _little_ bored with staring off into darkness.

Hours later. Yes, HOURS later, Asuma was still waiting.

"Hm…" Asuma said quietly. He knew he wasn't supposed to interrupt Shikamaru when he was thinking, but it had been an awfully long time. "Perhaps this technique was a little too perfect…"

Asuma waved his hand in front of Shikamaru's face. No response.

"He is FAR to preoccupied…" Asuma said, nodding enthusiastically.

After a few more moments of waiting, Shikamaru suddenly moved. Backwards. He toppled over onto his back.

"SHIKAMARU!!" Asuma exclaimed, jumping to his feet and running over to Shikamaru's aid. He grabbed Shikamaru's shoulders. "NOOOOOO!! HE'S STILL YOUNG!! TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!"

"Asuma…" Shikamaru said.

"No, Shikamaru, don't speak!!" said Asuma. "Save your strength!!"

"For what?" Shikamaru said, pushing Asuma away.

"Are you all right?" Asuma said.

"Yeah…" said Shikamaru as he sat up.

"Oh PHEW!!" said Asuma.

"I think I dozed off." Shikamaru said, standing up and stretching.

"That's a relief." Said Asuma.

"All right, I'm going home now." Said Shikamaru, turning around and leaving.

Asuma looked at the game board. "Does…this mean I won?" he wondered.


	89. Shino n Kurenai: You Know

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Shino/Kurenai

You Know

It's certainly been an interesting journey with this type of chapters. But frankly, we're glad they're over. They were VERY difficult to brainstorm for. Thanks to phantomgamer01 for helping us come up with the idea for this chapter!

Shino's always been in tune with his bug friends. That's why even when he's in the middle of something, he feels as though he came almost hear a faint cry for help.

"And Akamaru said that he could beat me up so I said—" Kiba began.

"Kiba." Said Shino. "Hold that thought. I'll be right back."

"Okay." Said Kiba with a shrug.

Shino wandered off to find the source of the unhappy contender. Then he saw it. Kurenai walking. But she wasn't walking ANYWHERE. She walked right on top of an ant hill and crushed it, not only destroying many homes but smooshing workers, infants and making it so the survivors had to repair the ant hill!!

Kurenai, on the other hand, didn't even notice. She was filing her nails on the way to meet up with her jounin friends for a Jounin and Chuunin and Teachers Party. She knew Shino was standing there so she looked up.

"Why hello, Shino!" said Kurenai. If Shino had been a happy person, Kurenai would have found it peculiar that he was staring at her stoically with a stone look on his face. But since he ALWAYS looked like that, she figured it was normal and just kept walking.

Shino didn't respond. He only WATCHED her.

Kurenai was entirely unsuspecting. She just continued to walk absentmindedly as if nothing had even happened. Though she did find it to be slightly strange that Shino was now following her around. She quickly glanced over her shoulder just in time to see Shino dart behind a tree. Finally, she turned around.

"Shino, why are you following me?" Kurenai asked.

Shino stepped out from behind the tree.

"Kurenai, I challenge you to a fight." Shino said.

"Me?" said Kurenai, checking behind her to make sure she was the only Kurenai who was being spoken to. "Why?"

Shino's eyes narrowed. "You know." He said darkly.

"No…no I don't." Kurenai said. "Would you care to explain?"

Shino couldn't believe that she was trying to play innocent. Everyone knew that people didn't like ants and made an effort to step on anthills. They figured that since ants terrorize THEIR homes, it would be all right to destroy ants' homes. Well you know? It's NOT all right.

Unfortunately for Shino, that was all inner monologue.

But I guess it was even MORE unfortunate for Kurenai because she still didn't know why Shino had randomly challenged her to a battle.

"Shino, I'm kind of busy right now." Said Kurenai. "I'll train you later."

"This isn't training." Shino said. "It's real."

"Why?" said Kurenai. "Tell me, what brought this on?"

Shino looked back at the anthill. He knew the workers were trying as hard as they could to get the opening accessible again. Even if the entrance was cut off for just moments that was still damaging the queen's egg production and the care the workers gave to the larva.

Kurenai leaned over slightly, trying to see what Shino was looking at. She honestly had no idea what Shino was reacting like this about. Shino had done a lot of weird things in her time of being his teacher, but this had to be among the weirdest. Normally, she could just dismiss his odd behavior as something to do with bugs and go about her life.

Say…

"Shino, does this have anything to do with some bugs?" Kurenai asked.

"'Some bugs'?" Shino repeated, sounding slightly disgusted.

Kurenai gave a heavy sigh. "All right, whatever I did, I'm sorry." She said. She wasn't really afraid of losing to Shino in a fight, she just didn't want their relationship as student and teacher to be shattered for a reason she didn't even know.

"So it is, then." Kurenai said.

"Of course it is." Shino said.

"Well, at least I'm getting SOME response." Kurenai said, putting her hands on her hips. "I think a more constructive thing for us to do would be to talk instead of resort to violence. Don't you agree, Shino?"

Shino didn't answer.

"Shino, if you don't answer me then I'm just going to leave." Kurenai threatened.

"You're right." Shino said. "I can't expect you to remember EVERY clan you massacre."

"What?" Kurenai said, completely surprised. The first thing that came to mind was the famous Uchiha Clan Massacre and she most certainly didn't do THAT!

He pointed back a little bit towards the anthill. "Did you plan on just walking away?" he said.

Kurenai, once again, looked at where Shino was pointing. Even if she had been THINKING to look for an anthill, how could he have expected her to look for a small mound of smooshed sand?

"Shino…nobody's there." Kurenai said, thinking he was referring to a body of some sort.

Shino slowly lowered his hand. "Nobody is there?" he repeated, sounding as baffled as a member of his family could possibly sound. Which was, I can tell you this much, not all that baffled.

Kurenai gave an exasperated sigh and walked over to Shino.

"Since you won't TELL me, show me exactly what you're talking about." She instructed.

Still feeling a little put off, Shino took Kurenai back over to the anthill where little worker ants slowly tunneled through the sand.

"THAT is what all this has been about?" Kurenai said, though she realized she probably shouldn't have said that.

Shino looked at her crossly.

"Okay, okay." Kurenai said, suggesting that she was taking what she had just said back. "Shino. I didn't mean to step on the anthill. I honestly didn't even notice that I did. Trust me, if I had known the anthill was there, I would have stepped around it."

Shino still didn't look very pleased as he lightly moved some sand to the side with the tip of his finger in attempt to help the ants.

"Um…so are we all good?" Kurenai asked, punching his shoulder lightly.

Shino didn't look up.

"…Shino?" Kurenai said.

"You may go now." Shino said, not taking any attention away from his precious bugs.

"…Er…okay…" Kurenai said. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't have tolerated a student speaking to her in such a manner. However, what was she going to do about SHINO?

So, without another word, she got up and quickly went of to her party, making sure not to step on any more anthills on her way.


	90. The Men: Testosterone

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Men

Testosterone

Well…we seem to be writing a lot of chapters about JUST the men. Probably because… they're… cooler… ANYWAY!! kenthegreat1 suggested this idea especially for us. It was quite a challenge for us since we don't normally do this sort of stuff. But here we go anyway!!

It had all started with a little argument between some of the guys. They were all arguing about who was better. For one reason or another, seven of the eight guys got involved. Finally, Shikamaru was able to break it up by reminding them all that he was a chuunin so therefore HE was the best. He was hoping that that would end the argument.

So…the argument took off from there on the debate about who was the SECOND best, next to Shikamaru. Since Shikamaru wanted this stupid thing to be over so he could go back to looking at the clouds, he suggested a tournament.

None of the guys objected because they all believed that they were the best.

"Okay, the only problem is, there are seven people so one person will have to fight one less fight." Shikamaru said to the other seven on the decided day of the tournament.

Just then, Kankuro walked in. "All right, where's Pat Sajack and my ten thousand dollars?" he said.

Then he noticed everyone standing around staring at him.

"…" he said.

"I invited Kankuro to fill the extra space." Shino said.

"More like TRICKED!!" Kankuro yelled. He didn't even know why he was there but he knew that if Shino had invited him then it would probably end in a fight.

He was right. "We're having a tournament." Shikamaru said. "And you're now in the eight slot."

"No way!" said Kankuro as he started to leave.

"That's all right." Said Sasuke. "I know I'm better than him anyway."

"Yeah…" everyone else agreed.

"In THAT case, I'm definitely staying!!" said Kankuro, whipping out his puppet and stomping over.

Shikamaru had them all pick a number out of a hat to make sure it was fair. "Okay, the first fight will be between Kankuro and Sasuke." Said Shikamaru, writing the names on an easel.

"You're obsolete." Said Sasuke to Kankuro. "You might as well not fight."

"Well, if you're scared, I can understand that." Kankuro said.

Sasuke looked offended. "I am NOT scared." He said.

"Sure, sure." Said Kankuro.

Shikamaru cleared his throat before the fight could start prematurely. "The second fight is between Kiba and Lee." He said.

"LAME!" said Kiba. "I don't want to have to fight Lee."

"All I have to do is beat Kiba and hope that Sasuke beats Kankuro and then I'll get to fight Sasuke!!" said Lee enthusiastically, punching the air.

"I was hoping to get someone I could beat so I could at least get to the second round…" Kiba said sadly.

"The third fight is between Neji and Chouji." Shikamaru continued.

"Aw man!" said Chouji who was equally unhappy, if not MORE unhappy, than Kiba.

Neji didn't really care who he fought. He knew he was going to win the tournament anyway, even if he DID have French braided hair and did the Macarena. And then maybe everyone would think twice about making fun of him again. He was also glad that Sasuke was in an opposite bracket as him since he was pretty convinced that it would be he and Sasuke in the finals.

"And, finally, the last fight is between Shino and Naruto." Shikamaru finished.

"Can we re-pick the numbers?" Shino asked since he wanted to fight Kankuro and they were on opposite sides of the little… tournament… thing.

"What, you afraid to fight me?!" said Naruto.

Shino only stared at Naruto in response.

"I'LL be the judge." Said Shikamaru, pulling up a chair. "I'll decide when the fight is over."

"Um…!" said Chouji, raising his hand. "Can we make it a rule that you can't… uh… HARM your opponent?" He looked nervously at Neji.

"Chouji, this is a tournament." Shikamaru reminded him. "If you don't want to be harmed, you might as well just drop out now."

"I meant in some kind of horrible and irreversible way." Chouji said.

"Like what?" Shikamaru questioned.

"Like something the opponent could potentially die from." Chouji replied.

"Oh." Said Shikamaru. "You mean… keep it more low key than we normally would? Friendly spars?"

"Yes!" said Chouji. "That's exactly what I meant!"

"But how are we going to be able to judge who's the best if we don't go ALL OUT?!" Lee demanded, getting fiery glowing eyes of passion and youth. He was SO incredibly pumped. He couldn't have been put in a better place for the tournament. He got to fight Sasuke and, if he won, he got to fight Neji! …If Neji beat Shino/Naruto and Chouji that is.

"We can decide prior to the start of each battle whether or not it's important to keep it a spar or go all out." Said Shikamaru. "Okay?"

"OKAY!!" agreed everyone, even Shikamaru.

"So the first fight is Sasuke and Kankuro." Shikamaru announced, raising his arm up in the air. "Is it sparring or real fighting?"

"Real fighting." Sasuke said, glaring at Kankuro.

"Yeah." Kankuro agreed.

"Okay." He said, looking around and then lowering his arm. "Start."


	91. The Men: Round One

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Men

Round One

Kankuro was ready to give Sasuke the beating of his life. He was going to beat him up dead.

Sasuke was already thinking about which victory smirk he should use.

Finally, Kankuro grabbed one of the bandages on Karasu and unraveled him. Using his mad puppeteer skills, he attached chakra to the strings and had Karasu attack.

Sasuke wasn't fooled for even a moment. He gracefully leapt up into the air and landed behind Kankuro in a matter of seconds. Then Sasuke whirled around and kicked Kankuro in the back of the head. He made a strange… hollow sound.

Which immediately clued Sasuke in that Kankuro was actually Karasu. WOW!! Karasu spun around to grab Sasuke and hold him in place, but Sasuke was able to jump away just in time.

Sasuke knew that Karasu was a puppet and puppets are made out of wood. You know what burns wood? Well think about it. What _burns _period? FIRE does! Guess who has some fire moves? Sasuke does! And, even though his fire moves tend to never work, he also tends to use them as often as he can in vain hope that maybe they'll work this time around.

After spewing the fire at Karasu and standing there looking satisfied at a job well done, Sasuke suddenly found that Karasu was behind him.

He rolled his eyes slightly and then kicked Karasu across the room, not bothering to be fancy anymore. This, of course, pulled Kankuro out of his hiding place so Sasuke ran up to him and got ready to pummel him into oblivion. And then he did. And, since we don't really like Kankuro all that much, he ended up being just a steaming heap on the ground.

"All right…" said Shikamaru. "I think…I think we're done with that."

Shino was rather disappointed because he wanted to fight Kankuro. That's the whole reason he had tricked him into coming. But now that plan was SHOT! The only good that could come out of this tournament now that Kankuro was eliminated would be a chance to fight Sasuke. Even though Shino doesn't really let on, he actually wants to fight Sasuke just like the rest of the world.

"Sasuke wins." Shikamaru said, advancing Sasuke's name to the next round.

"What a surprise." Said Sasuke. Everyone was THINKING it, but he was the only one who said it.

The four girls' services had been employed to carry off the steaming heaps. So they threw Kankuro onto a stretcher and took him away to be hospitalized.

"Now we have a fight between Kiba and Lee." Said Shikamaru.

We forgot to mention that the girls had ALSO been employed as cheerleaders and they had been cheering for Sasuke throughout the first fight.

"Go Lee!!" cheered Tenten.

"I'm going to cheer for Lee too!" said Sakura cheerfully.

"I will too because I want him to win so you'll fall in love with him so I'll have less competition for Sasuke!!" said Ino. Then she paused. "Did I just say that out loud?"

"Yay Kiba…" Hinata said quietly. Kiba was on her team, he was extra nice to her, and besides, she didn't really know Lee all that well. She didn't like being contradictory, though, so that's why her cheers were quiet enough to go unheard by everyone except Kiba.

…Who was very giddy inside. Even though he knew he couldn't really beat Lee, he felt like he had already won because Hinata was cheering for him. He wanted to win again so that she could cheer for him in the NEXT round!

"Friendly spar or real fight?" Shikamaru asked Lee and Kiba.

"Friendly spar!!" said Lee, holding out his hand for Kiba to shake.

"AT LEAST let me keep my dignity!" said Kiba, looking offended as he instinctively put his hand in Lee's. "We're fighting for REAL!!"

"Okay." Said Lee with a shrug.

Kiba secretly cursed his dignity as the two separated to begin their fight.

"This will be a good match!" said Tenten to the other girls. "Lee and Kiba are both good taijutsu users! But, of course, Lee's better."

"Um…" Hinata felt obligated to say something even though she knew it was true. They all seemed to forget that he had Akamaru on his side! Right??

"Go." Shikamaru said, signaling for the fight to begin.

"Let's go, Akamaru!" said Kiba, looking down at Akamaru who barked in response. The two could be serious and get along when it MATTERED. And this tournament mattered about as much as a kickball game in gym in eighth grade. Translation? It mattered A LOT.

Kiba WOULD have used his move that turned Akamaru into an exact copy of himself but Lee was already on the offensive and moved in for the attack. So Kiba had to block in order to protect himself. He got flung against a tree.

"…Oh…!" Hinata said, sounding nervous.

"Don't worry about them!" said Sakura. "Guys are like… ten times more tough than girls. They make them with thicker skin so they hardly feel a thing when that sort of stuff happens to them."

"Really?" said Hinata naïvely.

"Yeah!" said Sakura, acting like Hinata was silly for not knowing.

Lee jumped over to deliver the final blow on Kiba just like Sasuke had done to Kankuro. But he hit Kiba who only poofed and disappeared. Then he looked down to see Akamaru standing there barking at him and, as he stood there in a stupefied state, Kiba came up behind him and hit him with a nice, hard punch. Yay for Kiba!!

"OH WOW!!" Lee exclaimed, slapping his cheeks after regaining his balance. "You're trickery is beyond anything I've ever seen before!!"

"It was just some Kawarimi and Henge." Said Kiba.

"IT WAS AMAZING!!!" Lee yelled.

"Keep in mind that ANY ninjutsu or genjutsu is amazing to Lee." Neji said.

"Your trickery is incredible!!" said Lee as he got down on his knees and started bowing. "I'm not worthy!! I'm not worthy!!"

Kiba got a big head. "Well, what can I say?" he said, brushing himself off in a cocky fashion.

"…WHAT is he doing?" Sakura said, looking slightly annoyed.

"I couldn't tell you." Tenten sighed.

"I think I'm rooting for Kiba now." Ino said.

As Kiba continued to stand there looking proud of himself, he dropped his guard. That's when Lee sprung up and hit Kiba back!!

"HA!!" laughed Lee, pointing at Kiba. "I can be trickful too!!"

"I'm re-rooting for Lee." Ino said.

"RRRG!!" said Kiba, jumping to his feet and rubbing his face. "How dare you hit me!! Now we're really going to fight for real!!"

"This is the stupidest match I have ever witnessed." Said Sasuke. "And it's hardly started."

"You better win all your matches, Sasuke, so I can fight you in the finals!!" said Naruto randomly, pointing at Sasuke's name on the easel.

"What makes you think that you're going to defeat me?" said Shino, pointing to his own name.

"Come on, Shino, work with me here!" said Naruto. "You know how much I want to fight Sasuke so do you think you could throw your fight so I can fight against him in the final?"

"You mean…forfeit?" Shino said.

"No, just throwing the fight." Said Naruto with a shrug.

"I, Aburame Shino, do not FORFEIT." Shino said.

"It wouldn't be forfeiting, it would be throwing your fight!" Naruto tried.

"I don't forfeit." Said Shino.

"You wouldn't be forfeiting!!" said Naruto.

"'Forfeit' is not in my dictionary." Shino said.

"STOP THAT!!!" Naruto yelled.

Shino felt like his point was made and just turned around to watch the rest of the fight only to see Kiba fly by overhead. Upon landing, he skid across the ground and hit a tree.

Hinata gasped, grabbed her little jar of medical ointment and ran over to where he had landed.

"I guess Lee's the winner." Said Shikamaru, advancing Lee's name forward.

"YAAAAAAAAY!!" cheered Lee, jumping around and cheering. His happiness was not from beating Kiba, but for the future in which he got to fight Sasuke and potentially Neji.

"Now we have Chouji and Neji." Shikamaru said. "Friendly spar or real fighting?"

"Friendly spar!!" said Chouji immediately. Then he looked at Neji pleadingly. "Friendly spar?"

"I don't do 'friendly'." Neji said, crossing his arms and scoffing.

"Um…never mind then!" said Chouji. "I forfeit!"

"You sure, Chouji?" said Shikamaru.

"Definitely." Chouji said. "I know I'm not as strong as Neji which means I'm not the strongest which means I don't have to be in this tournament that the only purpose is to figure out who is the strongest!"

"That was a well developed answer, Chouji." Shikamaru complimented, moving Neji's name forward.

"CHOUJI!!" yelled Ino. "YOU'RE LAME!!" She frowned and slumped. "No one from my team participated."

Tenten coughed slightly. "Both of my teammates advanced." She said.

"You two sound like our teachers." Sakura said.

Then Hinata came back over with Kiba.

"Hinata, I really could have fought some more." Kiba said to Hinata.

"I was worried about you." Hinata said, sitting down next to the other girls.

"Okay." Said Kiba with a shrug as he sat down next to Hinata.

"It's all right that you didn't win, Kiba." Said Tenten. "Lee is a strong opponent."

"Yeah." Said Sakura. "He beat Naruto who beat you."

"Naruto's win over me doesn't REALLY count." Said Kiba. "I had the upper hand the entire fight but he did something dirty to win that I feel stupid even mentioning!!"

"But he still beat you." Sakura reminded him.

Kiba sighed. "Yes." He said. "I know."

"The last fight of Round One is between Naruto and Shino." Shikamaru said.

"Real fight." Said Shino before Shikamaru could even ask.

"I was thinking the same thing!!" said Naruto.

"Okay." Said Shikamaru. "Real fight then. Go."

"Now, because you insulted me by suggesting I forfeit, I will make sure your defeat is a humiliating one." Said Shino.

"I was just about to say that!" Naruto said.

"…Why?" said Shino. "You saying that would make absolutely no sense whatsoever."

"LIKEWISE!!" Naruto yelled.

Shino was confused.

Naruto was going for that. He hoped to confuse Shino enough to make him drop his guard.

Yeah…like THAT was going to work.

Meanwhile, Hinata was once again torn between cheering for Naruto and cheering for one of her teammates. She knew she couldn't cheer for Naruto, especially since Kiba was sitting right next to her.

"I don't know who to cheer for." Said Ino to the other girls. And Kiba.

"Let's all unconditionally cheer for Naruto!!" said Tenten.

"I have a better idea!" said Sakura. "Let's all unconditionally cheer for SASUKE!"

"But Sasuke's not even fighting." Said Kiba.

"SO?" said the girls but not Hinata.

"Okay…" said Kiba. He knew that the girls couldn't possibly be an intelligent lot if they cheered for LEE over HIM.

Anyway, Shino and Naruto were fighting. Naruto was using his Kage Bunshins and Shino was using his bugs. It was an intense battle.

"You know, you're not going to defeat me the same way you defeated Kiba." Said Shino. "Which I still think was pretty…dumb."

"You wanna make something of it?" said Naruto. "What, you wanna fight?"

"We ARE fighting." Shino reminded him.

"I know that!" said Naruto.

"Just hurry it up already!!" Sakura yelled at the two fighters because she wanted to see Sasuke and Lee fight.

Now…it's okay for Kankuro to end up as a steaming heap on the ground but that would never happen to our twelve favorites. So we'll just tell you hear and now that the battle was very intense and Shino had all his bugs running around while Naruto had all his clones running around but in the end, Shino was just way awesomer than Naruto and beat him… to a NEAR steaming heap on the ground. And he was taken off to be hospitalized. Sorry folks.

"So Shino advances to the next round." Shikamaru narrated.

"Let's start Round Two!!" said Lee.

"Sure." Said Shikamaru. "Sounds like a plan."


	92. The Men: Round Two

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Men

Round Two

Finally, the battle between Sasuke and Lee was set. There was no stopping it now. The two finally had an excuse to fight and neither was about to back down. EVER.

"Bring it on, knave!!" said Lee. "I'll show you what taijutsu is made out of!"

Sasuke looked momentarily speechless. "Can't say I've ever been called a knave before." He said finally.

"Okay, I know I don't have to ask but I don't want people telling me that I didn't ask." Shikamaru said. "Friendly spar or real fight?"

"REAL FIGHT!!!" Lee yelled dramatically.

"Agreed." Said Sasuke, striking his fighter's pose. Lee did the same thing.

"Okay then…go ahead." Shikamaru said.

Both of them would have preferred to hit the other person first. But, since they both charged at each other at the same time, it was like a game of chicken deciding who would throw the punch first.

Finally, Sasuke did and Lee ducked down to avoid it. While he was down there, he supported his weight on his hands and swung his legs to knock Sasuke over. But Sasuke was ready and leapt over Lee's legs, high into the air and then landed gracefully on the other side of the decided fighting arena.

"FIGHT ME!!" Lee yelled.

"I AM fighting you." Sasuke said, sounding annoyed.

"Fight me MORE!!" Lee commanded.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and then promptly Sharingan-ified them. He needed to be able to read Lee's moves better. He hadn't fought Lee since way back before the chuunin exam, but he had improved a lot in his speed since then so he was going to beat him this time. That's right. The last time they fought, Lee had been the victor, but only because Sasuke LET him win. Right Sasuke?

"Right." Sasuke said.

But this time it would be different. There would be no LETTING Lee win because he had a tournament to win in order to prove that he was better than everyone else there. After all, after he beat Lee, he'd be in the finals and be up against his boyhood rival from the academy, Shino, or the Number One Rookie from the year previous to his, Neji. Either way, they were going down. Man, they were going down SO fast that he had practically already won even though he hadn't even beat Lee yet.

Kicks, punches and a variety of other attacks were thrown as the two fighters engaged in an all-out brawl to arise triumphant.

As Sasuke went flying across the arena, he suddenly had a realization. _"HEY!" _said his subconscious. _"You could LOSE this thing if you don't pick it up!!"_

Sasuke fehed at his subconscious as he hit a tree. "Fat chance." He said.

_"No, seriously. You have to be more intense."_

"I am being intense." Said Sasuke, standing up and leaping into the trees.

_"MORE intense. Do you honestly think you could beat Itachi with this intensity level or lack thereof?"_

"I don't need to think about that right now." Sasuke muttered, shaking his head.

_"THEN FIGHT HARDER!!!" _screamed his subconscious.

"FINE!!" Sasuke yelled as he punched the air as hard as he could to get himself pumped up. Then he opened his eyes to see that he had just punched Lee in the stomach.

"Owwwww…" groaned Lee as he toppled to the ground. He had currently been flying through the air and was about to land a blow on Sasuke while he was battling with himself internally. Sasuke paused for a moment and then looked down just as Lee landed with a THUNK.

He jumped down and landed next to his adversary. Lee curled up into the fetal position and continued to cry softly to himself.

"Hey, Sasuke won!" came Sakura's voice behind him. Sasuke turned around to see all the people who were still conscious to watch the tournament.

"Of course." Sasuke said, looking pompous. Shikamaru shrugged and they all went back to the main area where the easel and Shikamaru's chair was. He advanced Sasuke's name as Lee went over to where the girls, Kiba and Chouji were.

"My STOMACH!!" wailed Lee, tears streaming down his face.

"Lee, stop." Ordered Tenten.

"YEE-AH SHINO!!" yelled Kiba as Neji and Shino got in the fighting area. "GO SHINO, GO!!"

"Yay!" Hinata cheered. She couldn't lose this time by cheering for Shino because no one expected her to cheer for Neji and BESIDES, Shino was on her team and everything. "We believe in you, Shino!"

"You better win, Shino, or we're going to call you a pussy!" said Kiba.

"I can't have THAT." Said Shino.

"Lee, come on, cheer for Neji!" said Tenten. "We have to out cheer the other team!"

"You?" said Kiba. "Out cheer US?!"

"Well YEAH." Said Tenten.

Kiba only made her talk to the hand.

"This is…a real fight I'll assume?" said Shikamaru to Neji and Shino.

"I only fight real fights." Said Shino and Neji at the same time. They both slightly got offended that the other spoke for him, so they glared at each other simultaneously.

"Okay, so let's get this over with then." Shikamaru said. "Start."

Neji opened his fight the same way he opens ALL fights. A brief rant on fate…strike that, make it a rant bordering on long and REALLY long, and then an even longer rant on the Main House.

Shino's a pretty patient guy so he only waited for Neji to finish.

But…there's only so much even someone like Shino can take.

"And then, when I was only four—" Neji continued.

"Neji, please." Shino said. "Could we just fight?"

"Apparently you don't know about the Main House and the Branch House and the horrible atrocities that occurred… and still are occurring to this very day!" Neji said.

"I DO know." Said Shino. "You just explained it all to me."

"I wasn't finished." Neji said.

"JUST START!!" yelled Kiba impatiently.

Neji frowned. "Fine." He said, turning on his Byakugan.

Shino got in his fighter's stance and started sending out his bugs towards Neji. Neji was all like… "Can't touch this!" and did the Heavenly Spin. Of course, he didn't actually SAY, "Can't touch this!" but you could tell that he was THINKING it. I would be anyway.

So the bugs got flung away. Shino realized that this was one opponent that his bugs couldn't sneak up on so he quickly had to change his tactics.

Neji was convinced he was cooler than Shino so he figured he'd use his famous 64 Hands thing and discourage him from using any chakra for the rest of the battle. Yeah, Shino, how about them apples?

No, he didn't say that either. But, yes, he was definitely thinking it.

Shino was thinking something VERY different. He was thinking, "Hey, the trees might be a good place to chill until I think up a good plan…"

So he decided to pretend like he was attacking Neji who was all ready with the Heavenly Spin, but he just ended up spinning around like a fool because when he finished, Shino had already jumped up into the trees. Neji followed right after him.

"Aw man, another tree fight." Moaned Kiba.

"Let's go!" said Tenten. "I don't want to miss the final blow this time!!"

Everyone who was willing and able sprung up and sprinted into the tree area so they could see the intense battle.

Neji was standing on one of the branches in the trees. He was looking around, but you couldn't tell. One doesn't have to move one's head to look around if one is a Hyuuga. Then he spotted Shino standing behind a tree and he was there thinking he was all better than Neji and everything. Well he wasn't.

Shino was actually not thinking that. He was KNOWING that. He was thinking about something completely different. For example, how he would go about defeat Neji. He hid some bugs in the trees to jump onto Neji if he even went near certain places, but somehow he just didn't think that would be enough. And, of course, it's not like that was the REAL Shino standing there. It was some kind of horrible bug clone that required some expensive computer animation.

Neji jumped up and swung around the tree, landing a Gentle Fist blow right on the clone Shino, making it disappear. All the bugs that came from the clone separated and then landed on Neji. Neji did the Heavenly Spin again but you'd be surprised how disoriented you could get after doing that as many times as he's done, especially up in a tree like that. He barely caught himself from falling off the branch and vowed never to do the Heavenly Spin while in a tree or any other high up distance again.

While he was standing there vowing, he spotted Shino coming down for the attack. He spun around and started his violent poking move on Shino until he hit the trunk of the tree.

All the spectators watched from the ground and ooed and aahed.

"Come on Shino!" said Hinata when they noticed that Shino wasn't moving.

"YEAH!!" said Kiba. "Don't let him beat you!"

"Go Neji!!" cheered Tenten.

Everyone else was indifferent. No one really liked/had a significant relationship with Neji OR Shino.

That's when what looked like an army of bugs appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Neji looked around briefly and was JUST about to do the Heavenly Spin again when he noticed that Shino was grabbing his arm, preventing him from doing such.

"I let you hit me on purpose." Said Shino since he likes explaining the cool stuff he did so the other person can be in awe. "So I'd be in this position and be able to hold you in place to keep you from doing that spinning…thing again."

"All right, it's called the _Heavenly Spin_, not the spinning thing." Neji said.

"Furthermore—" Shino began but he was suddenly interrupted because a tree branch above them suddenly came crashing down and landed right on Shino's head. The bugs immediately stopped and retracted as Shino and Neji just stood there for a moment. Then Shino toppled over like a lump and landed as a big heap on the ground.

Neji looked up at where the branch had broken off. Then he jumped down from the tree where everyone else was, lightly kicked Shino a little bit to make sure he was completely unresponsive, and then looked at Shikamaru.

Shikamaru sighed. "Well, we have two very unimpressive wins by our famous Number One Rookies." Said Shikamaru.

"SHINO!!" yelled Kiba. "YOU'RE A PUSSY!!"

"I don't think he can hear you, Kiba." Said Hinata nervously.

"Well, SOMEONE has to carry Shino back to the fighting area." Said Ino. "Because I know I'm not."

"Yeah…" agreed the other girls.

"I'm not carrying him." Said Kiba. "He's got…BUGS and stuff in him. Ew."

"Likewise." Said Chouji.

So everyone stood there silently for a moment and quietly slipped away, leaving Shino there to rot.

"Okay, anyway…" said Shikamaru, clearing his throat as he moved Neji's name up to the finals spot. "One more fight. The top ninjas in the class of their respective years. We can only expect the best. And I hope so too after those very disappointing rounds we just watched."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!" cheered the people on the sidelines.


	93. The Men: Finals

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: The Men

The Finals

"_I _wanted to fight Neji in the finals!!" whined Lee, throwing a temper tantrum since he was now over his poor little stomach.

"How would that fight be any different from all the other fights in which Neji easily pummels you in five seconds?" Tenten said, laying it on kind of harshly.

"BECAUSE IT'S A TOURNAMENT!!" wailed Lee, burying his face in his hands. He was very sad that he had failed to defeat Sasuke, which meant he didn't get a chance to defeat Neji.

"Um…should we really have left Shino in the woods like that?" Hinata asked, looking back at where they had irresponsibly left Shino.

"I doubt he'll really care, Hinata!" said Kiba.

"I don't know…" said Chouji. "I know _I _would care."

"Well Shino's different." Said Kiba. "He's weird and tends to like things that we wouldn't and vise versa. I think the biggest thing he'll be upset about is losing to Neji in such a stupid way!"

"Yeah…poor Shino…" sighed Hinata.

"GO SASUKE!!!" cheered Sakura. "YAAAAAY!!"

"Let's do the wave, everyone!" said Lee, throwing his arms up in the air. Upon the starting of a wave, everyone can't help but join in. "Um…just so you all know, that wave was for Neji." Lee said after the wave was complete.

"Then I withdraw my participation from that wave." Said Sakura.

"Me too!" said Ino. "I'M cheering for Sasuke!"

"You're so predictable, Ino." Said Sakura.

"YOU'RE cheering for Sasuke too!" Ino reminded her.

"Yeah, but Sasuke's on my team so it's expected." Sakura said. "Sasuke's not on YOUR team."

"I know." Said Ino painfully.

"All right, this is the last fight and then we can all go home." Said Shikamaru. "And I think we should make it a requirement that this fight is a REAL fight since it's the final round. But I doubt you two would have it any other way."

"Right." Said Neji and Sasuke as they Byakuganed and Sharinganed respectively.

"I've been waiting a really long time to be able to fight you." Neji said to Sasuke.

"Really?" said Sasuke. "I haven't been waiting at all to fight YOU."

Neji, at first, looked puzzled. He thought that maybe someone was standing behind him for Sasuke to say something like that. EVERYONE wanted to fight Neji. He was the Number One Rookie from his year and he had mad Hyuuga skills among many other things!

"Were you addressing that comment towards me?" Neji asked.

"What comment?" Sasuke responded.

"The comment you just made." Said Neji.

"I can't be expected to remember every snide comment I make to my opponent." Sasuke said as if Neji's inquiry was totally out of line.

"You know, you said that you haven't been waiting to fight ME." Neji explained.

"Yeah?" Sasuke said. "And?"

"I was wondering if that response was directed towards me." Neji said.

"Well of course it was directed towards you." Said Sasuke. "Who else would I be speaking to? Especially since it was in response to your comment you had made previous to it."

"What is it that I said?" Neji said, trying to remember.

"Something about how you didn't think my comment was directed towards you." Sasuke replied.

"No, before that." Neji said. "I mean the comment that sparked your reply that you haven't been wanting to fight me."

"Um…I don't know…" Sasuke said truthfully.

"It had to be something about me fighting you." Said Neji.

"It was probably that you wanted to fight me so I spitefully answered that I didn't want to fight you to psyche you out." Sasuke concluded.

"Oh." Neji said. "Right. I remember."

Then they paused.

"Are you two going to start this fight or something?" Shikamaru asked.

No one could have put it in a better way. The two charged at each other. Neji raised a leg to kick and Sasuke threw a fist out to punch and their auras clashed and just before contact was made between the two number one rookies of their years, someone appeared in between them and grabbed their respected appendage that was rushing forward.

"What are you two crazy kids up to?" Kakashi asked.

"We're in the middle of a fight." Sasuke said, trying to get his fist out of Kakashi's palm but failing miserably. Neji was in a similar situation except it was far more awkward considering he was practically upside down.

"What are you all doing out here?" said Asuma, coming along with Kurenai, Gai and Iruka.

"No doubt this is a tournament designed to figure out who is the best among you." Said Iruka, taking note of the easel Shikamaru had set up.

Kurenai laughed. "That's no way to figure out who is the best!" she said.

"Yes!" said Gai. "Stop this foolish nonsense and come with us! We have already set up a competition to figure out who TRULY is the best!"

"We're in the last round." Shikamaru said.

"Don't be silly you gooses." Said Kurenai. "Come with us and don't make us use force."

The students all groaned and complained a little bit that they were about to witness the clash of the century but the teachers would have none of it.

"Now…where's Naruto?" Kakashi asked, looking around. "…And…"

"Tenten?" suggested Asuma.

"No, I'm here." Said Tenten.

"…Um…" stuttered Gai, continuing to look.

"Shino!" said Iruka.

"That's right." Said Kakashi. "Where's Shino and Naruto?"

"Shino's off somewhere in the woods over there." Kiba replied, pointing vaguely in the woods. "A branch fell on his head and he's unconscious. Naruto's in the hospital because Shino beat him within an inch of his life to the point in which he was ALMOST a steaming heap unlike Kankuro who is ACTUALLY a steaming heap. But Shino beating him up had nothing to do with the branch falling on his head. Shino didn't beat up Kankuro, though. Sasuke did."

"Oh." Said Kakashi, nodding his head even though he wasn't quite sure what exactly had transpired.

"So everyone come on!" said Kurenai. "We'll make sure Shino and Naruto are A-OKAY to join the heated competition!! Iruka?"

"Right!" said Iruka as he ran off to work his magic.

With that, Kakashi dropped Neji and Sasuke on their arses. The two glared at each other as they stood up and brushed off their rumps so they wouldn't be caught with a dirty bum.


	94. Heated Competition

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Heated Competition

This chapter was suggested by one of our loyal reviewers; Rashaka, and I'm so glad that we found a good use for it! Enjoy! (And with this chapter, the Lost Chapters are officially LONGER than the Naruto Primer!! And still with 6 chapters to go! HURRAY!!)

"I hardly think that an art contest is going to help settle the dispute of who is the best ninja among us." Grumbled Neji as the teachers presented the group of twelve (yes, Shino and Naruto came back) to a room that had all the art supplies anyone would ever need or want.

"You have NO idea!" laughed Gai.

"Obviously I don't." Neji said, looking extremely evil.

"I get to be the unbiased median again!" Iruka said excitedly, pointing his finger up in the air.

"All right!" said Kurenai. "The rules are as follows! Make something artsy and whosever is the best is officially the greatest ninja here!"

"Next to Shikamaru of course." Asuma said. "He's automatically the best because…" Asuma trailed off and then chuckled warmly. "Well, I guess you all know why!"

Asuma received a few evil looks from his fellow teachers. Even from Iruka who was getting a little tired of hearing about it and getting absolutely no recognition as being another one of the Great Shikamaru's teachers who aided him in his quest to chuuninhood before everyone else.

"How long should we give them?" questioned Kakashi.

"An hour?" suggested Kurenai.

"I hardly think an hour is enough time to thoroughly complete a work of art that is to be judged!" exclaimed Sakura, knowing exactly what she was going to paint.

"TWO hours." Gai said.

"An hour and a half." Asuma said. "I am FAR to impatient to sit around and wait for these students of ours to paint a picture!"

"Well…we could go and…do something…" thought Kurenai out loud.

And then a bus drove by. An old man came out of the bus and started dancing around crazily like a fool to some insane music.

"LET'S GO TO SIX FLAGS!!!" cheered the teachers as they piled on the bus and then it drove away.

The students stood there and stared at where the bus used to be.

"Okay…so they force us to end our tournament early, do an art contest and now they're going to Six Flags?" said Sasuke, looking slightly baffled.

"Guys, Six Flags is not all that cool." Said Tenten. "We're too short for any of the rides anyway."

"How about we just forget about this art contest and finish our tournament?" Neji suggested, really only concerned about SASUKE'S consent.

"Oh that's all right," said Sasuke as he started looking at the little paint bottles. "We don't need to fight. Let's just assume that I won and leave it at that. That way, the outcome is the same except you don't have to be beat up."

Neji would have retorted with a witty reply, but the problem was that he couldn't think of one. He was just so in shock that anyone would even THINK of saying something like that to him, let alone say it out loud. So he could only stand there with his eyes wide and his mouth gaping open as everyone else cleared their throats and went over to their own little easels.

"Hey Kiba!" said Naruto, dipping his two index fingers in red paint and then smearing it on his face. "I'm YOU!"

"HA!" laughed Kiba. "You think just THAT will make you me?"

"Yeah." Said Naruto.

For some reason, that made Kiba fume. "Well I'll show you!!" he said as he dipped his hands in some black paint and making three lines on both his cheeks. "See? Now I'm YOU."

"_I _don't have red things on my face." Naruto pointed out.

"Fine." Said Kiba. "I'm you being me."

"You wish." mumbled Naruto.

"Kiba, you have paint on your face!" Hinata said.

"I know!" said Kiba, turning to Hinata. "I'm being Naruto being me!"

"What?" said Hinata, looking confused.

"Don't worry, Hinata." Said Kiba. "It's kind of a guy thing."

"Oh." Said Hinata with a nod. She turned back to her picture, which was currently a hill. She was just in the middle of drawing the house that would go on that hill when she had been distracted by the paint on Kiba's face and had to be sure that he knew it was there so he wouldn't be embarrassed when he got home, looked in the mirror and then realized that there had been paint on his face all day!! AHHH!!

So then she took a deep breath and turned to Shino who was on the other side of her. "What are you painting, Shino?" she asked.

Shino looked at Hinata and then angled his painting so that she could not see it.

"Oh." Said Hinata. "It's going to be a surprise?"

Shino only adjusted his sunglasses.

"Hey, Shino, that's a good idea!" said Tenten. Because Shino had angled it away from Hinata, he had accidentally given Tenten a clear and open view of what he was painting. "I was really stumped about what I should paint but your painting inspired me!"

Shino, once again, didn't say anything.

"What is it?" Lee asked Tenten.

"Oh, just a little something special!" Tenten said. "I don't want the spoil the surprise!"

"Well, I'M painting a life size portrait of GAI!!" said Lee, turning his easel around to show that he was, in fact, doing exactly what he had mentioned.

"That's a little excessive." Tenten said uneasily.

"It will look MARVELOUS!" said Lee.

"Hmph." Said Neji.

"HEY!!" yelled Lee, springing up and pointing dramatically at Neji. "Is there something you want to say?!"

"Lee, if you want to sway the judges then you should draw a life size portrait of Iruka." Neji answered.

"I'm not doing that!!" yelled Lee, insulted.

"Right, Lee." Said Neji, going back at his own painting, which was an angsty bird in a cage. Or at least, the makings of an angsty bird in a cage. Of course, no one was really going to say anything about Neji's angsty bird in a cage because not only were they not in the mood with him being offended, but they also didn't want to have to listen to an hour-long rant about the Main and Branch Houses.

"I am simply STUMPED as to what I'm going to paint, Shikamaru!" said Chouji who was, for an inexplicable reason, sitting next to Neji. He was probably sitting next to Neji because there was an empty seat next to him and Shikamaru had just so happened to put himself where he had. Chouji just had to sit next to Shikamaru. "What are you going to paint?"

"I'm not going to paint anything." Shikamaru answered.

"WHY?!" said Chouji, sounding shocked.

"Because Asuma said I've already won ANYWAY and it's too troublesome to paint a picture for no reason." Shikamaru replied honestly.

"I bet you wouldn't have painted a picture even if Asuma hadn't already said that you won!" said Ino.

"That might very well be true." Said Shikamaru with a shrug. "But we'll never know now."

"Shikamaru, you are so lazy!" said Ino with an exasperated sigh.

"I know." Said Shikamaru, sounding rather annoyed. "And even if I hadn't known it for myself, I would have you to repeatedly tell me over and over on an hourly basis."

"Maybe if you weren't so lazy then you would be able to produce a work of art that rivals that of the one I'm about to create!" Ino said, showing her makings of a beautiful portrait of Sasuke.

"You call THAT a beautiful portrait of Sasuke?!" demanded Sakura, leaning over and gaping. "That's hardly worthy of being in the same room as Sasuke!"

"Like you could do any better, Sakura!" said Ino.

"As a matter of fact, I COULD!" said Sakura, showing HER painting to Ino which was also the start of a portrait of Sasuke.

"THAT'S Sasuke?" laughed Ino. "It looks more like ROADKILL!"

Both of their paintings were hardly started and therefore it was impossible to distinguish at this early time whose was better among the two but now they were competing.

"Sasuke, you're on my side, aren't you?" said Sakura, leaning over to Sasuke who was trying to get the yellow paint open.

"What?" he said as he cap popped off.

"What are you painting?" Sakura asked.

"I don't know." Said Sasuke. "A sunflower maybe."

"A sunflower?" Sakura asked, looking slightly confused.

"I like sunflowers." Sasuke said, eyeing her.

"Oh, there's nothing wrong with that!" said Sakura.

"Got any witty remarks, Naruto?" Sasuke said, turning to Naruto. But then he decided against it and slowly scooted away from him. Naruto and Kiba were pretty much head to toe covered with paint, looking as though their main goal was to paint themselves and not their papers. Sasuke seriously had to evaluate his seating decision.

Neji figured now was a good time to take a break from his angsty bird painting. He had finally come up with a good retort to Sasuke's totally out of line comments concerning Neji's fighting ability.

He started walking around the circle to where Sasuke was seated but, on the way, he happened to pass by Hinata who, by this time, had a little house on a hill. Of course, it wasn't anything special, especially by Neji's thirteen-year-old standards, but for a twelve-year-old it was okay.

"Nice painting, Hinata." Said Neji, sounding creepy.

"Um…thanks?" said Hinata, sounding nervous.

"That's the MAIN House, isn't it?" Neji said.

"What is?" Hinata asked, trying to keep herself from stuttering.

"That house." Said Neji. "You drew it to portray the Main House, didn't you? And what's that right there? That smaller house that can hardly fit one person? That's the BRANCH House, isn't it?"

"Er…that's a dog house." Hinata said.

Neji gave a look of extreme dissatisfaction.

"That is SO like a member of the Main House to compare the Branch House to a place where DOGS live." Said Neji.

"You said that, not her." Shino said.

"She said it all right there in her painting." Neji commented.

Neji stood there and waited for Shino to respond to that, but when Shino didn't, he decided to leave. For some reason, because of Shino's lack of response, Neji didn't feel like he had won.

So Neji went over to where Sasuke was currently painting his sunflowers. He might have been happy, but one can never really tell with Sasuke. Neji leaned over, pretending to be interested in the painting and then, in a VERY petty fashion, tipped the entire can of yellow paint over…

RIGHT ON TO SASUKE'S PAINTING!!!

Neji immediately got all ready in his fighter's stance with his Byakugan and everything. Sasuke allowed the feelings of revenge to fester within him for a moment or two before exploding out of his seat, complete with his Sharinganed eyes and a half built up Chidori. And JUST when both contenders were about to go on the warpath, Sasuke suddenly stopped and allowed the Chidori to die out and his eyes to fizzle back to normal.

You see, he's pretty smart as long as he's not faced with Itachi. He realized that the one thing Neji wanted was to fight him and if he allowed his feelings of revenge to get the best of him, he'd only be PLEASING Neji as opposed to feeling satisfied after his defeat.

"What, don't you want to fight me?" said Neji, still all ready just in case. "I ruined your painting. There's not enough time left to start another one."

"No, no." said Sasuke, retrieving his chair that had been flung across the room when he had so enthusiastically risen from it. "It's quite all right. I'll start all over again."

"There's no way you'll win now." Neji said.

"I already have won." Sasuke said, sitting down in the chair.

Neji, once again, went into a state of shock. Sasuke cheered on the inside and pat himself on the back for having such a good comeback. Oh wait, that was Ino and Sakura patting him on the back. OH WELL!!

LATER!!!

"WE'RE BACK!!" said the teachers, barging through the door with their many souvenirs from Six Flags.

"You're hours late!!" said Naruto who, by this time, was covered in dry paint.

"Kakashi!" said Kurenai. "You said we were early!"

"We're early for me." Said Kakashi with a shrug.

"You know, I thought it was a bit strange that it had become dark out in a mere hour and a half we had been there." Asuma said cluelessly.

"OH WELL!!" said Gai.

"Not 'oh well'!!" said Naruto. "WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG!!!"

"I'll just judge the paintings now!" said Iruka. "Everyone bring them forth so I may be the unbiased median!! But I'll start with Naruto because he's my favorite."

"OKAY!!" said Naruto since he has mood swings. "This is my painting right here."

Kiba stepped forward.

The teachers waited.

"I used Kiba as my canvas." Naruto explained.

"Oooohhhhh…" the teachers said with a nod.

"As you can see, I have painted him to look EXACTLY like Sakura!" said Naruto. "Notice the pink hair and the red outfit!"

"He tried to paint my eyes green but I had to wash the paint off because it hurt too much." Kiba explained.

The teachers didn't know exactly how to react to that.

"So tell them what I am!!" said Naruto to Kiba.

"Oh yeah!" said Kiba. "And I painted Naruto to look like Akamaru!!"

Akamaru barked at Kiba.

"Yeah." Said Kiba. "I agree."

"What did he say?" said Naruto.

"Nothing." Said Kiba.

"He said SOMETHING!" said Naruto.

"No he didn't." said Kiba as both he and Akamaru both stuck their tongues out at Naruto.

"OKAY!!" said Iruka. "That was weird. Let's move on. Um…Sasuke?"

"This was my…THIRD sunflower…" Sasuke said, throwing a look at Neji. "Thank you Neji, and because there was no more yellow paint… thank you AGAIN Neji, it is now an orange sunflower."

Neji didn't have anything to say to that.

"Oh, very interesting." Said Iruka, not even wanting to go to where this was headed. "Next?"

"LOOK AT MINE!!" Ino said, practically throwing her portrait of Sasuke at Iruka.

"NO!!" yelled Sakura. "MINE!!"

"Um…" Iruka said, looking to the other teachers for aid but the other teachers were currently doing assorted other activities that included nail filing, cigarette lighting, youthfully encouraging and reading. Try to guess who's doing what.

"Well?" said Ino.

"Whose is better?" Sakura said persistently.

"Um…I'm not judging right now!" Iruka said, secretly wishing he wasn't the unbiased median anymore. "I'm just looking at them!"

"Let's look at Shikamaru's wonderful painting now!" said Asuma.

"Wait!" said Gai. "None of my students have gotten the opportunity to show off their art!"

"You snooze, you lose!" said Asuma, grabbing the canvas of Shikamaru's easel, looking at it and then erupting into tears. "SHIKAMARU!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

"What did he paint?!" said Kurenai.

"Was it something naughty?" Kakashi asked, looking slightly interested.

"No!" said Asuma, turning it around. "It's BLANK!"

Shikamaru slapped his forehead. Maybe he should have done something after all.

"All right…" said Iruka, not wanting to dwell on that any longer.

"One of my students is next!!" said Gai, grabbing Tenten's painting since she was the closest to him at the time. "Look!! It's a portrait of our entire youthful team! I suppose you just did not have the time to complete ME seeings how I am nowhere to be found!"

"Um." Said Tenten.

"This is nice." Said Iruka with a nod but he was thinking about how off the proportions and stuff where but he wasn't about to SAY that!!

"Another one of my students is next!!" Gai announced. "I want to see Neji's extremely yellow painting."

"Extremely yellow?" Neji said with a raised eyebrow.

"Sasuke said you used all the yellow paint." Gai said.

"He wasn't NEARLY as constructive as that." Sasuke said with a glare.

"Oh!" said Iruka. "It's a birdie!"

"It's not a 'birdie'." Said Neji, doing quotes. "It's a caged bird. That bird is quite unhappy and therefore cannot be referred to as a 'birdie'."

"Why would you make an unhappy bird?" Iruka asked, looking confused.

"Don't ask!" Gai mouthed to Iruka from behind Neji who looked like he was about to start his famous ranting.

"OH!" said Iruka, catching on AT LAST. "Then let's quickly move on. Uh… how about Chouji?"

"Shikamaru and I played Tic-Tac-Toe and Hang Man on my canvas!" said Chouji, showing his picture to everyone. It looks like he had STARTED to paint something but had given up. Oh well. We can't ALL be artists.

"HEY!" said Gai. "LEE IS NEXT!!"

"No, Hinata is next!" said Kurenai. "Come on, Hinata, let's see your picture!"

"Um…I drew a house on a hill…" Hinata started, trying to ignore Neji's coughs that sounded remarkably like, 'Main House on a hill'.

"And a lovely house it is!" said Kurenai, ALSO trying to ignore Neji.

"YES!!" exclaimed Gai. "VERY WONDERFUL!! NOW LET'S LOOK AT LEE'S PICTURE BECAUSE WE SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST!!"

"YES GAI!!" said Lee, spinning his enormous canvas around… which was actually about eight canvases sitting on top of each other… to reveal this huge portrait of Gai, complete from head to toe.

"WOW!!" Gai said, tears streaming down his face. He was unable to express his happiness.

"Um…okay…" Iruka said uneasily. "I guess all that's left is to judge…"

"Wait a second!" said Kiba. "What about Shino's picture?!"

Everyone looked at Shino.

"Sorry about that Shino!" laughed Iruka. "I forgot all about you!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!" Gai yelled. "LEE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LAST!!"

"It's okay, Gai!!" said Lee as the two of them hugged.

"Well, let's see it." said Iruka, fully expecting to see some kind of BUG.

But then Shino spun it around to show a picture of his team, even Kurenai, all hanging out and being like… extremely realistic! They looked like a photo!!

"Awww…" said all the teachers in admiration.

"I think I can easily say that SHINO is the winner!" said Iruka.

"AFTER Shikamaru of course!!" protested Asuma.

"The winner of the art contest." Said Kurenai.

"Well, Shikamaru WOULD have won!" Asuma said, crossing his arms.

"Congratulations Shino!" said Hinata. "This is a really good painting! Did you do it without a reference?"

Shino raised an eyebrow. "I did Kurenai without a reference." He answered. "You two were here. And I know what I look like."

"You know what?" said Sasuke randomly. "I WOULD have won if I had some yellow paint. But it's kind of like that Charlie-in-the-Box. Nobody wants a Charlie-in-the-Box. Just like no one wants an orange sunflower."

"You have a Charlie-in-the-Box, don't you?" said Naruto.

"I don't want it." Sasuke said.

"You know, it's my fault that you didn't win, Sasuke." Said Neji.

"I know." Said Sasuke.

Neji waited. "You should fight me." He said finally when he realized that Sasuke was not processing the idea himself.

"No, that's all right." Sasuke said. "I don't care about an art contest. I don't try to excel in an art contest. I don't mind if Shino wins. Let Shino win his little art contest for all I care."

Shino turned around and glared at Sasuke.

Sasuke came very close to wincing at the intensity of Shino's glare but he quickly turned away so he could save face. Shino may have won the art contest, but that didn't mean he was better.

"What about second and third place?" asked Kiba. "I worked so hard."

"Sorry, no such thing." Said Kakashi.

Everyone was silent for a little while.

"All right." Said Gai. "You guys can go home now if you want.

"Except you, Shikamaru." Said Asuma. "You have to paint a picture."

Shikamaru gave Asuma a look. "In order to paint, I'll have to take off my chuunin vest." He said. "And, even though Kiba has paint on his hands, I'm going to have to ask him to hold it for me."

"What?!" said Asuma. "NO!! YOU MUSN'T!!"

"Just don't let Akamaru play in my chuunin vest, okay Kiba?" said Shikamaru.

"Wait…what?" said Kiba.

"Fine, fine, he can play in it if he WANTS to." Shikamaru sighed. Akamaru barked to show that he did, in fact, want to play in the chuunin vest.

"Okay!!" said Asuma. "I surrender!! You can go home if you wish."

"And I do wish to do so." Shikamaru said with a satisfied nod.

Everyone else, but mostly the teachers, rolled their eyes at Asuma's stupidity and then dispersed. Hoo-rah!!


	95. Kiba n Naruto: Emperor Shrag n Zagmyre

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Kiba/Naruto

Emperor Shrag and Zagmyre

This was a request from Spectrum that we looked forward to writing ever since it was requested. WHY we didn't do it earlier is beyond even us but it's getting done so I guess that's all that matters!

"BAM!! KICK!! SMASH!!!"

"YOU MISSED!!"

"I DID NOT!!"

Kiba and Naruto looked up and glared at each other.

"I definitely hit you." Kiba said.

"No." said Naruto. "I had my ninja force field on."

"Ninja force field?!" demanded Kiba. "You don't have a ninja force field!"

"I do now." Naruto said with a scoff.

"I didn't see you activate it." Kiba said.

"It's invisible." Naruto said, sticking out his tongue.

Kiba leaned over and grabbed a large box in the corner of the room. He looked at the back. "The back says nothing about Zagmyer having an invisible ninja force field." He said.

"If Zagmyre can't have an invisible ninja force field then Emperor Shrag can't have his female ninja companion!" Naruto said, picking up a Barbie doll.

"But he's Emperor Shrag!" said Kiba. "He NEEDS a female ninja companion!!"

In case you're a bit confused, Kiba and Naruto had just gotten their hands on a few ninja action figures. You see, they realized that they had a lot in common and shouldn't just be spending time with each other to flee from Itachi. So they purchased some toys and were now sharing some toils.

"I don't care what you say." Said Kiba. "One of Zagmyre's abilities is NOT to have an invisible ninja force field."

"Then you don't get a female ninja companion!!" Naruto said, standing up and heaving the Barbie doll out the window.

"Naruto!" yelled Kiba. "You can't just throw the Barbies out the window! They're my SISTER'S! She'll kill me!"

"Why do you let your sister boss you around?" Naruto said, sitting down again.

"Cause she's older." Said Kiba. "And she's a chuunin. And my mom always takes her side. Akamaru?"

Akamaru barked in response and hopped contently out the window. After a few moments, he returned with the Barbie in his mouth and dropped it on the floor. Then he returned to his home in Kiba's hood.

"Okay, fine." Said Kiba. "If Emperor Shrag doesn't have a female ninja companion, Zagmyre can't have an invisible ninja force field. Agreed?"

"Fine…" said Naruto, rolling his eyes.

"Now…where were we?" said Kiba.

The two of them looked down to their ninja action figures. Simultaneously, they crashed the ninja action figures up against each other while making sound effects and listening to the sound of plastic wreak havoc.

"POW!!" yelled Naruto, lifting one of the arms of Zagmyre.

"AHHHHHHhhhhhhh…" Kiba said as he simulated Emperor Shrag flying across the room in slow motion.

"Dooka dooka dooka dooka!" said Naruto, giving Zagmyre running sound effects.

"WOOSH!!" Kiba yelled as Emperor Shrag bounded off the floor and flew through the air.

"HEY!" said Naruto. "Emperor Shrag can't fly!!"

"He's JUMPING." Said Kiba.

"Emperor Shrag can't jump that high." Naruto said.

"He can if he's fighting on the moon." Kiba pointed out.

Naruto pondered this. "On the moon…" he said, rubbing his chin. Then he looked down at Zagmyre. "BA-DOOM!" he said as Zagmyre jumped off the ground and intercepted Emperor Shrag in the air and what followed was another beautiful serenade of clashing plastic.

The two action figures fell at the same time and Emperor Shrag beat Zagmyre into the ground. "BAAAAAAM!!" Kiba shouted.

"AAARRRGGGA!!" yelled Naruto in the voice of Zagmyre.

"Emperor Shrag is victorious!!" said Kiba, giving Emperor Shrag a victory dance which was more like bouncing the action figure up and down.

"I'm not defeated yet!!" said Naruto as he slowly moved Zagmyre to a sitting up position.

"Yes you are!!" Kiba said, continuing his victory dance ATOP of Zagmyre. It was quite the victory dance.

"OW!" said Naruto. "You crushed my finger!"

"Emperor Shrag apologizes to no one." Kiba said.

"No, Kiba, I'm serious." Said Naruto.

"So am I." Said Kiba.

"Fine, but Zagmyre isn't done." Said Naruto, making Zagmyre jump into the air via zero gravity and then dive bomb Emperor Shrag.

"SLOW MOTION!!" Kiba yelled as he slowly had Emperor Shrag flip to get out of the way.

"FAST MOTION!!!" Naruto yelled, bringing Zagmyre down even faster and smashing right into Emperor Shrag.

"HEY!" said Kiba. "I called Slow Motion! That means everything has to be in slow motion!"

"Zagmyre has super speed." Naruto said.

"Not in slow motion!!" yelled Kiba, getting very agitated. Of course, when Kiba gets agitated, Akamaru does as well and pretty soon, Naruto was being overwhelmed with Kiba AND Akamaru yelling at him.

"IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL!!" yelled Naruto.

"Yes it is!!" said Kiba. "You got a cheap shot!!"

"No I didn't!" said Naruto angrily.

"And besides, Zagmyre doesn't have super speed!" said Kiba. "If ANYONE has super speed, Emperor Shrag does!"

"Why does Emperor Shrag get super speed?!" demanded Naruto.

"Because he's the emperor!" said Kiba as if it was obvious.

"That's just a NAME!!" Naruto yelled.

Akamaru jumped out of Kiba's hood and snagged Zagmyre from Naruto's hands. He shook it around like a chew toy and finally bit off his head.

"MY ACTION FIGURE!!!" yelled Naruto. "That cost $14.99!!"

"Good boy, Akamaru." Said Kiba.

"You're paying for that!" said Naruto.

"I can't be held responsible for something Akamaru does!" said Kiba, getting defensive.

"Even if that WAS true, which it isn't, you DID commend him for ruining my action figure and getting dog drool all over it!!" said Kiba.

"I did not!" Kiba said.

"I JUST SAW YOU!!" screamed Naruto.

Just then, the door opened a crack.

"What's going on in here?" came the voice of Kiba's mom.

"We're playing with action figures!" said Kiba and Naruto at the same time.

"Well, you're being very loud." She continued. "So I want you both to go outside."

"Okay mom…" said Kiba sadly as he grabbed Emperor Shrag and stood up. Naruto grabbed Zagmyre and Zagmyre's head and followed Kiba outdoors where they would think up an excuse for the reason why Zagmyre was now missing his head.


	96. Resolutions

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Resolutions

THIS request came from RurouniGochan. So, without boring you with any more introductions, we will now begin the chapter!!!!!!!!

"10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1!!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" everyone screamed as they exploded their party poppers and blew on their noisemakers. The confetti was EVERYWHERE and got in everyone's hair but they all loved it.

After the commotion died down, they all had the opportunity to reflect on the year.

"All in all, I think this year has been quite the successful one." Said Kakashi. "And I have decided to make a New Year's resolution!"

"Oh?" said everyone else.

"I have decided that I'm going to compete with you three less." Said Kakashi. "It just tortures our students and ruins our relationships."

"Amen." Said the students.

"What a great idea, Kakashi!" said Gai. "And I'm going to make that very same resolution!"

"As am I!" said Asuma.

"Me too!" finished Kurenai.

"How about you, team?" said Gai. "Any New Year's resolutions?"

"No." Neji sighed.

"Well, now I'm REQUIRING that you all think up a New Year's resolution!" announced Gai.

"Thanks a lot, Neji." Said Tenten.

"He asked me a question and because I answered it not to the standards that he wanted, we all get punished." Said Neji even though it was obvious.

"Well, I know _I _have a resolution!!" said Lee, standing up as his eyes glowed and burst into flames. "I am going to become a great ninja using only taijutsu!! I will enter the next chuunin exam and… BECOME A CHUUNIN!!!"

Asuma laughed. "Shikamaru is ALREADY a chuunin!" he said.

Everyone stared at him.

"I know." Said Lee. "I was talking about me."

"Oh." Said Asuma. "I thought you were talking about Shikamaru."

"Speaking of Shikamaru, does he have any resolutions?" Kurenai said. "To become a jounin maybe?"

"Yeah!" said Asuma. "Shikamaru, do you have a resolution to become a jounin?"

Shikamaru tried not to roll his eyes. "My New Year's resolution…is… I'm going to get motivated to find my favorite shirt. I don't have to actually find it, but I'm going to be motivated to do so."

Asuma slapped his cheeks and his cigarette fell out of his gaping mouth as he melted into a pile of goo.

"Shikamaru, you're so lazy!" said Ino, looking thoroughly annoyed. "MY New Year's resolution is to do something about your annoying laziness!!"

"You don't HAVE to." Said Shikamaru.

"But I'm going to." Ino said. "I can't stand it anymore."

"What do you plan on doing?" Shikamaru asked.

"I don't know." Said Ino. "Maybe…FORCING you to come to the gym and work out every once and a while. Chouji too, I guess."

"Wow!" said Chouji. "And my New Year's resolution is to lose some weight! So we can all work on our resolutions together! AS A TEAM!!"

"That's the spirit!" said Asuma, coming back to life and lighting a new cigarette. He hugged his wonderful team.

"Well, my New Year's resolution is SO much better than all of yours!" said Naruto, standing up and pointing to himself. "I'm going to challenge Sasuke to a fight and BEAT him! How about them apples, Sasuke?"

Sasuke didn't say anything for a long while. He just sat there looking cool. Finally, he unfolded his hands and leaned back in his chair. "My New Year's resolution is to become strong enough to kill Itachi." He said plainly.

"WHAT?!" demanded Naruto. "Not to defeat me?!"

"I can do that any time I want." Sasuke said.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!" yelled Naruto, throwing a temper tantrum.

"I have a resolution too!" said Sakura. "I want to become a great ninja just like YOU, Sasuke!" She looked at Sasuke and tried to see if he was impressed but he was so far from it.

"I have a similar resolution, Sakura." Said Hinata. "I want to become a better ninja as well. But I also want to change myself."

"In what way?" asked Kurenai, genuinely interested.

"Oh…I'm not sure." Said Hinata, blushing slightly since she had accidentally brought all the attention to herself. "I just want to change so I can be different than I am now."

"That's a GREAT New Year's resolution, Hinata!" said Kiba. "And MY resolution is…" Kiba suddenly stopped and realized that he didn't want to share his resolution to with the group. He would look like a pussy if he had just shouted, "TO INTEROPERATE MY HOROMONES AND ASK HINATA OUT ON A DATE!!!"

"Is…" Shino led.

"…Is…to…" Kiba said slowly. "Cook outdoors… and fix things…"

"That's a strange New Year's resolution." Shino said.

"And pump lots of iron!!" Kiba said if Shino had rudely cut him off.

"Okay, Kiba." Said Shino, rolling his eyes. But it's not like anyone knew.

"That's…WONDERFUL!" said Kurenai even though she was secretly offended because she thought that Kiba was making fun of her in some strange way.

"What about YOU Shino?" said Kiba. "What weird and not normal thing do YOU have in mind for this year?"

"I want to skydive." Shino answered.

At first, no one responded.

"That Shino!" laughed Gai. "So unpredictably predictable!!"

"What?" said everyone else.

"ANYWAY!!!" Gai said. "Back to my team!! Tenten and Neji? What do YOU two plan on doing this year?"

"I'm going to get more involved in the community!" Tenten said. "AND I'm going to work on my ninjutsu and genjutsu! And…taijutsu! I'm going to become a great ninja like Tsunade AND get my name known around the village more!"

"That's an excellent goal, Tenten!!" said Gai, giving Tenten the thumbs up and letting his teeth PING!! "And last, but CERTAINLY not least, NEJI!! What's your New Year's resolution?"

Neji waited for a moment before he spoke. Finally, he answered the question very slowly. "My New Year's resolution is to respect female ninjas more." He said. "No longer will I say that they can never amount to anything or become nearly as strong as male ninjas. In addition, I will attempt to get more in touch with feminine jutsus. Like French Braid no Jutsu."

"WOW!" said Kurenai. "I was just WAITING for you to say that! I do believe you've learned your lesson!"

"I have." Neji said.

"Oh very well!" said Kurenai as she formed a seal and Neji's hair finally fell out of the beautiful French braid.

"Well, what a wonderful New Years we've had!" said Asuma. "Let us all disperse and hurry home to bed! After all, we have training in the morning!!"

Everyone ran off to go home.

"Neji, were you serious about what you said?" Tenten said. "Will you really respect female ninjas more?"

Neji looked at Tenten as if she was stupid. "No one ever keeps to their New Year's resolutions." He said. "I only said that to get Kurenai to undo the jutsu."

"Hey!" said Tenten. "Keep in mind that _I _know French Braid no Jutsu too!"

"Yeah but you know I'd kill you if you cast it on me." Neji pointed out.

"That's not true!" said Tenten even though it so obviously was.

"Then why aren't you performing the jutsu?" Neji asked.

"Because…um…that would be unoriginal!!" Tenten said as she sprinted away before Neji could kill her. And he would have.


	97. Stumps

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

The Stumps

This suggestion came from no one. It was OUR idea!! We know how much you guys love the competition chapters so we decided to give you another.

It was the day after New Years and everyone was scheduled to meet at a certain area for training. It certainly was odd that EVERYONE was to meet in the same spot, considering their teachers had announced that there would be no more competitions. They found six stumps aligned in a row that weren't there before.

A brainstorming session commenced but before they could get terribly far into it, the teachers all appeared.

"Good job of being on time!!" said Gai excitedly.

"Now we can start the next competition right away!" Asuma said.

"I thought there weren't supposed to be anymore competitions." Chouji said. "Cause all four of you made resolutions not to make us compete with each other. Last night."

"The object of this competition is very simple!" said Kurenai, ignoring Chouji. "We have split you into partners! After we read off the partners, one of the two has to stand on the stump for the entire competition so choose wisely!"

"And the partners are as follows;" said Kakashi. "Kiba and Shino. Lee and Shikamaru. Hinata and Chouji. Ino and Sasuke. Neji and Sakura. Tenten and Naruto."

"All right!!" cheered Ino. "I'm with Sasuke!"

"You can stand on the stump." Said Sasuke to Ino. "I'll do the important stuff."

"You got it, Sasuke!" said Ino happily. "Anything you say!"

Shino turned to Kiba. "You got the stump?" he asked.

"I am all over the stump." Kiba replied.

"YEAH!!!" yelled Lee, jumping up on the stump. "I'VE GOT THIS JOB!!"

Shikamaru sighed. He wanted to be the one who stood on the stump. He assumed that since it involved standing on a stump, there probably wouldn't be much to it. But now Lee was standing on the stump. Gosh darn him.

"Um…do you mind?" Hinata asked as she nervously looked at Chouji.

"How about you stand on the stump?" said Chouji. "I want to do whatever Shikamaru's doing."

"Well, okay." Said Hinata with a shrug.

Neji had a similar philosophy as Sasuke, only backwards. He figured that the person on the stump would have a more important role considering it had a specific job. "Sakura, I'll take the stump." He said.

"Um. Fine." Said Sakura. She wasn't about to ARGUE with him!

"Don't worry, Tenten." Said Naruto. "I'll take care of that stump! You just watch me!!"

"Whatever." Said Tenten.

"So…Kiba, Lee, Hinata, Ino, Neji and Naruto are on their stumps?" said Asuma as all the mentioned students got on their very own stump.

"So that means that Shino, Shikamaru, Chouji, Sasuke, Sakura and Tenten… are on their partners." Said Kurenai.

"What?" said all the students.

"For this challenge, the person standing on the stump must hold their partner in the air!" Kakashi said. "The person on the bottom can hold the person on top however they want but they must remain ON the stump and the person on top cannot touch the ground or the stump!"

"Focusing chakra in your feet to make yourself lighter is not allowed." Said Gai. "And trust us, we'll KNOW if you're doing it! After all, we're jounins!"

"As soon as everyone is in position, we'll start!" said Asuma. "Whoever can hold their partner the longest is the winner!"

The students not on the stump approached their stumped partners.

"This would be a lot easier if you didn't have ten billion bugs in your body!" said Kiba as he hoisted Shino up onto his shoulders. It was like a shoulder ride! "But don't worry, I hold Akamaru all the time."

"I think I'm heavier than Akamaru." Said Shino.

"You are, actually." Said Kiba, pushing through the pain.

"COME ON, SHIKAMARU!!" yelled Lee. "WE'RE GOING TO WIN THIS ONE!!"

"All right…" said Shikamaru as Lee easily picked him up and held him high above his head.

"If I don't win this competition then I'm going to do five hundred laps!!" Lee announced. "And if I can't do those five hundred laps then I'll do a thousand push-ups! And if I can't do those then—"

"Lee…" interrupted Shikamaru. "Be quiet."

Chouji and Hinata stared at each other for a minute.

"I'm not going to make you do this." Said Chouji wistfully.

"But…" started Hinata.

"This stupid and random competition doesn't matter to me!" said Chouji. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Oh." Said Hinata. "I hadn't even thought of that."

"We forfeit." Said Chouji, trying not to sound sad.

"All right." Said one of the teachers as they marked that down on their sheet.

"I get to have Sasuke sitting on my shoulders!" Ino sang.

"Just for the record, I DON'T want to do this." Said Sasuke, crossing his arms. "So I'm going to STAND on your shoulders."

"Won't that be uncomfortable?" said Ino uneasily.

"Brace yourself." Said Sasuke as he jumped up into the air and landed on Ino's shoulders, standing upright. Ino faltered and almost stumbled off the stump, but she caught herself and grabbed onto Sasuke's ankles.

"I won't let you down, Sasuke!!" she said, her face getting red already.

"We need to win this, Neji!" said Sakura, strangely enthusiastic. "We're the underdogs besides Naruto but he doesn't count anyway!"

"You're an underdog." Said Neji. "I'M the number one rookie from my year."

"Okay…but still!" said Sakura. "If we win, we won't be underdogs!"

"YOU'RE an underdog." Neji said, not knowing how much longer he could go before he smote Sakura.

"Whatever!" said Sakura. "Let's get started!" Neji picked up Sakura and sat her down on his shoulders. Both of them were immediately not partial to their situation with the current person, but they tried to look on the bright side of things. At least Neji wasn't with Hinata and Sakura wasn't with Naruto!!

"I'm going to prove to Sasuke that I'm better than him!!" said Naruto to Tenten. "So I'm going to beat him while standing on my hands and you can stand on my feet!"

"No, let's just do this the intelligent way." Said Tenten.

"Fine." Said Naruto as Tenten got on his shoulders.

The minutes dragged by.

"This isn't as fun as I thought it would be." Admitted Gai.

"Chouji, Hinata, you have new jobs!" said Kakashi. "You have to make the teams fall!"

"WITHOUT touching them." Gai added.

"How are we supposed to do that?" asked Chouji.

"I don't know." Said Asuma. "That's part of your challenge considering you quit without trying."

"Sasuke…" Ino whined. "I don't know how much more my shoulders can take with you standing on them…"

Sasuke looked down at Ino. He battled internally with himself for a very long time before finally giving a heavy sigh. It was his personal comfort or winning. He was going for winning.

"I'm going to very slowly get into a sitting position." Sasuke said.

"Okay!" said Ino.

He moved slowly just like he said and, pretty soon, was bent all the way over. The hardest part would be to get his feet out forward. He started to move one but then fell backwards. He wasn't about to go down without a fight so he wrapped his legs around her shoulders and then, at the last second, he grabbed her legs with his arms.

"LEAN FORWARD!" he yelled. Ino immediately did so. It was a pretty hilarious sight for everyone who had turned around and looked just in time.

"This is a little weird." Commented Ino.

"Tell me about it." sighed Sasuke who was upside down. "I'm going to try and get back up to your shoulders."

"No!" said Ino. "If you move, I'm going to fall!"

Kiba chuckled warmly too himself while watching their predicament. Then he felt something tickle his arm. Upon looking down, he saw a little bug scurrying around. He looked perturbed for a moment and then flicked it away. After another moment of standing there, he felt more scurrying and spotted more bugs. So he flicked them away.

"Shino, keep your bugs away from me!" said Kiba.

"Sorry." Said Shino.

Then there was another waiting period.

Kiba then put his hand on his head to feel that there were MANY MANY bugs crawling around in his hair. "THEY'RE IN MY HAIR!!!" he yelled as he started jumping up and down and running in place. "GET THEM OUT!! GET THEM OUT!!!"

When nothing happened at that exact moment, Kiba jumped off the log, dropped Shino on his arse and then ran off screaming and trying to get the bugs out of his hair in search of some water to dunk his head in.

"Well that's a shame." Said Asuma with a fake sad expression. "You're whole team is out, Kurenai."

"God damn!" said Kurenai angrily. Shino stood up and brushed his bum off and then acted as though it never even happened.

"Whichever team falls over now doesn't get to place in either first, second or third!" announced Kakashi.

"I wonder what team that'll be!" laughed Naruto.

"Why do you always have to do that?" asked Tenten.

"Do what?"

"Act all cocky."

"What do you mean?"

"You always act all cocky like that and then you end up losing. Then you just look stupider when you fail."

Naruto frowned. "It's good that you have confidence in me." He said.

"I'm just telling you like it is." Tenten said defensively.

"I could stand here all day!" Naruto announced.

"So could I!!" Lee agreed. His arms were fully extended in the air, holding Shikamaru high above his head.

"Lee, I could always just sit on your shoulders." Shikamaru said, looking down from his cloud observing for a moment.

"NO!!" yelled Lee. "If you repositioned yourself now, we might get in a horrible mess like Sasuke and Ino!!"

"I don't know if I'd be that ambitious to stay up." Said Shikamaru. "I'd probably just let myself fall."

"But I would catch you!" Lee assured him.

"So if I jumped right now you'd do everything in your power to catch me?" Shikamaru said.

"Of course!!" said Lee. "But it would be silly for you to jump!"

"I know." Said Shikamaru. "What, when I could sit here all day."

Neji, meanwhile, was thinking about stuff. What stuff? Oh, I don't know. Probably the Main House and the Branch House.

Sakura was getting bored and subconsciously began drumming her fingers on Neji's head.

Neji was interrupted from his thinking. "Could you stop that?" he asked.

"Oh." Said Sakura, stopping. "Sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that!"

"Just don't do it again." Neji warned.

Chouji and Hinata decided to finally start their jobs of making people fall over. At first, they figured that Ino and Sasuke would be an easy target. But then they figured that that would be WAY too mean.

Instead they moved on to Lee and Shikamaru. They soon realized that there was no way they'd be able to move either of them.

Next they went to Neji and Sakura. But they were too afraid of Neji to even try anything.

So the only group that was left was the Naruto and Tenten group. After a moment of staring at each other, Chouji kicked the stump.

"Hey!!" said Naruto. "Stop that!!"

"No." said Chouji as he kicked the stump again.

"That's not fair!" whined Tenten as Naruto started wobbling because his balance was thrown off. "Is this fair?!" she asked the teachers.

"YES!" called the teachers.

Chouji took this evil opportunity to kick the stump madly and wildly as Hinata only watched in horror. She wanted Naruto to win get recognition from everyone as a good ninja. Now it didn't look like that was going to happen.

Eventually, and very sadly enough, Naruto stumbled backwards off the stump and both he and Tenten landed on the ground where everyone laughed at them. They were mostly laughing at Naruto since they hate him and don't even know who Tenten is.

"It's just like I said…" Tenten began to tell Naruto.

"I HATE cruel irony!!" said Naruto angrily.

"So that means that all teams still on stumps automatically place!" said Asuma.

"Great job, Ino." Said Sasuke. "Keep this up and…" He thought for a moment, trying to concoct the perfect bribe for her. "And…I might go on a date with you."

"You'll go on a date with me?!" Ino said.

"I _might_." Sasuke made sure to point out.

"All right!" said Ino happily as she stuck her tongue out at Sakura.

"That's so unfair!!" Sakura said, shaking her fist at Sasuke. "Why couldn't I have been paired up with Sasuke and have him wrap his arms and legs around me for a long time? No. I'm stuck with YOU, Neji."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" said Neji. "Whatever happened to us being the underdogs who have to come through and win?"

"I'd rather be with Sasuke." Admitted Sakura. "He's a winner."

Neji looked offended beyond all reason. "In that case, you can just get off now." He said as he grabbed both her legs and pushed her backwards.

Sakura wasn't about to quit. She was in last place and couldn't stand it. So, in attempt to save herself, she grabbed both Neji's legs just like she had observed Sasuke do to Ino. Unfortunately, Neji's legs were apart when she did it so she ended up snapping them together, throwing him off balance all together. Not only did she fall over, but she brought Neji down with her.

"Well, that didn't work as well as when Sasuke did it…" she said.

"You THINK?" said Neji in a frustrated tone.

"Don't get mad at me, you're the one who pushed ME off!" said Sakura.

"Aw…I was rooting for you, Neji!" said Lee who still looked like he could stand there all day.

"There are only two teams left!!" said Gai, whipping out a microphone. "And I can't help but feel that the odds are against Ino and Sasuke which is okay because I want Lee to win anyway!!"

"Go Shikamaru!!" cheered Asuma. "Go Ino! Wow, I'm torn!!"

"And I want Sasuke to win!" said Kakashi. He turned to Kurenai. "Who are you rooting for, Kurenai?"

"Shut up you guys." Said Kurenai.

That's when Kiba came back, his head completely wet.

"What was that all about?" asked Naruto.

"Akamaru had a bad flea experience about a month ago." Said Kiba as he shook his head off. "He infected EVERYONE in the house. I guess I'm a little paranoid."

"A little?" said Shino.

"Wow!" said Kiba. "Only two teams left!"

"Sasuke…" groaned Ino. "I don't know how much longer I can stay like this! Think about it, even if you lose now, you'll still be the best ninja in everyone's eyes! I know a lot of people think Shikamaru is better than you, but at least _I _know that you're much better even though he IS a chuunin!"

She stood there in silence.

"Don't give me the silent treatment, Sasuke!" said Ino sadly. "I'm sorry I said that! I can balance a little while longer! Sasuke…you're sort of slipping. Sasuke?"

She turned her head slightly when the noticed that Sasuke's grip on her was loosening. As soon as she moved, Sasuke tumbled off of her and landed on the ground.

"Oh no!" she exclaimed, running over to him. She looked him over to find that his face was completely red and he was unconscious. "What's wrong with him?!"

Kakashi came over and looked upon Sasuke. "Oh, no problem." He said. "All the blood rushed to his head and he passed out. Just hold him upright for a little while and he'll be fine."

"Does that mean we won?" asked Shikamaru.

"Yup!" said Gai.

"YEAH!!!" yelled Lee. "AND I COULD HOLD SHIKAMARU UP HERE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY IF I WANTED TO!!!"

"But you don't have to." Said Shikamaru, hopping off Lee.

Everyone stared at each other.

"We have another competition in mind." Said Asuma bluntly. "And we're going to start it as soon as Sasuke regains consciousness."


	98. 200 Flags

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

200 Flags

Sasuke regained consciousness about five minutes later. He was mightily angry that he lost to SHIKAMARU AND LEE… but he was quite content to find that there was another competition in which he could beat people.

"So…when you guys made your New Year's resolutions to not make us do anymore competitions, you actually meant that you were going to give us LOTS of competitions, right?" Kiba said.

"This competition will function differently than all the rest." Said Kakashi without even giving Kiba the time of day. "It's an individual challenge."

"We have set up flags all over the village." Kurenai explained. "Each person has many flags set up around the entire village."

"You must go around the village and collect your flags!" said Gai.

"The catch is, however, is that someone else can collect your flag as well." Asuma said.

"And if someone else collects you flag then they get one of your flags that you collected!" said Gai.

"That seems unfair." Said Shikamaru. "Then if you collect someone else's flag then you automatically get two points and we have no way to stop someone from collecting our flag."

"We never said it was fair!" said Asuma. "Besides, Shikamaru, you'll be fine because you're a chuunin and everyone else here in a genin. I KNOW you'll find all the flags first!"

"A final word." Said Kurenai. "No Byakugan. And Kiba, you and Akamaru have to wear clothespins on your noses."

She put a clothespin on Kiba's nose and one on Akamaru's nose.

"Hey!" said Kiba. "I look stupid now! I'm so embarrassed!"

"If either of you use the Byakugan then you'll automatically lose ALL your flags to Shikamaru!" said Asuma.

"Not JUST Shikamaru!" said Gai.

"Fine, fine…" said Asuma. "Just to OTHER PEOPLE."

"Wait, if we see someone carrying flags can we take them?" asked Neji.

"GOOD QUESTION!!!" said Gai. "You actually will be getting these sacks according to colors we have assigned you and if a flag is in a sack then it is not allowed to be taken! However, if there is a flag OUTSIDE the sack then you are free to take it."

The teachers handed out the sacks.

"Brown?" said Shikamaru.

"We didn't know what color to give you!" cried Asuma. "And it was the only color left after we assigned everyone else colors!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!"

"It's okay." Said Shikamaru. "As long as you don't associate me with the color brown."

Sasuke got the blue bag, Neji got the white one, Lee got the green one, Ino got the purple one, Chouji got the silver one, Kiba to red, Naruto to orange, Shino to black, Hinata to yellow, Sakura to pink and Tenten to…TAN.

"Why do I have tan?" asked Tenten.

"Because it's funny!" said Gai. "Tenten has TAN! TANTAN!!" Gai then collapsed in a fit of hysterical laughter.

"Are we allowed to team up with other people?" Ino asked.

"Um…yes!" said Asuma. "Actually, should we pair them up?"

"Yeah!" said Kurenai. "Let's pair them up since they are, after all, trying to gain teamwork skills!"

"That way, you guys will have to cooperate by deciding who gets to put their flag in the sack." said Kakashi.

"How about we pair them up as controversially as we can?" said Gai as a light bulb went on over his head.

"YEAH!" cheered the other teachers.

"NO!!" yelled all the students.

"Sasuke and Naruto are a pair." Said Kakashi.

"Neji and Hinata!" said Asuma.

"Um…is that a good idea?" Kurenai whispered to Gai.

"SURE!" said Gai, giving the thumbs up as his teeth went PING!

"And…er…Ino and Sakura." Kakashi continued.

"No one else really has any controversies amongst each other…" said Gai.

"Then let's put Lee and Shikamaru together because they're personalities will clash." Said Kurenai.

"Let's put Chouji with Kiba for no reason!" said Asuma. "Leaving Shino and Tenten as a team."

"It's not fair that some teams while cooperate while other teams will end up killing each other!!" said Naruto, glaring at Sasuke.

"You can TRY to kill me." Said Sasuke, crossing his arms and scoffing. "You won't be able to."

"Keep going until all 200 flags are found!" said Gai.

"Isn't it great the way it all worked out to equal 200?" said Kurenai. "I mean, it couldn't have been…198 or something."

"I know!" said Asuma. "And that's entirely coincidental!"

"So we each have 16 and two thirds of a flag?" said Shikamaru, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, you twelve can feel free to start now." Said Kakashi to the students and choosing not to address Shikamaru's question. But it's not like that's anything NEW.

The teams of two darted off in different directions.

"It'll be easier to find my flags!" said Naruto. "Because they're bright orange! So let's look for MINE first!"

"Ha!" said Sasuke. "You're just saying that because you want other people to find my flags! Yeah right, Naruto."

"But my flags are BRIGHT ORANGE!" said Naruto.

"Don't think that just because we're on the same team that I'm going to cooperate with you." Said Sasuke. "If I see a flag, I'm going to take it. Even if it's orange."

"Hey!" said Naruto. "Isn't there are rule against that?!"

"No." said Sasuke.

MEANWHILE!!!

"Wow, a flag already!" said Hinata as she picked up a green flag with the name 'Lee' lovingly written upon it. Neji came up from behind her and snatched it out of her hand before she could put it in her yellow sack. Then, without a word, he put the green flag in his own sack. "…Okay." Said Hinata, lowering her head.

Neji chose not to speak to Hinata. If he was going to be stuck with her, she might as well make herself useful by finding flags and giving them to him.

"Oh wow, another flag!" said Hinata suddenly as she hurried forward a bit and picked up a yellow flag. "This one's mine."

"It's mine now." Said Neji as he took that flag away from her too.

"Oh…can't I at least keep my own?" Hinata asked as she reached for the flag.

Neji held it out of her reach. "Apparently, you're choosing to ignore the atrocities that happened in the Hyuuga household concerning the Main House and the Branch House." He said.

"Um…sorry…" said Hinata as she didn't bother to take the flag back from him. She figured that from now on, if she found a flag, she would not announce it and frolic over to it.

MEANWHILE!!!

"These flags are surprisingly easy to find!" said Ino as she picked up a tan flag off the ground and went to put it in her sack but Sakura grabbed her arm.

"Hey!" Sakura said. "You got the last one!"

"What one?" Ino said innocently.

"The silver one!" Sakura said. "So that one's mine!"

"But I saw this one first!" said Ino. "If you find one then you can have it. This one belongs to ME." She put the flag in her sack so that Sakura couldn't take it back out.

"That's not fair!" said Sakura.

"Who said we had to be fair?" Ino asked. "Whoever finds it, gets it!"

"Then I'm not cooperating with you!" said Sakura, crossing her arms.

"I don't care." Said Ino. "I'm not cooperating with YOU either."

MEANWHILE!!!

"HEY!!" Lee yelled. "These two purple flags are stuck together!! Here, I'll take one and you can have this other one!!"

"That's all right, Lee." Said Shikamaru. "You found them so you deserve them."

"WOW!" said Lee. "You're such a great guy, Shikamaru!"

"Look." Said Shikamaru, pointing up in a tree to an orange flag that most certainly did not blend in at all. "If you get that one then you'll have three flags."

"But YOU saw that one!" said Lee. "YOU should get it!"

"It's whoever touches it first." Shikamaru made up on the spot.

"Then I'm allowing YOU to touch it first!" said Lee.

"No, Lee, you can have it." said Shikamaru.

"You're the best friend a guy could have!" said Lee as he cried into his hands. Shikamaru just didn't care about winning. He figured once he got Lee into the zone of finding flags on his own, then he could just wander off and watch some clouds or something.

MEANWHILE!!!

"So…we're supposed to find our own flags, right?" said Kiba as he adjusted the clothespin on his nose. "This thing HURTS!"

"They're not going to know if you just take it off." Said Chouji.

"Oh yes they will!" said Kiba as if he KNEW. Kind of in that tone as if he WANTED to wear the clothespin. "Hey, it's a flag!!"

Kiba ran over to a white flag that was lying on the ground without any coverings. "Hm…it doesn't look hidden at all! It could be a trap!"

"Our teachers are probably just lazy." Said Chouji.

"That too!" said Kiba as he picked it up and put it in his sack. "I get this one since I found it."

"Okay." Said Chouji with a shrug.

MEANWHILE!!!

"Look at this." Said Shino, beckoning to Tenten to come over and look in a trashcan. She came over to see about ten flags sitting right on top ready to be taken.

"What a find!" Tenten exclaimed.

"Someone must have thought they were litter." Shino said. He pulled out the ten flags; three brown, two red, one silver, one tan, one purple, one black and a white one.

"How should we divvy them up?" Tenten asked. "Five each?"

Shino handed her the tan one and then put the remaining nine in his bag.

"Hey!" said Tenten. "We should each get five!"

"I found them." Said Shino. "I figured giving you your own flag was being benevolent enough. Or should I take that one too?"

"No, it's fine." Grumbled Tenten as she put the flag in her bag.

MEANWHILE!!!

"It's mine!!" yelled Naruto as he spotted a red flag off in the distance and started sprinting to it. Sasuke noted that Naruto was closer and decided to pick up the green one and the brown one that were camouflaged on the ground between where they were standing and the red flag. "HA!" laughed Naruto as he put the flag in his bag. "Take THAT Sasuke!"

"Whatever, Naruto." Said Sasuke as he put the two flags in his bag.

"Where'd you get those?!" demanded Naruto with a gasp.

"I found them." Sasuke said, and then caught sight of a purple flag out of the corner of his eye. It was very close to Naruto. "Say, is that an orange flag over there?" Sasuke said, pointing in the opposite direction as the purple flag.

"MY FLAG!!" yelled Naruto as he blindly ran off in the direction that Sasuke was pointing.

"Stupid Naruto." Said Sasuke as he walked over to where Naruto WAS previously standing and picked up the purple flag.

MEANWHILE!!!

After Hinata had tried to sneak a blue flag into her bag, Neji had decided to keep a close eye on her. Of course, he had managed to take it from her at the last second, but he couldn't have that happening again. So, as she wandered around, looking over her shoulder every two seconds to make sure Neji wasn't sneaking up on her to kill her, Neji bent down and picked up a green flag.

_"Maybe if I pretend to tie my shoe…"_ Hinata thought but then she realized that she was wearing sandals so there was no way THAT was going to work. As she looked down at her shoe, she saw an orange flag.

Hinata would NEVER put an orange flag in her bag because she knew it belonged to Naruto. The least she could do was prevent Neji from getting it so that Naruto wouldn't lose a point. So, just as Neji got preoccupied with getting a pink flag out of a tree, she quickly picked it up and stuffed it in her pocket. She figured that she'd eventually come across Naruto and she could give it to him.

MEANWHILE!!!

"I got another one!" sang Sakura. "That's the SECOND pink flag that I've found!"

"Yeah but have you found any others?" Ino laughed.

"No but…you haven't found any of your own yet!" Sakura said.

"So?" said Ino. "At least I found this green flag and this tan flag right next to each other when you were too slow to get them for yourself! How many flags do you have, Sakura? Two? How many do I have? Four? That's what I thought!"

"Shut up, Ino!" said Sakura. "I'll beat you! You'll see!"

"I doubt that." Said Ino.

"HEY, A FLAG!!!" yelled Sakura, pointing at the sky.

"WHERE?!" Ino yelled, turning around.

"HAHA!!" laughed Sakura, pointing at Ino and laughing.

"Hey, there IS a flag there!" said Ino, pointing at a red flag up at the top of a tree.

"I'll get it!" Sakura declared.

"Not if I get it first!" Ino said as the two of them raced to the tree and shimmied up the trunk and started having a catfight at the top. Eventually, the flag fluttered down to the ground and landed on Shikamaru's head. Sakura and Ino gasped but they both fell off the tree on the other side.

Shikamaru took it off and looked at it.

"Hey, you found a flag!" said Lee. "And you touched it first so it's yours!"

"No, you can have it." said Shikamaru, handing the flag to Lee.

"I couldn't possibly!" Lee said, drawing back from the flag.

"Fine…" said Shikamaru as he put the flag in his bag. He figured he should get at least ONE so that Asuma didn't have a heart attack.

"Let's keep looking for flags!" said Lee as he continued to march. Sakura and Ino had done a reasonably good job cleaning out the area so the two passed through it, continuing their search. "Is that what I think it is?!" Lee exclaimed, pointing at a yellow flag in the distance.

"It's all yours, that's what it is." Said Shikamaru.

"GLEE!!" Lee HOLL-ered as he ran over to the flag as fast as he could, not caring who or what he ran over to get it.

MEANWHILE!!!

"This area has so many flags in it!!" said Kiba as he and Chouji walked into a little clearing in the woods where there were twelve trees, each with a flag of a different color pinned up. "I think there's one of each color, what do you think?!"

"Um…seems that way." Said Chouji.

"I'll take these six and you take those six!" said Kiba as he eagerly went over to the trees and ripped the flags off one by one. Chouji did the same to his appointed six flags. "Wow! This is so fun! It feels like Christmas!"

"Do you want to try looking around to see if there are any flags in this area besides these twelve?" Chouji asked.

"THAT would be silly!" said Kiba. "Having twelve in one area is crazy enough but do you really think our teachers would put THIRTEEN here?!"

"Um…yes?" said Chouji as he picked up a black flag off the ground.

"What?!" yelled Kiba. "That one wasn't pinned to the tree?!"

"No…" said Chouji, looking in his sack.

"I stand corrected!" said Kiba. "Well, that one's yours."

MEANWHILE!!!

"We haven't found a single one yet…excluding those ten in the trash can…" Tenten said.

"That's because we're looking in the wrong places." Said Shino. "Obviously this area has been cleaned out. That's why we found them all in the trashcan."

"So…why are we still here?" Tenten asked.

"Because I've already found three flags." Said Shino, holding up orange, white and red flags.

"Why don't you tell me these things?!" demanded Tenten. "And how about you give me those so we can be a little more even?"

"No." said Shino, putting the three in his bag. "They're mine."

MEANWHILE!!!

Sasuke ripped a blue flag off a tree. "One more for me." He said smugly as he put it in his bag.

"_I _found a blue flag too!!" said Naruto as he ran out of a bush with a blue flag in his hand. "Ha! Blue is YOUR color, isn't it?!" He shoved the blue flag into his bag. "Well, how do you like them apples?!"

"Wow, Naruto, you're real cool." Said Sasuke as he rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't trying to be cool!" said Naruto, throwing a temper tantrum.

"Only someone who trying to be cool would use a phrase like 'how do you like them apples.'" Said Sasuke, doing little quoteys. "And I think that's the second time you've used it in only a day."

"Oh yeah?!" said Naruto. "Well…yeah! That's what they WANT you to think! But it's not true!"

"WHAT are you talking about?" Said Sasuke, looking mildly confused and dumbfounded.

"I'm talking about THIS!" said Naruto as he whipped a tan flag out from behind his back and laughed. "HA! I found a tan flag in that bush too!"

"So?" said Sasuke. "I still have more flags than you."

"ONLY ONE MORE!!" yelled Naruto.

"It's still more." Sasuke said.

MEANWHILE!!!

"And that makes seven." Neji said happily to himself as he picked up two flags that were reasonably close to each other. They were both blue. He didn't even NEED the Byakugan to be able to dominate!

Of course, if he was paying attention instead of putting flags in his bag, he would have noticed that Hinata had found a green flag, picked it up and stuffed it in her bag before he could even tell she moved. She gave a sigh of relief when Neji didn't react. Obviously, he hadn't seen her.

"Hinata, have you found anymore flags?" Neji asked forcefully.

"Um…no?" Hinata tried.

Neji glared at her. "You're lying."

"No I'm not!" said Hinata nervously.

"You're STILL lying." Neji said evilly.

He decided that he'd have to watch her even more closely from now on.

MEANWHILE!!!

Sakura and Ino were walking next to each other with their noses pointed up in the air. Every once and a while, they would see a flag and then scramble for it desperately. They were pretty evenly matched. Ino had gotten the red one, then Sakura got the tan one, then Ino got the white one and Sakura had most recently gotten the orange one.

"I STILL have two more than you." Ino hummed.

"Be quiet Ino!" said Sakura. "It was only because I thought we were going to be going to switch off taking the flags! I would have gotten to them first but I thought we were working together!"

"You thought WRONG!" said Ino.

"I know that NOW." Said Sakura, crossing her arms.

"And what would you do if I said that you were standing on a flag RIGHT NOW?" Ino asked.

Sakura looked down and Ino plucked a flag out of a tree that had been right next to Sakura's head. She looked back up only to see Ino putting the brown flag in her bag.

"You're not playing fair!" Sakura yelled.

MEANWHILE!!!

"Hey!!" shouted Lee as he picked up a green flag. "Wow, I found a green flag! I actually think this is the first green flag I've found which is kind of funny considering we were SUPPOSED to only find our flag and find other flags as an added bonus!"

Lee dropped the flag in his bag with a sigh of happiness and an expression that might suggest he would spout out the phrase, "Good times…" at any minute.

"Shikamaru?" he said suddenly, looking around. "Shikamaru? Where'd Shikamaru go?"

Lee then decided it was MUCH more important to find Shikamaru than to waste time looking for silly flags. After all, if something terrible had happened to Shikamaru then it would be awful if Lee had just been looking for flags when he could have potentially saved Shikamaru.

"SHIKAMARU!!!" he called through cupped hands. "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Then he saw a flag. "KEEN!" he exclaimed happily as he picked the white flag and put it in his sack.

MEANWHILE!!!

"We are doing such a good job finding flags!" said Kiba to Chouji. "Sure, we haven't found any in a little while but look at us! We both have seven!"

"What about that tan flag you just found?" Chouji asked.

"Oh right!" said Kiba, slapping his forehead. "The TAN flag! Well, still! Eight and seven are still a lot! I bet all the other groups don't have as many as we do!"

"I don't know…" said Chouji. "Considering we haven't found any for a little while, that might mean that all the other groups have already found the rest."

"Or it could mean that…uh…we have to look somewhere else!" said Kiba optimistically.

"That too." Said Chouji with a shrug.

MEANWHILE!!!

"All right!" cheered Tenten. "I finally found one on my own!"

She picked up the black flag that she had found and was just about to put it in her bag when she noticed Shino's eerie glare out of the corner of her eye.

"What?" she asked.

"That's MY flag." He said.

"Shino, come on." Said Tenten. "You have a whole bunch of flags and I only have one."

"But my flags are the black ones." Said Shino. "I gave all the tan flags I found to YOU."

"You only found one." Tenten pointed out.

"That's still all of them." Shino said.

Tenten groaned. "If I give you this one then you have to give me the next one that you find!" she compromised.

"Fine." Said Shino as he put the black flag in his bag, along with the orange flag he had just found.

A few hours later, Sasuke picked up the last flag; a green one. With that, the competition was officially over and all the students had to meet up back with their teachers with their sacks filled with flags.

"Let's see…it appears as though NEJI has collected the most flags!" said Gai as he held up Neji's enormous bulging sack.

"SHIKAMARU!!" yelled the extremely disappointed Asuma as he held up Shikamaru's FOUR flags, all of which Lee helpfully collected FOR him.

"Well, it's not like he came in last." Said Kurenai, looking at Hinata's TWO flags.

"It wasn't my fault…" said Hinata nervously.

"Oh sure." Said Neji. "Blame the Branch House. That is so typical."

"ANYWAY…" said Gai, trying to get away from the subject of the Branch House before Neji could go absolutely crazy. "We'll now count all the flags!"

"Why bother?" said Neji. "I got the most flags. I won."

Sasuke was over in the corner looking like he was going to cry.

"Oh…" said Kakashi. "Did we forget to tell them that we completely changed all the rules while they were looking for the flags?"

"I KNEW we forgot something!" said Kurenai.

"What are you talking about?" said Shikamaru.

"It actually wasn't an individual challenge." Said Asuma. "You were supposed to work together with your partner. So we just added up the amount of flags that you and your partner got and whichever team got the most flags gets wins!"

"Before you ask; it was just because we thought that the twist in this challenge was just a little too unfair." Said Kakashi.

"So…the only team that even remotely worked together won…Kiba and Chouji with 43 flags!!" said Kurenai.

"YAHOO!!" cheered Kiba. "I KNEW we'd win!"

"It was because we found that area with one of each color flag!" said Chouji.

"You guys found that?" said Gai. "That was MY idea!"

"Second is Shino and Tenten with 38 flags!" said Asuma.

"Then Sasuke and Naruto with 37 flags!" said Kurenai.

"Then Neji and Hinata with a total of 31 flags!" said Kakashi.

"Ino and Sakura coming after them with 28 flags!" continued Gai.

"And, last but certainly not least, Shikamaru and Lee with 23 flags!" Asuma said finally. "Even though I was counting on you to win, Shikamaru…"

"Isn't it funny that Shikamaru and Lee came in first in the previous competition but last in this one?" laughed Kurenai.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" screamed Asuma and Gai.

"Are we done?" Ino said. "Are there anymore competitions?"

The teachers paused, pondered and then formed a huddle. After a little bit of discussion, they finally broke from their huddle.

"One more." They said finally. "We promise."


	99. An Eating Contest

**Oops. Looks like we forgot to submit this chapter yesterday. Oh well. You get it today and tomorrow you get one and a half... plus a special preview to our next fanfiction. Sorry about forgetting yesterday!!**

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

An Eating Contest

This is an idea straight from the head/heads of BrokenAngel, ForgivenDevil! Whether it is one or two people is beyond us, but we still have this chapter thanks to them/her/him/it!!

"THIS competition is based solely around nice, good, clean and quite competitive fun!!" said Gai as he whipped a blanket off a table to reveal huge stacks of pie.

"PIE-EATING CONTEST!!!" yelled Chouji.

"CORRECT!!" yelled the teachers.

"Um…isn't that a little pointless?" Shikamaru said. "We all know Chouji is going to win."

"No way!" said Naruto. "I'LL win!!"

"We had a similar trail of thought." Said Kakashi, standing in front of the food so Chouji and Naruto wouldn't eat it all. "So that's why we thought up this dramatic twist."

"The OTHER teams are going to choose a representative from each team to compete in the eating contest." Kurenai said.

"WHAT?!" yelled Chouji and Naruto as their jaws dropped to the floor.

"Who will be participating from MY team?" said Gai enthusiastically as he grabbed his three team members and modeled them.

"Well—" started one of the students.

"Tenten!" said Kurenai.

"No, not Tenten." Said Kakashi. "Neji."

"Wait, WE don't get to choose?" said Kiba.

"No, WE are." Said Asuma.

"Why Neji?" Kurenai asked Kakashi.

"Because he would feel silly about doing all this stuff." Kakashi replied. "And even though you would THINK that Tenten would be worse at it, Neji is the one to pick if you look underneath the underneath."

"Well, I can't argue with THAT logic." Said Kurenai with a shrug.

"NEJI it is!!" said Asuma.

"I don't want to do this." Complained Neji, slapping his forehead.

"See?" said Kakashi. "I was right."

"I have FAITH in you, Neji!!" said Gai.

"GO NEJI GO!!" cheered Lee.

"Aw…and I was hungry too…" Tenten said sadly.

"Okay, from my team?" said Asuma, gesturing towards Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji.

"Well, NOT Chouji." Said Kurenai.

"You were on a diet anyone, Chouji." Said Shikamaru. "Remember your resolution?"

Chouji didn't respond. He just buried his face in his hands and cried.

"I don't think this is an issue." Said Gai. "OBVIOUSLY Shikamaru."

"Why obviously Shikamaru?" said Shikamaru.

"Because you're too lazy to actually compete." Said Gai.

"Finally!" said Ino. "Someone sees it MY way!"

Shikamaru looked annoyed. He wasn't as lazy as everyone was making him out to be.

"And besides," said Kakashi, looking underneath the underneath. "Ino's probably on a diet right now so she'd be able to eat more since she stomach is empty and shriveled up."

"…" Ino said with a raised eyebrow.

"Now for MY team!" said Kurenai.

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PICK ME!!" said Kiba. "I'm SO very hungry and I LOVE pie!!"

"Kiba…stop." Said Shino. "Now they're definitely not going to pick you."

"Why?" said Kiba, looking confused.

"Hinata is the best choice." Asuma said.

"Think about it." said Kakashi. "Have we EVER seen Shino eat?"

The three of them turned around and looked at Shino who had the best poker face in the world.

"He probably doesn't eat." Kakashi concluded.

"My money's on Shino." Said Gai.

"Mine too." Said Asuma.

"I think I'm offended." Shino said.

"Don't be, Shino!" said Hinata, relieved that she wasn't picked.

"FINALLY, my team." Said Kakashi. "I know you guys are going to pick the wrong person without my looking underneath the underneath skills."

"Kakashi, we can look underneath the underneath just as well as you can!!" said Gai. "Even BETTER!!"

"Let's see…" said Asuma. "Sakura!"

"But Sakura's probably on a diet too!!" said Kurenai.

"Then SASUKE!" said Asuma.

"No!" said Gai. "Sasuke will get MAD competitive and win!!"

"I hate how they talk about us as if we're not here." Said Sasuke.

"Well, then I'd say we're just going to have to go with Sakura since we're definitely not going to pick Naruto." Said Kurenai.

"Then SAKURA is our choice!" said Asuma officially.

"Yes." Said Kakashi. "All according to plan."

Everyone eyed Kakashi. He was being stranger than usual. They wanted whatever he was smoking.

"OKAY!" said Kurenai. "The competitors will be Neji, Shikamaru, Shino and Sakura."

"I would have SO won!" said Naruto.

"I'm pretty sure I would have won." Said Chouji. "I'm Chouji after all."

"I would have forced myself to win or else I would have run a thousand laps around Konoha village!!" said Lee.

"And I would have won because Akamaru would have been able to help me because he and I are practically the same person anyway!!" said Kiba with his perfect grammar as usual.

"OH WELL!!" chuckled all those people who weren't chosen and didn't wish they were chosen. AKA all the girls and Sasuke.

"Okay, these are the rules." Said Kakashi, whipping out a scroll and opening it up. He looked the scroll up and down. "Um…whoever eats the most pie is the winner."

"On your mark…" said Gai. "Get set…"

He paused to make it more dramatic.

"GO!!!" yelled all four teachers.

There was a slight pause.

Neji went searching for a napkin and utensils.

Shikamaru leaned on the table and began inspecting the pies in front of him, in search of his favorite kind.

Shino sat there stoically.

Sakura was first to go for the food. She wanted to help her team win since she wanted to impress Sasuke. But after about a second or two of eating, she stopped. She felt it was unladylike to eat like that while everyone was staring at her. Plus, no one else was eating…

"This is the lamest pie-eating contest ever." Said Naruto. "Can we people who WANT to participate join in?"

"No." said Asuma. "But you can root on your teammates."

"Shino, I know you can win!" said Hinata in an encouraging voice.

"COME ON SHINO!!" yelled Kiba. "Prove to the world that you actually do SOME normal things!! LIKE EAT!!"

Shino eyed Kiba.

"This contest doesn't matter enough to me." Said Shikamaru. "Why bother stuffing my face, embarrassing myself and then dealing with an upset stomach for a day over a competition with no consequence?"

"Just admit it, Shikamaru." Said Ino. "You're just TOO LAZY."

"I really want a pie…" said Chouji as he wiped some drool away from his mouth while leaning over the pies.

"Sakura, you better not have the same attitude as Shikamaru." Said Sasuke, raising his fist slightly in a subconscious manner.

"Hey!" said Naruto. "Don't raise your fist at Sakura!!"

"I didn't." Sasuke said.

"It's all right!" said Sakura. "I'll eat more… for you, Sasuke!"

"Whatever." Said Sasuke.

"Neji, we know you hate everything that a pie is composed of with the exception of the crust part, but you have to fight through the pain!!" said Lee, punching the air dramatically.

"Yeah, you could EASILY beat these other people!" said Tenten.

"I'm not going to do it." said Neji. "There might have been a slight chance that I'd eat ONE slice… but if there's no utensils or napkins… then definitely not."

After about five minutes of sitting there as Sakura tried to stomach as much pie as she could, the teachers finally announced that it was over.

"Okay, that's enough." Said Kurenai. "That was so unfun."

"So…I guess Sakura is the winner." Sighed Gai.

"Yay!" cheered Sakura as she wiped her face on her sleeves.

"Meaning…I win." Said Kakashi.

"Ah well." Said Asuma. "I don't blame YOU, Shikamaru!"

"So we're all done with the pie?" said Shino.

"I guess." Said the teachers.

"Okay." Said Shino as he put his hands out and all his bugs came forth. The bugs swarmed around and ate every bit of pie in the area, including the bits on Sakura's face and clothes. They finally retracted into Shino's jacket and everyone sat there in silence, not sure how to react.

"EWWW!!" said Kiba finally.

"My bugs were so hungry but I didn't want to ruin the pie-eating contest." Said Shino.

"You know…" said Kurenai. "Technically, I think Shino just ate all those pies."

"No he didn't." said Kakashi.

"Oh yes he did." Said Kurenai. "Therefore, Shino is the winner!"

"No he's not." Said Kakashi. "Sakura won."

"I think we need an unbiased median!" said Asuma, snapping his fingers.

Iruka jumped down from the heavens.

"SHINO WINS!!" he said enthusiastically, pointing at Shino with both hands.

"Woo hoo." Said Shino.

"Aww…" said Sakura.

"In your face, Kakashi!" said Kurenai.

"It's JUST a pie eating contest." Said Kakashi even though it obviously mattered to him.

"Lee, you're the best!" said Gai randomly.

"No, Shikamaru is the best." Said Asuma.

"Unbiased median!" called Gai.

"We can now settle this once and for all!" said Asuma as he and Gai closed in on Iruka.

"Um…" said Iruka, looking at the murderous looks on Gai and Asuma's faces. "Uh…well…" Iruka slowly backed up, turned around and sprinted away as fast as he could.

"COME BACK HERE!!!" yelled Asuma and Gai as they chased Iruka off into the sunset.


	100. The Optional Epilogue

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: Closing

The Optional Epilogue

At the end of the LAST Naruto Primer, we wrote an optional epilogue explaining some things that needed to be explained. But, since you're all veterans of the Naruto Primer, doing that again would be silly.

Instead, we're going to thank you, our reviewers, for being so gosh darn supportive and loyal to us these past almost eight months from the beginning of the first Naruto Primer to the end of the second one.

Thanking EACH PERSON would take forever. So we're going to single out a few souls that have been extra special for us. Keep in mind, just because we don't mention you, doesn't mean that we DON'T love you. There are just a few reviewers that went the extra mile with their reviews that they deserve a little extra thanks.

Fishy, you are one of a kind. We don't know HOW you did it, but somehow you were able to get inside our heads concerning everything we wrote about. There was no way to pull anything over your eyes. We do believe that you were the ONLY one who got the Metaphor chapter right. You know about silly things like our references to the Carebears, and you are also the one who pointed out that we frequently take lines from 'The Grinch'. Your reviews were always thoughtful and to top it all off, you reviewed every freaking chapter!

Zempuku, new to the Naruto Primer. You probably won't read this for a LONG time, but we would like to thank you for all your reviews and we adored how you told us what the best part of every chapter was. And for some reason, every time you did that little o.O face, it cracked us up. In addition, we would like to apologize that we spoiled Shikamaru's chuuninhood for you.

UE, quite possibly the FASTEST reader in the entire world. You read the Naruto Primer late and finished reading it in about a day. You reviewed each chapter and, although they weren't miles long, it was proof enough that you were reading and thinking about the chapters. Congratulations on your advanced reading skills.

Killer(V)onkey, is a fan of both Naruto Primers as well as a fan of our site. We enjoyed reading your reviews frequently, and I'm pretty sure you are another person who read every chapter.

phantomgamer01, reviewed the chapters thoughtfully. And, although you didn't review every single chapter, the chapters you DID review, you gave nice and long ones. In addition to being a good reviewer, you also supplied us with lots and lots of ideas whenever we were on writer's block. You could write your _own _Naruto Primer!!

Hobes, you reviewed, I think, every chapter. In addition, you also received an alert for the existence of chapter 102 in the first Naruto Primer. We cannot explain that, but we are sincerely sorry.

Rashaka, you were an endless supply of ideas. Even though we didn't get a chance to use them all, they were nice to have just in case. In addition, you reviewed most of the chapters and gave us good feedback. You also picked up on a bunch of our grammar errors!

Dark Nemesis 7, you have followed the Naruto Primer since the very beginning. And I do believe you have reviewed every chapter. So we're just giving you a shout out of thanks! Thanks!

Nara Shikamaru, although you reviewed only a few chapters, you did us the greatest honor of all. You put us in your profile!! What a great honor to be in THE Nara Shikamaru's profile!!

The Primer Minister, what can we say about you? Besides the fact that we LURVED you. You reviewed every chapter very thoughtfully. You gave us practical feedback that we could use in chapters to come. In addition, you followed us from the near beginning.

Icecreamlady, I do believe you successfully told us to update in every single review. Where would we have been without your helping hand? We may have forgotten to update!!

Lys, thank you for your nice, long reviews. They were well considered and thought out. We enjoyed reading your reviews because we knew they wouldn't be filled with stupidity.

Cory, however, gets the reward for your essay writing. You carefully stated your thesis, backed it up with supporting paragraphs and then explained it all thoroughly. In addition, we have NEVER had anyone so enthusiastic to see his idea put in paper. Cory, you advocated so strongly for a pool party that we just couldn't disappoint you. You ARE the Advocate of Pool Parties around the world.

Ayako, you and the little faces you'd make. And you threw away Sasuke's ice cream?! How dare you!!

Spectrum…oh Spectrum. We tried to pretend as though it didn't bother us that you stopped reviewing. But it did. When you came back… we were SO happy. Your reviews made the sun shine. You returned and we could be happy again. We love your reviews. Never stop reviewing. Once we are gone, keep reviewing other people and share the wealth.

ITSAME, you crazy fool child. Your reviews were always so enthusiastic and excited. Though short, they were quite sweet. Thanks a bunch.

A random student, we don't exactly know why your reviews were so dear to us, but they were. And, considering you are a random student, do you go to UNH? That would be peachy AWESOME.

Eemee, you are a great reviewer AND artist. You drew some pictures for us and that's awesome! You also were there from the beginning with many other people.

Dattebayo, you helped us write a 12 chapter long arc about the single student/teacher relationships! That was very fun. In addition, we just LOVE your name. Has anyone every tried just saying that? Dattebayo. Hehe.

Thus concludes our thanks to a few reviewers. You're ALL special to us and we lurve you all. Don't be offended if your name didn't appear but it's just impossible to mention all of you. Once again, thanks so much and get ready to read the FINAL chapter of the Naruto Primer.


	101. Grand Finale

Naruto Primer Lost Chapter: All

Grand Finale

Ahh…the last chapter. The FINAL chapter. We'll say outright that there will be no Naruto Primer PLATINUM or anything like that. The whole Naruto Primer series is over upon the completion of this chapter. But we DO plan on writing again, and you can catch a brief preview of what's to come at the end of this chapter. As far as this chapter goes, it was inspired by Fishy, and a lovely inspiration that was.

We already had a wonderful Christmas chapter. And, since it was only so recently New Year's, it can only be expected that Christmas came for a second time. Which meant, of course, that it was time for a Secret Santa swap. And, for the purpose of this story, the twelve core students that we've come to know and love decided to chill with each other and swap presents even though that would never happen.

So, after drinking eggnog, decorating the yard and getting dressed in their Christmas jammies, everyone gathered 'round the tree to open their presents.

"Ho ho ho!" said Naruto as he stood up by the tree. "Since I'm the best ninja here, I'M going to be Santa!"

"Hey!" said Chouji. "SHIKAMARU is the best ninja here because he's a chuunin and we're only genin!"

"Isn't Shino the best ninja here because he won the art contest?" Kiba Kibaed. Shino adjusted his sunglasses in response.

Everyone who was convinced that they were the best ninja just glared at all the people who were confused and didn't know better.

"WHATEVER!" said Naruto as he grabbed the first present. No one was going to stop him from being Santa. And he was going to open his present from Sakura and love it. Of course, he really didn't know if Sakura had been the one who had to get a present for him, but he was pretty convinced. "This first present is from Chouji to HINATA!"

"I hope you like the present I got for you, Hinata!" said Chouji

Chouji had had a rather difficult time shopping for Hinata. He didn't really know who she was or what she was all about…

"Thank you Chouji!" said Hinata as she opened up the gift to reveal a picture frame. "Wow! Thank you so much! I'll have to figure out what picture I want to put in here!" Chouji gave her the thumbs up.

"Next up is this present from Ino to Sakura!" said Naruto as he tossed a present to Sakura.

"I just HAD to pick Sakura." Said Ino under her breath as she remembered the day when they had all gotten together and picked random names out of a hat. She was dismayed to see Sakura's name there since they were passionate rivals and all, but she wasn't going to have that keep her from staying in the Christmas spirit!

Sakura cleared her throat, probably thinking the same thing. "Wow!! A scarf!!" she exclaimed, pulling out the scarf that was pink and red striped.

She glared at Ino. What sort of defect did it have?

Ino glared back. There was no defect…

"Merry Christmas!" said Naruto randomly, noticing that there was a bit of tense air between the two girls. "This gift is to Chouji… but no one signed it!"

"It's from me!" Kiba announced. "I didn't realize that we were supposed to sign them! It thought it was supposed to be a secret!"

"We clearly said that you were supposed to sign it so that all the mystery of it would come out when we gave the presents around." Said Sasuke as if it mattered at all.

"Oh well." Said Kiba with a shrug. He wasn't about to let it bother him. Ever.

Chouji unwrapped the present. "Wow…a water gun!" he said.

"I just love water guns." Kiba sighed, looking longingly at the water gun. It was quite obvious that he wanted it.

"This one is for Neji…" Naruto continued. "Oh wait, FROM Neji! This one goes to Shikamaru!"

He tossed the gift to Shikamaru, accidentally overthrew it and the present crashed through a window and out into the snow of the outside world. Everyone watched it happen, but no one did anything to stop it.

"Oops." Said Naruto.

"Well, Shikamaru?" said Ino. "Aren't you going to get it? Or are you too lazy?"

"It's dark and cold and I'm already wearing my pajamas." Shikamaru said.

"It was only a picture frame." Neji said. He wasn't offended that Shikamaru wasn't going to tromp around in the snow in search of the last minute Secret Santa group that he had picked up and wrapped in newspaper on the way to wherever they all were.

"And, yes, Ino, I know that must make me seem SO lazy…" Shikamaru started.

"Oh I don't care, Shikamaru." Said Ino even though it was obvious she did.

"This next present is addressed to Tenten and it's from Hinata!" Naruto announced as he was very careful not to throw the present at Tenten…especially since she was sitting pretty near him.

"Yay!" cheered Tenten as she opened up the present.

Hinata was suddenly getting nervous. Would Tenten like the gift?

"Wow!" said Tenten, pulling out a picture frame. "A picture frame! You can never have too many picture frames!"

Out of all honesty, Hinata just didn't know what to get Tenten and had been really distraught when she picked Tenten's name. When in doubt, go with the picture frame.

"Thanks Hinata!" said Tenten.

"Your welcome!" said Hinata pleasantly.

"All right, this one's to Kiba!" said Naruto. "And it's from…"

His heart sunk.

"…Sakura…"

Even though he knew it was only the luck of the draw, he had hoped that at least the love they shared would guide Sakura to the piece of paper with his name on it! Unfortunately, such an event would have to be saved for another day and another circumstance!

"Kiba, don't get upset if it's not what you wanted…" Sakura said, knowing Kiba's tendency to be loud. And annoying. And speak his mind.

"Don't be silly, Sakura!" Kiba said. "Why would I be upset if it's not what I wanted?"

"Well…cause it's not a water gun…" Sakura said under her breath, not meaning for Kiba to hear.

"Hey!" said Kiba. "You're not supposed to TELL me what it is!"

"I didn't!" said Sakura. "I just said what it WASN'T!"

"Just open the present!" said Naruto since he was holding a gift that was addressed to himself.

"Okay, okay!" said Kiba as he opened it up as fast as he could. "Oh! It's a picture frame! How nice!"

Sakura didn't know what to get Kiba either.

"THIS one," Naruto said loudly, trying to get attention back to himself. "Is from Lee! And it's addressed to…oh! ME!"

He chuckled to himself as he began to open the present.

"I hope you like your gift!" said Lee, bouncing excitedly in his seat.

Naruto pulled a green bodysuit out of the wrapping. His eyes widened with pure joy and innocence as he unfolded it and held it up to himself. "WOW!!" he yelled. "Lee! How did you know this is what I always wanted?!"

"Because it's obvious that EVERYONE wants a green body suit like mine!" Lee declared.

Everyone coughed.

After Naruto marveled as his new gift, he finally got around to picking up the next present.

"To Shino from Tenten!" said Naruto.

Tenten gave a sigh of relief that she didn't purchase a picture frame as well.

Shino took the gift, shook it a bit and then opened it. It was a CD.

"Aaron Carter?" said Shino with a raised eyebrow.

Tenten felt so smart. She had asked Kiba what Shino would like the best.

Shino only sat there silently. It's not like that part was different, but this silence was not like the others. He was in shock.

"Do you already have that one, Shino?" Kiba asked, leaning over and looking at Shino's gift.

"ANYWAY!" said Naruto, not really caring about Shino. Or Tenten. Or Kiba. "Here's a gift from Sasuke to Lee!"

"I hope it's a Christmas spar!!!" said Lee excitedly as he ripped open the wrapping like a buzz saw. Sasuke slapped his forehead as Lee pulled out a twenty-five dollar gift certificate to Papa Gino's. "WOW! It's not a spar, but it's ALMOST as good!!! THANKS SASUKE!!!"

_"Lee has the best present…" _thought everyone who had a picture frame. And Shino.

Sasuke must have actually THOUGHT about that gift!

"This one is to Ino from Shikamaru!!" said Naruto.

"You actually got me a present?" said Ino. "I would have thought you'd be too LAZY!"

Naruto threw the present to Ino but Shikamaru intercepted it.

"You're not going to get the gift until you stop accusing me of being lazy every five seconds." He threatened.

"Geez, Shikamaru, don't you think you're overreacting?" said Ino as she snatched the present from him. He didn't really enforce his threat or even attempt to keep the gift away from her. I guess he was just…too lazy.

Ino opened up the gift.

It glowed.

"It's…it's…" she stuttered as she pulled the set of five CDS out. "The Most Relaxing Classical Songs in the World…EVER! Shikamaru, you're my HERO!!"

"Yeah well…" Shikamaru sighed.

"Then again, you ordered them off the television so that meant you were just being too lazy to get up and go to the store—" Ino started JUST to get a rise out of Shikamaru and when she did, she quickly added, "Shikamaru! I was just kidding!!"

She hugged her present.

"I didn't even have to become a chuunin!" she said happily.

No one else could appreciate the Most Relaxing Classical Songs in the Word…Ever. No one else understood. Except for Shikamaru who always had to hear Ino complain about how much she wanted and NEEDED those CDs.

"Only two left!" said Naruto, getting the attention again. "This one is from Shino! And it's to Neji!"

Naruto handed the present to Neji who opened it to reveal an Aaron Carter CD.

He stared at it in a stupefied state for a minute.

Then he looked over at Shino. "Didn't you JUST get this as a gift?" he questioned.

"Yes." Shino said.

Neji observed the wrapping. "Isn't this the same wrapping?"

"Yes." Shino said.

"Hey!" said Tenten. "He re-wrapped my gift!"

"Shino!" said Kiba. "That doesn't work unless the person who gave you the gift isn't there! Not to mention the fact that we all watched you get that gift no more than five minutes ago!"

"Which also means that you didn't buy me a gift originally…" Neji said with a frown. He wasn't offended… he was just… offended.

"Whatever." Said Shino as if it was in his power to just shrug off the occurrence.

"Great." Said Neji sarcastically. "Now I have an Aaron Carter CD."

"THE FINAL GIFT!" said Naruto in a very dramatic voice. "It's FROM me… to…" Naruto waited for dramatic pause.

"Don't be stupid, Naruto!" said Sakura. "We ALL know it's for Sasuke since he's the only one who hasn't gotten a gift yet!"

"Yeah, and we also all know that all you got him was a Christmas spar." Added Kiba.

"What?" said Naruto, wondering how they could have possibly known something like that.

"I hate spars." Said Sasuke. He mostly just hated being duped out of presents. After all, there's no Christmas at the Uchiha residence so he was pretty excited about receiving a gift only to be disappointed. Poor Sasuke.

"So now what?" asked Chouji. "We're already in our pajamas."

Everyone stared at each other.

"God bless us." Said Kiba. "Everyone."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well, the Naruto Primer is finally over after 202 chapters. Whew!

And we promised a preview for our next story that's due to come out at around the beginning of December. So look for us and visit our site, The Kiba, for more info! We'll probably start posting stuff about the new story we're writing before we actually submit it here.

So here you go. Check out a little piece of it!

Title: -As I See It-

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Humor/Romance

-Sasuke-

It was a chuunin vest. Shino passed the chuunin exam.

Where I could not succeed, he did.

I quickened my pace and tried not to look back at him, but I knew he was thinking the same thing. He was mocking me on the inside. Curse Shino. I'm so much better than him.

-Chouji-

"Wow, Shikamaru." I said. "Being a chuunin must be really tough."

Shikamaru didn't reply for a good while. I think he was captivated by the clouds and was waiting for the right answer.

"Yeah, Chouji." He said finally. "It really is."

-Lee-

"Lee, NEJI'S a chuunin now!"

I gasped. Part of me wanted to be happy for him, but part of me was insanely jealous. Though, I wasn't about to show that.

"That's why he's not here today, Lee!" said Gai. "For he is not required to train with us now that he is a chuunin!"

-Hinata-

"Should we wear these party hats?" I asked.

"Of course!" Kiba said as if I was silly. "That's why we got them!"

Apparently he didn't notice the fact that they said Happy Birthday. "But they say 'Happy Birthday' on them…" I pointed out.

"Well… they do…" he said, looking at the hats. "But Shino's not going to notice! I'LL make sure he wears one."

-Naruto-

I then looked over at Sasuke who looked like he was ready to kill anything if anyone said something to him. I wondered what brought that on. He was perfectly fine a minute ago.

Um…when I said 'perfectly fine', that term is completely relative. He's usually really really angsty and unhappy, but he was ready to go on a warpath just then.

-Neji-

"Your father would be proud."

Oh sure. He had to act all noble by bringing up my father. As if that was supposed to make me happy and cheery that, oh thank god! My father would be proud of me for passing the chuunin exam! That was good news to hear that I most definitely would have never been able to figure out on my own, if not for the fact that my uncle did not come in and tell me so.

-Kiba-

"I'll walk you both home." Shino said.

"HOME?!" I demanded. WHAT ABOUT THE PINATA?!

"Yeah." Said Shino. "We could have our pow-wow shindig on the way back to your houses."

"Oh Shino." I said truthfully. "You saying 'pow-wow shindig' has just made my day."

-Sakura-

"Good morning, Sasuke!" I said, springing to my feet.

Would he notice my hair? Would he notice my new clothes? Would he notice my nails? Oh wait, I didn't paint my nails…

He didn't look at me.

I was sad.

-Shikamaru-

If someone paid me for every time I found myself somewhere I didn't want to be, I would be able to retire being a ninja at only thirteen.

Sure, it's not like I actually knew where I was, but all I knew is that I didn't want to be there. As far as I'm concerned, as long as I'm not looking at the clouds in the comfort of my backyard or any other familiar area of Konoha, I don't want to be there.

-Tenten-

I was outside jogging when I saw Neji walking towards the Hokage's office. I figured he was going to go and get his vest, but I decided to ask him anyway. He only half agreed, and mentioned that the Hokage only asked to see him and it could have absolutely nothing to do with getting his vest. We all know better.

I didn't know why, but I asked him if he wanted me to go along with him. He shrugged and said whatever, so I followed him to the Hokage's office.

I don't know why I do it. Maybe it's because no one else does.

-Shino-

"Well, you're home." I said when we reached his house.

"Okay." Kiba said, back to his regular demeanor. He went up to his house.

He opened the door. I realized I should thank him for the pow-wow shindig. "Kiba." I said. If he didn't hear me, I'd just forget about it, but he did. And he turned around, waiting.

"Thanks for the pow-wow shindig." I finally said.

"No problem, Shino!"


End file.
